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darkmistress2027
08-21-2007, 07:51 PM
"New Slave, Part I" By Lorna Polk



He was 21 years old, 5' 6" thin, with baby blue eyes and long dirty blond hair. He was new to the BDSM scene, but it was something he wanted all his life. He wanted a Mistress that will push every limit he had, someone to train him to be what she wanted him to be. He finally found her online. She was a beautiful and exactly what he's was searching for. Their online training was becoming hot and heavy. Though they lived so far apart, they became very close. The day finally came for them to meet. They decided to meet at a hotel in her city. He drove a painful 2 and a half hours to the hotel, his cock was straining against his pants the whole ride down. He found the Hotel without a problem and got the key from the front desk just like Mistress said....

On the elevator his heart began to pump, his cock was yearning the things to come. He got to her door and stood in front for a minute. He was starting to breathe heavily in anticipation. He opened the door and stepped in, hearing the door shut behind him, there was no turning back. He stood in the doorway and looked around. He, then, saw her sitting near the window smoking a cigarette.

"On your knees, Boy. Eyes Down!" came a sweet yet demanding voice from Mistress.

He was quick to obey. He heard her soft footsteps come across the floor. He could see her boots right in front of him. He didnt know what to do. Should he kiss them or should he stay still and wait for a command? He began to lean forward to kiss them, when a soft gentle hand slid across his chin, lifting his head up. His eyes traveled up her legs slowly, past her short leather skirt, and to her voluputous breast pressed into her red corset. He stared for a second then traveled the rest of the way and met her eyes. They were brighter and more lovely in person. The grey of her eyes melted into her smooth brown face. She wasnt smiling at all, which scared him.

"Who the fuck said u can look at me, Eyes down" she said while she took a drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke in his face.

His eyes darted to the floor. Mistress began inspecting his face. She wanted to see his features, to make sure he was the Boy from all the pics he sent. She smiled an evil grin and told him to undress as she walked to her bag of goodies. He was quick to obey as she rummaged through the heavy bag. He placed all his clothes neatly to the side and got back on his knees. She walked back over to him and told him to stand. She held various sized and coloured thongs in her hand and held them to his waist seeing which would be perfect for him.

"Hm, these red ones will be perfect for ur small ass and pathetic excuse for a cock." Mistress said with her cigarette still in her mouth. "Put them on"

She stuffed the thong into his mouth then walked over to the bed. He pulled them out and slid them on his hard cock and was about to adjust his cock when Mistress said no and called him over only to move his cock over and make it more uncomfortable. She took out her measuring tape and told him to lift up his arms. She took his measurments and rummaged through her bag again. she pulled out a plaid skirt and a white blouse. She gave him her cigarette to put out in the ashtray. As soon as he walked over there, she threw the clothes at him along with a wig with 2 pigtails. He scrammbled to put them on and walked back over to Mistress.

"On ur knees, Boy" She demanded. She began to apply lipstick to his lips and ruby blush to his cheeks.

"Now u look like ur suppose to. Your gonna be my little school girl today." She said with an evil grin. "Im your teacher Miss L. and ur new name is Slut. The problem is that u walked in on me and the Princibal fucking. John come here"

Out of the bathroom came a naked tall, tan, muscular man with a cock that was no less than 8 inches. He stood in the doorway for a second before walking over and crawling onto the bed. He began kissing and massaging Mistress neck and shoulders. Slut became scared. Was he gonna have to be fucked by this man? Did he have to suck his huge cock. Though he was frighted, he was very aroused.

"Because u walked in on us your gonna have to stay and watch us. Watch what u cant ever get. Understand?" Mistress said as John began to undo her corset.

"Yes." Slut said softly

Mistress slapped is face sending him off balance. "YES, WHAT????" she growled.

"Yes Miss L." He said his face turning a deep shade of red.

"Remember that." She handcuffed his hands behind his back."Now kneel at the end of the bed"

She was completely naked at this point and John was ready to get into her. She placed her bag on the ground and pulled out a blindfold. John laid on his back with his head facing Slut. Mistress sat on his chest and leaned forward.

"When I said watch I meant listen." She began laughing as she slid the blindfold over his eyes.

As soon as she said that her fun with John began. Slut heard him penetrate her. The bed squeaked and shook with their movements. Her moans were majestic and he couldnt help but to squirm everytime she moaned. His cock was pressed against his new thongs and he wished to adjust it because it was becoming painful, but he knew he couldnt.

About an hour or so passed and they where still fucking. Mistress moans grew louder. Suddenly someone snatched off his blindfold. It was Mistress. She stared into Slut's eyes as she banged John and dug her nails into his skin. Slut admired her face the little glimmers of sweat from fucking for so long.

"Did I say u can look at me?" she groaned. "Look at ur small pitiful cock struggling to get out. It can never please me like this, Slut. This is a real man, ur nothing but a inadequate dick Slut." She smacked Slut then pulled him up and met his lips. She kissed him deeply still banging away. John mummbled that he was about to cum. She threw Slut down and moaned that she was too. She leaned down and kissed John as they both came together. Slut watched with wide eyes, squirming wishing he could touch himself just once.

ElectricBadger
08-21-2007, 10:57 PM
Welcome to the Forums, and thank you for sharing your work!

The first bit of feedback is to use a spell check: also watch your tenses "he wanted a mistress that will push..."

Secondly, my most frequently given advice: SHOW, don't tell. That is, use description, inference, and action to inform the reader, not simple explanation. "It was becoming hot and heavy" -- how? what were they doing that was hot? does heavy imply extreme -- how much so? Instead of "She was beautiful and exactly what he was looking for," say something like "The photos she sent, taken during her modelling career, showed a taut, lithe chocolate body that flexed like a gymnast; his collection of erotica held no more appeal for him, he'd found the body he'd spent years rifling through glossy pages for." It communicates the same thing -- but by giving the reader images and sensations to process on their own, thus bringing the reader into the story.

Finally, no texting shorthand..."u" and "ur" may be fine for a text message, but in writing it will force your reader to instantly dismiss you as unskilled, no matter your potential. If you want your reader to take your work seriously, you need to take it seriously first.

darkmistress2027
08-23-2007, 10:39 PM
Welcome to the Forums, and thank you for sharing your work!

The first bit of feedback is to use a spell check: also watch your tenses "he wanted a mistress that will push..."

Secondly, my most frequently given advice: SHOW, don't tell. That is, use description, inference, and action to inform the reader, not simple explanation. "It was becoming hot and heavy" -- how? what were they doing that was hot? does heavy imply extreme -- how much so? Instead of "She was beautiful and exactly what he was looking for," say something like "The photos she sent, taken during her modelling career, showed a taut, lithe chocolate body that flexed like a gymnast; his collection of erotica held no more appeal for him, he'd found the body he'd spent years rifling through glossy pages for." It communicates the same thing -- but by giving the reader images and sensations to process on their own, thus bringing the reader into the story.

Finally, no texting shorthand..."u" and "ur" may be fine for a text message, but in writing it will force your reader to instantly dismiss you as unskilled, no matter your potential. If you want your reader to take your work seriously, you need to take it seriously first.


MMMMMmmm thanks alot.... I need all the help that i can get....:)

mistressannsslave
03-13-2008, 04:38 PM
Wow Please mistress write a second part please *kneels down* i would do anything to serve a mistress like u

del19
04-09-2008, 07:15 AM
Hi, I enjoyed your story. I am new to the site and was wondering how one posts a story. When I first came on, I thought I saw a place but cant seem to find it again. Anyway, I enjoyed your story and look forward to part 2.

del

Maitresse_Emeraude
10-27-2008, 08:46 PM
lovely