Falling out of subspace

[Jones, Nikka]

Last night I had a very strange and scary experience. My boyfriend F. and I were playing with a female domme friend of ours named Gennia. He is usually dominant when we play by ourselves, but every now and then he likes to switch. He says it keeps him in touch with my perspective of bdsm.

So, about an hour into this scene we were both flying. I mean really high on endorphins. We have been flogged, tortured with ice cubes, spent a few minutes in inverted suspension, and as we waited for the cane to be applied I was kneeling before him, with my nipples clamped and chained to his cockring. To say he was excited would be a major understatement. And then it happened. After only four or five strokes of the cane I lost it completely. Totally crashed. My body felt cold and sore, as if I was being beaten with no warm-up at all. I began to panic. I can honestly say that without the endorphin build-up a caning is utterly unbearable. I wanted to give my safeword, but F. was really into it and Gennia could not see my face from where she was swinging. I tried to go on but after two more strokes I shouted my safeword and fell to the floor ripping the clamps from my nipples unintentionally adding more pain to a body that could not bear any.

Both F. and Gennia were very concerned, because I can usually take a lot more and only get more excited. I am totally puzzled and afraid. There was no mental distraction or stress yet I fell out of subspace without warning. I did not like the feeling and do not wish to repeat the experience. F has kindly assured me that we will only play again when I feel sure and unafraid but I can’t get the fear out of my mind.

If anyone has any advice or has gone through a similar experience I would appreciate your imput.

[BruceBoxer]

Have not seen the experience first hand but from a Dom perspective, every minute of your life the external forces acting upon your mental and physical being vary and your reactions to them vary. In forms of exercise, say long distance running, some times one can carry on for hours and miles while another day, the energy is lacking. My personal experience with yoga has me vital and sometimes and totally bored on other occasions. As you could not pinpoint a single incident that sparked your crash, I'd bet it was simply, "one of those things." I'd recommend not dwelling on it or thinking in the future that it will happen again.
Cheers,
Boxer

[AndrewBlack]

To echo Bruce, as a long distance runner I find that occasionally I just can't do it, or sometimes great sex just dosen't cut it. Sometimes it's a subtle warning that I'm coming down with something, or that I'm actually mentally exhausted and haven't got round to noticing, sometimes you just pick these things up for the first time in 'extreme' states - I find. If nothing else has changed in your desires, your heart or your mind then I'm sure it will turn out to be a 'glitch' and you'll be getting on with things again in no time. Maybe you're a bit run down or something? Don't beat yourself up about it though:)

[GaryWilcox]

Originally posted by Jones, Nikka
If anyone has any advice or has gone through a similar experience I would appreciate your input.

My pop-culture (and in this case, pop psychology) references can tend to grate, so if you're not up to it, I urge you to ignore what I'm about to say.

One of my favorite books is Ordinary People by Judith Guest. Robert Redford made into a pretty good movie with Mary Tyler Moore, Donald Sutherland, and Timothy Hutton back in the '80's.

In the book, the man character, Conrad, spends a lot of time with a psychiatrist, who at one point tells him, "The body never lies, kiddo."

I take that as good advice on just about every subject. Errors in the body's function usually come from a failure to communicate verbally what we need. Talking to F. about thoughts, fears, feelings could help. Trust your body to tell you when you're ready again, and do not function with the idea that this must never happen again.

With patience and communication, it all comes out in the wash, Nikka.

[Lord Thomas]

Nikka, things like this can happen. I am not good at telling you why. Perhaps everything was too intense, perhaps not intense enough. Perhaps, you were experiencing sensory overload and your body just had to shut down for a bit. Kinda like kids having a great tiem and then freaking out and being miserable, "overstimulation". Not that I am implying that you are in anyway a minor, but The concept could be close to the same.

What I do know, is that things happen for a reason. Whatever that reason was aparently it was time for you to get out of whatever it was that was going on. Perhaps something totaly unrelated to the session itself. Stress has a funny way of showing up at unstressful times.

One thing that is encouraging from My perspective, is that F and G seemed concerned about you. Very responsible Doms. :)

Just try to calm yourself down and not worry about this episode. Shit happens. *shrug* Whatever you do do't beat yourself up over it. Either your mind or your body had had enough for one day. SOmetimes we just need to call it a day and wait for the next sunrise.

Take care of yourself, but please don't stress over it. Life goes on.

LT

[Jones, Nikka]

Thank you BruceBoxer, GaryWilcox, AndrewBlack and Lord Thomas for your kind words of support and advice. I will try to take it easy and I have promised F. to take a sick day off at work (first time in six years) next week to go get a check up.
I feel a bit guilty about ruining a perfectly good scene for F. but he has shown me nothing but loving concern and even has forbidden me to apologize for it. He is such a sweetheart!

And you guys are just gold. Thank you again.

[cyndylu]

I ran across this thread the other day and have been haunted since. Did your check-up go well and most importantly, how are you?

[Jones, Nikka]

Originally posted by cyndylu
I ran across this thread the other day and have been haunted since. Did your check-up go well and most importantly, how are you?

Thank you, cyndylu, for your concern, everything is ok with me, and happily back to normal at work and at play.

[MrJerseyGuy]

What can one say about a situation like that except that...this is why we have safe words. We all have good days and bad days in all aspects of our life. You invoked your safe word in exactly the situation it is intended for and your master(s) respected it.

More power to them.

I wish you only good things in the future...don't make too much of it. Things worked out for the best and I am genuinely glad to hear that you are Ok.

[MrJerseyGuy]

and for the record...the responses that I saw to this thread are the reason that I have become so fond of this site. I see a real concern from intelligent people for someone that we don't know but share a bond with.

You guys are great.