First steps

[Echoes]

I finally took the plunge, put out an ad and started talking to one prospective and very promising Dominant who lives very close to me. (we don’t know the exact location but it’s within an hour of each other).
It has been a week and slow going, which is good, great for me. There is no need for hurry and all the time in the world to get to know one another before we exchange emails and more personal information.
He knows my first name, has a facial picture of me (and yes I shaved :freakout: ) He knows I have children and that they come first. I know he has children and his comes first also.
My respect and trust are blossoming for this Dominant, he has demonstrated his awareness and knowledge through stories and also by picking up on what I have said, empathizing emotions/feelings within BDSM moments without me saying anything and I have great assurance he is not a wannabe. He is nonjudgmental thus far and I am just tickled in neon colors. (good thing I am not really ticklish)
We have advanced from 1 pm a night to 3 pm’s a night, in some ways this is frustrating because any questions asked must wait until the following day.
In short, he sent me one story of a session he would have and instructed me to masturbate to this and send him my thoughts.
Well this naughty and greedy little sub took the initiative and had an orgasm to his story/session without asking permission.

Now will I get in trouble tonight because I was asked to masturbate once to another session/story of a kiss, “to climax” but told I was not allowed to climax?….uhh I masturbated twice "to climax" without orgasm, not once :( I couldn’t help it! Maybe he will be happy? He says he loves to torment his submissive/slave by having her hanging on the edge of an orgasm for a time while he tormented her deliciously.:eek:

[Echoes]

When is a good time to be candid?

…and tell a possible Dominant/sub that you have an illness, although you work constantly on it as everyone does their health, taking care of yourself, yet it is something which must be told for choices to be made or a relationship to further.
I have just started making a connection with a seeming wonderful and kind Dominant and I feel/think this is now the time, before things go further. I will always have this illness and it will crop up once in a while, it will touch both of us even if slightly - so I feel it is something he should know and decide what he wants before we connect more or get too involved.

[Echoes]

Well I sent him a pm last night titled Candor, he knows I am overweight by about 45 lbs and accepts this. I have been working on this and have lost 15 lbs so far. I did not tell him this yet intend on continuing, because it is for the best of my health.
He knows I smoke and have also been working on this, going from 7 packs a week down to 1 pack a week...just that last pack to drop is so darned hard! Mind over matter.
... and as last night he now knows I have a few mental lables being PTSD, anxiety disorder and deal with depression as well as I have had cold sores since I was a young child, outbreaks due to stress or an asthma attack or respiratory illness.
Now we wait and see if this is the quick end of a wonderful beginning. AH!

[tessa]

~hugs and hugs while you wait~

You did the right thing, I'm thinking. :)

With you, hoping for the very best .

tessa :wave:

[Selash]

*nods* Seems like you are doing everything right. Good girl. *pats head*

[annie]

Telling him everything fairly close to the beginning is always best.... for many assorted reasons imho. Good luck!

[MrDom]

grats Echoes I am happy for you and telling him you have a illness should be soon when your ready and think he is. Here are some hugs and kisses.

MrDom

[Logic1]

Sounds like a good start.
Best of luck to you echoes :)

[Echoes]

Thank you for your well wishes and support, response and encouragement everyone, I won't get a response from him until mid-tonight or Monday night at the latest.
I better ask if he minds I post here concerning him and I.

[jeanne]

Echoes - I hope you get a positive response. It's hard to tell some things isn't it? But it is best to be as open as possible from the beginning. And remember - he too is forming an attachment to you, just as you are to him. That will make a difference I think. Please do keep us posted if you can! :)

[Echoes]

Hi jeanne and thank you!
He has told me in his emails he is touched, intrigued, his interest piqued, delighted and so much more....and I can't imagine how someone so dashing, so handsome, with such a beautiful smile...my heart sighs
...and yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder and only skin deep or perhaps even this picture is not of him
But he is so beautiful in his heart, mind..what he has shown and allowed me to feel and enter into.
Do you see the see-saw I am on? Up and pull myself back down, up again...down...do not let my hopes get up, it is much too soon then he carries me away again.

Uhh, reason for my post...He contacted me last night yet did not say anything about my candid email except to say he read it and we will talk today. He gave further instructions for last night.
...now I wait for his permission to post here "about us" again and I also sent him a link to these forums, telling him my forum name.

[Echoes]

...sighs, I have not heard from Sir at all today. At first I did not think we would be talking over the weekend for last weekend we did not talk, but he did say last night he would mail me today and explain a couple things. I will try to remain optimistic.
...on the negative side I think to myself, maybe I should not have posted anything here at all before asking his permission. Maybe by doing this I put him on a spot, no matter if I did not mean to...or perhaps I crossed some line he does not agree to at all, yet I trust he will tell me...something.

[Echoes]

*does a happy dance*
He has joined the forum and has given me permission to post!
*heart flutter*

Going out to get groceries with the children tonight, I put on this half bra…is it what they call a push up? I am not sure but I knew it was better than the full ones I wear and hoped Sir would enjoy hearing about this.
So many times when I moved I felt my breasts were falling out or had fallen out. Thank goodness I wore a bulky fleece shirt over top so no one could really make shape of anything; I tried peeking down unobtrusively to see if they were not bulging or visible. I couldn’t see anything but I could definitely feel something.
Once home and the groceries put away, I went in the bathroom and lifted my top, no they were still mostly in place. Those wires…am I supposed to form them to my breasts or leave them as they were bought? Bringing my top back down it hit me; it was the feel of the fleece sliding and moving over the top of my breasts that I was feeling. What an odd wonderful feeling! Is this the allure of wearing these bras? So what is the purpose of these wires I wonder? The bras still look so much more different than a supportive bra.
I also tried quickly glancing as we walked through the mall for lingerie

[tessa]

~happy dances with Echoes~

Really happy with you, sweetie!

:wave:

[Sir_Russell]

Congrats Echos, just found the thread.

I wish you all the best and am happy that the two of you are close by each other

[Echoes]

~happy dances with Echoes~

Really happy with you, sweetie!

:wave:

Thank you tessa ~hugs you tight~

It was you and Oz who inspired me to try and write something here, yet I find it a bit difficult of what to write, what not to.
Things will work themselves out

[Echoes]

Congrats Echos, just found the thread.

I wish you all the best and am happy that the two of you are close by each other

Thank you Sir Russell.

~hugs to you~

[Echoes]

First things first…oh my god, he is going to the forums…what did I write? I cannot remember.
*smiles impishly* I neglected to tell him I have accumulated over 800 posts since 2003. I had better send him the direct link to make things much easier for him…that might teach him for calling me wicked although I dearly loved this, it sent trills deep inside me.
Did I post too much information? Oh I hope I did not post too much. I will have to go look. I know he will correct me…OH MY GOD, he is surrounding me, he is entering my life in ways no one has, he is touching me so deeply. Already I trust him with so much and have let him see so much inside. God!
I flushed when reading his email, from my head down, I swear I could feel it flooding my face and neck. This was not a blush…it felt different, or was it a more intense blush? I don’t know. It just felt different.
Remembering Friday night, I fear I won’t last long at all, can I control myself?
God will one climax suffice tonight? One, I must have one, no more. This is hard, I can’t believe I have said that but it is difficult to have one…not that I am complaining at all.
I feel like the frothy head of a quickly drained beer from a glass, left dripping slowly down the side to pool at the bottom in a puddle right now!
How can he affect me so quickly? Is it normal to be so?
I know, maintain perspective…hell live a little.
If this is meant to be, it will be.

I wonder what colors are his favorites or does he enjoy variety? Perhaps depending on his mood and reflection?
After Christmas I must go peruse some stores…what kind of stockings would I be looking for? Shoes? Panties and bras are easier to understand. This is a bit embarrassing to admit. The last pair of shoes I bought except sneakers was for my wedding and even then my shoes were very conservative. What shoes does he enjoy? Omg would he wish to go with me? I am self-conscious going into a store like that by myself…I have never, ok, really intimate thoughts. I have no clue what it would be like…no way he would come into a lingerie store or whichever it is that sells underclothes, shoes…?
Enough! Stop! I must sleep sometime tonight.

[Echoes]

*gasp!*

I went and perused and bought a few bits and pieces of lingerie.
His favorite colors are black and burgundy. It is really hard to find burgundy, at least in the couple of stores I visited yesterday.
I also bought 2 and a half inch black delicate heels and have not tried these yet. Will I fall or twist an ankle?
It's amazing to think I am trying these all out, never mind also buying make up...and growing to be excited about trying these out, even in private with thoughts of him in my mind.

psst, I also bought a new toy *winks*

[jeanne]

Those heels? Practice, practice, practice. :)

And you know we're just dying of curiosity about what toy you bought....

;)

[Echoes]

Those heels? Practice, practice, practice. :)

And you know we're just dying of curiosity about what toy you bought....

;)

That much practice huh? I still haven't tried them on...a bit nervous.
...the toy? Well I am hesitant and wary of it, embarrassed to mention what it is, but I know it (or its type) would be used and is his enjoyment if we find and decide we will meet.

It has been over a week since I have heard any word from him, not even a farewell...I now understand when I read all your posts of how you miss your Masters'/Sirs' how agonizing and slow the time passes, if even on a smaller scale.

[blythe spirit]

It has been over a week since I have heard any word from him, not even a farewell...I now understand when I read all your posts of how you miss your Masters'/Sirs' how agonizing and slow the time passes, if even on a smaller scale.

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

[Echoes]

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

Hi blythespirit

I am not sure, this is where inexperience comes in...

I am not his sub as we have only been emailing back and forth on this site, we have not exchanged emails or phone numbers.

It gets confusing because I have done tasks for him. My last task for him was applying nipple clamps with weights.
First off, he responded to my previous email that he was happy I did not do this without his consent as he wished to do this in person...then after I mentioned I was so happy he wished this also, as I to wished this...he instructed me to do it for my last task. This HURT! I think perhaps I have done it wrong. I did this task though because he instructed this and kept them on for the duration even though they hurt so bad.

I do not understand why he changed his mind about this

Again, I am not speaking wrong of him...but my understanding and knowledge thus far is not clear and I do need direction and lessons. In actuality I have very little experience to many aspects of BDSM.

Yes it has left me for a loss he did not let me know ... what? There will be no contact, no wishing a happy holidays or he would contact me around a certain date. I do know it is the Holidays, perhaps he is away, yet at the same time I let him know I was going away for 2 days.

*confused*

[Echoes]

I think perhaps the problem here is I posted too soon, too fast. It is indeed hard to contain emotions felt for they are so strong, so powerful.
I should have waited until it was decided whether we both were more compatible.
I most certainly do not mean to be disrespectful nor drag his name down as I don't really know him at all.
He has not judged me as yet, unless by reading my posts here past and present, he has decided I am not his choice (for I have gotten from him an assuredness he knows what he looks for and will wait)
I told him I have once felt (in the Master and slave relationship) things there felt "too good to be true", and so far with him it feels "just right" and I now knew this feeling.
I have not felt such a connection before and so quick.

*remember to always retain perspective and maintain emotional control* when first talking with someone

If it was something in all my past posts that has turned him away, then I am glad I led him here.

I apologize for bringing this here so shortly, but it did seem "just right" and so hopeful, so promising.

[blythe spirit]

I'm confused as well, that's why I posed the question.

It doesn't seem to me that you've done anything "wrong" or that you brought your feelings to the forum too soon. After all, you didn't mention any names.

I hope all turns out the way you wish.

*hugs

[Echoes]

I'm confused as well, that's why I posed the question.

It doesn't seem to me that you've done anything "wrong" or that you brought your feelings to the forum too soon. After all, you didn't mention any names.

I hope all turns out the way you wish.

*hugs

Oh blythespirit...I did not post my last post in relation to anything you asked except I would hate to have his name be downtrodden or he be judged and yes I did think it be "inconsiderate" of him myself, (is this judging or stating the truth, or voicing feelings?) and where is the line drawn to state such without knowing what has happened. It's a dizzying circle and add to this the feeling of loss of something.
Another reason I did start posting this so early was in hopes of possibly helping others, be it a short journey or a long and learning one...right from the beginning.
(man do I have a lot to learn)

Thanks for your wishes, responses and hugs

mayhaps it is that time of the month and I have simply sworn off chocolate...therefore feeling bereft of this also and finding all feelings amplified. :blurp_ani

[blythe spirit]

mayhaps it is that time of the month and I have simply sworn off chocolate...therefore feeling bereft of this also and finding all feelings amplified. :blurp_ani

Good God, woman, have you gone daft? lol

[Ozme52]

That much practice huh? I still haven't tried them on...a bit nervous.
...the toy? Well I am hesitant and wary of it, embarrassed to mention what it is, but I know it (or its type) would be used and is his enjoyment if we find and decide we will meet.


Yes. Practice. He'll appreciate it. :blurp_ani

The toy... it's hot to be embarrassed so I suggest you tell us. Strongly suggest it. ;)

[Ozme52]

Is it just me, or is it normal for a Dom to neglect to contact his sub for over a week?

Nope, not without forewarning.


To me that sounds rather inconsiderate - short of him being hospitalized (or worse). I mean how long does it take to type a short email (or make a call, if they have your number, of course?) to let you know they won't be available for a while?

One wonders about underlying motivations and the conflicts and demands of "real life" if the interest in the bdsm is not out in the open. It's one of the reasons I try to be very open and up front about my personal situation before getting started.

While being so forthright has its drawbacks... when you find someone who can live within your boundaries... and mayhaps even has similar boundaries, it makes the connections even stronger. :cool:

[Ozme52]

Echo,

It's difficult to not jump into the deep end of the emotional pool when you first meet someone. Having done so... try not to let the highs and especially the lows overwhelm you.

If he's the right one... it will work out. If not, lessons learned now will make your next attempt to connect more successful. So don't lose heart. Don't back away from the trying.

[Echoes]

Ahhh Oz, you give me cause to think more.

I was just going to say I will pm him tonight stating softly that if inconsideration is any indication of seriousness or sincerity, then we are off to a rough start. I will wait and see what happens first.
Think I will go pick up my last sexy outfit and think more about this.
(I might not wear them, but there is even something a bit naughty about having these items)

Thank you as always,
with respect and sincerity

~echoes~

[Echoes]

Good God, woman, have you gone daft? lol

floating on a raft with a thin staff for a paddle
the boat I am on waddles in waves
strafing as foam splashes and waft salt
upon my face, my heart races


yup, daft on a raft in the middle of an ocean
with waves and salt wafting with the breeze
as my mind lolls from lack of caffiene ;)

*hugs*

[blythe spirit]

*giggles

[Echoes]

The toy... it's hot to be embarrassed so I suggest you tell us. Strongly suggest it. ;)

*fanning herself* yes it is definately hot in here.

:p a butt plug :p *gulp*

[Echoes]

Echo,

It's difficult to not jump into the deep end of the emotional pool when you first meet someone. Having done so... try not to let the highs and especially the lows overwhelm you.

so these highs and lows are to be expected? :gun:
I am feeling a lot better today
*giggle* I bought two outfits yesterday instead of one, the last one being fuschia and black
:palso bought a ball gag and blindfold and the worst thing is I have no idea how it feels to wear the gag or if I will like it, just being something I wished to try from watching before:p



If he's the right one... it will work out. If not, lessons learned now will make your next attempt to connect more successful. So don't lose heart. Don't back away from the trying.

thank you Oz
~hugs~

[Echoes]

Hushed as my heart is beating a bare whisper, trying to hard to contain myself...we are in touch again and it seems as if it was only the day before that we talked.
How is this so? How does a week and half absence feel to be 3 months or more yet once we do talk...it feels as though it were only yesterday.
Today my daughter barges into my room and looked at me really serious, pondering seriously then says "I noticed you wearing make up mom, thats all I wanted to say."

I smiled at her teasingly and said...is this good or bad? She replied that she didnt know, she is only saying that she noticed...and then she walks away.
Teenagers!! They are so simple yet complex, intelligent young adults but also still children.

I had best go hang the new calander and have come to the conclusion I require a full length mirror or any mirror actually in my bedroom. Perhaps in a few months.

~hugs~
echoes

[tessa]

~hugs Echoes close~

The rollercoaster you're on now- the highs and lows, the gasps and giggles, the deep breath during the slow incline and the intensity of the plunge- so much to manage at once. As Oz said, try not to let it overwhelm you. But do try to maintain some of your logical self. It won't be easy, but it will help you sort things out when necessary.

Also, use all you're feeling to experience the hell out of this. It's one wild ride.

~glances over that-a-way and smiles wickedly~ By the way, cool toys you have there. ;)

[Logic1]

I am kinda curious why you arent sure if you would wear the lingerie or not actually. Lots of women I know love to wear nice lingerie if not for their significant other but for themselves. They love the feeling of knowing what beautiful and/or sexy things they have on underneath.

and.. has your prospect Dom has been in touch with you yet?
Keeping in touch is important in any relationship imho, D/s or not.

[suchaminx]

and.. has your prospect Dom has been in touch with you yet?
Keeping in touch is important in any relationship imho, D/s or not.


Well said Logic1 and Echoes - have fun :)

[jeanne]

The emotional rollercoaster...I've ridden that one myself. And the most helpful thing I found - a friend to turn to when I thought I was losing it. Someone who would listen, understand, and most of all, settle me down when I was ready to say "the hell with it". Needless to say, she's submissive too - so understands completely.

She kept me sane, kept me positive, and kept me from leaving Him - which would have been a HUGE mistake on my part. I owe her an unrepayable debt of gratitude...and so does He. :)

I hope you have someone to talk to privately, Echoes. And if not, my email address is in my profile. Feel free to use it at any time.

jeanne :wave:

[annie]

While being so forthright has its drawbacks... when you find someone who can live within your boundaries... and mayhaps even has similar boundaries, it makes the connections even stronger. :cool:

Oz and I have talked about this before... and a firm solid discussion of those boundaries, especially time commitments as well as each others expectations are so vital. And honestly, not only do they determine a romantic relationship but also a friendship relationship if romance is not to be in the cards. So, I recommend, imho and for what it's worth, that even with the high you are currently on to still bring up the issue of the lack of contact, the reasons, etc. and clearly define with him the expectations...

I only recommend this from experience... I had a Dom that required I be in contact every day. He would be in contact when "he had time" which some times would be 10 or more days and then it would be a simple short "i'm fine" after I asked if he was still breathing or something. That relationship, though D/s in nature was not a constructive one but at times almost dangerous to me due to the lack of contact and the way I processed that lack of contact. OHHHH God could he make the highs wonderful, but the lows were twice as bad, twice as often and he never saw it as a problem, no matter how much I mentioned it. Sooner or later the relationship became something I disliked and my submission matched his attention (meaning it was nil to none) which only made me more unhappy. This was my first D/s experience as well so I was left with the impression that the lack of attention was normal or that I was overly needy, etc. Only years later, looking back can I see how truly inconsiderate that was of him and how harmful it was to me in many ways. And, I learned from it and now clearly state up front what I expect and if the times, etc. won't mesh I state that as well, "hoping" it will work out is not a solution.

So... even though he is back in contact, I encourage you strongly to find out why the absence and to set the expectation now of what you wish. You may be the sub and you certainly don't want to top from the bottom but there has to be a mutual understanding about some things... this being one of them imho. Otherwise, it is possible that this, continued in the long term, will change your level of respect for him and hurt any type of relationship... be it romantic or friendship.

Hugsssssssss Echos!

[tessa]

The emotional rollercoaster...I've ridden that one myself. And the most helpful thing I found - a friend to turn to when I thought I was losing it. Someone who would listen, understand, and most of all, settle me down when I was ready to say "the hell with it". Needless to say, she's submissive too - so understands completely.

A dear and trusted friend can make all the difference in the world. ~smiles~

My PM and email are open as well, should you want/need them.


I...have come to the conclusion I require a full length mirror or any mirror actually in my bedroom. Perhaps in a few months.

~hugs~
echoes

Why not now? You are an amazing woman and should be seeing that for yourself. :)

~huggles for echoes~
tessa :wave:

[Echoes]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words.
I guess it is over already...sadly so because I will miss him but I found I was not into intense pain or it being so suddenly and intensely introduced.

One slave read me her contract many years ago and in this it stated "if she could not be everything he wished" then she must turn in her collar thus allowing him to seek someone who is.

I acted upon this, I would never be able to fulfill him or his needs so I withdrew from the running knowing this is him and what he wished. It would not be fair to pretend otherwise or lead him astray, nor would it be fair to myself either.

My fears were I did not know what I was doing or if I was harming myself by completing his task, especially after being bound in a certain way for a minimum of two hours each time.
My extremeties went numb to feeling...this bode a caution warning. He cannot see what I do, except by his instructions, nor does he see the result until the next day.

Right now a once real life friend and I are arguing whether I should close my ad down...he says no, I say yes, and we all know how stubborn I can be (he moved far away and was the one who in fact encouraged me to place and advertisement there and was on my friends list (heh he wanted to interview everyone and is like a big brother to me)

Anyway, perhaps when my children are grown up I might try again.

~hugs~
echoes

[Ozme52]

The emotional rollercoaster...I've ridden that one myself. And the most helpful thing I found - a friend to turn to when I thought I was losing it. Someone who would listen, understand, and most of all, settle me down when I was ready to say "the hell with it". Needless to say, she's submissive too - so understands completely.

She kept me sane, kept me positive, and kept me from leaving Him - which would have been a HUGE mistake on my part. I owe her an unrepayable debt of gratitude...and so does He. :)

I hope you have someone to talk to privately, Echoes. And if not, my email address is in my profile. Feel free to use it at any time.

jeanne :wave:

Moving from the fantasy of submission to the reality of it... can be confusing. Even if your partner does everything (or nearly everything) correctly. Because it's all new territory for you.

So yes, it really pays to have someone who can be a confidant.

[Ozme52]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words.
I guess it is over already...sadly so because I will miss him but I found I was not into intense pain or it being so suddenly and intensely introduced.

One slave read me her contract many years ago and in this it stated "if she could not be everything he wished" then she must turn in her collar thus allowing him to seek someone who is.

I acted upon this, I would never be able to fulfill him or his needs so I withdrew from the running knowing this is him and what he wished. It would not be fair to pretend otherwise or lead him astray, nor would it be fair to myself either.

My fears were I did not know what I was doing or if I was harming myself by completing his task, especially after being bound in a certain way for a minimum of two hours each time.
My extremeties went numb to feeling...this bode a caution warning. He cannot see what I do, except my his instructions, nor does he see the result until the next day.

This fact coupled with my farewell to him and having absolutely no response afterward...leaving me feeling so much more alone.

Rigth now a once real life friend and I are arguing whether I should close my profile...he says no, I say yes, and we all know how stubborn I can be (he moved far away and was the one who in fact encouraged me to join the site and was on my friends list there (heh he wanted to interview everyone and is like a big brother to me)

Anyway, perhaps when my children are grown up I might try again.

~hugs~
echoes

So you learned something... but you are still swinging on that emotional pendulum. Do you really think if you let it simmer a while you won't want to chuck it all... and may still meet someone who will complement your needs.

I hope you stick around.

[jeanne]

So you learned something... but you are still swinging on that emotional pendulum. Do you really think if you let it simmer a while you won't want to chuck it all... and may still meet someone who will complement your needs.

I hope you stick around.

Ditto. Each word. Take the time to continue learning more about yourself, your submissiveness...and please don't leave! If this is truly who you are...you'll wish you hadn't. I use this site, not as a place to find a dominant, but as a place to get information, knowledge and support. The fact that I found the perfect One for me was a happy accident - and completely unexpected. I wasn't looking... :)

[suchaminx]

My heart goes out to you hun, but I was pleased to see that you are staying. It is a times like these having people who have experienced what you are going through right now really helps.

So stay, vent, chat, cry, laugh - whatever you feel like and know that we will share it with you

love and hugs minxy xx

[tessa]

Hugs. Just hugs.

[Echoes]

...and now I am crying, I swore I wouldn't cry...dammit.
He wrote me a response saying he was disappointed and you know what, this hurts me more.

Be back later

hugs to you all

echoes

[Logic1]

Yes that word is probably one of the most hurtful words out there.. disappointment...
Really hope you get back up on your feet quickly. You sure seem like a special gal :)

Not everyone is into real pain and especially not quickly. I am moving really slowly with my gal and seems to be working just fine. Slow introductions into the bdsm lifestyle is important if you dont know how he/she might react to all the things that is.

Wish you the best.
stick around here and take care :)

[Polaris]

Well, you know -- if I were a dom, I'd be pretty damn proud of you. I'm sure it took a lot of courage to be honest about your feelings, and the fact that things were moving too fast and/or in a different direction for you.

I'm honestly sorry that things didn't work out for you (yet). I followed this thread with my fingers crossed, and now that it didn't work out properly I send you a big bunch of hugs. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let it bring you down -- I'm sure there is somebody out there who is just perfect for you, and who can value and appreciate the wonderful person you are. :)

[Echoes]

I am kinda curious why you arent sure if you would wear the lingerie or not actually. Lots of women I know love to wear nice lingerie if not for their significant other but for themselves. They love the feeling of knowing what beautiful and/or sexy things they have on underneath.

and.. has your prospect Dom has been in touch with you yet?
Keeping in touch is important in any relationship imho, D/s or not.

I can wear it at home during the day for myself but this gets kind of cool and in some ways reminds me that I am alone and have been, which is also the reason that I don’t cyber or do on line. The kind of “hurting and yearning so badly to be touched when you haven’t been for so many years” feeling and it is just best to shut it off.

Yes he was in touch but it is over now.

Thank you Logic1


Well said Logic1 and Echoes - have fun :)

thank you suchaminx…hugs


I hope you have someone to talk to privately, Echoes. And if not, my email address is in my profile. Feel free to use it at any time.

jeanne

thanks hon, contact me anytime you wish also.

echoes


So... even though he is back in contact, I encourage you strongly to find out why the absence and to set the expectation now of what you wish. You may be the sub and you certainly don't want to top from the bottom but there has to be a mutual understanding about some things... this being one of them imho. Otherwise, it is possible that this, continued in the long term, will change your level of respect for him and hurt any type of relationship... be it romantic or friendship.

thanks annie, this is very true, it did hurt and also set doubt within my mind which only leads to lowering of respect and trust.

Hugging you back tight!


A dear and trusted friend can make all the difference in the world. ~smiles~

My PM and email are open as well, should you want/need them.

Thank you also Tessa, hugs


[/color]

Why not now? You are an amazing woman and should be seeing that for yourself. :)

~huggles for echoes~
tessa :wave:

well, I at least would love to see how the darn lingerie looks like on me!


Moving from the fantasy of submission to the reality of it... can be confusing. Even if your partner does everything (or nearly everything) correctly. Because it's all new territory for you.

So yes, it really pays to have someone who can be a confidant.

Confusing for sure, even scary…am I doing this right? He is not here to see me do this, I have never done this before…will I harm myself or do something wrong, leave it on too long, and so on.

Thanks Oz

[Echoes]

So you learned something... but you are still swinging on that emotional pendulum. Do you really think if you let it simmer a while you won't want to chuck it all... and may still meet someone who will complement your needs.

I hope you stick around.

Oz I apologize, I meant the site where I placed my ad, not here.

I haven’t placed an ad here because just about everyone is so far away or taken


My heart goes out to you hun, but I was pleased to see that you are staying. It is a times like these having people who have experienced what you are going through right now really helps.

So stay, vent, chat, cry, laugh - whatever you feel like and know that we will share it with you

love and hugs minxy xx

Bah, you will regret this as I start telling lame jokes minxy ;)

Thanks and hugs


Yes that word is probably one of the most hurtful words out there.. disappointment...
Really hope you get back up on your feet quickly. You sure seem like a special gal :)

Not everyone is into real pain and especially not quickly. I am moving really slowly with my gal and seems to be working just fine. Slow introductions into the bdsm lifestyle is important if you dont know how he/she might react to all the things that is.

Wish you the best.
stick around here and take care :)

That’s what I was asking myself…if he had of gone slower would it have made a difference? (I think it would have) But I have no experienced answer to this and I wonder if this serious stuff shouldn’t be saved until you actually meet, not via email instructions, or perhaps if the instructions were more explicit, safe time period to do this, what to watch for etcetera.

Hugs Logic1 and thank you


Hugs. Just hugs.

Hmm with you all bound like that, just what kind of hugs are you giving tessa? ;)

Well, you know -- if I were a dom, I'd be pretty damn proud of you. I'm sure it took a lot of courage to be honest about your feelings, and the fact that things were moving too fast and/or in a different direction for you.

I'm honestly sorry that things didn't work out for you (yet). I followed this thread with my fingers crossed, and now that it didn't work out properly I send you a big bunch of hugs. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let it bring you down -- I'm sure there is somebody out there who is just perfect for you, and who can value and appreciate the wonderful person you are. :)

It did, it was hard telling him this, I was hoping he would come back that we slow down
a bit and what…train me from the beginning where I told him I had never been clamped on my labia before, nor flicked, nor cropped (nothing)…they had never been tested at all and next thing I knew it was pencils, elastics and heavy pulleys on them and walking across the room 10 times. But this is past now.

Thank you Polaris and hugs back

Thanks everyone

echoes

[Logic1]

Echoes. I have met a vanilla girlfriend that I am slowly introducing to our lifestyle. This means that I have tied her up and I have spanked and some toys her but nothing rough or something that would perhaps scare her yet. I am working real hard on building all the trust needed for that.
She needs me to take it slow cause she was very new to everything when I first met her so any introductions to BDSM has to come slow and carefully.
I care way too much for her to scare her off by being too harsh or too fast moving.
In vanilla relationships it is not like the first time people meet they go off and beat or hit or hurt the partner they want to be with... same goes for this.
I think that with care and slow steps you would have a completely different feeling towards him and everything.
This was HIS loss and nothing else. You were not to blame. He screwed up imho.

Again. I hope you get back on your feet fast and wish you the very best.
:span: for good luck :)

[jeanne]

I'm with Logic on this. Not all experienced doms will move you up to their "level" quickly. IMHO, if they are interested in having you stick around for a while they'll take it slowly. There's plenty of time in a developing relationship to introduce new things gradually, to take it easy. And let me tell you - realizing that He's taking it one step at a time with me and is, to some degree, passing up immediate maximum pleasure for Himself in order to avoid "freaking me out" - well, that's hot. Because I KNOW that when He decides I'm ready to go farther it's going to be more than I can even conceive of, given that where we are now is amazingly wonderful. :)

I do have one question - if you have a community of kinky people nearby, why not go to a munch once in a while? Give yourself a chance to meet someone in a situation where you can use all your senses and instincts to help you judge if they might be right for you...body language, tone of voice, interactions with others can tell you a lot about a person. Much more than simply the written word.

[Echoes]

I'm with Logic on this. Not all experienced doms will move you up to their "level" quickly. IMHO, if they are interested in having you stick around for a while they'll take it slowly. There's plenty of time in a developing relationship to introduce new things gradually, to take it easy. And let me tell you - realizing that He's taking it one step at a time with me and is, to some degree, passing up immediate maximum pleasure for Himself in order to avoid "freaking me out" - well, that's hot. Because I KNOW that when He decides I'm ready to go farther it's going to be more than I can even conceive of, given that where we are now is amazingly wonderful. :)

I do have one question - if you have a community of kinky people nearby, why not go to a munch once in a while? Give yourself a chance to meet someone in a situation where you can use all your senses and instincts to help you judge if they might be right for you...body language, tone of voice, interactions with others can tell you a lot about a person. Much more than simply the written word.

Just moved here jeanne, and I haven't made any friends yet, not being used to big city ways at all. I don't even know if there are munches or how to find them here and to be honest, I also don't think I would be brave enough to go to one.This might change in time.

I will be back on my feet, the most disconcerting feeling was one of feeling completely lost, this is slowly appeasing and my sense of humor is returning, so it will all be fine, I knew this deep down at the beginning, and knew it would only be a matter of allowing yourself to go through some form of grieving, I just didnt know what to expect or how this would be.

Thanks to everyone for making it much easier although darn it~! I find it is really hard to be tough nailed and dry faced when people are being nice or gentle. again :ty:bigkiss:

[Echoes]

I made a very huge mistake but instead of asking any moderators to delete this thread, let it stay as a constant reminder to myself of the mistake I made.

I publicly apologize to everyone here and to the one I have affronted in this post for this was taken too far. I think I understand now what jeanne, Ozme and tessa meant by finding a confidant to talk to…to not unfold it all here and this is just what I did.
He…this dominant might or might not have made some mistakes, he might have been new BUT I judged him and ran his name down.
No excuses, no reasons acceptable.
This sort of behavior from me is completely unacceptable.
And yes, it is so very easy to apologize and move on, it is a lot harder to forgive oneself once the mistake is realized.
I wish everyone well.
echoes