The New Domme’s Handbook To Chat-room Survival

[Wordsmith]

This thread, The New Domme’s Handbook to Chat-room Survival, is the brainchild of myself and several other Dommes here at the Library. It is intended for those who, as Draco so eloquently put it during one of our discussions, “…[A]re stalked incessantly across the internet just for being Unicorns.”

We have come to realize that there are some pitfalls that new Dommes inevitably fall into when first coming here. Hopefully the following tips and suggestions that I have compiled form our collective experience will be useful to those Dommes who are joining our ranks. And perhaps those who are not new will have some advice to add to this list.

So read on my friends, and leave a nugget of wisdom should you be so inclined.


THE NEW DOMME’S HANDBOOK TO CHAT-ROOM SURVIVAL:

Chapter 1: Why We are Stalked

People who “stalk” Dommes are looking for one or more of the following:

- A Woman to Dom them
- To be able to say they have “turned” a Domme into a female sub
- To be “turned” from Dom into sub
- Or for someone to “train” them

People are of the thought that Female Dominants (Dommes) are a rare breed and as such are something to be coveted and treated as a big game prize…I.e. like unicorns, the most elusive of prey and one that you are more likely to get killed than be successful at capturing it.

Chapter 2: Avoid Using Obviously Domme Names

So how do you deter unicorn hunters? The best way is to avoid using obviously Domme names. Using words like Miss, Mistress, Lady, etc. will quickly identify you as a Domme and often are useful in representing who we are and the self we are presenting.

These words also act like beacons and in some cases that can be a good thing. If you are trying to avoid being obvious, try using a capitol letter to begin your name. Many people in the lifestyle capitalize Dom/me nouns and pronouns and use only lowercase letters to represent submissive nouns and pronouns. For example:

“It belongs to Her.” Vs. “It belongs to her.”
Or

“That is what I thought” vs “That is what i thought”


Chapter 3: Dealing with Unwanted PMs

Once a unicorn hunter realizes you’re a Domme, be prepared for a PM or Whisper….you will be asked questions until you are sick of them and receive requests like “Will you be my Domme” to “Want to scene” to “How do I become a Dom/me” and everything in between.

Everyone has a different style with dealing with unwanted PMs and Whispers. You will need to develop your own method. Some Dommes will not grant permission for PMs. Some will give the permission and then enjoy messing with the hunter’s head (teasing them and the like) and still other’s will try and be nice and simply say that are not interested/available/that desperate or whatever. It is simply a matter of what you’re personal style is.

[Draco]

I am glad we have this now, I soooooooooo wish this was up when I joined.

If anyone needs help in telling over zellous male subbies off, just let me know. LOL

[Arria]

Good work, Wordsmith.

You don´t happen to have a way of pointing out to male subs that begging a female sub for domination is pointless, without having to get mean beyond all measure? Just for the odd case in which a polite "No thank you" won´t do...

Kind regards
Arria

[lookingforsomething]

lol i love it, they do it to switches too smh, like i know what to do with a million of them lol.

[NightNurse]

While not a Domme, I've frequently been mistaken for one in chat because I spelled my name with capital letters. (I had no idea what that meant when I registered..) I always wondered why the male subs always PM'd me instead of the male Doms!!
This thread is helpful- but I too would like a pointer for when the "no thank you" doesn't work! ;)

[WyldWyl]

Failing that, I hear screaming crazily and waving a big stick always helps. This is a really good idea for a thread...just thought I'd say that even though it doesn't apply to me. Hoorah for Wordsmith, again!

[Ozme52]

While not a Domme, I've frequently been mistaken for one in chat because I spelled my name with capital letters. (I had no idea what that meant when I registered..) I always wondered why the male subs always PM'd me instead of the male Doms!!
This thread is helpful- but I too would like a pointer for when the "no thank you" doesn't work! ;)

laughing because I had the same problem and had to have my name capitalized to stop the troll-doms from bothering me.

[Ozme52]

Well, every "group" has the same types of issues anywhere they go... subs that use "sub" in their name, or Male Doms that use "Dom" or "Master" in their name... It's one of those personal choice type things... and some love the attention it gets them... so to each their own...

The chatroom here doesn't run on protocol... so the capitalization is at the choice of the user. Many subs cap, many Doms don't--again, personal preference.

As for your question, NightNurse... say to them "no thank you" in the open room. If that doesn't work, let a mod (in gold) or admin (in red) know... if there's no staff member in at the time, send me a PM with the information & I will take care of it. Have fun!

delia

You listen to delia. She's good! ;)

[drusilla]

Wordy/Draco/looking

Y'all crack me up! This concoction of a thread is marvelous! It's half whimsical half serious and all true!!!

delia is right though, there's idiosyncrasies with every group of people and every site.

[Uncle_Ed.]

Hi Wordsmith. I'm digging this old thing up again as it is relevant to your problem-although not directly...

Dom thumb

A cautionary tale with ~nymphs~ and a badde troll.

Once upon a time there was an enchanted forum where innocent (although slightly tarnished) nymphs played. The kindly Doms looked in on their play and ruffled their golden locks saying "bless your little unadorned cotton panties. Tis good to see such fun"
Sometimes, if feeling really Domly, one would give a nymph a virtual one-for the sake of appearance of course. And that nymph would be counted as blessed.

One dark day, however, an evil troll (boo and hiss) found his way through the magical protection of the All-Seeing Server (virtual be thy name) and he did espy these nymphs a-chatting.

Now this troll was in disguise! Would you believe it, children? A troll in disguise? He dressed himself as a Manly Domly Manne in Great Stridey Bootes and this troll had a plan! he would prey upon the nymphs and dominate them in Domly ways.

He made him a name of great power (which we cannot repeat-so hence forward he will be called Sir Stridealot) He prepared in the dark and damp dungeon of Bedford and set forth with his wicked plan. (Hiss, boo and popcorn available in foyer).

Now, SisS as we shall call him-and a big SisS he is, came upon the nymphs having gained entrance to the magic forum with his Name of Power. With a terrible raw (Dick was the name of his steed) he came upon the nymphs (He suffered from premature problems-you know-wink wink) and did ask them all manner of personal questions.

These nymphs, a-spying SisS, saw through him and through his disguise. And Lo! one nymph was TrollBaiter! And she and the other nymphs did lead the wicked troll on a right merry old dance! And, do you believe it, the troll saw not their mirth and merriment at his expense! He wielded his trusty-no sorry-rusty old pork sword and did swing it to and forth! And the nymphs did giggle and point. (which is more than his sword did)

And it was all over in a twinkling! All Bootes and no rootes. And those nymphs did a-laugh and tell all those around the enchanted forum of the troll.
So-trolls.Beware the nymphs!

Keep your fantasies in your Pantaloons and Great Stridey Bootes!
There's worse than you in this enchanted forum!

[Faibhar]

WordSmith and others' thoughtful notes on chat-room survival address the continuing dilemma of unwanted sub/unicorn hunter wannabes.

While the problem continues to exist, it needs also to be regarded as a necessary cost for being online. Those so harassed must take care not to prejudge all overtures that may be based simply on their relative attractiveness to others.

[GreyJack]

Well thought out, well written, Word, but you knew that *S*. I esp. like the word "unicorn" (Drusillia kept using it on me until I asked her what she meant). I empathize with the Dommes. Seen it happen countless times before, even in real life when guys throw themselves all over an obvious "femme fatale," either to go down in flames or run away or skulk away with the usual epithet "Must be a dyke" etc. One can only quote the Bard and say "what fools these mortals be." Which is not to say that a Domme/Mistress doesn't often make the MOST desired and delightful companion, lover, etc. Hey, some switch, some pare off the domming for others but sub to another Dom/Domme. People are like that, they gravitate by passion and desire to what fulfills them at any given stage of life. The best kind of people don't fret it, they go with what works when it does.

BUT Domme stalkers, beware, we do know what you look like and how you act even in disguise...and the Dommes aren't the only ones who will out you in a heartbeat *S*

[Faibhar]

The term "unicorn", as used in certain chat rooms continues to present an uhm , Horn of Dilemma.

Which is not in anyway to say that domme stalking, or stalking of any online participant should be condoned.

[Wordsmith]

While the problem continues to exist, it needs also to be regarded as a necessary cost for being online. Those so harassed must take care not to prejudge all overtures that may be based simply on their relative attractiveness to others.

Well said Faibhar. It is when an overture is met with a "Sorry. Not interested." or other polite declination and the peruser continues that it becomes an issue.

[Faibhar]

Well said Faibhar. It is when an overture is met with a "Sorry. Not interested." or other polite declination and the peruser continues that it becomes an issue.

The somewhat old C&W tune may apply to second Wordsmith's words, "What part of 'No' don't you understand?"

[underwhere]

My profile says I'm a switch because I believe I am. (Strange that not everybody who comes to a place like this is so interested in the the truth as it applies to them instead of trying to act a part for the sole purpose of cybering.) So far, I've only had a few people (not sure exactly how many, but certainly less than 5) attempt to solicit me to Dom them. (I realize this thread is about Dommes, per se, but I think some of the information can equally apply to Doms.) So far, nearly all of these attempts have been declined on the grounds that, while I do have such interests in exploring my Dom side, I feel like I truly need to explore my subbie side first. I've never received a disrespectful solicitation, something which you all seem to be talking about here. In any event, it would take the right kind of person for me, at either side, to be willing to make that kind of commitment. I'm more than willing to "play" online if I'm in the right mood, and I do enjoy it, but it would take somebody really special for me to even think about going beyond that, even if I thought I was ready for it. With some people, maybe I am, but certainly not with everybody.

[Tojo]

I'm continually amazed at how much places like this reflect everyday life- the same narrow minds, sleaze & predatory behaviour we see throughout the world.

Thankfully you also find intelligent, considerate people who don't care who or what you are. That's what makes it worthwhile. :D

[dave]

Nice discussion, Wordsmith. Interesting to me inasmuch as i see lots of Dommes complaints there about annoying subs, names, unwanted pm's etc.--all of which are valid complaints (notice i never disagree with a Domme-lol). What might really be helpful is a discussion of how to meet and chat with a Domme to get the results you wish. Maybe i could be helpful here because i've already made every mistake there is and have achieved a modest amount of success as an m-sub in learning from those mistakes.
So here is helpful hint #1-- i will post more if anyone wants me to.
1. Take your time-- get to know someone and let them know you before you go asking them to dominate you. Get to know likes, dislikes and especially limits.
coming soon: helpful hint #2-Honesty
dave