When You Were Young

[coookie]

Hi everybody. I am a parent of a 13 year old male who has always had tendencies towards a dominant behaviour. Now i am not presuming that he will one day grow into a Dom and personally believe what he does as an adult in his relationships (legally) is his business.

As a baby he did not want coddling when hurt, instead preferring to be alone. If forced to eat something he didn't like (vegetables) he would spit it back into their (my) faces. As a younger kid he was rigid about rules and if someone broke the rules he would argue valiantly. As a young teen, he always insists he is right and does whatever he wants not responding to getting things taken away as punishment and has a smug comeback (usually logically right but done so arrogantly that no one cares that he is right) to everything.

We were having an argument today which got me to thinking about a post i had read where the Dom was boasting having taken a paddle away from his mother and using it on her instead. I would imagine his mother often felt unsure of how to handle him and make him more compliant.

So here is my question.... is this something that many Dom/mes have experienced? This power struggle with their mothers? I would be especially curious to hear from people who did not have a father in the home for whatever reason as is the case with me and any tips on how i can get him to do what i need him to do.

[Sir_Russell]

I had a father, sorta, great guy but uninvolved. I did a lot of the things described including turning tables on my mom, I won't be punished for something I did not do. Your son is a Dom but may not become part of the lifestyle. He may choose instead to be dominate in another part of life like business or sports.

[Xavier20]

My parents split up when I was younger, and I ended up with my Mother. Without the dominant father-figure around all the time, my mother and I have faught countless times over everything and anything. She would try to take things away, and I wouldn't care. I wouldn't listen. Always a power struggle. You can't fight the power battle with your son. If you want him to clean his room, you have to persuade him to want to do it. Manipulate it in such a way that he would do it willingly. If he's a teenager, perhaps suggest that girls would not like the way his room is, and that they would want to see it clean. If he learns to clean it up, the women he's trying to attract would like him much more. You can't try and dominate him that way, you have to manipulate the situation into him wanting to do it. That's what my mom used to do to me.

[Rhabbi]

I am going with the majority here, being 13 is just an age where everyone things they have all the answers. either that or they think the world is out to get them.

[nk_lion]

He is 13, he is gonna be difficult for the next couple of years. Most are, whether they end up being subs/dom(me)s/or vanilla.

My dad never played a huge part in my upbringing, my mom was usually the force to be reckoned with, and if I ever said anything rude, or simply a come back that was unwarranted, I'd hear hell. So if your son is rude next time, throw back all the stuff about rules, saying that in your house, treating someone with respect is not simply a rule, but the law.

I remember being 13, you think you are ready for the world, but in all honesty, 13 year olds are simply children, going through a confusing time and unfortunately bring out their anger it out on parents.

Anyhow, good luck.

And wtf, someone use the paddle on their own mother and boast about it???

[Ozme52]

Sounds more like you've raised him with a lot of self esteem...

Now if you've instilled a sense of responsibility, you'll have some great teenage years with him... otherwise it will be teenage hell.

That's regardless of his eventual vanilla v. D/s orientation.

[coookie]

Sir Russell~ i agree but i think that i am correct in thinking that although you all are Dom you also have dominant personalities. It can be quite frustrating at times speaking from a parental point of view.

Xavier~ I have tried manipulation and it occasionally is effective though not consistently.

Ozme~ That is a great point... and thank you i have tried to do just that but how in your opinion can someone instill that responsibility?

nk_lion~ yeah i know i was thinking ...nice ... but anyways. I do tell him that he is representing not only himself but our family and i often try to have talks with him bout deeper things although i must say he is not very open to communicating bout his feelings. I will continue trying though.

My son is 13 and i fully realize that it is a difficult time for all sons/daughters/parents ... this goes beyond teenage angst i think. As i have said i do not know if he will grow up to be Dom...he may or may not and really that is none of my business. It is just his personality. Who he is and generally i enjoy his ability to sit and maturely discuss things like global events and his opinions on other matters. It just is difficult when i am trying to get him to do things that he does not want to do (eg homework, chores).

[Logic1]

I dont really think that his bahaviour has anything to do with him being a domme or anything like that either. 13 onwards is bad for the parents nomatter who the kid is.
Self esteem on the kid yes I definitely agree with Ozme there.

I was brought up in .. dont know if you guys have seen the cardgame "happy family" but that is pretty much how I grew up. One happy family with 2 good parents and 2 brothers. My youngest brother was the one who brought my parents the most grief but it wasnt really that bad. Good upbringing and rules that would make sense to us kids was imoportant I guess.