View Full Version : Advice Please
I joined collarme a while ago, and someone there was recommended as a mentor. He lives only an hour or so away from here and is in my town this weekend. He wants to meet up. For him BDSM isn't a lifestyle as such and he keeps them separate. He isn't involved, so he says with anyone at present. We have had some discussions and sessions online, and he feels that we are ready to try a r/t session.
I'm not sure if this is safe or sensible. I know I am in need of r/t experiences and he is honest in the fact he is not seeking a 24/7 relationship and does not want any control over my vanilla life.
I feel the need to have some r/t experience and maybe this is something that might provide the opportunity, but I don't know if I am being too needy.
Any advice gratefully appreciated.
Euryleia
11-19-2007, 10:44 AM
For your first meeting face to face, I would recomend a public place. A local mall or gathering place where people are around and you two can stroll around a bit until you get a sense whether this is a person that can mentor you. I don't recomend a dark bar for the first meet--you need to see if you can trust him to help you on your journey and that means actually seeing him. Only after doing this would I recomend that you set up a session with him.
Whether or not you meet with him or someone else, set up a safe call. Choose someone in your life that you trust and tell them you are going on a blind date. If you don't want to share everything with them, fine. Put the location you are going to and the other information you have in a sealed envelope. Call them when you reach the location and before you leave it. If they don't hear from you in a set period of time, they should open the envelope and call the police.
Take care of yourself and you can have a great deal of fun.
crazy_grrluk
11-19-2007, 12:12 PM
Rach... i ahve left u a message...u can use me as a safe call.. u have my yim so just holla me ok
cg
thanks everyone
My gut/conscience seems to have gone on holiday lately and been replaced by desperation. He says he is separated and has really been pretty honest with what he wants from a relationship- well that he doesn't want one. But I think I am craving real time experience and probably not thinking that straight about it. But I can feel a huge need that has taken me something by surprise- the level of it anyway.
I don't whether my hesitation is simply that I am scared and don't have the bottle for r/t experiences and maybe I'm just wanting online or whether I am actually exercising a sensible caution.
rach, you know of the dangers so I won't repeat the advice those above have given, except to add...
If he doesn't want a relationship, that's fair enough. But he should be prepared to address your concerns by meeting for the first time in a public place.
I've met a few people from here, and even though I'm the guy, I've taken the precautions myself and/or been aware of the need for such precautions. For instance, I met minx in a public place and made sure we were never totally alone, and I answered any questions sheepy had before she came over to see me.
Oo one final thing, though. Just because you might meet for the first time in a public place and stay in public, that doesn't mean he can't stretch his dom muscle... *winks at minx*
Be safe, be careful, but have fun and good luck.
Q xx
jeanne
11-19-2007, 05:15 PM
Oo one final thing, though. Just because you might meet for the first time in a public place and stay in public, that doesn't mean he can't stretch his dom muscle...
Absolutely. Having been on the receiving end of that "domly muscle stretch" in a first public meeting - it's powerful. And incredibly hot. :)
And I second the cautions and the well wishes. Have fun!
alpha_Straye
11-20-2007, 12:26 AM
well, i agree that you need to be careful and all o the above.
i guess i dont understand people's need to go get experienced with play sessions and such. i can understand needing, wanting, and trying to find the right real life relationship, but experience for the sake of it? hmm.. just seems like more for the Right One to have to try and unteach someone in order to get His own ways taught to you properly.
but thats just my point of veiw *smile*. i hope whatever you choose that it turns out well for you. i hope you'll be careful.. sorta sounds like Mr Unavailable is already an emotional danger to you i think... and if you have sessions with him i'd imagine that will grow to be more so...and He's all set up with the get out of "but i said i dont want a relationship so dont blame me if you got attached- you're your own problem not mine".
(ok i'll say it- i'd wait. these things are always a risk, no matter how careful you are. it seems to me better to take risks over the chance of a real relationship than to risk over knowing theres no chance of anything meaningful.)
Logic1
11-20-2007, 06:38 AM
from my point of view alpha Straye is the right way to go even if I totally understand that it is hard, when you long for that Domly touch.
Wish you all the luck with whatever you choose though.
sidhewolf
11-20-2007, 07:48 AM
I joined collarme a while ago, and someone there was recommended as a mentor. He lives only an hour or so away from here and is in my town this weekend. He wants to meet up. For him BDSM isn't a lifestyle as such and he keeps them separate. He isn't involved, so he says with anyone at present. We have had some discussions and sessions online, and he feels that we are ready to try a r/t session.
I'm not sure if this is safe or sensible. I know I am in need of r/t experiences and he is honest in the fact he is not seeking a 24/7 relationship and does not want any control over my vanilla life.
I feel the need to have some r/t experience and maybe this is something that might provide the opportunity, but I don't know if I am being too needy.
Any advice gratefully appreciated.
Hello Rach ~
My thoughts are that your Safety is Always First. And then; Do you actually Know R/T the PPL that recommend this person to you, and do they actually Know this person? There are lots of ways to meet someone Safely. First meetings in public is one of them, as Others here have mentioned. Getting and Verifying personal information about this person like address, phone number, actual Name (not a sn), date of birth, etc., is another. Telling someone close to you that you have a date with someone you don't know well, and giving them the date, time, place of meeting, and all the verified personal information you have gathered, as well as setting up safe calls between you and that person, to make sure everything goes as planned. Someone who wants to meet you in person should have no problem giving you this personal information IF they have nothing to hide, and no hidden agenda.
You mention that "he feels we are ready to try a r/t session", but how do You feel Rach? While a Mentor can be a wonderfull thing, it's important to temper these things with your own feelings, not just their input, or what they would like. You strike me as a strong person. Utilize your strength, and don't let anyone push you into anything you don't want or aren't ready for...even subtly. If this is in fact something you do want, then go about it Safely. Remember what you do or don't do is Your Choice Rach.
I don't think it's needy to want and need R/T experiences, and to actually Live your Life. Online communications can be a great tool for many things <soft smiles>. Like your sig line...reaching out into Worlds beyond where one actually is....or something to that effect <G>. But online in my opinion is not Really Living. Perhaps online is a trial run, or even a beginning?
Just above all be Safe, and Choose what is best for you Rach.
Respectfully~SidheWolf
Hell! after all that worry he's cancelled-his daughter is ill so spending a lot of time with her in hospital- we've rearranged for January which is when he is next in town. Not entirely sure how I feel! LOL. But thanks for the helpful advice! I will certainly keep it with me for when it happens. Esp great big thanks to crazygrrluk!