View Full Version : That first meeting
Once in a while I’m reminded that forums such as this serve the purpose of informing new people, and not just for a select few to preen their egos and flirt.
That’s the reason I come to places such as this- to counter the nonsense talked on some sites about how a sub ‘should’ and shouldn’t act, and that there’s a secret book of rules mouldering in a cave somewhere in Turkey.
Some would have us believe that unless we’ve done an apprenticeship with an approved school, we’re just playing at D/s and not real Doms or subs.
With that in mind, I’d like to ask for people’s experiences in meeting for the first time.
Have you taken an online relationship to the next step- of meeting in person? How did it go? What are the do’s and don’ts of that first meet? How long did you chat or whatever before you met? Did you have a clear understanding of what would take place- & what wouldn't? :eek:
I’d like to point out that few people will post their negative experiences. Many either disappear, or just decide it’s too painful to remember- I’ve had more chats and emails from disappointed subs than I’d care to remember and know I’m not alone.
Ozme52
02-19-2008, 11:01 PM
...
I have had good meetings and bad meetings with submissives I chatted with online. Flamingredhead aka VoodooGirl and I met, but talked extensively online first. The entire experience is one I reflect on with positive memories. Her Dominant is a very lucky man. On the flip side of that, I met a submissive once that during the first meeting she declared that she was in love with me. I must say I made fast tracks out of there. I don't think it is wise to make such a leap that soon into meeting someone. Then there is karin, some of you might remember her. I met karin online, and ended up marrying her. That entire ordeal turned out badly due to the past being covered up, but that doesn't pertain to the thread.
Anyway, I have had good and bad meetings from people I have known online. I don't think online is a barometer to the success or failure of a first meet.
Here's a thread I found relating to the dark side of meeting someone without taking proper precautions. Thanks for that sheepy.
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6759
I don't think online is a barometer to the success or failure of a first meet.
Online chatting is certainly no way to guarantee the validity of the other party, but if you talk to someone every day for a few months, you get some idea at least.
Many guys who are just after a bit of fun (for them) get impatient if the subby won't meet them in the first week or so. If they're serious, they won't care how long it takes. The same may well be said for Dommes, I wouldn't know.
I met someone last year- we started PMing each other, & then moved to chatting. We talked about the possibility of meeting within a month or so, but decided it was wise to get to know each other first.
We chatted pretty much every day, talked about our expectations- & most importantly the limitations. It was well over 6 months before we met.
The initial meeting was in the foyer of a big hotel- we went to a nearby coffee shop while she made up her mind whether I was genuine or not....
We then moved to a holiday unit we'd prebooked, & spent the first day just getting to know each other & hanging out.
I made sure she had a pre-arranged call to a friend. It's essential IMO to tell a trusted friend what your plans are including where you'll be staying, & if they don't hear from you at a particular time- preferably every day, they know there's a problem.
The next day, when we were fairly comfortable (well I was anyway) we um....well that's none of your business.... ;)
Anyway, the whole experience was every bit as good as I'd imagined- rather more in fact. She's a helluva nice person, & we still chat pretty much every day. Both of us are taken, plus I'm married, so there was never an option to stay together.
However- we may well do it again someday.
TomOfSweden
02-23-2008, 06:34 AM
He he. I had my first D/s meeting before Al Gore had the common decency to invent the Internet.
I've only met two girls which I first met on-line. These where the early days of Internet but I was the experienced one.
First one was one of those "Hello my name is Tom, you wanna fuck?" She said "yes". It was good sex and was fun. But it still didn't work out. I understood that she was in a serious BDSM relationship and they where having problems so I was there to help her "solve" a problem she had in her boyfriend/master. After having her fun with me she went back to him again. So even when you do everything just right, it still might not work out.
The other girl I met on-line was very young and gorgeous. .... just thinking about her makes my legs wobbly. We chatted for quite a long time and then we met for dinner and civilised conversation. Apparently I wasn't her type because she didn't call me again. I did meet her again years later but this time she was hitched with the love of her life. I realised then that even though she wanted a master I was way too dominant and confident for her. It was a good lesson for me. The master she chose instead of me was short, over weight and with bad skin. Sometimes taking care of ones body and looking good can work against you ;) Anyway... I learned that working hard to be mr dream-boy isn't what every woman wants. Sounds obvious now... but it wasn't then. "Just be yourself" I had heard often enough while growing up. I just didn't believe it, or understand it.
My track record for on-line love is not very impressive. Apart from these both dating ca 10 years ago I haven't even tried. I don't have the patience.
Aussiegirl1
02-23-2008, 06:58 AM
Well for those who don't know, I was the lucky girl who got to spend the week with Tojo. As he says, we talked for a long time, and I had very, very clear expectations as to what to expect. Of course, I still could have met him and decided it wasn't for me, but that didn't happen.
To me, the fact we had talked so much was a big plus for me. I knew he wanted a whole lot more than just some kinky fun! Not that we didn't have that, but we also walked on the beach and had some great chats.
I do worry when people are fast to want to meet, especially when one of the people are new to the lifestyle. Sure it might be great, but there are too many horror stories out there too. I think you have to trust your gut instincts. I trusted Tojo right from the start, but still it was to our benefit to make sure we were ready. If someone is not willing to give the relationship time to grow before they meet someone, that is not a good sign!
His_blizzard
02-23-2008, 08:29 AM
Dragon and I met in chatroom in July of 2003. We had many things in common and hit it off right away. To be honest, the first thing that got to me was his avatar. Silly, I know, but that is just how unreal somethings can be online and sometimes that is all it takes for a naive submissive to be taken advantage of. And boy was I naive!
After a rather unpleasant misunderstanding a few weeks later, he gave me his Yahoo IM so we could talk it out. We did, and that night he agreed to be my online training Dominant and then we would see if we "fit". I also was admonished sternly because I gave him my picture and phone number when he not asked for them and I got quite the lecture in online safety. To this day he jokes that he had to take me on to save me from myself.
It wasn't until October that we began to talk on the phone, and that was originally one night a week, although we chatted or IMed just about every night. I still remember how nervous I was the first time we talked. :) During our entire time we were an online couple, we never had cyber or phone sex. We dealt mostly with my training as a 24/7 submissive, what he expected and what he was looking for in a submissive and my many tasks and writing assignments to help me learn well. We didn't delve too deeply into BSDM play, other than to discuss my fantasies,expectations, limits and such.
Our first meeting in RL was February 12th 2004, seven months after meeting online. We met at a hotel in Minneapolis. I didn't have just one safe call...I had to make about 6 to friends both online and off who insisted I contact them often during the 4 days we had together. He had no problem with that at all. It was a blissfull time.
We did click, and as many of you know we are now married. I was one of the very lucky ones. It took me a few years of hearing horror stories from my online friends to realize how very lucky I was that I met Dragon and not some sex hungry instadom. I was blessed..... ~blizz~
lily27
02-23-2008, 09:29 AM
I have the opposite opinion, and think it is better to meet someone sooner rather than later. I don't mean meet and play, just meet.
Before I discovered my interest in D/s, I had been doing a fair bit of vanilla online dating. I met some interesting people (and had a three-year relationship with someone I met online), but also a whole bunch of losers. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince.
The thing to remember is that no matter how long and how often you talk to someone online, or on the phone, meeting them in person is like meeting someone entirely new. I am not saying that everyone is deliberately misrepresenting themselves, but online is so one-dimensional there are just a lot of things you don't know about someone. You may think you know them, but your sub-conscious just fills things in for you.... and those things are always positive. So you are existing in a half reality / half fantasy world.
When you meet someone in person, all of a sudden things like body language, the way they smell, and the way they treat the waitress all become very important. I am not saying it is always going to be negative, but you have to prepare yourself that it might be. All of a sudden, you could be totally turned off by the person you thought you were falling in love with.
I learned quickly that if I was going to be horribly disappointed, I would rather be disappointed after talking to someone for a week rather than a whole year. After feeling someone out for a few days online and then on the phone (I always insisted on talking on the phone first because my "creep detector" works a lot better when I can hear someone's voice), it was time to meet for coffee. I think it is also a lot safer to do this BEFORE someone knows your last name, where you live, where you work, etc.
So this experience carried over when I switched from vanilla dating sites to BDSM ones. I had been talking to several different Doms when I got a message from Master and we really clicked. We talked online and then on the phone for hours. A few days later he drove up to where I lived (we were about a 2 1/2 hour drive apart at that point) and we met at Starbucks after I got off from work. Things clicked really well, and now we are living together and expecting a baby.
A lot of people are going to disagree with me on this one, but I think people put too much value in safecalls. If you are meeting a psychopath, by the time you miss your safecall you will probably already be in serious danger, or worse. All your friend is going to be able to do is tell the cops where you were SUPPOSED to be. Not all that helpful if things really go sideways. I think it is much better to just look out for yourself, go slow, and trust your instincts.
My safety rules when meeting someone new?
1) ALWAYS trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Run.
2) Meet in a public location.
3) Do NOT play right away. Get to know the person.
4) When you do start playing, don't let the other person restrain you right away. There are lots of fun and kinky things you can do that doesn't restrict your ability to run if you need to.
5) Don't tell the other person too much personal information about you until you get to know them better. I was always less concerned about murderers and rapists as I was about someone stalking me at work.
6) Don't feel like you have to fall into your D/s roles right away. If it doesn't feel natural, don't do it. Let things progress at your own pace.
7) Always make sure you have the means to take care of yourself, and get yourself home. Don't rely on the other person to drive you anywhere. When I was younger and first started dating, one of the rules my parents had was that I was to always have "Mad Money" so that I could get myself home (in a cab or whatever) if things went badly. Fortunately I have never had to use it.
The above all assumes you are meeting someone locally. If you are travelling, the risk intensifies, both when it comes to personal safety as well as emotionally (and financially!). It was always more than I was willing to risk. I was also looking for a r/l relationship, and after getting out of a long distance relationship I wasn't willing to do it again. But the above rules apply. Get your own hotel room, and don't tell the other person where it is. And make sure you have enough money (or room on your credit cards!) to get yourself home in a hurry if you need to.
/novel
Thanks for your stories guys- it's always good to hear how people meet.
Actually the thread isn't meant to be just about safety, more making the first meeting go smoothly with a little preparation. A relationship has much more chance of working out if you don't jump blindly into it.....usually.
One thing I don't think anyone's mentioned, is that when someone is pushing you to meet them, that's not a good sign. Blatantly obvious perhaps, but sometimes people forget that if someone is genuine, they won't rush you. Not ever.
Thanks for the point about talking on the phone first Lily- I'd forgotten A/G & I had many phone chats before we met.
One thing I've noticed over the years is that some people can be themselves a lot more than others online. Some either can't or won't relax & just be 'me.'
That's a point I make with my girls, D/s won't work if you're playing a part- you need to relax & be yourself- & hope to hell the other person is doing the same!
orchidsoul
02-24-2008, 10:33 AM
I have the opposite opinion, and think it is better to meet someone sooner rather than later. I don't mean meet and play, just meet.
I agree too.
Of course, don't rush into anything or be unsafe, but...
Had I met him immediately I would have known he lied to me about everything he was- including his skin color (which I never understood.)
It can go both ways- rushing to meet someone can seem creepy, but constantly finding excuses to not meet up can (and I think usually are) truths trying to be protected as opposed to just being nervous.
I'm a firm believer in phone conversation before meeting anyone as well.
I've only met people online from dating sites- never a bdsm site- but am always more interested in meeting sooner rather than later. Also, just meet up in a public place for starters has always worked out for me.
Having the experience of creating a very emotional relationship through email and phone conversation, then having it all be deceit has left me with no desire to prolong reality ever again.
He lied about his skin colour??
One of my friends met a guy who sent a pic taken of him 10 or more years ago & said it was up to date.
She's met a lot of guys on Craigslist & those sort of sites & had some pretty disappointing experiences- the most common one being guys who think they're Doms.
A few have turned out to be subs masquerading as Doms, but perhaps that's just her....
orchidsoul
03-02-2008, 09:52 PM
Yes- but he lied about everything.
He basically sent me a picture that wasn't him.
Craigslist was where it happened :)
I've never understood people lying. Particularly because if we ever meet... it's going to be obvious! People are strange...
gemmy
03-02-2008, 10:21 PM
kudos lily,
well said and i agree about meeting early if there is any intention at all to become more than friends - that third dimension adds a lot to knowing, looking in another's eyes has much merit indeed
beyond that first meeting, then yes SLOW is the go and always have some safety net, whether it's close or a call from hundreds of miles away, let someone know
many people don't always have a friend that they can share 'this' with and find in forums such as these, real friends that they can confide in - i've safe-called for g/f's online where i have all of their personal info, friends and family, and if she didn't answer correctly when checked on, then i would alert her vanilla friends to back her up.
risky, for sure - but you make sure of everything stated above:
daytime
crowds
don't give your personal info
let as many ppl know as possible
but also, don't underestimate the community you have met them in
ask other's who they are, what kind of reputation they have
crazy_grrluk
03-03-2008, 01:14 AM
before S1 and I advanced our relationship we got to know each other as a person and not slave/master
this I think has strenghtened our relationship because we know who each other is beyond the lifestyle
Icehawk and i met online we spoke for a few weeks before meeting up,he was one of the few Doms i had spoken to that didnt do the kneel slut i am Dom hear me roar crap or insist on meeting up after the first chat,so i liked straight off.
he made sure i had his details car reg number phone number met in a public place give the details to a friend promised me we'd stay in public etc which he said was not only to make me feel more comfortable if i were ever to meet anyone else from the net and that made me feel safer.
admittedly i was nervous about meeting up,other than dress in a certain way for him he didnt set any rules or expectations of kinky sex exhibitionism etc for that first night...in fact it was me that expected and wanted that ;) lol
although i wanted to for a good few meetings he wouldnt do anything too heavy when playing so that we were both comfortable,for me so that i felt safe and not scared s*****s when he restrained me and got the toys out wondering what the hell this 'stranger' might do next and for his safety too,for all he knew i could have been they type of person who panicked if things went wrong and ran off screaming assualt or worse!!
so we built on our r/ship gradually,it worked out for us and nearly 4 yrs on were still together and planning on marrying in the near future.
we were lucky :)
Excellent story icey- people can learn a lot from you guys :D
Warbaby1943
03-03-2008, 04:44 PM
Great story and I hope your future gets here soon so you can be even more happy.
Mine was simple. Met this girl online, we talked for a couple of months, and I actually liked her alot before I even made my first phone call. We actually ended up meeting in a gas station, after a unusal sequence of events. It turned out great, neither of us were crazy, and we hung out wayy longer then we expected (The whole night, all the way to the next morning).
My main safety precaution was that I talked to this girl for ages, and all her stories made sense, plus when we started talking over the phone, it was definitly a female voice from someone her age. Relieved any fear I had that I was dealing with some dude trying to find his next victim.
Logic1
03-04-2008, 04:31 AM
I have met a few girls online and ended up with one for a couple of years. We met with her brother and his boyfriend all together for the first time and had a blast all of us. We got along great and have met even after we split. The distance between us killed the relationship basically. She wasnt really moveable and neither was I. 2 different countries even it it is Sweden and Denmark is a barrier even if you want it or not.
My current girl and I met through a normal dating site and clicked right off the bat. This is definitely the best relationship I have ever had and it just feels so "easy" if you know what I mean.
We never had the safecalls and all that and met about a week after we first talked on MSN but met on a public place and it just "clicked".
Luckily for me (and her i think ;)) is that she enjoys the Dom/sub parts that I need (mostly for the bedroom).
I am truely happy right now.
Thought this would be a good read considering the subject. Hopefully noone here will ever experience anything close to this.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7276754.stm
Best thing from the article, if it feels wrong, leave immediately.
Ownedfyre (mm1)
05-19-2008, 10:25 AM
Thank you for this post. I am curently invovled in an online D/s r/ship and I too am eager to meet in R/L. This post has helped me understand my eagerness a little better and it also has helped me realize that all we have is time. The learning process is continuous for me and I value the time we spend getting to know each other. I think it will only make it that much better once we do meet. Better to know what pleases Him when I see Him than be lost and disappointed. In truth I can say that I seriously doubt I would be disappointed by him, But I would not want to be the one to disappoint either! Maybe one day I can post something here about our meeting. Until then I will continue to learn and grow and get to know him day by day.
Borgs_slave
05-19-2008, 08:09 PM
I met Master on IRC of all places. We talked for a few weeks then met in real life. We have been married 8 years. We are a poly couple and have met other sub/ slaves online and some were less then truthful about things and some were delightful. Anyone can be anything they want online. So it is hard to tell from just chatting online if things will work out.
I was lucky with Master but before him I had met some that were good Doms and some not. Sometimes you cannot tell if you are compatible with someone until you meet face to face. I think it is 50/50 either way.
Hmm.. How quickly I met someone depended on how much of a good vibe I got from them, you know, whether I think they could be trustworthy or not.
I started talking to this guy Mike from b.com and we chatted fror maybe 10 minutes and ten minutes the next day and decided to go for coffee. That was two years ago and we're close friends and I'm going to be moving in with him and his sub temporarily until I get an apartment with another friend named Brandon that I met off of collarme a year ago >.>
Sometimes ppl straight away, sometimes we'd talk on the phone for a few weeks, it all depended on the person.
Generally I've been smart about meeting ppl online and havent had any bad experiences. One guy did cancel a date with me simply because I refused to go to breakfast with him without any underwear - and hey thats okay with me >.> Guys like that arent worth my time.
If I get a good feeling about a Dom, and I trust him enough, generally it will lead to more (and when I say "more", i mean play, not a relationship specifically). In the past three years that I've been meeting people, I've made some local friends my age (which is nice), some play partners, and had a lot of good experiences.
The most difficult thing is seperating fantasy bdsm from the actual reality of it. I've met fakes and guys that simply wanted sex, I've been pushed Too far too quickly on the second date, I've met amatuers that didnt know what they were doing (dangerously so), I've been brought to limits I didn't know I had. It's been a very eye opening experience for me, and I've gotten smarter for it.
Aside from all the wonderful kinky sex and service, Doms have to realize that she isn't going to like Every little thing you do. There are going to be things that turn her off, there are kinks that she may not enjoy, there will be a point where she may Resist, even. Subs are not toys to be used for sex then discarded.
Subs need to be aware that they can be taken advantage of, and and if you don't set limits that you can get a very harsh wake up call. You are always responsible for your own safety, regardless. Be aware of risks, know your worth, and demand payment in kind.
For a first meeting, expectations can be bad unless both partners have communicated those expectations. Everyone dominates differently and that too, needs to be taken into consideration. How one dominates online May be different than how one dominates in rl, but not necessarily. Thinking of the person your meeting as a longtime friend makes the situation more comfortable as well, don't try to 'impress', just relax enough that you can try to be yourself.
bellelapine
05-20-2008, 03:12 PM
My Sir and I actually began our friendship of all things through an online rpg mud called Shattered Kingdoms. I was at the time with a guy (I'll be nice) whom I had little in common outside of the gaming world though in my stubborness I was still trying to make it work with him.
We spoke in character doing a scene which was looking to go intense (not sexually intense, just emotional) so I asked for His yim to make sure He was "old enough" to handle what my character was to undergo. We began talking (even while I was at work...god I loved the job that let me use meebo) even while my other relationship was going sour.
One day in December, towards the end of my shift after a good conversation Sir said "I have the damnedest urge to hear your voice." (My heart rushed at this point...I didn't realize I was falling for Him at that point) I gave Him my number and said if He felt so inclined I'd love to speak to Him (mind you we'd yet to talk anything about BDSM). We didn't talk for a few days but finally He asked me to call Him when I got off work (this was after jokes about me sounding like a 13 year old on the phone)
The first call lasted several hours, which surprised me considering He said He hated phone conversations. I actually called Him, Sir, the first time that night...though He asked me not to because I wasn't free and He couldn't collar me. (We'd discussed my desires to be collared at this point and that I didn't think a man existed that could handle me) He named me and we decided should the time ever come, I would let Him know when I was free.
A month later, after my boyfriend at the time and I had our last row and broke up, I called Sir early in the morning. We had been talking every day on the phone and online since that first real phone conversation, and had grown close enough that Sir even offered to help my boyfriend "man up" for what I needed. I told Him that I was free, to which He replied...no you're not.
We'd already been making plans for me to visit Him for His birthday, even if it was just as friends. Now the plans became concrete and we discussed every aspect of what He expected and what I expected (including my irrational fears and quirks). He had had a collar design in mind for me after that very first call, so He ordered it. Even if you never wear it He said, it would remind Him of me.
Skip ahead a few anxious months and me freaking out about meeting Sir. I'd been *ahem* cordially removed from my coven and my friends at the time ceased speaking to me because of the lifestyle change (well all but the ones who actually knew me.) Needless to say I was called a whore and a traitor to women because I was choosing to submit...fun fun times really.
It didn't matter anymore when I got off the plane and made it through customs. I walked around the bend in the Pearson Airport and there He was. My heart leapt into my chest and I almost swear it was one of those slow motion movie moments. I practically ran down the ramp to be in His arms and when He said "Welcome Home." I knew I'd never leave (well I had to then but I'm back for good now). He collared me when I walked through His door and short of showers and Him changing my collars to new ones, it has never come off my neck.
denuseri
05-20-2008, 04:03 PM
this applies to everyone but many will feel its mostly advice for the girls :the best advice i can give from personal experience is to have a responsible third party to monitor your whereabouts and or condition with frequent checks preferably in person or at a near distance by phone, if for no other reason than to be there as a saftey net in case things go wrong, ie yu dont call them by a certian time -they call the cops etc, its best to have them follow u where ever a first time meeet Dom is taking u,, its preferable to tell the Dom up front that u must check in etc, but not nessesarally good to tell him where the third party is etc, lest u get yur friend taken along with yu and have no saftey net,,its also advisable that this saftey net stay in place at least a month or more, until yur absolutly sure about trusting the Dom completely>> i didnt do the above the one and only time i went to meet a dom that i had talked with online, He was nice at first for about a week, then everything went to a living hell for the next 3 months,, all i can say is i am very lucky to have survived,( six months of surgeries and another six affraid to even go outside later)i see it was pure luck fate what have u and above and beyound efforts of my current Master / Husband i dont believe i would be here today to share this lil bit of wisdom for all you "going to meet someone for the first time" people,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it is my scensirest hope that noone ever have to learn what i did the way i did, be safe, be careful, be wiser than i was,
sorry btw Tojo i didnt intend to share my negative experience but i have a deep seated need to try and keep others safer in thier dealings than i was in my haste to hook up so many yrs ago,, on the bright side all did work out for me in the end
sisterhoney61 {RW}
05-20-2008, 06:47 PM
The only online person I have ever met was Master. I did have opportunities to meet two other men, both vanilla, but those fizzled out quickly. One of them was separated from his wife and wanted me to come meet him. He said that he would buy me a plane ticket, but as soon as I actually took him up on his offer and was making plans, he "suddenly" decided that he wanted to go back to his wife. He sent me an e-mail apologizing and all, but I had already written him off and deleted his e-mail without answering it. The other guy suddenly disappeared after I started making plans to meet him. He probably "suddenly" remembered that he had a wife tucked away somewhere.
Master and I met in a RPG chat room in Yahoo. He was living in CA and I was in TN. W/we chatted as O/our RPG characters for a couple of weeks before W/we gradually got to know each other as O/ourselves. W/we met online in December 1998 and over that summer He moved from CA to MI. When He got back online after a couple of months He expressed to me how He felt about me. I was also crazy about Him as well. W/we had by that time been chatting on the phone, sending e-mail and snail mail to each other. He came down to visit me over the Christmas holidays in 1999 and stayed a little past New Year's Day 2000. He came back at the end of January 2000 and W/we eloped on October 13, 2000 (yes, it was Friday the 13th and a full moon Friday as well).
I know that I broke a ton of rules when W/we first met IRL, because no one knew He was coming to visit me, He was staying with me in my own apartment, etc. I've always been a risk taker when it comes to men and sex, placing myself in situations that I really shouldn't be in. Why I trusted Master so completely from the beginning like that, I really can't say. I only know that I did. I took a big gamble and it paid off. I have never looked back.
Ozme52
05-20-2008, 07:10 PM
If you talk long enough, you can see if the other person is consistant in what s/he says... and you can see through the posers and pervs...
I've met a number of people with minimal "precautions" safely.
The other aspect is if one has gained a 'reputation' and is known to be someone you can safely meet. ;) ;)
Oh don't apologise denuseri, this thread has an excellent balance of the good & bad sides of D/s relationships & first meetings. You're very welcome to talk about your experiences. :wave:
Life is about balance- you pay insurance in case your house burns down, but you sure hope it doesn't. I believe that being aware of the dark side of things shouldn't mean that we never aim for the stars.
A good comment that you should be able to tell your prospective Dom about your safety precautions- if he's genuine he'll encourage it.
I also believe any Dom who has a problem with being doubted is sending out warning signals. If he's genuine, a new sub's safety & welfare comes way before his own insecurity.
Comments such as the one by Oz in another thread that 'no one would ever meet' if they we were all suspicious & took proper precautions, are nonsense.
ObjectivistActivist
05-20-2008, 09:51 PM
Master and I met in a RPG chat room in Yahoo.
Just out of curiosity based on the timing you're talking about, do you mean Virtual Places, the old Excite chat program with avs and webpage capability?
sisterhoney61 {RW}
05-20-2008, 10:04 PM
Master and I chatted mostly in Yahoo chat, which was plain text typing, like chatting in the room here on this site. This was the before Yahoo even had voice chat or webcam capabilities. W/we did chat in Excite a few times, but it was the same as chatting in Yahoo. I don't remember Virtual Places in Excite.
Ozme52
05-20-2008, 11:13 PM
Comments such as the one by Oz in another thread that 'no one would ever meet' if they we were all suspicious & took proper precautions, are nonsense.
Quote me or ignore me. Don't paraphrase me and get it wrong. :dont:
My apologies Oz- here you go- exact quote from other thread:
If everyone followed your guidelines, no one would ever meet with someone they got to know online first.
I think it's nonsense to suggest that- taking proper precautions should not put people off meeting. Anyone who's that easily put off isn't too serious IMO, or has something to hide.
Alex Bragi
05-21-2008, 06:59 PM
My apologies Oz- here you go- exact quote from other thread:
"If everyone followed your guidelines, no one would ever meet with someone they got to know online first." (Oz)
I think it's nonsense to suggest that- taking proper precautions should not put people off meeting. Anyone who's that easily put off isn't too serious IMO, or has something to hide.
Actually, I think it's too individual to generalise, like you both have here. Of course, that's just my opinion, and opinions will alway differ. :)
Ozme52
05-21-2008, 10:10 PM
My apologies Oz- here you go- exact quote from other thread:
If everyone followed your guidelines, no one would ever meet with someone they got to know online first.
I think it's nonsense to suggest that- taking proper precautions should not put people off meeting. Anyone who's that easily put off isn't too serious IMO, or has something to hide.
At least this way it's clear you and I differ in the definition of proper precautions and I can still stand by my original statement.
Ozme52
05-21-2008, 10:16 PM
Actually, I think it's too individual to generalise, like you both have here. Of course, that's just my opinion, and opinions will alway differ. :)
Right you are Alex, too bad my opinion is apparently nonsense. On the other hand, I'm out there meeting people, making connections, and enriching my life. I have no knock against pure online encounters, but I prefer some human contact.
thrall
05-22-2008, 12:16 AM
Once in a while I’m reminded that forums such as this serve the purpose of informing new people, and not just for a select few to preen their egos and flirt.
That’s the reason I come to places such as this- to counter the nonsense talked on some sites about how a sub ‘should’ and shouldn’t act, and that there’s a secret book of rules mouldering in a cave somewhere in Turkey.
Some would have us believe that unless we’ve done an apprenticeship with an approved school, we’re just playing at D/s and not real Doms or subs.
With that in mind, I’d like to ask for people’s experiences in meeting for the first time.
Have you taken an online relationship to the next step- of meeting in person? How did it go? What are the do’s and don’ts of that first meet? How long did you chat or whatever before you met? Did you have a clear understanding of what would take place- & what wouldn't? :eek:
I’d like to point out that few people will post their negative experiences. Many either disappear, or just decide it’s too painful to remember- I’ve had more chats and emails from disappointed subs than I’d care to remember and know I’m not alone.
Yes i have taken the step into real life, on several levels. Some just as friends and one as D/s.
On the purely friendship level the meets were easy and casual.......and loads of fun! You could say that we did have "do's and "dont's" with clear understandings of "what would and wouldn't happen" We all knew that our meets were just as friends and not "play dates"......so it was pure fun.
Meeting people for the pure pleasure of meeting a friend is very different than someone you are planning to play with.
I am very cautious and i like to have real conversations to get to know someone. Conversations about the everyday and the mundane, conversations about what you think and what you feel. I like to get to know someone enough to feel just how genuine they are.....Does the "story" change? Are they consistent in actions.....does 1+1...=2
We started out in PM's moved to email then to IM......then to the phone. We have been talking for almost a year now. I move slowly....i do not "jump"
I have requirements to play.....if you have nothing to hide then you should have nothing to fear from my "requirements"......simple, easy, and open.
Yes we both had a very clear understanding of what would take place........lol
Lunch and a nice chat.
Anything else......depended on if it felt right..........*weg*
ashtonDs
05-25-2008, 09:20 AM
Delia, I think this is worth at least three of four cents :)
sidhewolf
05-25-2008, 11:01 AM
Once in a while I’m reminded that forums such as this serve the purpose of informing new people, and not just for a select few to preen their egos and flirt.
That’s the reason I come to places such as this- to counter the nonsense talked on some sites about how a sub ‘should’ and shouldn’t act, and that there’s a secret book of rules mouldering in a cave somewhere in Turkey.
Some would have us believe that unless we’ve done an apprenticeship with an approved school, we’re just playing at D/s and not real Doms or subs.
With that in mind, I’d like to ask for people’s experiences in meeting for the first time.
Have you taken an online relationship to the next step- of meeting in person? How did it go? What are the do’s and don’ts of that first meet? How long did you chat or whatever before you met? Did you have a clear understanding of what would take place- & what wouldn't? :eek:
I’d like to point out that few people will post their negative experiences. Many either disappear, or just decide it’s too painful to remember- I’ve had more chats and emails from disappointed subs than I’d care to remember and know I’m not alone.
Yes, I have met with PPL I have e-met, the one I am in now for one. I don't term an online person a "Relationship" until or unless I meet that person ITF. I realize that's Me and not how Everyone see's these things. And that's ok.
"Do's and Don'ts of first meeting" > DO meet in a Public Place (OR) have a Safety Net set up if you Choose to meet in a private one. If things go well Great. If they don't One can at least be Safe.
For this Relationship We talked a couple months online and phone before actually meeting ITF. For Other's I have met from online the timeframe has varied from a couple conversations to years of communications. At the same time the Meeting ITF conditions have varied as widely. 2 Rules of thumb *for me* 1) Public 1st Meeting (OR) 2) Safety Net. There is no #3.
"Have a clear understanding of what would or wouldn't take place at the first meeting"; Always! Though I have at times been open to a variance :icon176:
Respectfully~SidheWolf
Rowen
06-28-2008, 01:59 AM
It didn't matter anymore when I got off the plane and made it through customs. I walked around the bend in the Pearson Airport and there He was. My heart leapt into my chest and I almost swear it was one of those slow motion movie moments. I practically ran down the ramp to be in His arms and when He said "Welcome Home." I knew I'd never leave (well I had to then but I'm back for good now). He collared me when I walked through His door and short of showers and Him changing my collars to new ones, it has never come off my neck.
Simply wonderful...who doesn't dream about this??
Rowen
06-28-2008, 03:39 AM
Hi, perhaps it has all been told before... but this is indeed an important subject. I have taken the liberty the write some thoughts and guideline on safety in an online R/S, even before that first meeting. Hope you llike it and that it's useful http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?p=671187#post671187