Unsure of my identity

[bdsm_lover]

I am not sure if I am a dom or sub. I enjoy both the perspective of BDSM from the dom's view and sub's view. I love to have a mistress to serve but at the same time i longed for a slave to serve me as well. Can someone tell me if I am dom or sub?

[crazy_grrluk]

sounds to me like you are what we call a switch..... someone who enjoys the best of both worlds

[esqkarate]

I can understand where you are coming from. I have loved the few chances to be dominant over my wife, but consider myself sub when it comes to men. As was said above, the best of both worlds.

[Tojo]

You don't have to choose, bdsm_lover.

I started out thinking I was a sub, for many years. I had a few interesting liasons with women over the years before gradually losing interest in it.

I was chatting with someone on another forum (who's now a member here) & got to playing around with her- to cut a long story short, I found my place.

While I have no desire to submit to anyone now, I still have fantasies of being arrested by Liz Hurley :icon176:

[gemmy]

*sneaks into the Dungeon* hehe

*winks to bdsm_lover* you may want to have a peek in the Switch's Chaisse

*runs back out*

[BBWdehumanizingyou]

The others are right you don't have to choose sub or dom,have either of the both worlds. Or if you want one or the other,explore to see what role you feel the most comfortable in as i did in discovering the role of the dominant.

[fetishdj]

My personal opinion is that very few are truly one or the other. Most biological and psychological variables follow a normal (bell curved) distribution with the majority in the middle and 'true' subs/Doms at either extreme. Most of us, even if we consider ourselves subs or doms, stray the other way even if only a little. Also, I do not think there are many who have not played on the other side for at least a short while. I am a sub but I still find subs who are more submissive than me. I have seen Doms who are more dominant than many other doms. Natural variation makes this distribution inevitable.

Identity will come if you relax and let it happen. Play around, meet people, talk to them, experiment with different things. See where your feelings take you and what feels right when you do it. You may be a switch or a sub or a Dom but you won't know at this early stage.

[Borgs_slave]

Only you can figure out what makes you tick. I wouldn't get caught up in the labels so much. You have to find what works for you and make you own definition of what you want to identify as. There are no set rules that you have to fit in the labels set forth. Just continue to explore yourself and the answer will become clearer with experiences.

[craven]

I have to agree with the previous poster, only you will know your own desires and needs, it is essential however to be true and honest with yourself in respect of these.

I am definitely a dom, however I have been a sub once, and very recently, very very actually I have desired to serve another again. These feelings are strange to me, I do not think I am a switch, as I do not wish to exchange roles with this person.

I feel that perhaps one knows where one desires to be in certain relationships.

As mentioned I am a dom by nature, but in exceptional circumstances I have desired to hand my power to another.

Go with what you feel and do not get too fixated with labels, Oh and .......enjoy!

[Wolfspet]

I agree with those already having posted.

Don't rush yourself. You will find who you are soon enough and the journey is amazing.

My Master and I had a discussion about this topic recently. I consider myslef Dual, as I am only submissive to him and I am very much a Domme to my subs. I am very very comfortable in each role and I do not switch ever between one role and another with one person. But that is what works for me.

[Shadoww]

Sounds like a recipe for fun. Do not worry - enjoy