How much affect does culture have?

[brandyt]

I am newbie, just recently started looking for my master. I have been chatting with one for about a month now and I am very interested in him and he in my.

My concern is that he is Indian and hindu...I have little knowledge of his culture, but am aware that culturally their views of women and their regard of them is poor. I do not want to put myself into a situation where I will be abused.

Does anyone have any experience with a Dom or Master of this culture?

Or for a Dom/master with this cultural background...does it have an effect upon how you view your sub and how they will be used and treated.

Thanks in advance for the responses.
BrandyT

[gemmy]

brandy,

regardless of the general nature of culture, i wouldn't think you should put a tag on him based on heresay of others - all cultures have their bad apples, yes but you should trust your own instincts on what you feel from Him based on extensive communication between the two of you

all people are uniquely individual and i think should be looked upon as such, not judged and tagged based on background, religion, race, etc.

only you know what's right for you *smiles*

gem,
xo

[brandyt]

Gem,
Thank you. I agree that people should not be tagged..I guess that reassurance of that is more what I need. I would not want to be sterotyped as well...lol. However curiosity about cultural influences interest me as well.

[gemmy]

i do agree there brandy, it is interesting how different cultures are far ahead in their thinking than others

i, myself, am in Canada and find that we are perhaps the farthest behind in the acceptance of BDSM or any kind of Alt sex and from my perception, it would seem the UK has it down, figures an ocean would separate us lol

gem,
xo

[DOMLORD]

i think Sonali is from India. she might be able to help

[crazy_grrluk]

himind is also from India. He might be able to help you also

[Tojo]

I think what's important is to find out what he believes, expects & so forth.

You could spend a lot of time learning about general culture, when it's really just one person's view that's important- unless of course you're considering moving overseas.

My wife is a Catholic. She doesn't practice, doesn't want to know about God, but the guilt & the hangups are very very real. It has a big impact.

[brandyt]

Thank you for replying..I will look into those people you have suggested. Funny I was raised catholic...no desire to follow the religon, but the hangups can be a motherF***.

[Silus]

To be honest, I think you might be getting the Muslims and the Hindus confused. Most of the Indian people I know treat their wives very well.

[brandyt]

I appreciate the advice, you may be right...Ultimately he and I need to speak of it more in depth. He is aware of my concers, but feels that time and getting to know one another is truly the only way I will understand. However, the much more that I am aware of and know the more informed questions I can ask.

[Sir_Russell]

I agree with Silus I haven't heard of hindu men not respecting their women if anything I have heard the reverse, yes I do believe their culture is one where the woman is supposed to be submissive to her man but the muslim's feel that a woman is much less then the man.

[brandyt]

Much thanks to you domlord, I spoke with Sonali and she was very nice in responding. She pretty much said the same things...I am going to past the email exchange here for those that may have a similar question.

Thank you for replying. My dom seems very intelligent and well educated. He speeks that hindu for him is more a philosophy than a religion for him.

How do men view women, is similar to other eastern religions. Do they treat them respectfully?
I am a professional...would this conflict with his beliefs of how a woman should be? I supose it varys with the form of hindu, but are arranged marriages still observed in india?

I am sure that I will have more questions as my relationship with him develops...I do talk with him about this? However, because I dont know much about eastern religion I sometimes am afraid to sound ignorant, and I do not want to offend him.

As far as being a dom, I have been told that Indian men tend to be more strict? Do you have any opinion on this?

In your opinion should I be concerned with this at all, maybe I am over thinking this? He will be my first master and I just want to make sure it is the right choice for me.

Thanks again,
Brandy

Sonali's Reply
Hinduism is not a religion. It is a set of many philosophies. Hindu philosophies are quite reasonable, although not all Hindus takes it as philosophy and most of them makes it blind belief (which is wrong).
if a true hindu you come accross he will always respect a woman to core.
Women are regarded high according to hindu philosophies.
women here are enough free, although sexual freedom is not available in general (bdsm polyamory is not acceptable to any degree).
You can surely work. My mother was a lecturer (she died) I am working, and doing my post grad.
Arranged marriage are still prevalent, but its not necessary. and well even arranaged marriage becomes more sort of love marriages as after family arrangement, the girl and guy are allowed ample time to decide if they will be ok with each other or not.
anyways for me, east and west both are restrictive societies, i want anarcho-capitalism which is yet not possible.
here in upper and upper middle class section of India, you wont find any BIG difference from west civilisation. lower middle class surely is a little contrived but not much.

Women liberalisation is on high these days, yet feminism needs to be supported alot in india..
Anyways I don't feel any difference in India and US culture.
or may be I am rebellion to all sorts of culture preferring Individualism.
if you can trust that guy on other aspects, than you must feel good that he is hindu, because Hindu means No organised religion.
Yet I am atheist by birth and by choice.
and there is a big portion of atheisism in hindu philosophy too.

[TomOfSweden]

If he hangs around sites like this, he probably won't be an idiot as far as safe and sane is concerned. No matter his background. I assume he isn't an idiot because he got you interested. Every single culture on the planet was super backward and patriarchal just a few decades ago. Woman's cultural emancipation has been extremely rapid in the west. And now with Internet it will and is spreading at an increasing pace. We're still right in the middle of it in the West, so we're really not in a position to pound our chests as some kind of example to envy.

My point is that I don't think you should worry. If he's a relationship Neanderthal, you'll realise it really fast. You could simply ask. I'm convinced he has thought through how he values women and has a ready answer. What straight man hasn't? If he's not concrete and stays on the level of "equal value but separate domains", you know he's bullshitting you.

[Davachido]

I have lived amongst Hindi people for a lot of my life, look up Mauritius and you'll see how big a population of Hindu people there are there.

I have to say one thing about them and that for the most part they respect their partners. There are indeed sometimes arranged marriages or ones that are set up in today's age but the hindi people for the most part go into the marriage ready to commit or to understand and be ready for their partners.

As I have noticed in soceity in Mauritius, is that the pair may not have chosen each other but they sure try their best to understand and stay together when compared to some of the ex-patriot population I see there. Of course it isn't always the case.

In the culture there is some bits where it is worked against women, but it really depends upon how he views it and how open he is to change and to other views, so its best for you to ask him about it and find out yourself slowly but surely.

[trups]

hi brandyt , i am from india and a hindu if u need to enquire anything feel free

[fetishdj]

Yes, Hindu culture is actually quite free with regards to women - certainly no more restrictive than modern western ideas and certainly among those hindu who have moved to the west. In fact, like the jews, I beleive they have a strong element of 'rights for women' inherent in the religion (but could be wrong about that). If you didn't know, the Jewish tradition has the concept of 'conjugal rights' for women in that a woman has the right to complain to the Rabbi if she thinks she is not being satisfied in bed. They also have the concept of a woman being in charge of the home enshrined in the religion. I think (from my conversations with some hindu) that this latter point is also the case in Hindu tradition. Certainly, like Judaism, Hinduism seems to have a stereotype of the strong, wilfull, overbearing matriarch of which even the supposedly 'head of the household' males are afraid of.

I say forget the religion/culture and talk to him as an individual. Get his view, as has already been mentioned. There are many on this forum who are Christian and yet who do not seem to tow the percieved fundamentalist Christian party line which would also see what we do as wrong. To be involved in BDSM at all, at any level, indicates a person who is brave enough to step outside the constrained paths of religious dogma and think for themselves, thereby considering those elements of their culture which they feel fit with thier views and those which do not. We are, after all, already going against general morality with what we do never mind religion or culture. Therefore it is unlikely that he is the sort of Hindu who is strict about the application of his culture or religion to an outsider he was associated with. He is more likely to be a modern, liberal, forward thinking type who will respect your wishes within the BDSM negotiations you carry out.