Why I am a worthless piece of shit

[slut lorna]

I am very new to this submissive realm. Coincidentally, I didn't even know that this was where I would find myself, my greater good so to speak. My Masters (yes 2 of them, friends) found me on a site where I was searching for "love or some new adventures." They knew, I guess. They could tell it in my sweet, unknowing despiration, screaming out for something that I did not yet know or understand. I am committed now. I desire to be the best of both of them. I have wrapped my mind and whorish body around being their total slave with suprising ease. My obsession to please and serve them comes before my need to breath it seems. I understand completely and submit that I need to be broken down and rebuilt in their image. I have been asked to answer, "Why are you a worthless piece of shit? Why do you not deserve my cock, my care or my love?" While empirically I do know the answer, I am having trouble formulating the response. You see, I am a perfectionist and cannot reply with extreme satisfaction and pride that I feel they deserve until I have tapped into more of my inner soul. I have completed other assignments without difficulty, but aside from knowing and believing that I am exactly what they say I am...nothing more and nothing less....I am stuck. I am unsure of how to elaborate. Do I want to come up with a top ten reasons (I do not want to restate or only give opposite views) or do I want to just elaborate on a few really good reasons. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks to my new found friends in advance...
slut in training, lorna

[cadence]

I understand where you are coming from. It is quite hard to easily answer a question that conveys how you feel.

For me it is difficult to come to terms with something that others may not understand fully or even that I cannot completely understand it as well.

Sometimes though the most simplistic of answers will suffice. You can dig down all you want but it may be difficult to express into words how you good you really feel.

Your actions are at times enough to convey your position. If you need to put it into words, think back to a time where you turned a corner and realized that you were who you were and liked it.

[icey]

when you were asked the question or if ever you've been told that, what was your first thoughts and feelings? if you can remember that it might help you put it into words better.

do you keep a journal? sometimes when ive been asked to answer something specific even though i know and feel the 'answer' i just get stuck for words, for eg i had to write a report every 3 months and feelings and thoughts on things change over time and then my mind would become suddenly blank and i wouldnt know how to express things so it helped me to go through my previous entrys to note those changes and reflect on what exactly it is that i think and feel at this particular juncture in my life and r/ship.

just a thought :) it helped me.

[lily27]

You have two Masters that asked you the same question?? Just the logistics of that boggles my mind.

Unfortunately, I can't really help you in the slightest. In my relationship, refering to myself as a "worthless piece of shit" would result in some pretty serious punishment. Putting down my Master's property (i.e. me) is akin to insulting him outright. Definitely not a good idea.

So I wonder why they are asking this of you? Do they really want you to think that you are worthless? And what honour is it to them that their sub is a piece of shit? Maybe someone can explain this dynamic to me, because at the moment I really don't get it.

[MrDom]

I agree lily it probally because they think of them selves that way and they don't want a sub or slave to honor.


MrDom

[cadence]

You have two Masters that asked you the same question?? Just the logistics of that boggles my mind.

I never really caught that, but it does come across that way now that you mention it.



So I wonder why they are asking this of you? Do they really want you to think that you are worthless? And what honour is it to them that their sub is a piece of shit? Maybe someone can explain this dynamic to me, because at the moment I really don't get it.

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I'll try to explain it to you if I can.

For me it's part of the humiliation and degredation that I enjoy. I am a massochist for humliation, the worse I am treated the more I like it.
It is like play sessions that others have only instead of being tied and spanked, my mind is played with.

We had discussed this quite a bit before we went forward with it, and even still it is discussed intermintently to ensure that I am not being harmed emotionally.
It can be so easy to slip into that role and begin to think of it negatively.

Even when I am being called derogatory names, or when I am called the lowest form of whore there is, I know that it is really a term not in the sense that is intended to hurt.
I am still respected, and appreciated in what I do.
Since we both enjoy it, I don't have a problem with it.

However if someone is using another for thier own amusement in the area, it can be extremely harmful to the reciprocating person.
In my opinion this type of relationship or play can be very dangerous. The mind is not a toy and all parties involved should be careful and proceed with caution.

[slut lorna]

hummm. Maybe I did not explain this correctly. A bit of clarity is needed. My Masters Master me together. It is a relationship of combined energies. They are very good to me and do not disrespect me. I choose to be where I am now They give me exercises that cause me to examine myself more closely, I believe. This one was prefaced by saying that this road would be filled with breaking me down physically and emotionally and that I must be willing to go there to feel and understand my true self. That he, as my Master would have to go to someplace mentally just as I do in order to complete and absord very harsh demands and comments. It was part of me proving myself as worthy, in that I could succumb to being a worthless piece of trash until being accepted and loved by them and ultimately myself. Otherwise, I do not feel any further need to defend our relationship dynamic. It is working for us. I do however appreciate these replies and have internalized them. Perhaps the answer to my question lies in the fact that I am not a worthless piece of shit, simply because I am their desired property. The answer is in the reverse! Thanks so much....the block is clearing.

[Sir_Russell]

Still not sure that I understand this and I respect cadence greatly so it must have some merit. I want to raise my slave up to let her know that she is not just mine but that I am proud of her and her gift.

[DowntownAmber]

There are portions of this post I understand and agree with, and some that make me raise an eyebrow and think. Master has never gone so far as to call me a worthless piece of anything (and frankly, I shudder a little at the thought) but He has certainly employed humiliation and "breaking me down" as ways to take me places mentally and emtionally. Therefore, I can see and understand a little bit of what cadence and lorna (more so in your second post, lorna) are saying, as well as lily and Sir Russell's confusion.

In our (refering to J and myself's) case, I have a substantial ego and a lion's share of personal pride, and it needs to be pointed out to me on occasion that my pride does not need to translate into me being defensive of being submissive or above my Master's requests; instead, that my pride should be in the serving and the giving. For us, the breaking down is simply moving my pride and my ego form one place and purpose to another. For the most part I'm there already but even a decent subbie needs a shove in the right direction now and again! ;) I should add that after the uppity parts of my ego are knocked down a peg, the pride that takes its place is a deeper and more fufilling sense of self to be sure.

So, after all that, I would ask lorna, "what is it that your Masters are trying to break down in you? What is the 'worthless' portion they are looking to replace, and what do they hope you'll replace it with? What do YOU hope to find by rebuilding yourself?"

[Tojo]

The whole thing sounds like abuse to me, just from what you've said. Particularly the 'breaking you down mentally & emotionally'

It also doesn't sound like it's working too well. I have trouble just getting my head around having two Masters- is one more important than the other?

A real Dom IMO should treat his girl with respect & see to her growth- I don't even allow my girls to say negative things about themselves.

Still, I only know what you've said- if it works for you, well OK....what matters is what you think & feel- not our opinion.

Please keep us informed of your progress- I'm sure we'd like to hear how it goes. Any more info would be appreciated.

[Dragon's muse]

i'm in the camp where severe punishment would be called for if i called myself worthless in anyway. Denigrating Dragon's property is strictly forbidden.

[slaveangel{HM}]

Perhaps the answer to my question lies in the fact that I am not a worthless piece of shit, simply because I am their desired property. The answer is in the reverse!

I wouldn't give them that much credit LOL. Although maybe that is the lesson they were trying to teach you. If so that is a horrible way for you to make that realisation.

Interesting to see what the outcome of this is, in any case.


Perhaps they refer you as shit to emphasise that you belong to them without reservation, and anything they call you should be taken as a compliment. So wrong that is, although each to their own.

angel xx

[Whippett]

I have to agree with Tojo, Russell and the others - my girl is my most prised possession, and I want her to know that and be proud of who and what she is. Her pride in herself and in her service to me are both things that please me greatly. I may use derogatory terms - whore, slut - but she knows that she is neither - but a much loved and cherished slave who has given me a gift of extreme value in her total submission to me.

I really wonder at dominants who feel they have to humiliate and degrade a girl by taking away her self esteem and pride in who she is. Yes I use humiliation with my girl - but never in a way that leaves her feeling worthless to me.

[Alex Bragi]

Yep, I agree with most of what's already been said.

From what I’ve gleaned from your post (but I hope I’m mistaken) there seems to be emotional and psychological abuse going on here. I’ve seen control like this before in relationships and I don’t like it at all. One grinding the other down into believing that they’re not good enough, deserve nothing, or do not have the ability to cope with life—exactly like you describe your masters—“breaking you down mentally and emotionally” . For these kinds of people, it’s as if they’re desperate to have someone totally dependent on them. They want you to be like: "You can do anything you want with me, if you’ll just help me be less worthless." The very fact that you’re new to the lifestyle and a self-confessed perfectionist makes you so very vulnerable to this to sort of abuse.

Take extreme care here, lora, it’s one thing to be a submissive entrusting your power to another/others who you trust completely, but it’s a whole new and dangerous game if you reach that point of emotional dependence where you actually start believing, “I’m a useless piece of shit.”

[Silus]

Assuming this is not a false post...I would bet that you are going to be so burned out on this lifestyle in less than 3 months. First you need to get to know yourself in this lifestyle before trying to get to know one Master much less two. Trying to do to much at once is a common but a big mistake. I would not suggest you ever submit to someone who does not love you first, unless its just for a session per say. I just cant imagine trying to please two people at once while still trying to understand all of these new feelings inside of you.

[crazy_grrluk]

my god!! if I called myself or even thought of myself a worthless piece of shit then S1 would go nuts at me!! he would say something along the lines of snap out of it... you are not worthless... what bought all this on anyway. yadda yadda yadda

[crazy_grrluk]

i just answered this over in the dominant's section.

you are not a worthless piece of shit you are a supieror being... slave or not. That is just like verbal abuse. if you had done something wrong then yes for that point in time as punishment you didnt deserve his cock.

[Tojo]

Don't let us scare you off posting here though lorna- if you feel like you're being overwhelmed, feel free to PM someone.

I for one am always glad to listen (hence my siggy)

Otherwise, please keep posting- we may sound like a mob of prissy oldies, but most of us have either been burned or know someone who has been.

Take care :wave:

[TomOfSweden]

The whole thing sounds like abuse to me, just from what you've said. Particularly the 'breaking you down mentally & emotionally'


I may be wrong here, but I'm seeing is humiliation play. I'm reading Iorna's post as if she's really into it in the moment. Humiliation is my and my slave's major fetish. I do pretty much the same to my slave, and I'm pretty sure she feels very much loved by me. Sometimes I slip up and tell her that "I love her so much" when she's in her horniest little slut hole. She doesn't like that.

Iorna, is it a fetish thing? Did I get it right?

[icey]

The whole thing sounds like abuse to me, just from what you've said. Particularly the 'breaking you down mentally & emotionally'

It also doesn't sound like it's working too well. I have trouble just getting my head around having two Masters- is one more important than the other?

A real Dom IMO should treat his girl with respect & see to her growth- I don't even allow my girls to say negative things about themselves.


im not allowed to be negative either,ive been in trouble and lectured more times than i can remember for putting myself down or making myself sound bad. as Icehawk says to me its not just myself im insulting but him too.

he uses the pet name fuckslut for me but thats just an affectionate nickname, and he will call me useless,dirty slut etc in play BUT he always re-inforces through out that thats what t is..****ay....and its a turn on for us.

if he called me that for real then i think Dom or not he'd need to either run very fast or duck lol

as an aside i understand about helping a sub get in the right mindset, help him/her understand things about themselves and things that will actually help have pride in themselves and what they do when doubtful or insecure (im sure many have been in that place) something thats always interested me,what exactly do people mean by breaking down emotionally and mentally? it sounds a recipie for disaster to me if not emotionally and mentally dangerous.

[Moonraker]

This post disturbs me because I have seen many subs left in severe emotional distress after being almost brainwashed into believing they are really worthless before being dumped by their master and left all alone with their self esteem in tatters. A lengthy rebuilding process is then needed to get them out of their doldrums and back on their feet. I understand and enjoy humiliation as a bdsm activity but, just as with physical activities, great care needs to be taken so as not to leave any permanent (mental) scars.

Lilly27 got it spot on, what does it say about the masters that they own a worthless piece of shit. I wonder if their cars or computers are also pieces of shit.

[Alex Bragi]

I may be wrong here, but I'm seeing is humiliation play. I'm reading Iorna's post as if she's really into it in the moment. Humiliation is my and my slave's major fetish. I do pretty much the same to my slave, and I'm pretty sure she feels very much loved by me. Sometimes I slip up and tell her that "I love her so much" when she's in her horniest little slut hole. She doesn't like that.

lorna, is it a fetish thing? Did I get it right?


Well, I guess this could be a fetish, but to me lora's situation seems more like degradation than humiliation.

[~faerie~]

my god!! if I called myself or even thought of myself a worthless piece of shit then S1 would go nuts at me!! he would say something along the lines of snap out of it... you are not worthless... what bought all this on anyway. yadda yadda yadda

my Master feels the same way. If i even hint towards it He makes me sit down to talk about why i am feeling this way. I am very important to him, and He takes it personally if i am not happy or in my slavespace. No matter what i do, he never degrades me. (even when i am being punished he treats me with respect).

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

If I ever referred to myself as a worthless piece of shit, Master would flog me so badly for putting myself down like that, that I wouldn't be able to sit down for a month. I went through an abusive marriage for almost 10 and I certainly felt like a worthless piece of shit when I finally left that marriage. Master has spent the past 9 years trying to help me rebuild my sense of self-worth and He would never, ever allow me to go back to the way I was when He first met me.

[cierramike@shaw.ca]

i agree with what you are saying. i had that happen to me most recently. now i am trying to get back into the lifestyle because i reallly do love it. but i find it so hard because now it is so hard to trust. so just be careful girl, make sure that is exactially what you want.

[shy_lovegirl[Quest10]]

As many before me said..my Master would be first disappointed in me for thinking bad about myself,
he cares and loves something worthless?
the humilliation aspect a understand but...to br refered as a worthless would make me very insecure
about myself...l'm know to the lifestyle..so each to his own...

[thir]

hummm. Maybe I did not explain this correctly. A bit of clarity is needed. My Masters Master me together. It is a relationship of combined energies.


Oh my God!!! You lucky, lucky thing!! Congratulations! :-)))))))))))))



I do not feel any further need to defend our relationship dynamic. It is working for us. I do however appreciate these replies and have internalized them. Perhaps the answer to my question lies in the fact that I am not a worthless piece of shit, simply because I am their desired property. The answer is in the reverse! Thanks so much....the block is clearing.

You do not have to. You are happy, that is all that needs to be said.

As for your question: would it be an idea to say something like 'I do not deserve it yet, but I am striving to be worthy?'

[thir]

The whole thing sounds like abuse to me, just from what you've said. Particularly the 'breaking you down mentally & emotionally'


She is happy! Let's not confuse concern with political correctness, ok?



It also doesn't sound like it's working too well. I have trouble just getting my head around having two Masters- is one more important than the other?


It is a dream come true for some of us!



A real Dom IMO should treat his girl with respect & see to her growth- I don't even allow my girls to say negative things about themselves.

Still, I only know what you've said- if it works for you, well OK....what matters is what you think & feel- not our opinion.

Please keep us informed of your progress- I'm sure we'd like to hear how it goes. Any more info would be appreciated.

Yes, what matters is what she thinks. Thank you saying that.

[thir]

Don't let us scare you off posting here though lorna- if you feel like you're being overwhelmed, feel free to PM someone


Hear hear



we may sound like a mob of prissy oldies, but most of us have either been burned or know someone who has been.

Take care :wave:

Yes we most certainly Do! I can't believe this.

Give her some credit, for god's sake. She knows what she is doing!

PS: old does not = prissy ;-)

[thir]

hummm. Maybe I did not explain this correctly. A bit of clarity is needed. My Masters Master me together. It is a relationship of combined energies. They are very good to me and do not disrespect me.
I choose to be where I am now.


My other posts were posted before I got through the whole thread.

Now I feel like asking everybody: What is it about this message that is so hard to understand?

Yes, people have had bad experiences and want to warn, and yes, the first post could be misunderstood as a newbie in trouble - maybe. Personally I think she sounds too happy for that, but I do understand.

What I do not understand is that after this message, there are - what?17? 20? messages going on and on about how this is not how they would do it, or not the way to do it, and not two doms, and I do not know what.

Is she still reading? Will she ever ask anybody here anything again?

Or has she concluded, rightly IMO, that at lot of people here simply cannot respect a new subs choices, or believe that she knows what she is doing?

Come on guys, this used to be a sensible list!

[denuseri]

Well thir all I can say is that it is an old thread, and only a handful of people took the op's the wrong way (which is ussual for any forum in almost any thread) and most of the people who participated in it did so long ago until someone dug it up recently and took it all to task for some reason of their own.

Not every opinion one gives on any paticular topic is going to make sence to everyone else, it is all too easy to miscomunicate a great many things via text alone; afterall human comunication is like 90% non-verbal unconsious facial responces.

In so far as I could tell the op is into a little humiliation and degragation play is all and needed advice on how to answer some questions posed to her by her two doms in "scene" (I am guessing they work well together and may even have planned the scene as many doms do) who play with her together all at once (sounds non-traditional to some but is more common than a lot of people think in a lot of circles).

A lot of people don't "get" degration play and thats fine. It can be confussing for some, sometimes a dominant wants white to mean black, up mean down, etc etc all to trip up the submissive or to train her to free her mind from convential thinking and conform with her dominants wishes at the time. Drill instructors do something similar to my understanding in the military and for much the same reasons sometimes.


But the basics of submission 101 still apply during any D/s or M/s interaction.

Its all too easy to choke up when one is being interogated, when I trainned at a formal poly house they used to have us practice with each other so we could think fast on our knees while serving the dominants and others.

One must learn to bend, stay focused and control their fear of saying the wrong thing.

After all, one will know if their responces were the right ones soon enough...the whip will tell them real quick I am sure.

[thir]

[B][COLOR="pink"]Well thir all I can say is that it is an old thread,


Godness gracious me!! So it is. How hugely embaressing - I simply did not notice! I thought it was urgent.