ladychipmunk's first assignment

[Dragon's muse]

Welcome to the block!

For your first assignment, craft a scene/chapter/story with the following opening line.

Charlene looked woefully at the stack of paperwork that needed her personal attention. "Whoever said it's lonely at the top had it right," she muttered to herself. "No one can get to you for the mountains of waste paper."

[robertpaullocke]

how do I email my assignment to you? Do I do it through here?

[robertpaullocke]

where do I send my first assignment?

[Dragon's muse]

where do I send my first assignment?


i have not posted your first assignment yet, tomorrow, as if by magic, a thread entitled robertpaullocke's first assignment. When that happens you can just post your assignment as a reply to that thread.

rose

[ladychipmunk]

Charlene looked woefully at the stack of paperwork that needed her personal attention. "Whoever said it's lonely at the top had it right," she muttered to herself. "No one can get to you for the mountains of waste paper." The office was silent and all Charlene could hear was the sound of the rain pouring against the window across the room. “Hmmm, I may as well run downstairs to the bistro and grab a bite to eat. It shouldn’t be too crowded since the weather is positively beastly.”

“Working late again, Char?” Susie the waitress asked as she brought Charlene water and a menu. “This is the fourth night this week. Girl you need to get out more, have a drink, get laid something!”
“Not this week Susie. Since Bethany up and quit last week I have to do the work for two. Yeah I thought it was great getting her job and all, but I figured they’d hire some one to replace me. Apparently I get to keep my job and get hers. Enough bitching, bring me my usual so I can get back to it.”

Charlene returned to the office full but not looking forward to the hours of paperwork ahead of her. She wistfully wondered what Keith was doing. She hadn’t had time to call him the last few days with the workload and wondered what they were going to do Saturday. Charlene looked at the time “It’s almost midnight; this paper will still be here tomorrow.”

Keith was waiting for Charlene when she opened her door. “Shut the door and come here, now” he growls. “Lift that skirt and get your ass bent over that table.” Charlene bent over the table feeling anticipation of the spanking she was sure to come. From her position over the table she heard Keith walking across the room. She knew better than to speak until given permission. So she patiently waited. “What a beautiful sight my dear, glad to see they haven’t completely worked your ass off.” Keith gently caresses her chocolate butt cheeks. “Good of them to leave some for me.” She could hear the smile in his voice. The suddenly his hand came down hard on her ass, and Charlene yelped with the suddenness of the action. Keith alternated left to right in a steady rhythm. The spanking warmed her chilled flesh and she started getting as wet below as if she had danced naked in the rain outside. “That hurts so good” thought Charlene trite and cliché as that may be. As he continued in that steady rhythm her ass went from warm to hot. “It feels like my ass is on fire” she thought as the tears began to fall from her eyes and she started to sob loudly.
He slowed the rhythm and interspersed the hard spanks with gentle caresses smoothing her aching butt cheeks between strikes. He reached his hand between her legs to feel the dripping moistness now flowing down the inside of her silky thighs. “Spread your legs wide, so I can see your river flow for me” Charlene spread her legs as far as they could go. “Farther, babe.” as Keith took his foot and pushed them one notch farther apart so all of her weight was on the table. He inserted a finger into her dripping wet hole and caressed the inside of her, slowly inserting another finger, and spreading them apart to apply delicious tension to the inside of her pussy, while the other hand still applied slow rhythmic spanks to her ass cheeks. He removed his hand from her cunt and sped up the rhythm of his slaps this time spanking her pussy lips sending delicious vibrations through her clit. She was on fire sobbed loudly tears running down her face. As she came she thought “Sometimes it’s nice to have your ass worked off”.

[robertpaullocke]

thank you rose

[Rhabbi]

Hi, I am an advanced student here, and that means I get to come back and pick at the occasional story that strikes my fancy. My comments will hopefully come across in the helpful tone that I mean them, and are only my opinions and not in anyway binding on muse or anyone else here.

Very good as far as grammar is concerned here, which is what this level is all about. there are a few missing commas, and maybe some other things that muse will see.

The only thing I see is that you tend to repeat the names to often. I only pointed this out one time, but pronouns actually exist for a reason. The way you used Charlene's and Nick's names to describe their actions distracted from the story, imo. Not that I can say it is wrong, just that I think it works better with she/he and her/him.


Charlene looked woefully at the stack of paperwork that needed her personal attention. "Whoever said it's lonely at the top had it right," she muttered to herself. "No one can get to you for the mountains of waste paper." The office was silent and all Charlene could hear was the sound of the rain pouring against the window across the room. “Hmmm, I may as well run downstairs to the bistro and grab a bite to eat. It shouldn’t be too crowded since the weather is positively beastly.”

“Working late again, Char?” Susie the waitress asked as she brought Charlene water and a menu. “This is the fourth night this week. Girl, you need to get out more, have a drink, get laid, something!”
“Not this week Susie. Since Bethany up and quit last week I have to do the work for two. Yeah, I thought it was great getting her job and all, but I figured they’d hire some one one word to replace me. Apparently, I get to keep my job and get I would say do instead. hers. Enough bitching, bring me my usual so I can get back to it.”

Charlene returned to the office full but not looking forward to the hours of paperwork ahead of her. She wistfully wondered what Keith was doing. She hadn’t had time to call him the last few days with the workload, and wondered what they were going to do Saturday. Charlene This may just be me, but I think you are using her name too often. You used it at the beginning of this paragraph, and using "She" would flow better here. looked at the time “It’s almost midnight; this paper will still be here tomorrow.”

Keith was waiting for Charlene when she opened her door. “Shut the door and come here, now,” he growleds. “Lift that skirt and get your ass bent over that table.” Charlene bent over the table feeling anticipation of the spanking she was sure to come. From her position over the table she heard Keith walking across the room. She knew better than to speak until given permission. So she patiently waited. “What a beautiful sight my dear, glad to see they haven’t completely worked your ass off.” Keith gently caresses her chocolate butt cheeks. I would use more commas here. The short sentences make your action a bit choppy, just something to think about. You might also consider making more paragraph breaks. “Good of them to leave some for me.” She could hear the smile in his voice. Then suddenly his hand came down hard on her ass, and leave out Charlene yelped with the suddenness of the action. Keith alternated left to right in a steady rhythm. The spanking warmed her chilled flesh, and she started getting as wet below as if she had danced naked in the rain outside. “That hurts so good” thought Charlene, trite and cliché as that may be. As he continued in that steady rhythm her ass went from warm to hot. “It feels like my ass is on fire” she thought as the tears began to fall from her eyes and she started to sob loudly.
He slowed the rhythm and interspersed the hard spanks with gentle caresses, smoothing her aching butt cheeks between strikes. He reached his hand between her legs to feel the dripping moistness now flowing down the inside of her silky thighs. “Spread your legs wide, so I can see your river flow for me” Charlene spread her legs as far as they could go. “Farther, babe,” as Keith took his foot and pushed them one notch farther apart so all of her weight was on the table. He inserted a finger into her dripping wet hole and caressed the inside of her, slowly inserting another finger, and spreading them apart to apply delicious tension to the inside of her pussy, while the other hand still applied slow rhythmic spanks to her ass cheeks. He removed his hand from her cunt and sped up the rhythm of his slaps, this time spanking her pussy lips, sending delicious vibrations through her clit. She was on fire and sobbed loudly, tears running down her face. As she came she thought, “Sometimes it’s nice to have your ass worked off”.

[ladychipmunk]

Thanks!, I really apprecaite the input. It's been a long time since I wrote in real English and not "work jargon"! I'm thrilled that I still know grammar :)

[Dragon's muse]

Very nice. i do so love a good spanking. i will agree with Rhabbi on using more pronouns, particularly with such a small cast of characters. Nice characterization, though.

i will get your next assignment posted today or tomorrow.

Now, on to the nits.


Charlene looked woefully at the stack of paperwork that needed her personal attention. "Whoever said it's lonely at the top had it right," she muttered to herself. "No one can get to you for the mountains of waste paper." The office was silent and all Charlene could hear was the sound of the rain pouring against the window across the room. “Hmmm, I may as well run downstairs to the bistro and grab a bite to eat. It shouldn’t be too crowded since the weather is positively beastly.”

“Working late again, Char?” Susie the waitress asked as she brought Charlene water and a menu. “This is the fourth night this week. Girl, you need to get out more, have a drink, get laid, something!”
“Not this week, Susie. Since Bethany up and quit last week I have to do the work for two. Yeah, I thought it was great getting her job and all, but I figured they’d hire some one (one word) to replace me. Apparently, I get to keep my job and get hers. Enough bitching, bring me my usual so I can get back to it.”

Charlene returned to the office full, but not looking forward to the hours of paperwork ahead of her. She wistfully wondered what Keith was doing. She hadn’t had time to call him the last few days with the workload and wondered what they were going to do Saturday. Charlene looked at the timeYou need either a period or a comma here “It’s almost midnight; this paper will still be here tomorrow.”

Keith was waiting for Charlene when she opened her door. “Shut the door and come here, now” he growls (growled -- must keep consistent verb tense). “Lift that skirt and get your ass bent over that table.” Charlene bent over the table feeling anticipation of ("anticipating" might give better flow) the spanking she was sure to come. From her position over the table, she heard Keith walking across the room. She knew better than to speak until given permission. So (either set apart with a comma or delete entirely.) she patiently waited. “What a beautiful sight, my dear, glad to see they haven’t completely worked your ass off.” Keith gently caresses her chocolate butt cheeks. “Good of them to leave some for me.” She could hear the smile in his voice.(Think about starting a new paragraph here) The (Working on the assumption that you meant 'then'. Delete -- time tags like this are seldom necessary. suddenly his hand came down hard on her ass, and Charlene yelped with the suddenness (you have used two forms of "sudden" in as many lines -- find a synonym for one of them)of the action. Keith alternated left to right in a steady rhythm. The spanking warmed her chilled flesh and she started getting as wet below, as if she had danced naked in the rain outside. “That hurts so good,” thought Charlene, trite and cliché as that may be. (Flow could be imporved if thsi were in quotes as well) As he continued in that steady rhythm, her ass went from warm to hot. “It feels like my ass is on fire,” she thought as the (maybe replace these with a semicolon to vary sentence structure.)tears began to fall from her eyes and she started to sob loudly.
He slowed the rhythm and interspersed the hard spanks with gentle caresses, smoothing her aching butt cheeks between strikes. He reached his hand between her legs to feel the dripping moistness now flowing down the inside of her silky thighs. “Spread your legs wide, so I can see your river flow for me.” Charlene spread her legs as far as they could go. “Farther, babe.” as (delete) Keith took his foot and pushed them one notch farther apart, so all of her weight was on the table. He inserted a finger into her dripping wet hole and caressed the inside of her, slowly inserting another finger, and spreading them apart to apply delicious tension to the inside of her pussy, while the other hand still applied slow rhythmic spanks to her ass cheeks. (bit of a run on sentence here, think about dividing it up. He removed his hand from her cunt and sped up the rhythm of his slaps, this time (delete)spanking her pussy lips sending delicious vibrations through her clit. She was on fire; sobbed loudly tears running down her face. As she came she thought, “Sometimes it’s nice to have your ass worked off”.

[ladychipmunk]

Thank you muse. Much appreciated