The Cyber-Age is Upon Us

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Have you ever noticed how cyber-BDSM is becoming a widely-accepted form of teaching and discipline?
Have you also ever noticed how much of a difference there is in cyber-BDSM and real-life BDSM?

Here's a theory I have about cyber-BDSM. I believe that a lot more people have access to the internet than people have acces to a local BDSM scene. Therefore, I believe it is easier for people to just log on and find a site for BDSM that they like and start their learning process there.
Another thing that I have considered is that a lot of people feel safer learning online. There might be a variety of reasons for this:
The internet is easy. You can't get hurt physically there. Everyone knows a cyber-spanking doesn't hurt nearly as badly as a real one.
The internet is "safe." Relatively speaking, of course. If you meet someone online you don't like, you can block or ignore the person. It is much, much harder to do this in real life.
You can turn the internet off. Let's face it, that little X at the top right of the screen is the ultimate safety net. If you have a problem you can't handle, you can just close the window and disconnect the modem. Trying to get yourself out of a situation in real life can be a lot more difficult.
In fact, I remember from my early chatting days when people used to get into arguements and then get "kicked offline" only to come back later under either a new handle or after the person with which the arguement occured had left.
Changing handles is another nice safety net. I know some people online that go by three or four active handles at any given time. I wonder why that is? Is it because they need the extra security that anonymity provides? Do they know people don't like them and figure everyone will give them a better chance if they change their name? Who knows?
I have been online and in chat for four years now. In one of my regular old haunts, I have had five handle. Of which, I use two. One for vanilla rooms and one for BDSM chats. All my other handles are gone and I inform people about the new one when I start using it.
That's really neither here nor there, though. I was just sharing a personal preference.
Now, here's another really neat question:
With all this "internet safety," what kind of dominants and submissive will be filtering into the lifestyle in the future? In our real life munches and play parties? Should we begin to start expecting to see reservation cards that say "Space reserved for TDN2010 and TDNs_robby?" Or perhaps our invitations to munches will be printes as follow in the future: "Please come to O/our munch on April 17th @ 7PM. W/we look forward to seeing A/all of Y/you at TGI Friday's on Smith Street. Please do not dress in leather or other fetish wear. W/we were told it was disturbing to the O/other G/guests in the restaurant the last time W/we were there."
I understand that the level of reality on the internet is a bit disconnected from real life, because it has to be. They have not yet invented a flogger attachment to hook up to your USB port, nor have they yet invented the Star Trek transporters so you can beam over to your submissive's house and punish her when she has been bad in cyber. However, shouldn't a certain level of reality and discipline still prevail?
Let me give an example of what I mean:
The internet offers several very well-designed web pages on a multitude of subjects. One such subject is medicine. Anyone in the world can log on to any of 100,000 or more medical directories and medical websites and can have an abundance of knowledge printed out for their perusal in seconds.
However, when you get into a car accident and require emergency surgery, would you rather be operated upon by the gentlman or lady that gained all their knowledge from medical databases and websites? Or would you rather have a doctor that attended medical school and has practiced surgical techniques for a few years cutting you open to save your life?
Personally, I would choose the well-trained doctor that studied in medical school. Maybe I'm just weird that way.
So, why can the same not be applied to BDSM? Sure, I can read all I want about spanking and flogçing and nipple clamps and whatever. But does that mean I can do it? Maybe. But maybe not correctly.
And what about aftercare? Never have I seen a website called aftercare.org "The web page for taking care of your sub's needs after a scene." And likely I never will see that site either. Why? Because it doesn't have any basis on a cyber-life.
I do realize that not everyone can get to a real life munch. I know that not every geographical region on the planet has an SM society. And I realize that, yes, the internet is easy. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make the internet experience as real and positive as we can for people that don't have a clue what's going on, but would really like to.
"Alternative lifestyle" was the catch-term for the 90's. It's going to be bigger than ever in this century.
The population of the United States is just over 275 million people, but there are over 400 million computers in use (perhaps residentially, I don't remember the actual statistic).
What that means is that a lot of people in alternative lifestyles, including fetish and SM are going to be using a lot more computers in the days to come. Do you think they will want to see people typing "Y/you" and think it's normal? Do you think that they need to learn that running away and changing a handle can overcome their relationship problems? Do you think these people might need to learn a little about aftercare, besides what appears in three or four articles on a couple of fairly obscure sites?
If you think all that is fine and dandy, then let me ask you this: Imagine a cyber-troll trying his best "Hey baby. Let's go fuck." in a public bar. What is that woman, or worse, her boyfriend that he didn't even think to ask if she had, going to do to that poor guy?
The same can be said for someone in the chat scene. Imagine a person with only chat experience attending a play party. Never mind the munches and introduction courses. Those didn't sound interesting to him. He has cyber experience. He "knows" he can just jump right in and do whatever he wants at the play party, because it's what he sees everyday in his chat room.
After all, aren't play parties just that? Places where "willing participants" gather to flex their fetish muscles and use their most wicked toys?
It might be a fairly extreme example, but don't think it isn't possible. People coming out of cyber and going directly to real life might mostly be fairly responsible and have some common sense. But think of this. If 20% of the people that own computers are into alternative lifestyles. And out of that 20%, .01% are completely clueless like my example guy from before. Then that means, out of 400 million computer owners in the US alone, that somewhere in the vicinity of 8000 people will pose a genuine risk to others.
But like I said, not everywhere has a fetish scene. So, the majoroty of those 8000 or so people will fall into the fetish scenes in major metro areas, right? Not very likely. The exact opposite is true. Most fetish scenes in major metro areas are advertised pretty well. You can walk into almost any adult toy, clothing, or book store and find a flier or poster for the local munch.
But what about Podunkville, Louisiana? Population: 2000. Do you think Podunkville is going to have a local fetish scene? And if they do, do you think those good, honest, God-fearing people are going to advertise it? Hell no!
So, Mr. bob_OU812 from www.cyber-spank.com <http://www.cyber-spank.com> that just happens to live in Podunkville, Louisiana and has not a single lick of formal BDSM or fetish knowledge decides to take the plunge and attend his first play party in Bigtown, Louisiana. Because he knows there's a fetish scene there. His buddy, joe_69_4u, told him there was. So, bob_OU812 dresses in his best leather outfit and grabs his favorite bullwhip that he just knows some "willing participant" will want him to use, because he's got tons of experience using it in a chat room.
That's the kind of person that is quite likely to hurt someone in real life and make this lifestyle look worse than it already has been looking for the last 300 years or so. And that is the kind of person we (as real people) need to help.
I'm not going to stand here and preach that the internet needs a reality check. That is obvious to anyone that has ever seen a pornsite. But what I will say is that, unless the people that do know what they are doing don't start lending their real life knowledge to those that are not fortunate enough to have one, then the future does not look great.
In my opinion anyway.
And isn't that what the internet boils down to?
Each person's opinion?
Why don't you tell me yours, then? I'd like to hear it.

[Pooka]

Great topic! Okay, I'll take a stab at this. *grin*

Now, I'll admit that I haven't spent much time in chat rooms at all. In fact, the only times I went to one or two was when my husband and I were doing the long distance thing and we met there to be with others that were on a discussion list with us. So, perhaps I don't have the right perspective on it.

There are many levels of learning involved in a BDSM relationship -- and believe me, I don't believe you can learn to properly flog someone, or spank someone or do saline injections on-line. LOL!

For me, the learning was all about the sheer volume of 'stuff' that is out there. When I began (oh so long ago in 1994) I had no clue that so many different implements existed, I had no clue what a violet wand was, that people did electrical play, fire play, that there were all these different bondage options. I didn't know about age play, male subs, fisting, medical play, and the list goes on and on and on. LOL! I really did not know!

Then there is the aspect of what is it like being submissive. What did it really mean, what did it demand, how could it best be expressed, where is the line between being a doormat and a submissive? What was humiliation? Did humiliation play a role in being submissive, or was it just abusive?

These things and more are the questions I had going in and reading all the sites, talking to others helped me get a perspective on those elements. Where they might belong in my own life, the mindset behind it all. Very much a thinking kind of learning as opposed to getting a cyber caning. *grin*

It was interesting to me to observe the dynamics between people on the lists and in the chat room I used to go to. I will admit that I had little respect for most of those I came across, but every once in a while I would meet up with a genuine person whom I enjoyed and learned from -- doms and subs.

So, an adult in this lifesytle needs to understand the limitations of cyberspace, and I think many do as it relates to real life. For many others, cyber is all they want to commit to for whatever reasons and they are free to do that as well. If they should venture from their cyber world into the real world, it is up to the participants to make sure that their cyber partner is responsible enough to know the difference between real and fantasy.

This reminds me of the incredibly long correspondance I had with my husband when we were preparing to meet in person for the first time. I do not exagerate when I say that we exchanged about 100 email messages on the topic of the safeword. I did not understand the concept deep down and my husband was determined that I should understand and use a safeword for our first meeting. At this point, we had corresponded for about a year, on many different subjects and wanted to get together only so that he could show me what real bdsm was -- I had zero actual experience, only what I had read about on the Net.

And I did research about safewords, I talked to other subs and doms. To this day, I do not understand the concept. *gasp* LOL! Yes, SSC and all that.

My conclusion about safewords? Well, in essense, they seemed to be a shortcut to allow play amongst strangers or novices. Now, I had to ask myself, if you didn't trust your partner enough to fully give of yourself, why were you playing at all? There is responsibility for safety on both sides, dom and sub, when it comes to getting together for bdsm.

Either you trusted your partner to know how to use the tools of the trade so to speak, or you didn't. If you didn't, no safeword in the world is going to make a differnce and in fact provides a false sense of safety and security, making it even more dangerous. A safe word gives only the illusion of safety, while knowing and trusting your partner does give you real safety.

But I digress.

The point is, ultimately, we are each responsible for what we choose to do. Cyber (at least when I knew it! :) was a good place for me to discover all that was possible, hear the good, the bad, and the ugly about BDSM, and was a place of interesting ideas of things I might pursue in real life.

In some ways, it is like reading books. Yes, I can't do surgery from reading a book, but a book will lead me to explore those things that tickle my intellect or imagination so that I will seek out real training for them in real life. It's a guide, an introduction or invitation to further your experiences in real life. An another analogy that might work is in cooking. I love to cook and I'll often read cook books from cover to cover just to see what is available, get the gist of certain techniques and see how ingredients might work together. Eventually, I'll try one of the recipes in real life, having chosen it so that it suits my tastes and experience level in preparation. Without reading the cookbook, I would not have known what was involved and so couldn't try making the recipe.

I'm sure many don't see it that way. From what you've described about the state of chat rooms today, well, it sounds more like a way to fantasize and masturbate with a willing audience and even that has its place. Being a bit of an exhibitionist, I think I would enjoy expressively describing sexual situations for others, with the elements of bondage, submission, dominance and all that. Like acting out one of my stories on-line for the entertainment of others.

While my husband and I were 'dating' long distance style, I guess you would say we had a cyber relationship between visits. LOL! Though I will admit, he never gave me a cyber spanking. To me, that is just beyond the realm of my imagination and hardly effective in a real relationship. However, I was instructed to do various things that he could check on later, mostly writing about a certain topic, or making some article of clothing to be worn upon his arrival and that kind of thing. And he did instruct me to be dressed a certain way, or perhaps have my hands lightly bound as I typed, and that kind of thing.

Ah, those were the days ... *grin*

Pooka

[Pandora's Box]

I wanted to comment on the state of chatrooms today. Especially as my time on the internet began approximately a week after the last reply to this topic. Even in the year and a half to now, there is a noticeable drop in the quality of chatrooms. Sure, occasionally you run into a decent person to talk to... but mostly you run into bots and those lovely fellows that start a conversation with "hey baby, make me cum". I wish I were kidding on that last one, but I experienced that first hand. For some reason he didn't respond when I laughed at him. Go fig.

Recently I went through the nightmare of trying to find some kind of emotional support in a chatroom. That didn't work out too well. The one room I did find had some poor gal who was dealing with her master of 3 years that had suddenly become distant and a bit emotionally abusive to her. Yet, when faced with the idea that her master might just need some support from her as he was facing a job loss, she became nonplussed at actually having to do something for the relationship.

*sigh*

Idiots are everywhere. I digress.

Anyway, my point in that mini-rant was that chatrooms are nothing more than quick hookup opportunities. And honestly, some of them are mighty weird. I try not to be judgemental and I don't hold it against people for enjoying different things than I... but to put it nicely, there are some real characters out there.

Another interesting thing I've noticed is how many guys with no experience try to play the dom. I've ending up turning it around on several of them. At first I was a bit surprised by how many guys actually liked having their bravado deflated and "made" to submit. But they're actually pretty easy to spot now.

Like you TG, I have the same issues with the capital and lower case alphabet shlock. I've actually gotten into heated exchanges with a few "gentlemen" that tried to tell me I was wrong not to care. I figure I have a capital letter on my birth certificate. It's good enough for the law then it's good enough for the dom. And beyond that, if he needs a frickin' lower case letter in my name to feel dominant, then he ain't too bright to begin with.

With all that said, it is no surprise why I am so glad to have found this website and its accompanying chatroom. I haven't met a member I've disliked, even made a friend or two and been actually able to discuss issues. Pretty damn cool if you ask me. :cool:

[ValKyrie]

I think that the end result of the cyber age on BDSM will be a more mainstream acceptance of it and us! People are exploring and learning things every day that they would otherwise never have had teh ability or means to investigate.

Further, if not for the internet, I would have still been fumbling around in the nilla world, wondering what was missing. I am certain, I am not alone in that thought.

As for cyber play, as Mistress Steele suggests, I do believe that for some, they may never leave their computer screens and explore in real time. And that is okay!!!!! Cyber BDSM is a another means of BDSM practice, another "kink" if you will.

Just my two cents :)

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I think that the end result of the cyber age on BDSM will be a more mainstream acceptance of it and us!

Cyber BDSM is a another means of BDSM practice, another "kink" if you will.


Perhaps the internet will make more people aware of the SM community, but it what way?

If the lurkers and watchers and people that really want to know see a bunch of nitwits, trolls and wannabes, then the image the internet is creating of the online SM community is one that say we have no idea what we're doing.

Cyber-BDSM might be another kink, but since most of the cyber-BDSM I see can be labeled as cyber-kinky-sex, I don't think a viewer can really appreciate the difference between real-world SM and cyber-BDSM.

Real-world SM hurts a lot more than cyber-BDSM does. It's more dangerous, more tactile, more pleasant and more intense. Peopl that don't recognize that this is true before making the leap from online to real-life can easily get hurt or frightened away from BDSM altogether. And that is a bad thing.

So, as long as the image being put out by the popular pornography industry and the clueless-about-SM majority is one of cyber-sexing, cyber-bullwhip cracking, Tarn-riding cyber-Goreans, then I will continue to try to make people more aware of the differences between the cyber world and the real one.

[kiya]

I must admit that I find this topic most fascinating. Particularly as I'm going the "other direction." I learned BDSM in real-life and am only now exploring what is out there on the Internet. More and more people are connecting and "hooking up" over the Internet. This is as true of the SM commnity as any other.

On the positive side, the Internet has become more like a personal library resource for novice BDSMers. It gives them a place to find out infomation. I meet them in many places (especially as I venture further afield). And I have to admit, as an anonymous, discrete means of learning (and diseminating) information, the 'Net is excellent.

What disturbs me somewhat, and I think this is part of the point Tourguide was making, is the ASSUMPTION that some (I'm not saying all) individuals playing in the cyber format make that what they do and say and how they act carries over to real-life. An experienced cyber-Dominant does not an experienced real-time Dominant make. They talk about floggers and whips in the same breath...*shaking head* Let me just say, there is a world of difference in the intensity levels of a flogger and a bullwhip that has nothing to do with the weilder.

In addition, in the cyber format it is "easy" (now this is distinctly opinion) to be a Dominant or submissive. I'm typing, I can take the time to phrase things carefully; I can serve beautifully and I am graceful and wonderfully submissive. *small smile* In reality, I'm a quick-tempered, quick-mouthed lawyer-to-be who is blind and in a multi-year contract to a Domme (3 years down, 3 to go). She has had infinite patience as we work out the kinks (pun intended) in our relationship.

It is not "natural" or "easy" to come home from a long day at work and class and then serve "willingly and joyfully." *grins* Everyone can have an off day. The computer gives a false sense of intimacy, and a false sense of what is "truth." We're pouring our hearts out to someone who we can't necessarily be sure actually cares (we're missing body language, tonal inflection, eye contact etc.) On the Internet, we are all at our best and try to put the best of ourself forwards, sometimes forgetting the rest of the package.

And of course, as mentioned by another forum member, there are those who choose to never go real-time which I'm afraid I truly don't understand, because, in effect, what they are doing is then completely illusory. And so cyber-kink is a "separate" genre? And what does that mean that those of us who DO participate in RL need to take special care to differentiate that we are "real-time?"

Which takes me back to one of Tourguide's statements: "...unless the people that do know what they are doing don't start lending their real life knowledge to those that are not fortunate enough to have one, then the future does not look great."

Does that statement mean then that you believe that those who ARE cyber are more than likely NOT knowledgeable out of ignorance or newness rather than simply DECIDING to live as cyber?

And if the former is true, how can an experienced RL Dominant or submissive compare with an "experienced" Cyber-Dominant when trying to "teach" over the Internet?

*small smile* Wow. That got me thinking a lot more than I expected. Excellent topic. Thank you.

Respectfully,
kiya

[ValKyrie]

No, Tour guide, cyber BDSM is not the same and can never be the same as real time BDSM. First and foremost, cyber cannot ever become a lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the porn industry will not make money touting the docile school teacher/Domme or the rugged construction worker who is submissive in his relationship. Without the leather and hideous portrayals of BDSM that is created by and further feeds the fantasies of those who dare not venture out in any respect, we will find no further understanding or acceptance.

However, responsible BDSM sites and forums, such as these, go far to allow people to explore the lifestyle from the safety of their home and permit them to discover that we are just people, much like themselves.

As for cyber BDSM, it feeds a need for those who participate. It just won't feed my needs.

As cyber BDSM is pretty one dimensional, I refer to it as a "kink" versus a "lifestyle." To practice BDSM as a lifestyle, it pervades many aspects of your day to day life and is not something you can turn off by logging off. (Nor would most of us want to!)

Anyway, just a few thoughts to toss in.

:)

[althea]

I read your comment with interest, since I am a newbie to this lifestyle.
And exactly the "easy access", "anonymity" and "not real" aspect helped me to get involved here. But I am very well aware that this is not the "real thing". I am perfectly aware, that a real spanking hurts a lot more, than the cyber one. ;-)

I even have a BDSM scene in my town but I want to clarify my own motives further before I go "public", since I have to consider a "real life relationship" as well.

So I see the web a great opportunity to find out more about me, before I make some inrevokable decisions in my life. For this I am grateful for this forum, but I share your concerns about some, especially very young people, not realizing the difference between "real" and "web".

Just my 2 cents
Althea

[ValKyrie]

Althea, I found my way into real time BDSM by beginning on sites much like this one.

If not for these opportunities to explore, safely, I would probably still be meandering from nilla guy to nilla guy, wondering what was wrong with me that a relationship just wouldn't work! I now know, there is nothing wrong with me. In fact, there is a whole like RIGHT about me!

*wicked grin*

Enjoy!

[Mistressmichiko]

True.... cybering is not the "real thing". However, for all those who live in places that neither have a bdsm scene nor are friendly or tolerant towards kink, it opens additional perspectives. I agree that there are not a lot of good chatrooms - yahoo and msn chats in particular are often frankly annoying... I don' t care to bother with paysites, nor with the people found in many places who seem to believe that the only bdsm position for women is being a sub. No pun intended, I love and enjoy the subs among my friends, but I choose to top.

Cyber bdsm means I can go beyond the limits of the society I happen to live in - where being bisexual is bad enough, enjoying bdsm makes me a complete deviant. I' m sure many face similar problems. Among my chatfriends and playmates there are several happily married to a vanilla partner - cybering is their chance to find an outlet for their needs without risking their relationship after all efforts to "convert" their partner to bdsm have been futile. And yes, there are the wonderful rare cases of couples finding each other over thousands of miles and continents. I admit these happy ends of cyber-relationships are the exceptions rather than the rules, but I have seen them happen.

Michiko

[Canopus]

I’ve been following this thread with interest, hoping someone may step forward and present the counter argument regarding on-line relationships. Sadly it really hasn’t happened.

There seems to be a stigma attached to online people, that, for the most part is deserved, however there are people conducting very successful relationships. I know that tehya and myself are living proof of that. We are not an exception!

In our 9 months, we have met live twice, for 24 hours each time, and it is unlikely we will meet again in the next 12 months. Our first meeting was pure unadulterated vanilla lust. The second, more interesting, but hardly touched on many of the activities we have experienced in our online relationship.

I was interested in the example of an online Dom bullwhipping his sub. Interesting example. Aside from being a physical impossibility it ignores the many real time activities that a cyber based relationship can indulge in.

We never engage in any activity that can not be physically done by either of us. Example if teyha has earned a punishment – I don’t cyber spank, or whip her. I may simply ask her to stand in a corner with her hands on her head. Which in real life situation would be close to what I would do anyway.

To return to the whipping – what is to stop a real life person, with no experience putting a sub in hospital? None what so ever, and sadly I have seen it done.

There are many submissive and dominant who have the true drive and commitment to fulfill all that lifestyle has to offer. Why should accidents of geography cause them to be looked down on. Teyha comes from a very small town in Mid West America, over four hours drive to the nearest city big enough to support a local community. Yet I will argue she is every bit a true submissive as has been my pleasure to encounter. So she has little choice in the ways she can attempt the journey she chooses to under take. Is it truly wrong for her to take the path of an online relationship?

I wont argue that restrictions encountered with online let participants truly embrace lifestyle. I will argue in the absence of alternatives it will help them grow together. Help them explore who they are, who they need to be. Helps them understand the commitment it will take to make a real life relationship hold together.

Sure the vast majority of such relationships flounder all to quickly. How many real-life ones suffer the same fate? I know of far too many real life relationships that have ended in virtual tragedy. In a perfect world we would all live the life we want, where we want, being what we want. This is not a perfect world, and many of us just have to do the best we can.

In my time I have had two online, two real life D/s relationships. By a country mile teyha is the most committed…driven submissive it has been my pleasure to know. I feel this thread does her and the many like her a dishonor to discount their efforts in such an off handed way.

Maybe I am being over defensive over this issue, and sorry to come across like that. However I feel I speak for all those who through no fault of their own, are enduring an online relationship. Rather than tell them how ‘artificial’ it all is. We should encourage them, reward them for their solutions of the restrictions, and wish them the best of luck….cause it ain’t the easy cyber fuck road some seem to think it is.

Canopus.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Actually, this wasn't an article against online relationships. It was an article outlining how people that don't pay attention can be dangerous.

I'm currently in a relationship that started online more than five years ago. I am now married to the woman I met and we have a baby girl. I know online relationships work.

However, the online BDSM community and the real life BDSM community are two entirely different things, and people that don't know or understand that are the ones at which this article was aimed.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

To commemorate the opening of a new section of the Dungeon, I am bumping this and a few other threads to the top of the list.

I hope you enjoy them.

[BabySub]

Just because this thread was brought to the top again. ;)

Cyber bdsm, or rather cyber D/s is the only thing I’ve known so far. I do not, as far as I know, have a bdsm scene where I live, but then, I’ve not taken the time (yet) to seek one out.

I’m probably going way back past the relevance in this thread, but I feel I have to start there. Personally, I’ve always known there was something ‘different’ about me, something that made me sort of shy away from others. I’ve always been submissive I guess, but it’s only within the past few years that I’ve learnt what it really was. Those past few years, my learning curve and discovery of myself have been online, and I would not change a thing.

I met my online Dom about 1.5 years ago, just over I think, and at first we were just friends. We met at a forum/board, non kink related, and just clicked. It was through our discussions that I discovered that he used to be / was a Master, and I discovered I was able to tell him of my dreams, emotions and thoughts. He’s been nothing but caring, kind, helpful, and ‘there for me’ throughout my learning curve. Through him, I discovered myself, and that has only happened because of the ‘net.

Getting more back to the topic, I realise that online is vastly different to rl. I have never been in a chat room for bdsm ever, or anything remotely similar. My online experience has been with one person that I trust completely. For me personally, online is more about discovery and adventure, trust and honesty. Of course we have discussed things we’d like to happen, on both our parts, and have ‘scened’ many times too. Virtual spankings can be addictive :p But of course I also want to experience the rl bdsm / D/s adventure too. I want to feel what a spanking is like, light and hard. I want to be tied up and made available to his every whim. I want to feel the restraints, to be able to know what it’s all like, every last part. But I also want the emotional side of it in r/l too. I want him to take control and be the ‘Master’ of things. And I know he wants all this too, at some point in our relationship.

In regards to what Kiya said, yes there are some people who will think carefully about what they say online to others, they can form it just how they want it to look and how they think the Dom/me will want to ‘hear’ it. That’s entirely up to them, if they want to do it that way and not show the true them. I can honestly say I’ve never done that, however. With my Dom, I’ve always been me, like it or not (and he appears to like it :) ). I still maintain, I might be submissive, but I am my own person, I have my own mind, and yes, sometimes I’ll have ‘off’ days. That’s life, deal with it.

Cyber to me means information and learning. If you can find the right place, with people who know what they’re talking about, then it’s definitely a good thing. Like here for example. :) (sucking up over, promise)

That might, might not have made sense, but it was good to write. :p

[Dngnkeeper]

TG you have found, yet again, one of my favorite subjects :rolleyes:

As someone who enjoyed the lifestyle before the advent of the internet (BI) I find the effect it has had to be revolutionary. And not all of it in a good way.

As several posters pointed out the internet can be a great communication channel for people to use with long distance relationships. It allows an ease that has never before been possible. It also houses a great wealth of information that we can easily and quickly call up. Heck I learn new things here. :D

But as an operator of a munch and one who teaches the introductory class, cyber BDSM has brought a whole new set of problems to the table. As many have mentioned I have seen first hand the cyber Dom in action for the first time. They forget the laws of physics apply and that a real spanking hurts. Few of these chatroom idiots take the time to read the available information and fewer still have any understanding of it if they do.

That was not always the case. BI there were several BBS services available nationally and word wide, Compuserve, AOL and Prodigy were the main ones. They all hosted chat and forums on the topics of BDSM and alternate lifestyles. These were great communities with knowledgeable people who were real life practitioners. Many a new person was greated warmly and brought up through the ranks to finally meet that certain someone. The man difference is that the chat rooms were not filled with people just wanting to have cyber sex. As time has gone by that unfortunately has changed. Just check out any group on yahoo.

TG you asked what type of person will emerge from behind the screen into the 3D world. They are a motley crew. Many do not have the skills to cary on any type of relationship let alone as demanding as BDSM. A lot have very unstable personalities. Still more just are in it for the sex. In the old days these folks would have been weeded out before they got to the door of the dungeon. BI one of the main ways to enter the lifestyle was be invited. To get an invite you had to be checked out and have a few basic requirements, stable nonviolent personality, common sense, ability to learn, socially responsible behavior along with a desire to be there etc. In short a large percentage of the folks showing up wouldn't have been there BI. Yes there a few that show up that meet the requirements for success. But alas today they represent way less than half.

Of the successfully ones most have either just discovered this thing called BDSM and want to know more and see if it is right for them. Another good sized group of these have known about BDSM for a long time and have just been too scared to come. Given some encouragement they can do well if they don't have to spend too much time unlearning the silly cyber stuff the H/he / S/she learned on-line. :eek:

One thing I have to disagree with most of you about is the theory of distance keeping people away from 3D gatherings. Last time I checked I found all 50 states had more than one group active and advertising on the internet. While I realize Montana is a big state but there are folks there. I can remember the old days driving 5 hours on a Friday night to get to masters house for the weekend. IMHO fear is the biggest thing keeping people in cyber space. Speaking personally that is a big hurdle to get over.

Enough ranting from the old guy :p

[smartass kitten]

I want to feel what a spanking is like, light and hard. I want to be tied up and made available to his every whim. I want to feel the restraints, to be able to know what it’s all like, every last part. But I also want the emotional side of it in r/l too. I want him to take control and be the ‘Master’ of things.

Amen.
*sigh*
Don't we all? :o

[BabySub]

Dngnkeeper - IMHO fear is the biggest thing keeping people in cyber space. Speaking personally that is a big hurdle to get over.

Fear isn't the biggest thing keeping me online... my Dom is. ;) I want him to be the one I experience this with first, as sappy as that might sound, and until I do... online it'll have to be.