expectations

[icey]

have you found since you first started out that what you first wanted and expected from the 'lifestyle' has changed quite a lot?

were you disappointed with some things pleasantly surprised at others or is it exactly what you expected?
both from your r/ships and the types of play,limits and definite no goes you had?

[Polaris]

I think that it's only natural that expectations change over time -- there is always a difference between fantasy and reality, and sometimes things that sound good in theory are not that thrilling in reality and vice versa.

To be honest, when I first started out dabbling in the lifestyle I didn't have much clue about anything -- least of all my own needs -- and thus didn't have any expectations either. I still don't really know how it all started, but once we started there was no end in sight :) It was stressful at times -- wanting and enjoying things that are not usually deemed 'normal' -- and that's definitely something that has changed. Most of the time I'm pretty content with who and what I am.

I wouldn't say that I have a lot of expectations -- not in terms of "I want to do x and then y, and I also like z". What I expect are more emotional things -- respect, first and foremost, the feeling that I'm appreciated, safe, and that somebody is taking care for me. I don't think that what I want from the lifestyle has change significantly, I just have a better idea about it now, and better words to express what I want and need.

For me, there were no real disappointments, just the one or other thing I imagined to be more exciting. On the other hand, there were lots of pleasant surprises. It still stuns me that things you filed under "no freaking way I'm gonna do that. Ever." move on to "when are we doing that again?" so easily. It's an ongoing journey, I believe. As you grow, likes and dislikes may change -- but I don't think that the core of it all changes all too much (with hopes that this makes some sense now) :)

[Mynx]

While my Mistress and I have only recently entered the lifestyle, and we're both still learning new things about one another, I find that almost everything is completely different from my expectations. I used to be just happy with a hand spanking me, but I knew my Mistress really, really wanted a crop, so I surprised her with one, and surprised myself with how much I actually enjoyed it. Also, another thing is anal sex. We've both been adamently against doing it before, it may seem like it could happen in the future, which is something neither of us really expected.

So seeing as we only just started this journey, I'm sure there will be plenty of changes in what our expectations will be. It's going to be an interesting trip though.

I'll just stop there. I tend to ramble, and I don't want to lose all sense here.

[icey]

i think the only disappointments ive ever had were in myself, i imagined i would be the mythical perfect little sub.yep i spent too much time on the internet lol

i guess i kind of expected that i would be the good little girl who was swept up,taken away and looked after ..for happily ever after! then i learned the story doesnt always end that way and that like any r/ship it takes time patience and even hard work sometimes (im more of a realist than a romanticist) and that half of what you're led to believe on the net is just plain BS and although the dynamics are different the same 'rules' still apply as in vanilla r/ships.

as for the no no's i had .... apart from 3 of them (which i still have) i cant even remember what they were now lol

[Sir_Russell]

From a Dom point of view the life has only grown for me. The disappoints have only been when a relationship fails, or that the submissive wants something that is in my small list of hard limits.

[lily27]

For me its not about expectations, it is just about learning.

When I was first starting to get interested in the lifestyle I thought it was all about harsh punishments and being kept in cages. It was a gradual process to discover the truth.

I learned that this can be whatever we want it to be. People who talk about rules and "real" Doms and subs are full of crap. The lifestyle is not "one size fits all".

I learned that I don't have to give anything up. One of the first things I read was an essay by a slave going on about how much she had to give up (like listening to her favourite music) and warning girls to be sure before they entered the lifestyle. That was really full of crap too.

D/s doesn't take anything away from my life... it just adds to it.

[crazy_grrluk]

D/s doesn't take anything away from my life... it just adds to it.

Totally agree with you. It adds perspective and vibrance. I now know who I am and where I belong