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twitch
10-16-2007, 07:36 AM
Another one where the rhyming is a bit off, but this is just what came, so judge it how you will.

A life used up, yet so young
The boy now knows his time has come
The preparations finished, the plan in place
No one would be allowed to know his fate
He had already hurt enough people in his time
He would not hurt them further or make them cry
This was his burden alone to bear
To make them share it would be unfair
His heart was now beating extremely fast
It knew each beat could be it's last
The knife in his hand, now shaking with fear
His entire body now knew that the end was near
It's strange how excited he felt at the last
And how apathetic he was when he began his task
No more stalling, it was time to leave
This life held nothing more, that was plain to see
A steadying breath, a raise of the arm
A scream of agony, brought by irreparable harm

Baddbaddgirl
10-17-2007, 10:20 AM
Hey! sent u msn message... hope you got it =) im kinda new at this IM stuff.

Okay.. very deep.. i like the apathetic part.. because its very true how people who have been there dont feel the same scary way about death as others. There are worse things in life than dying..sometimes u live, and thats the real bitch of it... sometimes u live. But oooo, what a ride! =)

From a rhyming point? well, u know i dont give a crap about the flow or rhyming.. just the general feeling of the writing..however, here is what i noticed: it actually flows very well.. if u take out a word or two out of 3 sentences the whole thing flows perfectly.

Beautifully done.. as usual. =)