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View Full Version : The Origin of my Current Project



rache696
07-07-2007, 08:13 PM
To preface this, I wrote and posted this as a stand-alone story to some vaious places, ASSM for one, SOL and Literotica for others. The problem I have, personally, is that I have a "fan base" of sorts, the faithful 29 and so whatever I post is invariably "Great" whether it is or not and what I'm looking for here is some people who haven't seen my work, or even head of me, preferrably, and I can get some feedback on my strengths and weaknesses. I would really appreciate, and I can use all the honesty you can spare. I'm a masochist sub, so...Go wild. i won't safe out. Thank you.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Copyright 2007 Rachael Ross all rights reserved. Intended for adults only.
Story Codes: F/M, (F/D) Incest, Femdom, (light) BDSM, Humil, Mast

Slave-Daddy
by
rache


"Oh, you've been a very bad Daddy, haven't you?" I smiled to myself as I looked through the recent sites list in the web browser.

I was sitting at my father's desk, in his study, and I hadn't meant to snoop, I was just checking my email, but I'd happened upon the favorites list as I waited for the web page to load. And there it was, "Bound for Glory" neatly bookmarked, and so I'd instantly become more interested in what my dad was doing with his spare time.

It was an odd feeling, seeing pictures of myself naked on my own father's computer.

He hadn't mentioned anything, of course, why would he? This was a great secret, first mine alone, and now apparently ours. Daddy wouldn't have told anyone, certainly not my mom or my brother. How would a man break the news that his 24 year old daughter was a professional Dominatrix?

And that really was the least of it.

My bisexuality was obvious. I was also a prostitute, if you wanted to get technical about it. A porn actress? That too, at least in the sense that I had no qualms about appearing in videos available on the website. I'd graduated from college and found that I could make better money indulging my personal desires than I could working in my so-called chosen profession of journalism. I was attractive, outgoing, and a total bitch…The perfect combination for punishing bad boys and girls at three hundred dollars an hour.

Bad Daddies too.

I'd formed a production company, web based and popular, called Bound for Glory and with three other girls I'd met in college, we did very well for ourselves. Well enough with photo-sets and downloadable movies that I probably could have given up the scenes, the actual prostitution, but in truth I enjoyed that aspect of it. That was the best part for me, being worshipped by strangers, being paid to abuse men and women and exercise power of them. It was intoxicating and addictive and I was very good at it.

My dad seemed to like the lesbian scenes the most, as he had all of the videos I'd done with Katrina, my personal submissive and one of the girls I'd formed BFG with. We'd roomed together in college and gotten along very well, so well that I'd collared her, in the traditional sense. Trina was very much like my wife, if you wanted to imagine our relationship in such vanilla terms, and we'd done a great many videos and photosets together.

I'd had thoughts of bringing the girl with me on my trip home, to ‘come out' with my family and seek their approval. That I hadn't was only due to Trina's reluctance, not my own, and while I might have demanded it of her to join me, I was content to wait. I'd taken her unwilling into many things that she'd ultimately enjoyed, but this would not be one of them. My disappointment was tempered by trust that was so vital to our relationship. It would happen soon enough.

My father at least knew about part of it anyway. He'd seen me, obviously, not only playing the BDSM games for profit, but having sex with Trina, and others, men and women who modeled for our website. We had a semi-open relationship, Katrina and I, which most simply meant I enjoyed sex with whomever I desired, but she served only me. She liked that, we both did, and it increased my own pleasure when Trina watched me with someone else.

I'd hidden it well, I thought, but of course once you're on the internet, you're everywhere and my father hadn't necessarily been looking only for me. One look at his not-so-well hidden computer files told me how long he'd been collecting BDSM stories and photos. He'd found me only because of his fetish, I thought, and my only real question was whether he was Dom or sub. That wasn't too hard to figure out though, not with all the recently opened files and web sites dedicated to FemDom on his computer.

So, in light of this discovery, I did what any good Domme would do…I emailed him. I gave my father very explicit instructions, so that there could be no mistaking what I was, or what I was expecting of him. It was a test, I suppose, to see how far my dad would be willing to go; to find the extent of his perversions…And mine. I always enjoyed testing the limits, my own and others'.

I'd never considered incest before, and my father had certainly never abused me. My need to dominate hadn't grown from anything like that, it was just me, and any psychological analysis would have been wasted trying to determine why. This would be something new for me, and perhaps for him as well, but I had no crystal ball into the man's heart. He could have fantasized about me for years, and I suddenly found myself hoping he had.

Wouldn't that be something, I smiled to myself. The idea that my own parent had lusted after me secretly, and well enough so I'd never suspected gave me a warmth deep in my stomach. It didn't occur to me that such desires might be wrong, I wasn't wired that way. There were very few things I'd found sexually that hadn't pleased me in one form or another, and incest would be little different.

It made my nipples hard and my clit ache, wanting to know my father's thoughts, and I turned off his computer confident that I would have my answers soon enough.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"So, what is it you do in Las Vegas now, Susan?" My mom was asking me.

We were sitting at the dinner table, my parents and I, along with my brother James and his recently pregnant wife Cheryl. She wasn't showing yet, but she had that glow and I was happy for the woman. Happy for both of them; we were a very close family and this was our first reunion in over two years.

"I work for a production company." I glanced at her and then looked at my dad openly, just to see his reaction. But he hid his thoughts well and returned my gaze with a friendly smile.

"What's that?" Cheryl asked.

"Part of the entertainment industry." I nodded, as if that explained anything. "It's small, but growing."

"Entertainment, oh that's nice." Mom nodded.

She was a young forty-something, still very attractive even after raising two kids. A good woman too, very practical with boundless common sense, and she'd been my role model growing up; all of my confidence came from her.

"Is that like movies or something?" Jim asked, he was my younger brother, all of 22 and just out of college. He worked as an assistant station manager for one of the local radio stations.

"Yeah, movies mostly, some personalized services for clients who can afford it." I smiled. "We're rather specialized, oriented towards smaller, more exclusive markets."

"Is there money in that?" My dad asked, seemingly quite serious.

"Pretty good, dad." I grinned at him. "We do all right."

"It has to be better than working in radio." My brother laughed.

"Well, when you think about your IPO let me take a look at your books." My dad gave me a little grin.

"You can look at anything you want, Daddy." I laughed, and it was a terrible tease, but I couldn't resist. "You know where to find me."

"I guess I do." He grunted, but his eyes betrayed nothing and I began to understand how he'd hid his passion for me, assuming he'd had any. I could detect nothing out of the ordinary in him.

"Maybe we'll come down there sometime and visit you." My mom smiled at me. "You can show us what it is you do, Susan."

"Uh..." I had to giggle at that, a small nervous one and I was nodding.

"Say, this roast is really good tonight." My dad said, changing the subject without batting an eye. It was exactly the sort of thing he'd say and it seemed out of place not at all. I had to admire his skill at deflecting the attention away from my business activities.

"It is good, isn't it?" Mom nodded. "I got it down at that new supermarket…"

"The Bartlett's?" Cheryl leaned forward a little. "I do all my shopping there now."

My brother and dad engaged themselves with talk about the baseball season, so that I sat there smiling between the two conversations and eating my dinner slowly. It was nice, being home again, and very nice sitting across from my father, who acted for all the world like he had no idea who or what I really was.

That was what amazed me most, I suppose. And I imagine he may have thought the same about me, since I'd spoken vaguely, but without hesitation about my job. I hadn't lied about it either, as he well knew, I'd just kept it simple and that was good enough.

Cheryl and I helped my mom clean up after dinner and I smiled at my dad as I picked up his plate.

"You might want to check your email, daddy." I told him. "You had a little new mail thing when I was checking mine."

"I did?" He gave a little grunt of puzzlement. "I didn't even know I had a new mail thing."

My brother chuckled at my dad's smile and I just shrugged. "Well, maybe it was something else. Are you done with your water?"

"Yeah, honey. Thank you." He smiled at me and gave my brother a quizzical look. "I guess I'll check my email."

I kissed his cheek, wondering what he'd think when he saw my note.

My dad was a good looking man, as we all were in a wholesome Americana way. Tall and lean, he kept himself in shape, which wasn't easy for an investment banker. He spent his days behind a desk, talking on the phone, but he still found time tennis and golf on the weekends, and that was enough to keep him healthy. I'd inherited his black hair and blue eyes, my mother and brother being more brown in both respects. And we were tall, all of us, my dad and brother over six feet, mom and me just a few inches shy of that.

After dinner we sat in the living room, watching old videos, home movies of my brother and me as children. We laughed and smiled, sipped our wine and generally enjoyed a pleasant evening of bonding before my brother took his wife home. I gave them hugs and kisses, pressing my hand to Cheryl's soft tummy, imagining that I might feel my niece or nephew growing inside her, but it was too soon for that.

If my father had looked at his email, and I was sure he had, the only sign of it was a bit of distraction, some small quick glances at me when he thought I wasn't looking. It was a fun game and I was quite enjoying myself as I'd made it a point to sit close to him on the sofa, between him and my mother. For the most part everything seemed perfectly normal and if I hadn't known better it would have been hard to pick up on my father's reaction.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

And just before ten we retired for the evening, or at least part of it. My father and I had an appointment at midnight, if he was willing to keep it.

I had some butterflies, I'll admit. I was nervous as I prepared myself with what little I had to work with. Obviously I hadn't brought much with me in the way of fetish gear, clothing or toys, but those things are just tools and not essential by any means. The reality of BDSM resides in our hearts and minds, not in anything external, and if my dad didn't have a true understanding of that yet, I'd be more than happy to teach him.

I made my face up carefully, sitting at my vanity in what was still my bedroom. I'd moved out six years before, but it was clean and neat and just the way I'd left it. That room would always be mine and there was no place else in the world I felt more safe or comfortable.

After my bath I'd pinned my long black hair up, pulling it from my forehead and back into a chignon above my neck. I darkened my eyes, plucked my eyebrows and painted my lips crimson. I was very beautiful then, and imposing to most people who didn't know me except by appearance, and I wondered how attractive my father would find me.

My costume would be simple enough. A black lace bra, with demi-cups that left my tawny nipples exposed. They'd always been lightly colored, too light for my taste, and so I rouged them with my blush. It was provocative I thought, and very pleasing to have hard ruby nipples perched upon my firm breasts. I wore matching panties, rich with lace and French cut high around my hips. They were black and sheer and my freshly shaven sex was clearly exposed. On my feet I wore patent leather slings with two inch heels and closed toes, wishing I'd brought just one decent pair of boots with me.

My appearance was hardly dramatic, true, but it would work well enough for our improvised purposes, I thought. And my body, barely contained now, would be a costume all its own. My skin was light and smooth, without blemish or scar, and my muscles were defined without being vulgar. It was a good body and I'd been lucky with my genes, and with my work ethic as I did enjoy taking care of myself. I was worthy of worship in that body, as so many people had eagerly demonstrated over the past few years, and I felt no shame in exposing it. Even to my father.

I was in his study early, having chosen that room because it was remote from the rest of the house. My mother would be sleeping anyway, and the room was large and comfortable enough that it would suit us well. I stood at the window, in the shadows with only a single table lamp illuminating the desk. I had my back to the open door and I waited patiently.

"Ahem…" My father cleared his throat gently and I turned around, slowly and deliberately, holding my breath.

This was the moment of truth and it filled me with nervous energy.

My father was standing there in his bathrobe, just inside the study, and he narrowed his eyes, picking me out of the gloom in which I stood.

"Susan?" He asked tentatively.

"Close the door." I told him and I waited while he did so. "Lock it."

"Lock it?" He rubbed his jaw, but did as I told him, pushing the button in on the doorknob with a loud click. It was very quiet in that house.

"Take off your bathrobe, and those slippers." I commanded him softly. "I want you undressed completely."

"Uh…I don't think…"

"Now!" I said sharply and I stepped forward so that he could see me clearly. I was not smiling at him and he swallowed hard, blinking rapidly as he took in my body, my underwear and shoes.

"Alright." He nodded slowly and began untying his bathrobe.

"You will call me Mistress while we are in this room, do you understand that, slave?" I stared at him.

"Yes…" He was shrugging off his bathrobe. "…Mistress."

He was naked a moment later, completely, and it was the first time I could recall seeing him that way, although as a child, as a toddler, I'd undoubtedly been around him while he was undressed. Never as an adolescent though, as a teenage girl growing up, he was always careful and modest around me.

I walked closer while my father stood there and he watched me, but only for a few seconds at a time, and then he would close his eyes. He was embarrassed by his nakedness, by my own appearance, and by the circumstances perhaps. I'd found out his secrets and perhaps he'd dreamt of this moment, or perhaps not. It mattered very little; we were there now.

His cock was soft, and average sized. He had a little fat on his hips, but not much. My dad's body was firm and I enjoyed seeing him like that. He was smooth as well, with very little body hair.

"What are you doing?" He finally asked me in his soft voice.

"Mistress?" I prompted him gently, standing behind my father now.

"Uh, what are we doing, Mistress?" He repeated, but changing the question just a little to include himself and I took that as a promising sign.

"We are going to play a little game, slave." I smiled behind his back. "A little Father-Daughter bonding game, does that sound like fun?"

"Susan, I…" He started to protest.

SLAP!!

I spanked his ass hard with my palm so that he jerked and turned his head quickly to stare at me.

"Play with your cock." I told him, rubbing my father's warm firm buttock where I'd slapped him. "Don't speak to me. In my presence your penis will be hard, always. If it goes soft, or if you cum without permission, I'll punish it severely."

My father coughed lightly and slowly reached for his cock, the same one that had put me in my mother's womb some 25 years before. He stroked it for me, doing just as I'd instructed while I moved around him, watching him flush with humiliation even as his penis grew long and hard.

"You like this, don't you, Daddy?" I whispered, teasing him. "You like looking at me, don't you?"

I waited patiently the several heartbeats it took before he nodded his head slowly.

"Yes Mistress."

"How long have you wanted me, hmmm?" I dragged my fingernails across his shoulder.

"I don't…"

SLAP!!

I spanked him again, in the same place and so hard that it stung my hand, leaving a large red palm print on his white skin.

"Answer the question, slave." I commanded him. "How long have you wanted to see me like this? Open your eyes!"

I moved back in front of him, posing with my hard red nipples jutting up from my proud breasts and my hard little clit throbbing and plain to his sight beneath my lace panties.

"Since you…You were small…Mistress." My dad answered, breathing heavily now and he was just squeezing his prick, not stroking himself at all lest he cum.

"How small, daddy?" I licked my lips, staring into his eyes. "How old was I when you first thought about fucking me?"

"Uh…" He swallowed thickly. "…fourteen…or fifteen…maybe…Mistress."

"Oh, you're a bad daddy aren't you, slave?" I chuckled and he nodded. "What's that? I can't hear you."

"Y-Yes, Mistress."

"Yes what?" I tilted my head.

"Yes, I'm a bad daddy." He closed his eyes again and I slapped his cock hard, so that it swung violently.

"Ahhh!" He drew a sharp breath, but I'd merely surprised him. I had no intention of hurting the man, I rarely hurt anyone actually, the mere threat of pain was generally much more effective for new submissives. I would need to test him though, to find his tolerance if only for an impromptu yardstick. This was the subtle art of negotiation and I would be clever and cautious and my father would enjoy it. That was my secret promise to him, the one he didn't need to hear from my lips.

"Keep your eyes open when you speak to me." I commanded him.

"Yes Mistress." He agreed quickly, moving his hands to cover his penis.

SLAP!!

I spanked him again, as hard as I had the last time, and he winced.

"Are you ashamed of your penis?"

"N-No Mistress."

"Then why are you trying to hide it from me, slave?" I chuckled. "Do you think I haven't seen one before?"

"I...No, Mistress." My dad moved his hands away from his cock. It was dark now, straining with excitement and I wasn't doing anything he didn't want me to.

"I think I should punish you." I put a finger to my lips. "Since this is our first time, I'll give a choice. Should I punish your cock?"

"N-No Mistress."

"Shhh…I'm not done yet." I smiled at him. "If you interrupt me again I'll have to make the choice myself."

My father nodded slowly, blinking at me because he did so dearly want to close his eyes. This was punishment already, being naked in front of me, confessing his fantasies while I watched him play with his cock. But it was a pleasure too and we both knew it.

"Now, shall I punish your cock…Or your balls, slave?" I asked him, slapping lightly at his erection, his manhood jutting from the nest of dark pubic hair around it.

"Punish my…" My dad shook his head for a second, not wanting to choose.

"Should I punish both?" I smiled at him.

"N-No…My balls, Mistress." He said quickly. "Punish my balls."

"Mmmm…." I nodded and walked behind him once more. "Do you have bad balls, Slave-Daddy?"

I reached down, pushing his thighs apart with my hand so I could grasp his heavy balls in their soft wrinkled sack. I gave them a little squeeze, not too hard, but enough to put my father on his toes.

"Yessss…" He hissed and I pushed between his shoulders with my left hand, tugging his balls back with my right, so that my dad bent over quickly for me.

"I think you do too, Slave-Daddy." I was pulling his scrotum tight and his skin grew damp with sweat even as I watched. "They give you bad thoughts, don't they? Make you want to do things to me…"

"Yes Mistress." He had his hands on his knees and he flexed his legs a little, pushing his hips back to ease the tension on his balls.

"Do you want to fuck me, Slave-Daddy?" I squeezed his balls hard, feeling the firm orbs within his sack being compressed in my fist.

"Ooooh…ow…ahhh…" He was breathing hard, but carefully, as if the smallest movement of any part of him only increased the pain.

"It makes you dizzy, doesn't it?" I chuckled. "A little nauseas maybe? I could crush your balls right now, Slave-Daddy. I could make them pop, should I do that?"

I squeezed harder and pulled back a little more so that my father was trembling with a combination of fear and excitement such as he'd never experienced before.

"No…P-Please…Mistress…" He was groaning and I opened my hand slightly, giving him a little relief from the pain. I'd demonstrated my power and he'd accepted it willingly, not fighting me at all, and I was very pleased with my father just then.

"Is your cock still hard, Slave-Daddy?" I asked.

"Yes, Mistress." He swallowed and glanced at me over his back and I could see his face was red and his eyes moist. I'd been squeezing his balls very hard near the end.

"That's good." I let his balls go completely. "You really do love me, don't you?"

"Yessss…I do, Mistress." He nodded.

"A lot of men go soft when they get squeezed like that, even some of the men who like it." I stroked my dad's back gently. "But you're still hard as a rock, Slave-Daddy."

"Yes Mistress." He actually smiled, feeling some small bit of pride I imagine. I hadn't lied about any of that either, it was hard for a man to stay erect when his balls were being crushed.

"So you deserve a reward, I think." I moved around him once more, lifting him slowly so that my dad would stand up straight.

I reached down to grasp his penis, sliding my hand along the heavy shaft. He was hot and hard and thick under my fingers and I felt a perverse thrill touching him that way, even more so than when I'd held his balls. I was excited and while I'd always intended our first scene to be short, it was difficult to imagine letting him go so easily.

"Do you want to cum, Slave-Daddy?" I whispered, looking into his handsome face and seeing nothing but desire there.

"Yes Mistress, God yes." He replied breathlessly.

"Whose cock is this?" I asked him.

"Yours Mistress." He answered without hesitation.

"What about your wife, Slave-Daddy? What about my mother?"

"I don't…" He looked confused, as if he'd forgotten about her and I saw guilt in his soft blue eyes.

"You don't what?" I jerked him off slowly. "Love her? Honor her?"

"No, Mistress…I…Yes, I do, but…"

"But what, Slave-Daddy?" I rubbed the head of his penis with my thumb, feeling the wetness there, his precum spilling from the tip of his glans.

"I want you, Mistress." He closed his eyes.

"Have you fucked other women?" I wanted to know. "Have you cheated on her? Don't lie to me, Slave-Daddy, or I'll know."

"Once." He nodded. "It was…It was a long time ago."

"Does she know?"

"Yes, Mistress." My dad looked smaller as he said that.

"And now you want to do it again." I shook my head. "With your own daughter, no less."

"Yes…Mistress." My father was stiff now, his body rigid as his orgasm grew closer.

"Get down, on your knees…On the floor…" I told him suddenly, pushing my dad down as I released his cock. "On your belly, Slave-Daddy…"

"Yes...Yes…Mistress…" He moved quickly, doing exactly what I was telling him to do. He got on the carpet of his study and I put my left shoe close to his face.

"Lick my shoe; clean it with your filthy tongue." I demanded. "You can fuck the floor…Do it, Slave-Daddy! Make yourself cum while you lick my shoe."

I watched my dad's prone form beneath me. He was lifting his hips, his ass, and pushing his pelvis against the rough carpeting beneath him, humping the floor as I'd instructed. It looked ridiculous and obscene and his body was pink with humiliation, but he kept his mouth on my shoe. His tongue lapping along the leather of my sling and when I lifted my foot off the floor he didn't hesitate to clean the bottom.

"The other one..." I pulled my left foot back and presented him with the right. "If you don't cum before you get this shoe clean I'm going to whip your cock. Do you understand me, Slave-Daddy?"

"Yes…Mistress." He gave me a small nod, grinding his body against the carpet harder now.

He licked my shoe carefully and I didn't know if he enjoyed foot worship or not, but I did. I really had very little to go on with my dad, so far as what he wanted, but I suspected he wanted whatever I was willing to make him do. I was as much his fantasy as any BDSM tricks or treats, so just my presence was making it good for him.

"You'd better cum soon, Slave-Daddy." I teased him. "I think that shoe is almost finished."

"Yesss…yes Mistress…" He was moving faster and his fingers were digging into the carpet around me.

He was prostrate before me, on his belly, working his cock towards orgasm just for me and I pulled my foot away, standing there with my arms crossed. I wanted to touch myself, to rub my slit and play with my hard little clit. There was an orgasm of my own lurking in the humid folds of my sex, but I waited. I had a lot of patience. A lot of self-discipline; as much as I'd ever expected from one of my bottoms, and it was one reason I was so good at what I did.

"Ohhh! Mistresss…." My father reached his orgasm finally, gasping as he thrust his cock against the rough fabric beneath him and I knew he was shooting his sperm uselessly onto the floor.

"Good, Slave-Daddy, very good." I smiled down at him, into his sweating red face. "I'm leaving you now, going to my room and into my bed alone."

"Yes Mistress." He nodded.

"In the morning, I want you to tell your wife what we did tonight."

"W-What?"

"You'll tell her everything, do you understand me, Slave-Daddy?"

"Mistress…I…We can't…"

"You'll tell her that you had a dream, and in that dream this is what happened." I stared down at him. "If you don't do it, Slave-Daddy, I will."

"Yes Mistress." He rubbed his forehead, plainly worried.

"Except I won't tell her it was a just dream." I nodded seriously. "And if that happens, we'll never do this again. Tell me you understand me."

"I…I understand, Mistress." My father nodded with me.

"Good." I smiled tightly. "Now clean up your mess. I'll be waiting for you here this same time tomorrow."

"Yes, Mistress…I'll be here…" My dad promised needlessly as I walked to the door and left him there on his stomach.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"It's so nice having lunch together, just the two of us again." My mother smiled at me.

"Yeah." I smiled back. "I was gone too long, mom. I'm sorry about that."

We were downtown, in a nice little restaurant after doing some shopping together. It had been a long time since my mother and I had done this sort of thing, and we were both enjoying it. I was surprised that I felt no guilt over what I'd done with my dad the previous night and I wondered if he'd followed my instructions and told mom about his dream. I very much hoped so as we sat there together and I tried to think of some way to ask her, but of course I couldn't.

"Well, I know how busy you are with your new career." My mom nodded and she looked so pretty sitting there.

"It isn't too bad." I shrugged. "The hours are flexible at least."

"I understand." She nodded.

We paused our conversation so we could order our lunch. The waiter gave us both warm smiles and he was cute, enough so that he captured our attention for a long pleasant moment. When he left I rolled my eyes and my mom giggled, a sound which might have seemed strange coming from a woman of her age, but it wasn't. The sound suited her perfectly.

"I also...Mmmm…" My mom gave me a funny smile, obviously wanting to say something important, or personal perhaps, but hesitating as we returned to our conversation.

"What?" I asked her.

"I know what you do, Susan." She reached out and patted my hand.

"Uhhh…" I licked my lips. "What do you mean?"

"I mean your website, your…Business." Mom was looking into my eyes and her sweet voice was a whisper. "Should I..." She blushed. "...May I call you Mistress Susan?"

She was smiling too, a very real smile of the sort I saw on the faces of persons visiting my dungeons for the first time. Nervous and eager and just a little overwhelmed by the thought that their deepest fantasies were coming true. It was unmistakable. My mother was hitting on me.

"Mom, I don't think…"

"It's alright, I understand you might be…Confused." She squeezed my fingers in her hand. "I've dreamt of you, of being…Dominated by my own daughter…" She giggled nervously. "...For so long, you have no idea."

I blinked at her and then I looked around quickly, but we were alone.

"I want to be dominated by you, Mistress…" She bit her bottom lip, looking ten years younger suddenly and I felt my body flash hotly. "…May I serve you?"

"But…" I was so confused. "Daddy…Uh, his computer…He found my website and he told you?"

"What?" My mom laughed at that. "You're father can barely turn the thing on! He just uses it to read your emails. I found your website."

"You found it." I swallowed hard.

"Of course, I bought a platinum membership." She leaned forward and her voice was very soft. "I love the girl you use, that Katrina. She's so perfect, you both are, so perfect for each other."

"Yeah…" I sat back, reaching for my water and drinking it quickly.

"Do you hate me?" My mom suddenly asked.

"What?" I stared at her.

"Are you angry with me because I..." She shrugged. "…I've wanted to serve you since you were a teenager, Susan. My Mistress Susan…You don't know how often I've wished you were someone else's daughter, just so I could call you that."

"I'm not angry, no…I'm just…" I didn't know what it was I was feeling.

My father hadn't known a thing and I'd played a little scene with him last night. I'd made him confess his desires and lick my shoes and he'd never had a clue about the real me. It was my mother all along, wanting to be dominated by her own daughter. It made me dizzy and I had to catch my breath before I knew for certain what I had to do.

"Are you okay?" My mom was asking me.

"Yes." I nodded and then I caught her soft brown eyes with mine. "Take off your panties, right now, and put them on the table next to your plate."

"What?" My mom swallowed hard.

"Shut-up, you'll speak when I ask you question and the first word out of your mouth will be Mistress, do you understand me, Slave-Mommy?" I spoke in normal tones, uncaring who might overhear us.

I was commanding her and staring until my mother lowered her eyes obediently. The fact that she'd brought this subject up here, in a downtown restaurant made me acutely aware of her desire for public humiliation. The first step on our new journey would be to give my mom what she wanted. I could figure everything else out later, I hoped. For now it was enough to slip into the welcome and comforting role of being the Domme in this unexpected scene.

"Mistress, yes, I…I understand." She was blushing now, red and hot all over and it was going to be a long and interesting lunch.

"Then get those panties off, a Slave-Mommy like you doesn't need them." I chuckled. "You'll offer them to the waiter when he brings us our food."

"Mistress...Yes..." She started moving, but stopped as I spoke again.

"Have you cheated on your husband, Slave-Mommy?" I asked, repeating the question I'd posed to my father only a short time before.

"Mistress...I...." She blinked rapidly and looked away.

"Look at me when you speak." I reached over the table and grabbed cheeks painfully, squeezing her mouth. "Have you fucked around on my father?"

"Y-Yes...Mistress, yes." Mom stared at me, afraid of what she might find in my eyes.

"Good." I let her go with a thin smile. "You're going to be doing a lot of that, Slave-Mommy. Now get those panties off."

"Mistress, thank you!" My mom said softly and she was doing it, working her panties off under her dress and even though her head was down, I knew she was smiling...And I had a plan, being the good daughter I was.


end

TG
07-09-2007, 02:50 AM
No wonder you have this copyrighted.
I'm just starting out, and I was floored by what you did.
I'm not into incest and a little put off by it, but the quality of the writing just forced itself on me in spite of the subject.
And that you pulled the whole thing off in first person singular. Amazing. And moved the whole story along with just dialog.
In my book, that was professional writing. Well done professional writing.
You've got my admiration.
TG

gagged_Louise
07-09-2007, 04:37 AM
Good story, and i agree with Tg it's interesting to pull it all off in first person, though it also results in overuse of "I" and a feeling that we know she will always have her way.

The basic setup seems rather strained to me - no pro BDSM Domme or erotic model uses her own legal name in her work (and so her parents wouldn't find her by simply clicking on google) and i really don't get it why her dad would surrender like a boy to his daughter just because she enters in a Domme costume. The idea that he'd have dreamt of being Dominated by his own little girl feels really far out - her mother calling her Mistress Susan and accepting to be called "slave Mommy" even more so! - but if some readers will like it then okay.

I'd have wished for the story to be more sensuous and suggestive too. This shouldn't be seen as an indictment, but it's not really my kind of story and I think it needs a counter-player who is able to balance Susan.

Alex Bragi
07-09-2007, 11:03 AM
Incest isn’t my thing either, not at all, but putting that aside this is a good and interesting little story. I do enjoy femdom fiction, and I must say this is a theme I haven’t come across before, so I certainly appreciate your wicked imagination. TG’ s right to admire your work. :)

Criticisms, since you specifically asked:

-I agree with Louise, “I” has been over used. I noted a number of passive ‘was’ sentences too.

e.g. “I was sitting at my father's desk, in his study, and I hadn't meant to snoop, I was just checking my email, but I'd happened upon the favorites list as I waited for the web page to load.”

Sitting a father’s desk, I hadn’t meant to snoop while checking my email--I’d just happened upon the favourite list as the web page to load.

-Particularly in the beginning of the story there’s a lot of telling rather than showing that I think rather flattened some potentially titillating bits. e.g. “ My bisexuality was obvious.” Sure, you told your readers, but I think most would have much preferred you showed them instead—in vivid and sizzling detail. ;)

-I also felt that my feeling of suspended belief was stretched to breaking point for exactly the same reason as Louise. Maybe this was because it’s a genre that doesn’t appeals to me? I don’t know, it just didn’t seem like a realistic scenario. I just couldn’t get my head around the whole thing of her father instantly obeying her just because she slipped into something sexy and told him to call her “Mistress”. Realistically, would he have been quite so compliant, quite so quickly? A little more resistance, too, would have, I feel, made it a whole lot more interesting and teasy.

But really, the bottom line is, if you readers enjoyed it, then it’s a good story. :)

ElectricBadger
07-09-2007, 03:47 PM
As said, a very nice work, and quite a bit of technical skill displayed.

-Overuse of I and of telling/not showing, as mentioned. Use the first person, but don't just use it to break the fourth wall! Specifically, the entire first section felt like a summary of an introduction. SHOW her history, her career, her attitude...have her follow the links on her parents' computer and surf, we'll learn all about her business and Katrina while getting worked up. Give some internal monologue about how she feels towards incest, rather than just telling us how she's wired.

-It was believable until the last scene with her mother, which felt very forced. A sudden, well-timed confession, unlinked to the father? The father unknowingly having the same tastes? The daughter not knowing her dad can't use a computer? It would help the first scene to describe what was written in the email...what was implied/explained/demanded...if she'd started off with something like, "I know you've watched me and fantasize about me, so meet me in the study at midnight, and come naked" it might strike a believable note...the reader would understand she'd just luckily stumbled on the truth, even with the wrong evidence. The mom's giggling confession of a ten-year secret over brunch is still hard to swallow, though.

-One or two minor spelling errors, just run a quick spell check.

-A couple delays in the plot. The conversation with her family, particularly, didn't accomplish all it should have. Characterize more -- what does she feel, what are her interests, hobbies, pet names, past experiences? If the plot is sexual tension -- which is what it seems, and fine -- then build it with everything you do. Take this from an awkward conversation -- which on re-read, has the mom wierdly inquisitive for knowing the answers already -- to a semi-public tease, with caresses or whispers or flashes or... something.

Anyhow, that probably seems like a lot, but really it's just the nudge towards really truly good, not any condemnation; this is a damn fine work, and I hope you'll share your efforts some more here at the Library. We don't pay money, but there's a lot to say about providing a forum to authors and access for an often-marginalized community.

rache696
07-09-2007, 08:44 PM
Yeah, I appreciate all of your comments. I'm going to run through my scripter and count some words, I think "I" and "Was" certainly. I do know that I fall into patterns and they're difficult to break out of. I understand what your comments were pointing at and I'll have to wrap my brain around a solution.

The scene with dad in the study, actually he was supposed to have been the one making the discovery, only shoot, probably right about at the very end when Susan is leaving him, that's when I thought wouldn't it be interesting if dad wasn't the one. So it became a last minute plot change and I did very little rewriting. Just a few sentences and I had a goal, a speed limit of 5k words, largely due to time. That's about three hours of writing and I didn't want to come back to it later.

The dinner scene is a problem for me. I needed a lot better dialogue. I needed it to be much more clever than it was, especially in light of the fact that I'm up to chapter 13 on it now. I'd dearly love to go back, but at the time it was never go to be longer than 1 standalone chapter. I kind of got talked into continuing.

Suspension of belief is a big issue and you guys are right especially about the beginning. It needs 5k words just for character intro I think, taking Susan through dinner, and then the next 5k dedicated to the study scene with much more interplay. The actual BDSM was fine for me, I was happy with the scene itself, but father did yield quickly, too quickly especially when mom let's the cat out of the bag later. And that was a function of my word limit, it needed to progress very quickly for my own purposes, contrary to what the story needs.

So what I learned, is the mother episode should be scrapped (treating this as a standalone) leave dad as a very willing submissive, with his secret yearnings revealed, and just rework the introduction of the characters and find one good thread for dinner. One good theme to tie them all up.

It's interesting. I'm doing another story and already I have 6k words and nothing has happened lol I haven't mentioned what the story is about. So I'm see if I cant apply some of this to that, because I have the room, two characters, and zero plot in that one. I can literally be about anything I want.

So good...I like to talk. Thanks so much for taking the time and posting your comments. I need that stuff a lot.

Best always,
rachael