kittenfemme
03-17-2004, 01:10 PM
To say that I'm not the world's best Domme is a blatant understatement. I'm too much of a submissive. (<note the period) However, I enjoy certain aspects of topping as well.
For the past few years I've tried my best to be what other Dommes have been to me. I've tried to use techniques they've used, that I've enjoyed, feared, and outright hated. It seemed right.
But, as I mentioned, I'm too bloody submissive. It seems SO much more natural for me to be on my knees. As such, I can't maintain myself as someone's Domme for a long period of uninterrupted time. It seems I just can't do 24/7 with me on top.
It's been a painful realization. I won't go into the details. Please suffice it to say that I hate to fail, and I hate to fail those I care for more than almost anything. And yet, that's exactly what I've done.
So I've done a lot of thinking lately. I've tried to decide if I want to give up topping altogether. The answer is a resounding, "No." I really do enjoy it some of the time, when there is little pressure.
So I've come to the decision that I'm going to alter my style. I'm going to change how I do things. As I wrote my Mistress:
There is one thing that I routinely forget. It's something you seem to have realized early on and used well. I can't seem to get the idea through my thick
skull though.
When I'm someone's Domme, I'm in control for the most part. I can have the submissive do anything I wish so long as it is safe and at least partially enjoyable or beneficial to the submissive. That means that if I don't particularly feel Dominant one day I can have the submissive not speak to me at all. I don't have to deal with them one bit. I can merely have them clean my apartment, cook and serve dinner, balance my checkbook, write a story, or whatever I choose. I can reward them if I feel generous or save it for another time. I don't even have to punish them right that second if I don't feel like it.
Instead, I press myself into the belief that I must train them as I was trained. That's not the case. There are SO many styles and ways that D/s relationships exist. Perhaps I can keep that in mind this time.
I intend to offer -edit- and -edit- both a contract that has them as my slave for one night a week. Yes Mistress, with respect, I used the word slave purposefully. I won't have them say a word unless spoken to. I will lay down very strict rules. I will train them to prepare tea, dinner, clean a bit, and then perform a task that I wish done (my checkbook balanced in -edit-'s case and a bit of writing in -edit-'s).
I will ignore them and go about things as if they weren't there for the most part. If I'm feeling Domme that day then I will take advantage of it. If not, I will use punishments and rewards that are easy for me to perform regardless of my state of mind... standing them in a corner, having them masturbate in front of me, etc.
I think I can do that.
Have any of you done something similar before, either from the sub or Dominant's point of view? If so, I'd love to hear of your experiences. Please tell me what you thought of it, what worked, and what didn't work. And if anyone has a contract based on something like what I've mentioned I'd be quite grateful if you'll allow me to read it... with personal information edited out, of course.
For the past few years I've tried my best to be what other Dommes have been to me. I've tried to use techniques they've used, that I've enjoyed, feared, and outright hated. It seemed right.
But, as I mentioned, I'm too bloody submissive. It seems SO much more natural for me to be on my knees. As such, I can't maintain myself as someone's Domme for a long period of uninterrupted time. It seems I just can't do 24/7 with me on top.
It's been a painful realization. I won't go into the details. Please suffice it to say that I hate to fail, and I hate to fail those I care for more than almost anything. And yet, that's exactly what I've done.
So I've done a lot of thinking lately. I've tried to decide if I want to give up topping altogether. The answer is a resounding, "No." I really do enjoy it some of the time, when there is little pressure.
So I've come to the decision that I'm going to alter my style. I'm going to change how I do things. As I wrote my Mistress:
There is one thing that I routinely forget. It's something you seem to have realized early on and used well. I can't seem to get the idea through my thick
skull though.
When I'm someone's Domme, I'm in control for the most part. I can have the submissive do anything I wish so long as it is safe and at least partially enjoyable or beneficial to the submissive. That means that if I don't particularly feel Dominant one day I can have the submissive not speak to me at all. I don't have to deal with them one bit. I can merely have them clean my apartment, cook and serve dinner, balance my checkbook, write a story, or whatever I choose. I can reward them if I feel generous or save it for another time. I don't even have to punish them right that second if I don't feel like it.
Instead, I press myself into the belief that I must train them as I was trained. That's not the case. There are SO many styles and ways that D/s relationships exist. Perhaps I can keep that in mind this time.
I intend to offer -edit- and -edit- both a contract that has them as my slave for one night a week. Yes Mistress, with respect, I used the word slave purposefully. I won't have them say a word unless spoken to. I will lay down very strict rules. I will train them to prepare tea, dinner, clean a bit, and then perform a task that I wish done (my checkbook balanced in -edit-'s case and a bit of writing in -edit-'s).
I will ignore them and go about things as if they weren't there for the most part. If I'm feeling Domme that day then I will take advantage of it. If not, I will use punishments and rewards that are easy for me to perform regardless of my state of mind... standing them in a corner, having them masturbate in front of me, etc.
I think I can do that.
Have any of you done something similar before, either from the sub or Dominant's point of view? If so, I'd love to hear of your experiences. Please tell me what you thought of it, what worked, and what didn't work. And if anyone has a contract based on something like what I've mentioned I'd be quite grateful if you'll allow me to read it... with personal information edited out, of course.