tired.of.vanilla{DJ}
08-02-2007, 10:59 PM
Okay...so not to come out all "journal - ly" but anyway Tessa's thread inspired me. And a good new friend here encouraged me. So here is my story...
First lets just get this out in the open. I am fat. I am short. I wear glasses. But I have big boobs! :) When I was in highschool I knew that both boys and girls were attractive. I came out as bi. Well after about a year or so...I graduated and went to college. Saddly I had not yet felt the touch of anyone. No boyfriends, no girlfriends. Nothing! So I did what any college girl would do who was a virgin and desperate for some nooky. I went to the Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans meeting looking for well....nooky. I got hit on...but only by other girls. So yep...you guessed it. I decided, Well fuck. Fine...I am a lesbian then.
Two more years passed me by. Still no nooky. What the fuck I though. Okay so I am a fat...but gosh this isn't highschool anymore. Other fat girls are getting laid. What is wrong with me?
Then over one summer..I FINALLY meet someone. Not long afterwards I have a guy hit on me that was super hot *which just goes to show you*, but I had committed to my girlfriend and so I passed on him.
Eight Years Later...
Yep I said EIGHT. I am still with my first lover. :eek: and don't get me wrong. I really really do love her. She is sweet and kind and a wonderful person. So what is the problem you ask? Well damn it. I am TIRED OF VANILLA.
Even as a kid *by kid I mean teen, I dreamed of being a sub. Which is totally weird because on the streets...I am a total dom. Really weird but true. And in day to day living she totally submits to me. I make 90 percent of the choices. I dont do any housework, cooking, cleaning...nothing. She does that all. *I do mow the lawn*
But in the bedroom...oh how I CRAVE to be dominated. Ordered. Bound. But so far...its been pretty vanilla.
So I told her one day a year ago or so. We bought some "cheap sex toys bondage stuff" and played around lightly with it. Nothing is more of a turn off than a pair of anklecuffs that break the first time you really struggle. FUCK.
Then she would never try it again.
7 months pass. I talk to her again...express my desires. She says she loves the idea. I come here. I get a Hard list. I fill one out and ask her to. THey match fairly well! *I had no idea she would be into pee play...funny*
NOTHING HAPPENS
I get a collar and wear it to greet her.
NOTHING HAPPENS *ie it turned vanilla*
I get some other gear
NOTHING HAPPENS
And now we get to the complicated part....the part I have been reticuled with. The part that people have called me a horrible lier on.
Remember way back at the top of this thread, about 40 years ago? Think back...I was in high school. I was bi...remember? Yeah I know, it was a long time ago, but yep. I wrote it.
So here I am 8 years into a lesbian relationship....craving some cock. I have never touched one. I LONG too. I have never sucked one...I AM dying for it. I have never had anything more than a stiff old dildo...and I long for a throbbing hot manrod. I want to be taken. I want to be *fantasy* raped. I want double pen. I want to be forced to deep throat. I want to experience that.
But damn it...I love my wife. I know we promised to be true. I want to honor that. But I think....
I think I chose one person too soon. I think I should have tried these things before. I think I really am unhappy sexually. I hate giving her pleasure *god help me* She calls me a pillow princess or a Stone Fem. But how can that be? I long to suck a cock... fuck life is confusing.
I am scared to tell her that I hunger for this...she may leave me.
But I hate the thought of living my whole life without a male dom standing over me.
fuck
so I come here. I ask around for an online dom. Not as good of course, but better than nothing. And harder to get caught at than a real guy.
Then I get horrible notes and whispers that I am a fake, a scammer, a cheat.
I ask around for someone to dom my art charater instead....maybe that would be okay. I had several *dozen* replys, all but one or two from new members who did not come across well in the note.
No I will not fly to another country to see you now.
No I will NOT show you pictures of my pussy before I know you.
NO NO NO
I had one good new friend write. Someone kind...someone caring. Someone sexy as hell. But yeah, that was never going to work. He had someone else, as I knew, and I need someone who can be there for me more than he has time for. Damn bossy subs. But damn it...I don't want to lose my partner now for playing online with someone. But FUCK I need someone to dom me.
Anyway that was an essay. Sorry everyone. Damn mouthy subs.
So here I am...naked before you...try not to crush me. I know I am well....pathetic. But anyway I was told to go ahead and try to post this. That this group was more understanding and open minded than I was first led to believe.
here goes
First lets just get this out in the open. I am fat. I am short. I wear glasses. But I have big boobs! :) When I was in highschool I knew that both boys and girls were attractive. I came out as bi. Well after about a year or so...I graduated and went to college. Saddly I had not yet felt the touch of anyone. No boyfriends, no girlfriends. Nothing! So I did what any college girl would do who was a virgin and desperate for some nooky. I went to the Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans meeting looking for well....nooky. I got hit on...but only by other girls. So yep...you guessed it. I decided, Well fuck. Fine...I am a lesbian then.
Two more years passed me by. Still no nooky. What the fuck I though. Okay so I am a fat...but gosh this isn't highschool anymore. Other fat girls are getting laid. What is wrong with me?
Then over one summer..I FINALLY meet someone. Not long afterwards I have a guy hit on me that was super hot *which just goes to show you*, but I had committed to my girlfriend and so I passed on him.
Eight Years Later...
Yep I said EIGHT. I am still with my first lover. :eek: and don't get me wrong. I really really do love her. She is sweet and kind and a wonderful person. So what is the problem you ask? Well damn it. I am TIRED OF VANILLA.
Even as a kid *by kid I mean teen, I dreamed of being a sub. Which is totally weird because on the streets...I am a total dom. Really weird but true. And in day to day living she totally submits to me. I make 90 percent of the choices. I dont do any housework, cooking, cleaning...nothing. She does that all. *I do mow the lawn*
But in the bedroom...oh how I CRAVE to be dominated. Ordered. Bound. But so far...its been pretty vanilla.
So I told her one day a year ago or so. We bought some "cheap sex toys bondage stuff" and played around lightly with it. Nothing is more of a turn off than a pair of anklecuffs that break the first time you really struggle. FUCK.
Then she would never try it again.
7 months pass. I talk to her again...express my desires. She says she loves the idea. I come here. I get a Hard list. I fill one out and ask her to. THey match fairly well! *I had no idea she would be into pee play...funny*
NOTHING HAPPENS
I get a collar and wear it to greet her.
NOTHING HAPPENS *ie it turned vanilla*
I get some other gear
NOTHING HAPPENS
And now we get to the complicated part....the part I have been reticuled with. The part that people have called me a horrible lier on.
Remember way back at the top of this thread, about 40 years ago? Think back...I was in high school. I was bi...remember? Yeah I know, it was a long time ago, but yep. I wrote it.
So here I am 8 years into a lesbian relationship....craving some cock. I have never touched one. I LONG too. I have never sucked one...I AM dying for it. I have never had anything more than a stiff old dildo...and I long for a throbbing hot manrod. I want to be taken. I want to be *fantasy* raped. I want double pen. I want to be forced to deep throat. I want to experience that.
But damn it...I love my wife. I know we promised to be true. I want to honor that. But I think....
I think I chose one person too soon. I think I should have tried these things before. I think I really am unhappy sexually. I hate giving her pleasure *god help me* She calls me a pillow princess or a Stone Fem. But how can that be? I long to suck a cock... fuck life is confusing.
I am scared to tell her that I hunger for this...she may leave me.
But I hate the thought of living my whole life without a male dom standing over me.
fuck
so I come here. I ask around for an online dom. Not as good of course, but better than nothing. And harder to get caught at than a real guy.
Then I get horrible notes and whispers that I am a fake, a scammer, a cheat.
I ask around for someone to dom my art charater instead....maybe that would be okay. I had several *dozen* replys, all but one or two from new members who did not come across well in the note.
No I will not fly to another country to see you now.
No I will NOT show you pictures of my pussy before I know you.
NO NO NO
I had one good new friend write. Someone kind...someone caring. Someone sexy as hell. But yeah, that was never going to work. He had someone else, as I knew, and I need someone who can be there for me more than he has time for. Damn bossy subs. But damn it...I don't want to lose my partner now for playing online with someone. But FUCK I need someone to dom me.
Anyway that was an essay. Sorry everyone. Damn mouthy subs.
So here I am...naked before you...try not to crush me. I know I am well....pathetic. But anyway I was told to go ahead and try to post this. That this group was more understanding and open minded than I was first led to believe.
here goes