For New Submissives - The Wannabe Chronicles

[gemmy]

It still constantly amazes me the posers on sites who adamantly claim not to be *rolls eyes*

The Wannabe Chronicles Vol. I:

1. (the obvious) - I'm not a player / wannabe / troll, I just want to see you on cam and you must dress exactly like your pic to prove it's you *lecherous grin*

2. (the subtle) I'm only looking for one...(and wait for it)....but no strings attached, just someone i can call for play lol (can we say doormat?)

3. (the a$$hole) You'll give me photos of you nude showing your face and i will provide mine when i feel like it (uh huh, I'll get right on that)

4. (the loser) Ok can you phone me? ("Yes, but I'm not having phone sex") and mysteriously he goes offline without another word hmmmmm

5. (the angryman poser) Where do you work? ("I manage a company") What's with the #$@#*$ vague answer, just tell me what company, not like I'm going to #$@#*$ stalk you! (uh huh, yea, sure!)

6. (the emotional player) Oh my wife died, she was my One, you make me feel so much like that......just get on cam, I promise we'll take it slow (After getting on cam and not performing sexually, not a word again) What kind of pig uses a dead wife - there truly is nothing sacred

7. (the know-it-all) I think you're switch because you're too confident and I have many years experience so I know (upon challenging the know it all, expect to see "the angry man poser") lol

8. (the confused) On your knees bitch and answer this email (a little confused on the concept ya think?) lol

9. (the needy) Please answer this (two minutes later) Why haven't you answered this? (two minutes later) Are you going to answer this? (all after clearly stating in my profile - I want a Dominant, not a submissive)

10. (the coward) Ok we should meet! (Yes, absolutely, when and where?) Coffee, this afternoon? (Sure - I'll be there).......no show, nothing....Ok how about tonight? (Sure, sounds great) I'll call you after work and we can go for a walk.........again nothing....Ok I'll call you this weekend, we'll set something up (That would be good, yes please)........nothing........Can we say married COWARD?? (Again on challenging the coward, expect to see the angryman poser!)

Yes, these are all real examples as experienced by me - I've heard many, many lies and eventually they all come to fruition with time and patience you can find out who is real and who isn't.

Seem harsh for a submissive?

Many losers raising hopes and thinking my intelligence factor goes away because I'm submissive bring this about - it is not my nature to be harsh but I've no tolerance for stupid people who deem me to be just as stupid as they are.

At the end of the day, a true Dom/Master/Top will not 'chase' or 'hound' you or have the need to put immediate restrictions and his own insecurities on you - they are far too confident to bother trying to impress anyone.

Be confident in what you seek and never do anything that makes you uncomfortable upon meeting someone new.

lol I hope this helps ward off some of the losers for the new gurls and I look forward to any and all responses or additions

[gemmy]

As with any other relationship in our lives, we all know that meeting and taking home strangers is dangerous business if not done with care and safety.
In a control exchange relationship, the possible dangers could be even more so.

I know that many who are sub/slaves have no one in their real lives who not only don't understand this lifestyle, but don't want to know, so who do we turn to for support?

These lecherous 'doms' know that we live to submit and can be very clever in their design to lure us in secrecy, citing things like 'i order' 'your master says' 'if you want to serve me' - if a so called dom/master is telling you not to place safety measures, you're already in serious danger. A true, loving, caring Dom/Master in this life will only want your health and safety first to be paramount to anything else and will not fear your need to ensure a safe meet with Him.

Some things can be as easy as a phone call, but who do you get to phone if no one close to you knows that you are walking this path?

Hopefully a few of the safety measures below can be put in place to help ensure your protection, if not all of them.

I would please invite anyone to add more measures to this list as Any and All help is appreciated when our safety is involved.

1. Support Buddy - not the easiest to manage but if you can, have someone in the know. Give your support buddy all His information. This means you must have all of His pertinent information: phone number, address, full name, as much as you possibly can.

2. Safety call or calls - make sure you have someone to call and check up on you during your meet. Have easy code answers in place so your safety call can gauge if you are truly safe or if you are answering in fear. If no one local can do it - even an online support friend can do this for you. I have sometimes asked my safe call to call back (ensuring beforehand to have them ask me whether i needed them to call again or not so i could answer with a simple yes or no)

3. Set time lines - make sure you have laid a back up plan if you don't answer your safe call within a certain period of time or don't answer it in a manner that tells your safe call you are not in danger. Hopefully this back up is a local person who can come to your meeting place to check up on you. Know that no matter how big your fear is of telling a friend, they would rather see you safe more than anything else.

4. Keep your home safe - especially if you have children. Only you know your home situation but it's a good idea not to involve your home in this until you have established a good deal of trust and reality. If He has no where to play or meet, use a hotel and be sure your Buddy knows where.

5. Always exercise patience - in your own best interest your patience is your best weapon as it is the undoing of any fake out there. There are ways to ensure a good, safe meet and if you have to take time to ensure it, then take all the time you need.

This meet is all about you first, always keep you safe!

There are many in this group who are willing to help and support sub/slaves in their journey, please do not hesitate to use the resource offered.

Safe journey to all - Be well, Be Happy, Be Safe First ;)

[icey]

lol ive come across all of them and more...but the confused one is the best by far...so many times was i told to kneel in the corner bitch .

one time instead of blocking a guy (wont insult the title Dom lol) like usual,i was in a bit of a cheeky mood so i 'agreed' when he typed a few seconds later are you kneeling and i replied yes he actually believed me and told me i was a good girl !!

at which point i really was on the floor...rolling *g*

[gemmy]

lol ive come across all of them and more...but the confused one is the best by far...so many times was i told to kneel in the corner bitch .

one time instead of blocking a guy (wont insult the title Dom lol) like usual,i was in a bit of a cheeky mood so i 'agreed' when he typed a few seconds later are you kneeling and i replied yes he actually believed me and told me i was a good girl !!

at which point i really was on the floor...rolling *g*

omg that is funny hahaha! they make idiots of themselves really hehe

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

I love the confused ones the best. First they'll ask me if they can be my Master and when I tell them no, thanks, I've already got one, they ask me if they can be my slave. And then there ones who ask, "What are you doing?" I'm typing in the chat room. WTF do you think I'm doing? And they'll asked me if I'm tied up. Umm, yeah....I'm typing with my nose right now.

I have managed to scare off some trolls when they have insisted that I can play with them, even though I'm collared. When I insist that, no, I can't, they tell me that my Master will never know about it. I tell them that He already knows, because He's standing right behind me, reading what they are typing. And a lot of the times Master is right behind me, reading what they are typing.

[GS42]

4. Keep your home safe - especially if you have children. Only you know your home situation but it's a good idea not to involve your home in this until you have established a good deal of trust and reality. If He has no where to play or meet, use a hotel and be sure your Buddy knows where.

Just to add to this, when meeting for the first time make sure it's in a nice, public place. Also it's a good idea to do this in the middle of the day and not at night. Lastly, make sure you're not dependent on your date to get you home. It's all common sense, but too often forgotten when meeting someone you think is all right.

It should be quite a fun topic, by the way, to post chatlogs of the situations you all describe here. I know I would be entertained. : )

[~faerie~]

the safety precautions are a must, must, must. be careful...even if you have talked to them for months and feel comfortable still use precautions online or real life!! a real Dom or Master will appreciate the fact that you have takes these steps. talk to them first...get to know them, take your time. there are a lot of idiots out there. it takes time to weed them out.
i once heard it referred to as Dom shopping. lol
but in all seriousness, just be careful and use your best judgement.

[crazy_grrluk]

lol ive come across all of them and more...but the confused one is the best by far...so many times was i told to kneel in the corner bitch .

one time instead of blocking a guy (wont insult the title Dom lol) like usual,i was in a bit of a cheeky mood so i 'agreed' when he typed a few seconds later are you kneeling and i replied yes he actually believed me and told me i was a good girl !!

at which point i really was on the floor...rolling *g*

lmaoooooo those types believe anything u type back LMAOOOOOOOOOO

[alpha_Straye]

7. (the know-it-all) I think you're switch because you're too confident and I have many years experience so I know

or rather, he hopes *L*

[subserviant]

first questions from a wannabe. How old r ya, whats yr measurments, what r ya wearing ,what do ya look like .First answer goodbye

[~faerie~]

first questions from a wannabe. How old r ya, whats yr measurments, what r ya wearing ,what do ya look like .First answer goodbye

Don't forget "What are you into?...because i expect blah, blah, blah..."

lol :rolleyes:

[Red Dragon {mpellegrino}]

LOL loved this whole thread! Funny and informative.

Now wondering which one I am?

Oh I nearly forgot for all the wonderful female subs who come to this thread:

How old are you, what are your measurments, what are you wearing and what do you look like?

ROFL.

Seriously though, many thanks for this one and to those thinking of meeting real life, READ AND FOLLOW THE ADVICE!

Mahalo xxx Dragon

PS Remember it isnt just the subs who should take these sensible precautions! The Dom/Domme should as well.

[butterflySlave4u]

Smiles on your PS, Red Dragon....from Your mouth to their ears.....

[angelnchains]

wow i feel so naive! LOL i know that i am new to this but damn.... thanks for the advice! :D

[jenn72]

Thanks for the info from a newbie sub!!

[Tojo]

Let's not forget the bully::dont:



- Hell yeah I am, I'd love for you to be my slave girl
- hello!!! answer me dammit
- fuckin bitch...don't piss me off, you'll regret it

All lines taken from actual chats....

[John56{vg}]

First a disclaimer. I am NOT looking for a sub, I have found a woman that I love with all my heart and respect with all my soul. Violet girl makes me extremely happy and I strive to make her as happy as I am.

But this has been something I have not understood for awhile. The wannabes out there that think a BDSM relationship is just a matter of calling women awful naems and making demands right off. It is funny, yes but it is also sad.

I feel truly sorry for you lovely subs, Having to put up with all those demeaning PMs.

I make demands of Vgirl, I use her body and take her, but we took some time to KNOW each other. We have chatted about news and politics, we have laughed together we have spent vanilla days together. And we communicate VERY well our wants and needs.

When I demand something from her, when I call her slave and demand she take some cage time, she KNOWS that I inside I really love her and that I have the utmost respect for her and for US.

New Doms, please, treat the women that you approach with respect and love, get to know them, grow to love them. I am sure you will get what YOU want if you learn to give them what they NEED.

Sorry for this long-winded discourse. I just wanted to express my views of this.

All of you are lovely and wonderful and deserve someone that will be there for you.

Respectfully and with affection,

John

[cadence]

don't also forget that just because a Dom may be well respected and experienced, it does not mean that you will be compatible with them.
Never expect that because they have experience that they will be good Dominants.

[Wind_Walker25]

Very Good mastersgem, And very Wise! I hope all who are new reads this.

[jeanne]

don't also forget that just because a Dom may be well respected and experienced, it does not mean that you will be compatible with them.
Never expect that because they have experience that they will be good Dominants.

Good point, cadence. Thanks! :)

[Wind_Walker25]

jeanne, who is so very right!! Good post cadence!!

[rora]

my favorite thing to do when greeted with "What are you wearing..what are you into?" is just say...."Good morning to you too, hope you have a wonderful day. *smiles*"

that will usually bring them up short.

[jeanne]

my favorite thing to do when greeted with "What are you wearing..what are you into?" is just say...."Good morning to you too, hope you have a wonderful day. *smiles*"

that will usually bring them up short.

I'm a HUGE proponent of the "kill 'em with kindness" school of thought. Every unsolicited PM I've ever gotten from a Dom, asking me what I'm into or whatever...I respond with a hello and welcome to the forums and a wish that they find what they're looking for. Fortunately, that's a rare occurrence, perhaps because most are at least smart enough to realize that "Chosen By the Best" means just that? :rolleyes:

[gemmy]

lol jeanne, yes one would hope they would take notice of your 'taken' status but what of those of us who aren't - seems we have to defend to the angry death that this particular person is of no interest to us - gets very tiring sometimes

[silver9]

Just been thinking that there's been so many posts recently about how new subs can struggle to find their way; or can learn the wrong things or end up in a bad relationship etc.

I know there's a whole area just for subs to post, but would it be good to have a thread for entirely for new subs to put up any questions they have so that all the more experience people could help out. It might be really useful, and it's a lot less daunting that starting out a whole thread yourself about one little thing if you're new to the site :p

[gemmy]

Just been thinking that there's been so many posts recently about how new subs can struggle to find their way; or can learn the wrong things or end up in a bad relationship etc.

I know there's a whole area just for subs to post, but would it be good to have a thread for entirely for new subs to put up any questions they have so that all the more experience people could help out. It might be really useful, and it's a lot less daunting that starting out a whole thread yourself about one little thing if you're new to the site :p

That would be a good idea silver, the only thing i could see happening though is if it didn't keep active enough and would fall off the board, which wouldn't help very much unfortunately

If you had anything in mind, please do feel free to put it here and i'm sure many members would be only too happy to see if they could help :)

[silver9]

That would be a good idea silver, the only thing i could see happening though is if it didn't keep active enough and would fall off the board, which wouldn't help very much unfortunately

If you had anything in mind, please do feel free to put it here and i'm sure many members would be only too happy to see if they could help :)

That's what I thought too, might work for a while though, maybe :p

It might put one up for now and see how it goes, if it doesn't work never mind, but if it does that'd be nice :)

[gemmy]

as i slowly walk along this new path, one word resounds through all of this lifestyle - Time

I think it's one that many new submissives don't spend enough of:

- take your time choosing the right Master/slave
- take your time enjoying the slow process of communication, building trust, devotion and love
- take your time in all Y/your thoughts - be sure of every thought before acting on it
- take your time in all Y/your actions - build the anticipation, savor each caress (verbal and physical), relish all the new sensations
- take your time in getting to subspace and linger happily there
- take your time in all the slow aftercare and resulting love

done with great care and Time, there are many rewards to reap
done with great inpatience and rushing will get you hurt and leave you broken

i'm a highly anxious gurl who's not well know for patience *smiles* but am very glad i've been taking my time to learn - the more i learn...the more i see i need more time to learn properly

for a lot of us it took a great deal of time to realize this part of us so it goes to say we should take our time in enjoying every subtle nuance of the journey - just something to think about *winks*

[underwhere]

Just been thinking that there's been so many posts recently about how new subs can struggle to find their way; or can learn the wrong things or end up in a bad relationship etc.

I know there's a whole area just for subs to post, but would it be good to have a thread for entirely for new subs to put up any questions they have so that all the more experience people could help out. It might be really useful, and it's a lot less daunting that starting out a whole thread yourself about one little thing if you're new to the site :p

I don't know if this is a technical possibility because I don't know the specs of the software that is used here, but.....

It probably could be set up as a new sticky thread or maybe even a sub-forum. For example, there could be under "Submissive's Couch" a section called "Q&A for Submissives". This idea is very broad and could equally be applied with similar results under the Dominants' Dungeon" section and the "Switches' Chaise" section too. Of course, the Q&A would be specific to each roll, but there would probably be some amount of overlay as well. Each new thread could be a specific place where people could ask their questions or inquire about clarifications.

[jonjon]

mastersgem,good threads.its good to see someone looking out for the new female subs,they need to know that there are wierdos out there with bad intentions & to approch situations with caution!.....keep up the good work!

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

[QUOTE=mastersgem;588182]

I think it's one that many new submissives don't spend enough of:

- take your time choosing the right Master/slave
- take your time enjoying the slow process of communication, building trust, devotion and love
- take your time in all Y/your thoughts - be sure of every thought before acting on it
- take your time in all Y/your actions - build the anticipation, savor each caress (verbal and physical), relish all the new sensations
- take your time in getting to subspace and linger happily there
- take your time in all the slow aftercare and resulting love

[QUOTE]

From a subbie who works DAILY on the patience thing, i am in full agreement, Gem. Time is something that alot of us take for granted, but once wasted, it can never be retrieved. Sarah Bachman wrote in one of her books that "we can stand in the middle of a river and die of thirst."

Take the time to enjoy the things that you have around you. If your life is spent wishing for the things you want to come along, you can forget to enjoy the things that are right in front of your face.

In the context of a relationship, be it vanilla, Dom/sub, Master/slave or etc., getting there is more than half of the fun. Enjoy the friendships made along the way, because they are special in their own right. Learning about other people can often bring great insights about yourself. And as they say...."Good things come to those who wait."

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

Mastersgem, I wanted to say thanks for the safety precautions you posted up there. I have a friend who is just now exploring BDSM and is looking for a Dom. I copied and pasted the precautions and e-mailed them to her so that she would realize that she needed to keep herself safe. So thanks again!

[Tojo]

I vote this thread be made into a sticky- assuming it can be added to. Whenever I get a query from someone who has no idea what's 'expected' of a sub I wonder how many are out there who don't have the nerve to ask someone, or start a thread.

IMO the greatest threat to our community are those who use ignorance & inexperience to prey on new subs. How many are lost to D/s forever through being misused & abused?

My most common answer to enquiries, is 'If he cares, he'll listen'

[gemmy]

Mastersgem, I wanted to say thanks for the safety precautions you posted up there. I have a friend who is just now exploring BDSM and is looking for a Dom. I copied and pasted the precautions and e-mailed them to her so that she would realize that she needed to keep herself safe. So thanks again!

Anytime hun and I'm extremely happy if it helps anyone :)

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

I do love this thread, and i had a question for everyone. Is there anywhere in the community that has a listing of potentially dangerous Dom/me's and Subs? I think it would be difficult to maintain such a list because i'm not speaking about people who have made others angry for whatever reason, but the people who in real life have truly hurt someone, continuously ignore safewords, and are just predators in general. It's just a thought i had, but again, i can't see how to get around the tendency for people to be petty and write a warning about someone that may not have done anything but not be the person one thought they were going to be. Any suggestions?

[icey]

its a good idea in principle but in reality im not sure it would work, as i think has been mentioned elswhere its likely to turn into a bitching arena,unfortunately thats the nature of people.

probably the best thing is to get involved with local munches,decent groups and the like,i think you'd be far more likely to hear better advice, genuine experiences and knowledge of less than pleasant characters,most people who belong to groups like these are decent and want nothing to do with the idiots who give the lifestyle a bad reputation.

although there not going to know everyone obviously and there is always going to be many out there who are unknown.

[gemmy]

I agree with icey, tyd - it would be too hard to define it properly and what one person calls abuse may be another's pleasure and all that.

The best defense is knowledge and to continue to educate new gurls about their worth and safety and to try to ensure they are all playing it safe within THEIR rules, not the Dom's until such time as they come to trust each other and have a negotiation in place ;)

[Tojo]

I do love this thread, and i had a question for everyone. Is there anywhere in the community that has a listing of potentially dangerous Dom/me's and Subs? I think it would be difficult to maintain such a list because i'm not speaking about people who have made others angry for whatever reason, but the people who in real life have truly hurt someone, continuously ignore safewords, and are just predators in general. It's just a thought i had, but again, i can't see how to get around the tendency for people to be petty and write a warning about someone that may not have done anything but not be the person one thought they were going to be. Any suggestions?

That's been suggested before tydnchaynz, but wouldn't work for many reasons- predators change their names, & are very good at putting on a false front.

More importantly, as mastersgem said- who are we to judge? Just because a guy hurts someone, doesn't mean he's not capable of changing, & becoming a real Dom.

I always say if you're interested in someone, read their posts if they're on a forum- if you click on someone's name, you get an option to 'show all posts'

Not infallible by any means, but it's a start.

99.9% of the problems I hear about are caused by one thing- subs rushing into a relationship, often due to pressure from the new Dom. I maintain that if he cares, he'll allow you to take your time, & even slow you down a bit.

[gemmy]

99.9% of the problems I hear about are caused by one thing- subs rushing into a relationship, often due to pressure from the new Dom. I maintain that if he cares, he'll allow you to take your time, & even slow you down a bit.

no truer words were spoken I'm sure and it is one thing every sub needs to pay attention to ;)

[seekingsusie]

It works both ways, too. I talked online a while back to a male sub who thought he was immune just because he was male and the Domme was a "tiny little thing."

He was tied up by the tiny little thing in a hotel room and she let in her boyfriend. The maid found him the next morning still tied quite nicely--minus his wallet and car keys. One hard limit until you're sure is that if bondage occurs, it's never more than two limbs.

[icey]

the poor guy!

tojo has a good point there one i never would have thought of, going back through peoples posts if your meeting someone from a forum.

sure people often do present themselves differently on the net but they also often slip up its hard i would imagine to keep a certain persona up after a length of time as he said its not infallible and you'd need to go by more than just posts alone and take as many precautions as possible, but its a starting point and could give some valuable insight.

[seekingsusie]

A vanilla friend sent this to me as a joke, and yes ... it is funny. On the other hand, it has a lot to say about the setting of the first meeting(s) when you're trying to get to know the Dom/me or sub.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're really not my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thianks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any atempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

[gemmy]

the poor guy!

tojo has a good point there one i never would have thought of, going back through peoples posts if your meeting someone from a forum.

sure people often do present themselves differently on the net but they also often slip up its hard i would imagine to keep a certain persona up after a length of time as he said its not infallible and you'd need to go by more than just posts alone and take as many precautions as possible, but its a starting point and could give some valuable insight.

I have done this many times, reading through another's post to check them out - harder when they don't post a lot though lol

On AFF, there are many groups a person can belong to so it's not hard to quickly see what they are truly interested if you only take the time to read ;)

[gemmy]

A vanilla friend sent this to me as a joke, and yes ... it is funny. On the other hand, it has a lot to say about the setting of the first meeting(s) when you're trying to get to know the Dom/me or sub.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're really not my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thianks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any atempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.


this is cute hehe and I must say that this...

1. Specificity

is hard to say sober haha!