Flesh, Blood, and Bone

[Morrighan]

It's been said that snuff and extreme are two ratings that people will automatically skip over, and I'm afraid that may be what's happening with this piece. There's nothing extreme about it (I think I may have hit the wrong button when I submitted it--computers are not my friends) and the snuff...technically, yeah. Very technically.

The questions I want answered--and my thanks to my one reviewer thus far, I'm glad you liked it--are these:

Description in the story--too much? Did it slow the story down?
Would you be interested in reading more of this story? Are the characters believable, and well-developed...taking into consideration the brevity? Dialogue--realistic?

And anything else you consider relevant--thank you for your time. Impatience is one of my many faults, and my writing is the work of my heart.

[Curtis]

You could try asking Jinn to change your story codes. He's a very helpful fellow.

If I remember correctly, it's been established in other threads that just having people die in your story isn't enough to qualify it as 'snuff'. In fact, it was specifically decided that Vampire stories (which would be 'gothic') aren't snuff, even though the deaths are usually eroticized.

The story codes are both a blessing and a curse. I use them to help me filter out stories, but I freely confess that I would have no idea what codes to give my own stories (other than 'slow'). And reviewers, including myself, will often rate a story low if it doesn't conform to the advertised codes, so you can't hardly win!

[fetish101]

Originally posted by Morrighan
It's been said that snuff and extreme are two ratings that people will automatically skip over, and I'm afraid that may be what's happening with this piece. There's nothing extreme about it (I think I may have hit the wrong button when I submitted it--computers are not my friends) and the snuff...technically, yeah. Very technically.

Well, if I understood the ending right, he turned her into a vampire. So, I guess she died in the sense that she's no longer a human, but she still exists. Correct me if I'm wrong.



The questions I want answered--and my thanks to my one reviewer thus far, I'm glad you liked it--are these:

Description in the story--too much? Did it slow the story down?
Would you be interested in reading more of this story? Are the characters believable, and well-developed...taking into consideration the brevity? Dialogue--realistic?

And anything else you consider relevant--thank you for your time. Impatience is one of my many faults, and my writing is the work of my heart.

My comment on the description in the story was a complement. You take the time to do justice to your character, instead of saying "she's hot" and that's it. It did slow the story down, comparing to the other more wham, bam thank you ma'am stories that frequently appear here.

As he had seen her; during watchful nights and idle daydreams. She who
was drawn from his dreams by a no doubt vengeful God-a vision of loveliness,
small in stature, perfect in form. Her hair was as dark as his own, blue-black
in its depths, her skin a fairness that the sun would never darken; his own an
ivory perfection the sun would never seen. Only her eyes were her own, a deep
green that reminded him of deep mountain forests and the scent of fir trees and
holly.

Aside from a couple grammatical errors, that is one of the best paragraphs I've read in a story on this site.

The characters are as believable as can be for the type of story. The vampire is the predator, the woman the prey. The woman falls under the spell of the vampire, and succumbs to lust. It's classic, therefore it's believable. The dialog, while brief, is well done. It's a passionate encounter, not one to be dragged out by talk.

Overall, I liked the story very much, would like to read more and aside from some grammatical errors I definitely think it's top quality work.

(is that a more satisfactory review for you?

[Morrighan]

Yes, thank you. No criticism was intended, but I've been told that my style can be a little over the top, so I'm working on that. And while I've gotten a lot of positive response over the years, I need something to build from--and I've usually read my own story so many times by the time I send them anywhere, I've lost all perspective.

I caught the grammatical errors after the story was posted, and they are driving me CRAZY. It's mostly typos like "tried" instead of "dried" but still...

[GaryWilcox]

Snuff is a pretty wide field, but I believe it specifically refers to murder as a sexually gratifying act.

[Curtis]

And the grammatical errors can also be corrected after the fact. You'll need to ask Jinn about the exact procedure, but two of the authors I've edited for on this site have submitted 'revised' chapters with some of their mistakes corrected. All part of the learning curve.

[Morrighan]

I am absolutely anal about spelling and grammar--major pet peeves of mine. It's mostly stuff like "seen" instead of "see." Still bothers the hell out of me, though.