Let's discuss "THE FIRST DAY"

[GaryWilcox]

I read "The First Day" last night before going to bed, and I'd love to hear some other opinions on the work.

I'm giving it high marks for imagination, better-than-average marks for the writing, and very low marks for realism. I was glad I read it, but it did strike me as a kind of alien fetishism I've never encountered before.

What did you think of it?

And is the author present?


____________
Rubber Spatula

[Harold]

Part of the reason I'm writing a reply to this thread is that I would like encourage a discussion of stories on this forum and nobody else seems to be jumping in on this one. Having said that, I don't really have anything new to say about the story in question. Your comments are almost exactly what I would have said if you hadn't beaten me to it.

I didn't find this story to be erotic, but nonetheless I'm glad I read it. It was well written and it was different. It was also concise. The author said what she had to say and got out. I'm normally of the opinion that you can't do a short story properly in under 10,000 words, but this one covered the subject adequately in very little space.

[Xodus]

The super long paragraphs were kinda hard to stay with, but when I finally finished I was glad I had read it.
Lack of realism, even made me giggle a few times, but heck, I have written things that would probably be impossible too :)

[S_Couture]

I felt like the main character was strangely distant from the action. It was weirdly as if it was a third person story from the first person.

I would have liked to have seen the author make the character more real. There were also some very awkward sentences that made the character appear wooden. "I, luckily, etc." "I opened my legs because I knew that I could potentially." I'm going from memory, but it would have been stronger had the author wrote it like she talks.

The end was much more erotic and better than the beginning. However, the paragraphs got longer and longer.

A good story. I enjoyed it, but a little work could make it go a lot further.

-Couture

[Beethovenfan]

Judging by the date of posting it must be the cat story. I'm glad my cats never tried that. All signs within the story suggest the cat is actually an 'imaginary friend'. e.g. Unhappy child, taking cat to school, size distortions.

Cats clearly have SM tendencies. e.g. when they jump on your bed and dig their claws repeatedly into your bare flesh while happily purring.


BTW I thought the other The First Day had a cool, precise style ideal for short stories, but the detached tone did not make it very erotic.

BF