Protocol?

[DowntownAmber]

In a little under two weeks, work is taking me out of town and right into the neighborhood of a Dom both Master and I know online but have never met in r/l. (Yes, He's on this forum but I prefer to leave His personal engagement calendar as His own business.) We contacted Him, let Him know of my trip and invited Him to meet if interested. He agreed to. J's original plan was to accompany me on this trip, but as it turns out I will be traveling solo due to His other commitments. Nevertheless, Master gave permission and even encouraged this meeting to still take place. This particular Dom is someone both He and I have learned quite a bit from, and feel comfortable with.

Other than my own Master, this will be the first time I have ever met someone in the Lifestyle like this. So, my question is as follows: is there a particular protocol to meeting another Dom for the first time? How do you greet Him? What do you call Him? Who orders first at dinner? So on and so forth... I know this is a broad question and there really isn't a single right answer, but I'm interested in what people have to say on the topic.

[neitsyst2]

Amber I am so grateful that you continue to ask these questions. I have so many and you are so eloquent and graceful as you ask them. Thank you so much for asking for the answers that we all need!

[cadence]

To be quite honest I don't think that there is any specific protocol that you have to follow, unless it was otherwise stated.
He is not your Dominant so you are not obligated to follow any certain criteria as you do with your own.
If you feel more comfortable in calling him Sir or whatever than that is not a problem to do so.

You are just two people who know each other and are meeting. You undoubtably are going to be respectful of who he is, but other than that you would treat him as any other person you are meeting for a drink, dinner, coffee etc....

[Isabella King]

I think, what you're suggesting is completely alien to me...unless you're just planning on nothing more inocuous than a dinner date - but in that case you wouldn't be asking for directions - but if you are just meeting for a dinner date why would you want to call him by anything other than hs name? Surely you wouldn't have any submissive feelings toward this person you have never met? Or am I missing something?

[icey]

i would just be respectful towards him as i would anyone else,he may be a Dom but he's not your Dom and anyway Doms are regular people too arnt they ...tho i do sometimes wonder lol

if you're a little unsure why not ask your Master to discuss this with the other Dom and see which they or most importantly your Master feels is most suitable? that way you dont have to worry,you can be relaxed and enjoy your evening and you know you've done the right thing and the icing on the cake is you will also have represented your Master very well :)

[Sir_Russell]

If it wasn't set up as a potential play date, and I doubt that you would knowing both you and J-Go, then it is just a meeting between people that have common interests. I guess I am not of the camp that the only way for a man and woman to enjoy each other is in bed.

Treat the Dom with respect unless he proves he is unworthy of that respect but also treat him as a friend. I am sure that if he is a worthy friend and honorable Dom he will treat you as a friend that respects not just the woman or the sub but the friend.

I ramble and agree that J-Go should set any ground rules he feels is neccessary

[Warbaby1943]

I think all the above is great advise unless you are planning on a play date, which you haven't mentioned. As far as who orders dinner first I would think the gentleman should order for you after you tell him what you would like. This to me would be nothing out of the ordinary. Also if you do know him well I think a first name basis would also be in order because, as stated, he is not your Dom.

[Cool Luke's Hand]

Until this Dom makes his intentions clear, I'd treat it as nothing more than a dinner between acquaintances. Be polite, but don't go into the "Sirs" unless you both feel comfortable with it.

[Ozme52]

An exciting opportunity Amber.

Would you have any questions as to how to act if you were being hosted by your boss?
You would be polite and respectful. You would defer to his/her lead at dinner. You would address him/her by his/her "formal" name until/unless he/she tells you otherwise.

Enjoy, absorb, and if appropriate... submit. ;)

[annie]

I would have to agree with Oz and what most others have posted. Courtesy and respect (if it is deserved) is the only thing that the Dom you are meeting is owed, unless specified differently by your Master.

[DowntownAmber]

Thank you all for the responses. Most of what folks are saying is what I suspected, however, being relatively new to this I say better to ask and be sure than be unintentionally rude or disprespectful. The gentleman in question is someone that has taken the time to respond to and mentor J and myself in many little ways, and I'd rather like to make a good impression.

To clear the specifics up, the meeting in question is not a play date or anything above and beyond getting together for dinner. (J and I are not so inclined to share each other in that fashion. ;) ) All an all, I'm looking forward to a very comfortable situation with someone I'm sure will be wonderfully engaging company.

Again, thank you all for the responses! Just making sure I wasn't missing a double secret Dom handshake or some other subtlety of the Lifestyle! *g*

[Warbaby1943]

There are some Doms no matter how well you think you may know them that will still be looking out for number 1. If you are interested in playing that is one thing but if you feel at all pressured into it I would walk away from the meeting and not look back. Too bad J won't be with you. Whatever you do just be careful.

[thrall]

Have a great time and enjoy yourself!!!

The only person you are responsible and answerable to is yourself and J-go. If you have questions.......ask them both. Im very sure that they both will be more then happy to tell you what the want and expect of you.

You will feel what is right. I do not believe that this Dom you are meeting will put you under any undo pressure. He may make you think, He may make you a bit uncomfortable. Make no mistake however, outside of common courtesy and respect you owe this person nothing but a smile and a handshake.

You are and interesting person......He is an interesting person.....so have fun and have a great time.....that is what interesting people do.......lol

[gemmy]

Amber, simply - do as J-Go wishes period

You both know this Dom and have both gotten advice from him and have built a level of respect amongst you. Would you act any different if J-Go was there instead of being absent? I don't think so. You may be sub, but sub to One and whether he is present or not hun, I would conduct myself accordingly. The simple fact that you are not his and there was no play date planned or any preset negotiation means you are simply Amber, not sub-Amber ;) In fact, if he demanded you call him by a 'title' or anything remotely close to an order, I would walk away and fast.

You are a highly intelligent and articulate woman and already carry yourself with a great deal of poise and grace - that's all you need, the rest I'm sure will be a lovely dinner with some stimulating conversation that you can share with J-Go when you return - Enjoy!

[Whippett]

Hi Amber,

You are meeting someone you know - sort of - but not really. Talk to J and ask him what he expects of you at this meeting.

I doubt you're planning anything more than a meeting between friends (or potential friends at least - there is sometimes a difference between on-line friends and people you know in person). Discuss it with J-Go and perhaps J and the other Dom will set ground-rules concerning the meeting - that it is just a meeting of potential friends, and that no play of any kind is welcome or expected. Then stick to the ground rules

Be respectful and show as much respect as the person has earned and demonstrated he is worth being shown. But bear in mind, this Dom is not your Dom. J-Go is. And J-Go is the only Dom you should submit to unless he requires otherwise.

You have no need to submit to anyone who has not earned your submission. In fact, it is wrong to submit just because the person is a Dom. He is not your Dom and has not earned your submission. Be friendly, be pleasant, be your normal self, but order your own food and drink, and leave on your own and take a taxi back to your hotel alone.

Since you have only met on-line - you really don't know everything there is to know about this person. Not everyone on the internet is who they portray themselves to be, after all, and you have no real way of knowing if the private person and public "forum" person are the same.

I know what I'm like - and that I'm trustworthy - but you don't know me - just my words. Were you meeting me, I would expect you to call J-Go when I arrived at the restaurant to meet you, and would expect you to call him during the meal as well - in front of me. I would be concerned about your safety were I in his shoes - and you are meeting a stranger in many respects.

I would also expect to wait at the table after you left - normally I'd wait for a good half hour or so, to let you go without fear that I'd be following you - or I would leave first if you preferred.

Have fun, but your submission belongs to J-Go, and only to him unless he tells you otherwise.

[Sir_Russell]

all right boys and girls, Doms and subs, Masters and slaves it is me that she will meet with. The original meeting was to be between, they hoped for, minx and I and amber and J-Go. Well minx has been released and wouldn't have been here by then. Then J-Go couldn't make it.

I offered to wait till a better time but I also promised her just a meeting, no play I am not her Dom and I respect both of them. lol Maybe I should be asking how to protect myself from a very lovely intelligent lady like amber but I will be good.

[icey]

at least we know she'll be looked after :)
i hope you both have a good and fun evening.

[thrall]

Sir Russell......

Now i know she will have a great time with you!

and as i said before to Amber....

You are and interesting person......He is an interesting person.....so have fun and have a great time.....that is what interesting people do.......lol

[Warbaby1943]

all right boys and girls, Doms and subs, Masters and slaves it is me that she will meet with. The original meeting was to be between, they hoped for, minx and I and amber and J-Go. Well minx has been released and wouldn't have been here by then. Then J-Go couldn't make it.

I offered to wait till a better time but I also promised her just a meeting, no play I am not her Dom and I respect both of them. lol Maybe I should be asking how to protect myself from a very lovely intelligent lady like amber but I will be good.You make all the difference in the world Sir_Russell. However, you must admit there aren't many as honorable as yourself, thus the caution advised here.

[suchaminx]

Amber and Russell - have a great time :)

[gemmy]

all right boys and girls, Doms and subs, Masters and slaves it is me that she will meet with. The original meeting was to be between, they hoped for, minx and I and amber and J-Go. Well minx has been released and wouldn't have been here by then. Then J-Go couldn't make it.

I offered to wait till a better time but I also promised her just a meeting, no play I am not her Dom and I respect both of them. lol Maybe I should be asking how to protect myself from a very lovely intelligent lady like amber but I will be good.

ahhhhhhh now that does help hehe - have a fabulous time!

in light of us all not knowing it was you though Sir_Russell, what is your take on the advice given to Amber and her 'Domly' friend?

[gemmy]

I know what I'm like - and that I'm trustworthy - but you don't know me - just my words. Were you meeting me, I would expect you to call J-Go when I arrived at the restaurant to meet you, and would expect you to call him during the meal as well - in front of me. I would be concerned about your safety were I in his shoes - and you are meeting a stranger in many respects.

I would also expect to wait at the table after you left - normally I'd wait for a good half hour or so, to let you go without fear that I'd be following you - or I would leave first if you preferred.

Awesome safety advice Whippet! I hadn't ever thought about the waiting thing, thank you very much for this :)

[Sir_Russell]

I think the advice is good and similar to what I wrote here and other places.

I know that many are all bluff and brag I am what I seem to be on here. Part of my own code of honor is to not depict myself as anything I am not

[Whippett]

I think the advice is good and similar to what I wrote here and other places.

I know that many are all bluff and brag I am what I seem to be on here. Part of my own code of honor is to not depict myself as anything I am not

It's nice to know it's you Russell.

Not to be nasty or insulting - because I, like you do not depict myself as other than I am. But you don't know me from adam, nor I you. We could be lying through our teeth. Granted, keeping up a consistent facade is extremely difficult - especially over the long term - and you have been here long enough that a facade would have cracked by now. On the basis of that I will accept you to be exactly as you portray yourself. (I haven't been here long enough for you to make a judgment call about me one way or the other, though with your extensive experience you may feel you have a grasp of what I'm like).

You must admit, however, that someone new to the lifestyle, or at least not very experienced could be at incredible risk meeting a new Dom for the first time. For her peace of mind (and safety), setting up a safety net of support to cover her during that first meeting makes sense to me - no matter who she's meeting. Especially if there hasn't been a really extensive or intensive period of getting to know each other by other means first.

In this case you already have that prior relationship with Amber and J-Go - it makes the need for a safety net less important. You also have a history and reputation here that speaks volumes about who you are.

But I stand by what I posted above - someone meeting a new Dom for the first time (whether as a friend or as a potential Master) should have a safety net in place prior to the meeting, regardless of how the person portrays himself on-line unless she already has prior knowledge that the computer image is indeed the real person.

As J-Go is doing, I would likely let my girl meet you without a safety-net in place - but that's because I have a ton of experience, and have read back through your posts and have come to a number of conclusions about your character and honour. I would prefer to be there at a meeting - mainly because I am incredibly proud of my girl and enjoy watching her in public settings, but also because I think you would be a fascinating person to meet and talk to.

And this isn't meant to be insulting, Russell - but I have occasionally picked up the pieces when a rash young sub has made a terrible mistake - and I would rather see a girl err on the side of too much caution than too little.

I've never been insulted when a girl has been cautious with me - and I generally ask her to set up a safety net - if she hasn't thought of doing so for herself already.

[DowntownAmber]

Well, the Dom is out of the bag so to speak! ;) It brings a smile to my face that the entire thread breathed sigh of relief when they realized Sir Russell would be my company for the evening. (Yes, faithful forum readers, I'll be able to say, "oh Sir Russell? Yeah, I've met him... ;) )


As my trip approaches, J and I (and I'm even suspecting J and Sir Russell) will hash out the details. I was never looking at this thread as a definitive instruction manual as to how to be or to act, but simply a matter of newbie curiosity as to others' thoughts. In that regard, thanks all for the many perspectives! Though I feel in my gut it won't be "needed" in the slightest, I certainly still plan to call J and give Him updates and so on. I'm thinking my calls will be more along the lines of, "hey we're having a great time, wish you were here!" but there will be calls nevertheless.

Or, even better, we can sill get J to make the trip! Cross your fingers folks!

[Whippett]

Awesome safety advice Whippet! I hadn't ever thought about the waiting thing, thank you very much for this :)

Hi mastersgem

Predators need to be watched for - and you never know if you're meeting one - especially when you're going with a view to possible submission to someone - so never take your own car - rent or take a taxi. Don't let the Dom overhear where you want to be dropped - or give a totally wrong address to the driver and then correct your destination once he's underway...and make sure either you or the Dom leave well before the other - and that you aren't followed when you do leave.

There are many things a predator can use to get information that leads him right to your door - and you want to keep those things as far away from the possibility of discovery as possible until you have enough trust to prevent the possibility of being stalked or worse. So if you take rental car - leave your drivers licence and anything with your address in the car or keep your purse with you at all times - even when you go to the washroom.

Of course, he could do a reverse trace on your phone number as well.

As a matter of course, when I was in the market, I kept a copy of a police report on me and a recent full STD scan available to provide on request. I don't know what it's called in the UK or elsewhere - but here is't called a CPIC. The police will do them on request for a small fee. Basically, when you request one they run a computer search to see if you have a police record of any sort. I know in Canada they use the RCMP database for the CPIC - and the RCMP is linked to Interpol, so the report really does do more than just a local "warrants and charges" search. People who want to be bonded (for work, for example) are usually asked to provide a CPIC as part of the application process.

Both are useful items to request of a new Dom in your life - and I usually don't wait to be asked - I just hand them over to the girl. The nice thing about a CPIC is they are registered documents - and you can request a validation if you wish (just take it to a police station and ask for a validation - lol - a forged CPIC is a criminal offence). I usually ask the girl to provide a full STD scan at the first real session - so - if the initial meeting goes well, I'll instruct a girl to have a full STD scan for me for the next meeting.

[jeanne]

Well minx has been released...


I'm sorry to hear this. I like minx and thought you two were a good match. I hope that perhaps you two find a way to remain friends at least, if not more.

[J-Go]

Well I suppose it’s time for the “Dom” to chime in on this thread. Perhaps clarify some statements and positions. First off Whippett, thank you for your caring, common sense advice, advice I think followed when any woman meets a man for the first time, advice I would and will give…again thank you. Oz…hmmm not sure when submitting would be appropriate in this situation, I’m going to assume you were kidding. We’ll discuss that this summer when we actually meet…looking forward to that.

As for the “date” Amber asked me about it when she found out she was going to a conference in the city Sir Russell lives near. One of her first responses was “Ohh I wonder if I could meet Sir Russell?” My response was “I think he would be a very interesting person to have dinner with, you should try to meet him.” That folks has really been my involvement in the whole deal. “We” really did not contact him Amber did and the logistics of the meeting have been between DTA and SR. It is (and has been) very unlikely that I am going to accompany her, so she will be on her own…but Amber is a big girl with real life experiences that frankly I trust. I know she is savvy enough to not put herself in a situation that she does not want to be in…If she decides she wants to be in a situation, well me being the biggest baddest Dom in the world would not change that.

From what I have read of his comments and advice posted on the forum, I am sure Sir Russell is, and will be a complete gentleman. But at the end of the day Whippett is correct, Amber won’t know till she meets him. As for me if I was in Amber’s shoes I’d be calling Sir Russell myself…hope she has a great time.

J-Go

[gemmy]

.."Amber is a big girl with real life experiences that frankly I trust. I know she is savvy enough to not put herself in a situation that she does not want to be in…If she decides she wants to be in a situation, well me being the biggest baddest Dom in the world would not change that"....

J-Go, it's not hard to see why Amber is so happy in her choice of Master's - you continue to impress and speak with a wisdom I wish more Men period would pay attention to. The simple statement above is what Any relationship is about and being secure enough to trust Her first and not put petty jealousy on her about what 'may or may not' happen is a wonderful quality.

You both floor me constantly, everytime either of you posts. You guys have such a wit, intelligence, reason, common sense and above all an incredible humour that is so grounded in reality, I am enjoying it so much!! My kudos and respect to you both.

Ok am off to go growl in envy on my own *giggles* ;)

[DowntownAmber]

Well... I hate to spoil the fun faithfull readers, but the business engagement in CO has been put off. Our CEO and loyal sales consultant determined that the $6,000.00 or so we would be spending to go to essentially a "tech convention" would not be worth it for the sales and marketing folks. *sniffle*

Instead, I'll be in Phoenix/Scottsdale on the 18th for a little under a week. I will technically be in the Denver airport for about three hours on the 18th but, much to my disappointment, dinner with the famous Sir Russell will have to occur another time. Denver is a pretty popular place for myself and my team, so I know I'll make it back soon but dammit I was looking forward to this!

[gemmy]

Well... I hate to spoil the fun faithfull readers, but the business engagement in CO has been put off. Our CEO and loyal sales consultant determined that the $6,000.00 or so we would be spending to go to essentially a "tech convention" would not be worth it for the sales and marketing folks. *sniffle*

Instead, I'll be in Phoenix/Scottsdale on the 18th for a little under a week. I will technically be in the Denver airport for about three hours on the 18th but, much to my disappointment, dinner with the famous Sir Russell will have to occur another time. Denver is a pretty popular place for myself and my team, so I know I'll make it back soon but dammit I was looking forward to this!

Awwww hun I'm sorry to hear your trip has been put off, sounds like it would have been fun but as Sir Russell has said, you may yet get to have a quick coffee ;) Then we can all still get to hear about Mr. Infamous hehe

[thrall]

An interesting thought........


How come i don't feel the need to take such precautions with other subs? Or just women for that matter......Domme or sub.

Should we be taking these very same precautions with everyone on line??...Or is it just you Dom's???.......lol. Is the vouch safe of someone you trust enough??

I may be naive about this one but for me it is enough. Im going be gallivanting around with a girl I've never met and .........im going to have the greatest time in the world!

[icey]

An interesting thought........


How come i don't feel the need to take such precautions with other subs? Or just women for that matter......Domme or sub.

Should we be taking these very same precautions with everyone on line??...Or is it just you Dom's???.......lol. Is the vouch safe of someone you trust enough??

it goes for everyone, male, female Dom/me or sub, anybody could be anyone.for eg would you meet with me without knowing nothing of me or taking precautions?
in reality for anyone here knows i could be a Dom/me or a man which I know for certain im not...least last time i looked i wasnt lol



I may be naive about this one but for me it is enough. Im going be gallivanting around with a girl I've never met and .........im going to have the greatest time in the world!

and i hope you have a wonderful time thrall..im sure you will :) but whilst im not being offensive still take all precautions anyone who is genuine will be fine with that,will expect it and will respect it.

thee are people here i would love to meet r/t and am confident of but i would still cover my back so to speak just as i did with Icehawk...just because someone is a girl or sub doesnt mean they come with a guarantee.

[thrall]

Thanks icey........but this one comes iron clad....and i have 100% confidence...and i think she is the greatest!!!

[thrall]

Breathe...

I think you are both saying the same things....

1... That you are who you say you are.
2... That reguardless of who you say you are....when meeting someone for the first time that it prudent to follow all safety precautions......

hugs

[Ozme52]

Oz…hmmm not sure when submitting would be appropriate in this situation, I’m going to assume you were kidding. We’ll discuss that this summer when we actually meet…looking forward to that.


As am I J-Go.

Amber was getting so much advice to be "wary" that I felt compelled to actually answer her question as to how to act.

As far as the final thought was put, as I said... if appropriate.

The lady who runs our munch once said she never blushes.
Now she blushes uncontrollably when I look at her and raise an eyebrow.
Nothing that I did to her, nothing that I said to her outside of the concept of blushing for me in public... and now she can't help herself... Nothing more, but it gives me pleasure to have that control... and she found she likes the attention. You never know what falls into the realm of appropriate. :cool:

[Ozme52]

amber I would be willing to have coffee and whatever at the airport with you and that way I can say I meet the lovely intelligent sexy amber before Oz does. lol, it is a real offer so if you would like I will be there.


laffin. Now that's a worthy way for us to compete Russell.

[Ozme52]

Strange post there Oz.....

Why strange? Because I chose to answer amber's actual question rather than preach something to her that she has elsewhere made clear she knows?



Back to Oz's post- this is/was about two people meeting, who happen to be a Dom & a sub. No 'protocol' or secret handshakes need to be observed, apart from treating each other with the respect you'd give anyone.
Isn't that pretty much what I said? So why try imply I said otherwise. I just added that she should endeavor to enjoy herself.


No offence guys- I'm sure you're both decent & honourable, but let's keep our feet on the ground here, when online moves to in person.

If everyone followed your guidelines, no one would ever meet with someone they got to know online first. I prefer a more balanced approach. You can have your opinion, allow me to have mine.

[DowntownAmber]

Goodness, I take a few days off from being online and the thread explodes! *hehehe*

Sir Russell: I would love to meet you for coffee at the airport. I'll email you with my layover details as soon as I change my flight arrangements.

Oz: though my submission belongs solely to one man, I'm gonna go ahead and guess you'll likely make J-Go AND me blush at some point... I have a sneaking suspicion you just kinda' have that can-make-anyone-blush-in-public type of personality... ;)

Thrall: The same rules of engagement apply for Doms or subs, men or women I would suspect. The world is full of fruitcakes, be prepared. Each situation is different, of course, and the "rules" change based on what type of interaction you've had with the person you're meeting, but I know you have both good sense and good intuition and will handle the situation with healthy doses of both.

[DowntownAmber]

Cool Luke's Hand (and anyone else that determines this thread is someplace to spew venom): if someone deems it necessary to attack you or your position in this thread, by all means feel free to back up your statements. If, on the other hand, you're simply inclined to bust out six paragraphs worth of public "fuck you's" because all the private messaging you've passed back and forth ripping on someone else hasn't quite assuaged the ego hit you took from a comment over a week ago on a completely different thread, well just stop it.

PM the person you don't like and tell them so if it makes you feel better, but keep it off my thread, m'kay? Breathe deeply, count to ten, then patter off and spend the ten minutes it took to write that post and go do something useful or hop on a different thread and write something that will actually help someone or answer a question etc. etc..

Thank you very much, now let's all go on about our day. Mods, is it possible to remove the "angry posts" please? Thank you.

[gemmy]

Goodness, I take a few days off from being online and the thread explodes! *hehehe*

Sir Russell: I would love to meet you for coffee at the airport. I'll email you with my layover details as soon as I change my flight arrangements.

Oz: though my submission belongs solely to one man, I'm gonna go ahead and guess you'll likely make J-Go AND me blush at some point... I have a sneaking suspicion you just kinda' have that can-make-anyone-blush-in-public type of personality... ;)

Thrall: The same rules of engagement apply for Doms or subs, men or women I would suspect. The world is full of fruitcakes, be prepared. Each situation is different, of course, and the "rules" change based on what type of interaction you've had with the person you're meeting, but I know you have both good sense and good intuition and will handle the situation with healthy doses of both.

Well, I for one look forward to hearing an update on the coffee visit hun ;) :D

[thrall]

Thrall: The same rules of engagement apply for Doms or subs, men or women I would suspect. The world is full of fruitcakes, be prepared. Each situation is different, of course, and the "rules" change based on what type of interaction you've had with the person you're meeting, but I know you have both good sense and good intuition and will handle the situation with healthy doses of both.


I know ...and agree. Still and all though i feel more relaxed about the "rules" with women and subs....

And as to those fruitcakes you mentioned.....LMAO....are they the fabled ones that last forever and just keep getting passed around??????

[DowntownAmber]

I know ...and agree. Still and all though i feel more relaxed about the "rules" with women and subs....

And as to those fruitcakes you mentioned.....LMAO....are they the fabled ones that last forever and just keep getting passed around??????

Yes, those ARE the fabled fruitcakes!! Beware!! *giggles uncontrollably*

[thrall]

Alright so now that we have covered the issue of fruitcakes......i have a few questions about them....

What about nuts....some fruitcakes come with nuts???? Are they big nuts or small ones?? Are they as soaked in liquor as reported??....and more importantly.......is it a hard fruitcake or soft one???


Do i need to be more careful of the fruitcake...or the nuts???


all good questions to ponder...........lmao.........*wink*

[Whippett]

As am I J-Go.

Amber was getting so much advice to be "wary" that I felt compelled to actually answer her question as to how to act.

As far as the final thought was put, as I said... if appropriate.

The lady who runs our munch once said she never blushes.
Now she blushes uncontrollably when I look at her and raise an eyebrow.
Nothing that I did to her, nothing that I said to her outside of the concept of blushing for me in public... and now she can't help herself... Nothing more, but it gives me pleasure to have that control... and she found she likes the attention. You never know what falls into the realm of appropriate. :cool:

Am I the only one who finds this incredibly disrespectful to both the young lady and her Dom?

Because I find such blatant disregard for the other Dom's prerogative distasteful in the extreme.

[Sir_Russell]

Whippett

Did you read his first post, if you did then taken in context I don't think he insulted anyone or ask her to become his sub. As far as how she reacts to him is her business. Since the three of them have plans to meet in summer I don't think there is a problem. I am sure they will all be respectful to each other.

Ask yourself why any Dom that has given public coaching on how to be safe when meeting a Dom for the first time is suddenly a villian. I personally hope to meet both Oz and his lovely lady some day soon and I will expect my lady to be respectful and can't even picture his being anything else.

[Alex Bragi]

again tojo you show us more of you then Oz and me. So by your doubts that I am as I seem you seem to be saying that you aren't who you claim to be since after all we all lie here.

Can I say that you personally disgust me and have for a very long time. Your married to a none sub and have girls everywhere that you deeply care for. That too says beware of me and beware of my advise because I see this as just an online game....



Sir Russell, please it's not a good form to paraphrase anyone here. It's confusing and often misleading.

And, no, you may not say that. No member here has the right to judge or criticize any other member's lifestyle or way of life.

[Whippett]

Whippett

Did you read his first post, if you did then taken in context I don't think he insulted anyone or ask her to become his sub. As far as how she reacts to him is her business. Since the three of them have plans to meet in summer I don't think there is a problem. I am sure they will all be respectful to each other.

Ask yourself why any Dom that has given public coaching on how to be safe when meeting a Dom for the first time is suddenly a villian. I personally hope to meet both Oz and his lovely lady some day soon and I will expect my lady to be respectful and can't even picture his being anything else.

I think you missed what I quoted Russell - Oz specifically talks about counting coup on a woman who organizes the munches in his area. There is no indication she is his submissive - he just likes to make her blush to prove he can - and has conditioned her to respond automatically from the sound of it.

Playing mental games that leave your own sub uneasy or humiliated is one thing - doing so to another's sub is extremely disrespectful, and if it were done to my sub - I would have a serious issue with the dominant who had done so - and a public apology that made the dom look like the jerk he had been in doing that stunt would only be part of it. And from Oz's posting - it is clear that the woman he is humiliating is NOT his submissive.

I dislike doms who count coup for the sake of doing so - and find it difficult to respect them since I consider what they do akin to harrasment

[jeanne]

A thought from a sub who's not conversant in the "Dom rules"...so I'm sure some will ignore me.

Just because a woman is submissive doesn't mean she stops being a woman. Doesn't mean she stops enjoying a little bit of attention and admiration from men. I expect if Oz thought this was going to be a problem for either her or her Dom, if she has one, he'd not have done it. I, personally, have never seen him be disrespectful here or in real life.

And I believe, in the post to Amber, there was a caveat - "if appropriate". Not "if I feel like it, if I want you to, etc." - the word was 'appropriate'.

Vocabulary is a wonderful thing.

[Ozme52]

Oz: though my submission belongs solely to one man, Of course. I never imagined otherwise.
I'm gonna go ahead and guess you'll likely make J-Go AND me blush at some point... Certainly not on purpose, I would never presume to do so to J-Go, nor would I do so to you lest it was clear you were receptive to a little flirting. And I know that you wouldn't if J-Go objected. I know you know I never meant to imply otherwise.
I have a sneaking suspicion you just kinda' have that can-make-anyone-blush-in-public type of personality... ;)

Well... if you're challenging me... sure. :cool:

[Ozme52]

Am I the only one who finds this incredibly disrespectful to both the young lady and her Dom?

Because I find such blatant disregard for the other Dom's prerogative distasteful in the extreme.


I think you missed what I quoted Russell - Oz specifically talks about counting coup on a woman who organizes the munches in his area. There is no indication she is his submissive - he just likes to make her blush to prove he can - and has conditioned her to respond automatically from the sound of it.

Playing mental games that leave your own sub uneasy or humiliated is one thing - doing so to another's sub is extremely disrespectful, and if it were done to my sub - I would have a serious issue with the dominant who had done so - and a public apology that made the dom look like the jerk he had been in doing that stunt would only be part of it. And from Oz's posting - it is clear that the woman he is humiliating is NOT his submissive.

I dislike doms who count coup for the sake of doing so - and find it difficult to respect them since I consider what they do akin to harrasment

That's a hell of a leap.
You assume she's a submissive.
You assume she belongs to someone else.
You assume she wasn't flirting.
You assume I imposed myself on her unwillingly.

And there's a hell of a large difference between being embarassed and being humiliated.

Did you not see where I said she likes the attention?
Do you understand the concept of flirting?
Do you understand the concept of appropriate?
How many times do I have to say that? "When appropriate."

Counting coup? I guess that must be what you do, to presume that's what I do.

[Ozme52]

Just because a woman is submissive doesn't mean she stops being a woman. Doesn't mean she stops enjoying a little bit of attention and admiration from men.


Exactly!

[Ozme52]

...but consider myself a fluffy pink high maintenance Dom as well - lol.

Out of context and from an unrelated thread... but I just found this...

...and it speaks to a huge difference between our approach to D/s.

I call your approach sub-centric.
My approach is dom-centric.

There's room for both and neither is abusive.

[cookiecat]

I've just read through this thread.

Ohhhhhhhhh - it's good to be back at the Library. :cool:

Seriously, though - it's wonderful to know this little community extends beyond the monitor and allows for r/l interaction.

[Ozme52]

Now Oz- you've always come across as someone who listens to the other side of an argument & usually talks sense. Allow me to clarify my previous post.




Now, Amber is meeting someone who identifies as a Dom- someone who has never dommed her from what I can gather from her original post. From what you're saying, all subs should defer to any guy who says 'I'm a Dom?'

So if I come on this forum & say I'm 'Regent Tojo' does that mean that when I met Aussiegirl, she should have addressed me as such?

My point is that until a Dom proves that he deserves respect- in person, they're just a guy who says 'I'm a Dom.'

Well, that's part of the problem with the language. I wrote "formal name" and you apparently thought I meant "entitlement".

But you don't call your boss (my example) "Bob" unless he invited you to do so. You use terms like Mr. Bosses-name, or sir. Likewise, if your name is Regent Tojo, then that may well be the best thing to call you... certainly not "master" or "lord" which are "protocol" forms of address. If you invite her to call you Tojo, or master for that matter, she still has the option to decline and address you formally, I guess in this case, as Regent Tojo. ;)

As far as deserving respect is concerned, everyone deserves a modicum of respect, (dom, sub, or vanilla,) until they prove they don't deserve it. I've always found that to be a better approach to dealing with people. And it appears to me, so does amber, as she was concerned about protocol.

Perhaps my explanation was too brief.

[J-Go]

Well, well, well….this has gotten interesting to say the least. Can I just re-establish that I am the Dom here…If I had a problem with Amber meeting Sir Russell, or anyone for that matter I can assure you it would not happen.
I am not, nor have I been insulted by anyone or anything that has been posted on this thread. Oz from one flirt to another…it’s OK, if I think you or anyone has crossed the line I’ll let you know, trust me on this…still looking forward to meeting you! Sir Russell the fact that you are hanging in here on this thread says a great deal so just for clarification, I completely trust Amber, you and your integrity in this meeting. If you have any questions or would simply like to reach out to me as her Dom a simple PM would be fine with me.
As for everyone’s advice thank you. I do think it’s time to put this thread to bed however as the advice has been taken, permission granted (encouraged actually) and the meeting set. Let’s review…the advice has been 1) meet in a public place, I think an airport qualifies. 2) call your Dom when you meet, I look forward to meeting Sir Russell as well albeit over the phone. 3) have an escape plan in case things get weird, we have that. All good advice, all taken and implemented. Again thank you. Now can we all stop hovering around my sub and let me get back to spanking her?...Thank you

[gemmy]

Well, well, well….this has gotten interesting to say the least. Can I just re-establish that I am the Dom here…If I had a problem with Amber meeting Sir Russell, or anyone for that matter I can assure you it would not happen.
I am not, nor have I been insulted by anyone or anything that has been posted on this thread. Oz from one flirt to another…it’s OK, if I think you or anyone has crossed the line I’ll let you know, trust me on this…still looking forward to meeting you! Sir Russell the fact that you are hanging in here on this thread says a great deal so just for clarification, I completely trust Amber, you and your integrity in this meeting. If you have any questions or would simply like to reach out to me as her Dom a simple PM would be fine with me.
As for everyone’s advice thank you. I do think it’s time to put this thread to bed however as the advice has been taken, permission granted (encouraged actually) and the meeting set. Let’s review…the advice has been 1) meet in a public place, I think an airport qualifies. 2) call your Dom when you meet, I look forward to meeting Sir Russell as well albeit over the phone. 3) have an escape plan in case things get weird, we have that. All good advice, all taken and implemented. Again thank you. Now can we all stop hovering around my sub and let me get back to spanking her?...Thank you

*claps* as always J-Go, well said :)

[annie]

An interesting thought........


How come i don't feel the need to take such precautions with other subs? Or just women for that matter......Domme or sub.

Should we be taking these very same precautions with everyone on line??...Or is it just you Dom's???.......lol. Is the vouch safe of someone you trust enough??

I may be naive about this one but for me it is enough. Im going be gallivanting around with a girl I've never met and .........im going to have the greatest time in the world!

Honestly Thrall, in my opinion you should do the same precautions wiht anyone you meet for the first time, especially on line, be them male/female, Dom or sub.

That being said... do I? ummmmmmmm... no. Just becasue it doesn't cross my mind too.

Also, the Doms/men should be taking the EXACT same precautions. I may be a female but that doesn't mean I can't still drug them without their knowledge, lure them somewhere, etc. I could follow them from the restaurant, etc. Heck my "safe" call could even be finalizing details of having help in doing them in. How are they to know or stay safe?

It only makes sense. Now if the big bad Doms didn't think they were invincible most of the time and do it is an entirely different challenge.... *laughs*

[Whippett]

That's a hell of a leap.
You assume she's a submissive.
You assume she belongs to someone else.
You assume she wasn't flirting.
You assume I imposed myself on her unwillingly.

And there's a hell of a large difference between being embarassed and being humiliated.

Did you not see where I said she likes the attention?
Do you understand the concept of flirting?
Do you understand the concept of appropriate?
How many times do I have to say that? "When appropriate."

Counting coup? I guess that must be what you do, to presume that's what I do.

you make presumptions yourself Ozme. Yes, I saw all those points you made - and what rang clearest was your pride in seizing control over the person in question in some small way - and that is counting coup.

It is clear you enjoy counting coup. It appears in a good many of your posts as a common theme. The fact I recognize it does not, however, mean I do it myself.

[annie]

you make presumptions yourself Ozme. Yes, I saw all those points you made - and what rang clearest was your pride in seizing control over the person in question in some small way - and that is counting coup.

It is clear you enjoy counting coup. It appears in a good many of your posts as a common theme. The fact I recognize it does not, however, mean I do it myself.

OK... so you two don't Dom in the same fashion. Duly noted. Everyone can make their own judgments and opinions about either/both of you. So... can the pissing match end now? (I would much prefer to buy tickets to the next show about spanking as JGlo suggested! :D)

[Warbaby1943]

Everyone is free to not follow this thread if they wish. Why do some not like a spirited debate? Isn't that what forums such as this are for - to present differing views?

Personally I enjoy reading threads like this much more then some others here. You get different philosophies along with other thoughts and ideas. I would only suggest that personal attacks, such as those above, be minimized and flaming rules be invoked.

[annie]

Everyone is free to not follow this thread if they wish. Why do some not like a spirited debate?

Hmmmmmmm if I answer that then I could potentially be in a pissing match, since I doubt either of us are going to change our opinions... ;) :D

[Warbaby1943]

Hmmmmmmm if I answer that then I could potentially be in a pissing match, since I doubt either of us are going to change our opinions... ;) :DYou're right.

[Mr.FixIt]

This is my first time posting here. I am very impressed by what I've seen. My work often takes me to all points elsewhere, and my response to DowntownAmber's original question would have been entirely different, but I appreciate the opportunity to observe your various points of view.

[Alex Bragi]

Well seeing as how we don't seem to want this thread to die as I'd hoped....

Oh & btw mods- what happened to Cool Luke's Hand's second post? Is it OK for Russell to say I 'personally disgust him' but not for Luke to say as he pleases? Please explain.

Now Oz- you've always come across as someone who listens to the other side of an argument & usually talks sense. Allow me to clarify my previous post.




Now, Amber is meeting someone who identifies as a Dom- someone who has never dommed her from what I can gather from her original post. From what you're saying, all subs should defer to any guy who says 'I'm a Dom?'

So if I come on this forum & say I'm 'Regent Tojo' does that mean that when I met Aussiegirl, she should have addressed me as such?

My point is that until a Dom proves that he deserves respect- in person, they're just a guy who says 'I'm a Dom.'


Unfortunately, Cool Luke's Hand has been a bit of loaded gun ever since he arrived here, with several of his posts having to be edited and warnings issued. His post on this thread, plus another extremely scathing tirade on another has been removed along with his membership--he's been banned.

You and Sir Russell are intelligent men and valued members of this site. I know you're also both very well liked and respected and, generally, have a lot of good things to offer. I believe this is the reason that you've both been give a certain amount of latitude at times.

Now please, may we get back to Amber's original question and discussion, which I was actually finding rather interesting.

:)

[gemmy]

Everyone is free to not follow this thread if they wish. Why do some not like a spirited debate? Isn't that what forums such as this are for - to present differing views?

Personally I enjoy reading threads like this much more then some others here. You get different philosophies along with other thoughts and ideas. I would only suggest that personal attacks, such as those above, be minimized and flaming rules be invoked.

I agree to an extent Warbaby - but the 'debate' isn't in form with the OP's question - If a debate is wanted, then that thread should be done aside and apart from this one, no? ;)

[Alex Bragi]

I agree to an extent Warbaby - but the 'debate' isn't in form with the OP's question - If a debate is wanted, then that thread should be done aside and apart from this one, no? ;)

gem, there's often a fine line between "debate" and "discussion", let's not debate or discuss the diferences here. ;)

[Mr.FixIt]

My sub and I, long before she agreed to be my sub, agreed to not go anywhere without each other. I cannot fathom her leaving our home to meet someone without me--with miles of distance between us--or my agreement to such a scenario. I know that most of the world is a lot more comfortable with the concept, but I would never set her up to meet someone w/o me. And she would not either. But, we are old souls, and we are a little different than most. What a situation to put her in! Surely she would find some forum for advice. Thankfully, the advice that (most) of you have provided has been well-intentioned. However, We would simply feel that a person in a devoted (or Dom/sub) relationship would never allow this type of meeting to occur. Please do not misunderstand, there is no judgement implied here--I just cannot comprehend how this type of meeting would be appropriate or justified.

[lily27]

My sub and I, long before she agreed to be my sub, agreed to not go anywhere without each other. I cannot fathom her leaving our home to meet someone without me--with miles of distance between us--or my agreement to such a scenario. I know that most of the world is a lot more comfortable with the concept, but I would never set her up to meet someone w/o me. And she would not either. But, we are old souls, and we are a little different than most. What a situation to put her in! Surely she would find some forum for advice. Thankfully, the advice that (most) of you have provided has been well-intentioned. However, We would simply feel that a person in a devoted (or Dom/sub) relationship would never allow this type of meeting to occur. Please do not misunderstand, there is no judgement implied here--I just cannot comprehend how this type of meeting would be appropriate or justified.

I think that is a very interesting angle that no one has brought up yet. I understand that there is no judgement intended, and I don't have any either, but it is an important point to make.

If I wanted to meet another submissive I am pretty sure Master would easily find it suitable to grant permission. However, meeting a Dom would be a different story. I just yelled down the hallway at him "If I was travelling and wanted to meet a Dom, would you let me?" He replied "It depends... now I am going to bed," so we will have to discuss this one further tomorrow.

If it was someone that he knew personally, then perhaps. I am not sure if he would be willing to send me to meet a stranger.

Food for thought, definitely.

And welcome to the Forums, Mr. Fix It.

[thrall]

Honestly Thrall, in my opinion you should do the same precautions wiht anyone you meet for the first time, especially on line, be them male/female, Dom or sub.

That being said... do I? ummmmmmmm... no. Just becasue it doesn't cross my mind too.



Yes i understand that.....i will usually meet for time meet in a public place....but with a sub i dont feel the need to do all the safe call thing..... And as to protocol of how to act.....i treat them as i would anyone else. I treat them with friendly casual respect and open honest friendship.....

But that being said.....the subs that i am going to meet soon i just plain trust 100% sight unseen.....(hugs to both of you)

[Tojo]

Thanks Alex- I accept that.

Oz- yeah, we're getting lost in the language here! :32:

Answer this question please- which does actually relate to Amber's original post.

Suppose jane, who calls herself a sub, meets Master Jack, who calls himself a Dom.

They've never met face to face, & only know each other from a forum (much like this one)

Do you believe jane should call him 'Master Jack' which is how he identifies on the forum, or should she call him Jason- which is the name his mother gave him & his real name?

Secondly, should she treat him with more respect than she'd treat anyone else, for the simple reason that he's said 'I'm a Dom.'

[lily27]

I am not Oz (if you couldn't tell....) but you pose interesting questions Tojo, so I am going to butt in.

If I am meeting someone in person, I am looking to meet the real person, and not their online persona. I would expect to call them by their given name (and would certainly expect to be provided with their given name) until I deemed it appropriate to call them something different. I am not implying that anyone is misrepresenting themselves online, but we all have an online persona. For example....

<------ This is not my ass. It is just a great picture. I have been honest about that to the umpteen people who have PM'd me to ask.

lily is not my real name.

Although BDSM is an important aspect of my life, it is not the only thing. If you are meeting me in person I expect you to be interested in all of me, not just "lily with the hot avatar" and as such would refer to me by my real name.

And no, nobody deserves more respect just because they state they are a Dom. Even if I know for a fact that they are a Dom I do not respect them any more than I would my father, my brother, or a close friend. The only person who is granted additional respect is my Master, and that is something he proved he deserves.

[Isabella King]

<------ This is not my ass. It is just a great picture. I have been honest about that to the umpteen people who have PM'd me to ask.

Awh! I'm disappointed, Lily. I thought that was your bum :D

[cookiecat]

Didn't Amber contact Him? Or shall I say him - since in this context, he's not her Dom? I realize - at first - she was going with her Dom and then that changed.

Isn't this meeting as friends? No potential play date? I would (with permission) welcome the opportunity to meet friends I've come to know here on the board - Doms, subs, whatever the label. Of course, precautions are always good! However, we do get to know each other fairly well through this forum.

A little lunch, a cup of coffee and the opportunity to connect with a forum friend. Sounds kinda cool.

[Sir_Russell]

hmmmmmm, I just realized the proof in mine and ambers case will be in the meeting. Afterwards she can answer if I am as I appear to be and if I am a risk to subbies everywhere. LOL, this still won't prove that meeting anyone for the first time is safe or not.

Oh as an aside here I have given J-Go my full name driver's license # current address, new address, current phone # and new phone #. To cross reference a thread on trust I guess I fall into I get a feel for who I can trust and then I do till there is proof that it was a mistake.

I also agree that all that info should indeed be given to both Dom and sub that are meeting for an intro that may lead to future a future session. Sadly for me that isn't going to happen and isn't the reason for this meet at all.

I think I have found kindred spirits in both amber and J-Go and will come away from our meetings with new wonderful friends.

Oh I as a geezer thank all of you that assumed I would be able to mmmmm seduce the lovely intelligent amber but her own code of honor would never allow that.

[Warbaby1943]

erased -premature post-u-lation

[Mr.FixIt]

It's not a big deal, it happens to most of us, Warbaby!

[gemmy]

erased -premature post-u-lation

*giggles madly* that's great! haha

[gemmy]

*whistles innocently*

psssssssssst -there is a thread for you boys to go play in over there ----------->(General Talk) hehehe

How about we leave Amber's thread on her topic and put the discussion of who's who in the Dom world to the new topic I've provided hmmmmm?

I for one would enjoy continuing to watch and learn, just not at this post's expense ;)

~wiggles on out~

[DowntownAmber]

I am very much looking forward to penning the follow-up to this thread... If this simple little post could get so much attention, I can't imagine the interest that will be paid to the actual meeting!

Of course, I will probably end up saying that Sir Russell is a really nice guy and we had a great conversation and he didn't try to mollest me in baggage claim so no one will really care cuz where's the controversy in that??

Then we'll meet Oz and J and I will likely post we had a great time with him too and laughed until someone shot beer out their nose and not even once did Oz grab me by the hair and try to steal me away on the back of his bike.

Hmmm, normal adult interaction there too, dammit! Where's the fun in that??

*giggles uncontrollably and wanders off*

[gemmy]

lmao Amber - So embelish for the Domly types *giggles n winks*

[Warbaby1943]

lmao Amber - So embelish for the Domly types *giggles n winks*
Now be fair here. These last couple comments were as far off base form the original question as those that a new thread was started over, wouldn't you say? LOL

[gemmy]

lol yes *hangs head in shame*

[Mr.FixIt]

It's not a big deal, it happens to most of us, Warbaby!

My sub, stripedangel, accidentally sent this post under my logon this morning. On that note, and out of respect for J-Go, Russell and amber, I will bow out of this thread. Please do not misunderstand any of my posts, I only intended to offer another perspective and did not intend to imply that mine was the only correct perspective. I also failed to read J-Go's previous post asking that we put this thread to rest.

That being said, I have work to do to ensure that my logon is not inadvertantly used again!

[Warbaby1943]

My sub, stripedangel, accidentally sent this post under my logon this morning. On that note, and out of respect for J-Go, Russell and amber, I will bow out of this thread. Please do not misunderstand any of my posts, I only intended to offer another perspective and did not intend to imply that mine was the only correct perspective. I also failed to read J-Go's previous post asking that we put this thread to rest.

That being said, I have work to do to ensure that my logon is not inadvertantly used again!LOL that happens too.

[DowntownAmber]

My sub, stripedangel, accidentally sent this post under my logon this morning. On that note, and out of respect for J-Go, Russell and amber, I will bow out of this thread. Please do not misunderstand any of my posts, I only intended to offer another perspective and did not intend to imply that mine was the only correct perspective. I also failed to read J-Go's previous post asking that we put this thread to rest.

That being said, I have work to do to ensure that my logon is not inadvertantly used again!

Oh no, no offense was taken on this end at all. Quite the contrary, an interesting perspective and I'm glad you shared. I agree with you, in fact, in the sense this meeting would never happen as a play date, but as friends getting together? It seems most comfortable. On that we disagree, but certainly it's not a malice laced debate. ;)

[Ozme52]

Oz- yeah, we're getting lost in the language here! :32:

Answer this question please- which does actually relate to Amber's original post.

Suppose jane, who calls herself a sub, meets Master Jack, who calls himself a Dom.

They've never met face to face, & only know each other from a forum (much like this one)

Do you believe jane should call him 'Master Jack' which is how he identifies on the forum, or should she call him Jason- which is the name his mother gave him & his real name?

Secondly, should she treat him with more respect than she'd treat anyone else, for the simple reason that he's said 'I'm a Dom.'


For all intents and purposes I answered this already in response to your Regent Tojo question.

Master, Mister, what's the difference. It means nothing if that's the only name he's known by. If he tells her his name is Jason, then that is the same as Mr. Bossname telling you his name is Bob... a tacit invitation to use his given name.

Secondly... again! No! What I said was... no more respect than you might give your boss, which in my eyes, is the same respect I give to anyone upon meeting them for the first time. I only uses familiar terms of address with my friends and social acquaintances.


BTW, I really loathed answering you after J-Go asked us to desist. I ignored the general comments because I was trying to respect his wishes. But you called me out by name...

J-Go, I hope you understand why I responded.

[DowntownAmber]

BTW, I really loathed answering you after J-Go asked us to desist. I ignored the general comments because I was trying to respect his wishes. But you called me out by name...

J-Go, I hope you understand why I responded.

The thread stayed quiet just long enough for J to squeeze in a good spanking session (well, okay, a quick ass slap) before he sent me off to Wisconsin for the weekend. ;) It's just lucky there are no WI Doms lurking or we could get this whole damn bee's nest stirred up again!

[Ozme52]

:d

[Tojo]

Oz in the first place this thread was started by Downtown Amber- not J-Go.

The original post was asking about protocol "Is there a particular protocol to meeting another Dom for the first time"

I also prefaced my post with 'seeing as how we don't want this thread to die as I'd hoped'

You're still hinting around the question- what does your boss have to do with it? She's not meeting her boss.

I'll go on thinking that you believe that anyone who says they're a Dom, or a Sir somehow deserves respect. If that's what you think it's fine- I just don't happen to agree. End of story.

BTW- I did not 'call you out' I merely asked you to clarify a post. We're not gunfighters, & I personally couldn't care less who can piss the furthest, as someone put it.

[Sadistic1]

Protocol? Your meeting a friend who both knows you and your Master.

I dont believe there is any need for concern, in my case I have met many people over the years. Just be friendly and enjoy the meeting, respect is always a must as Russell stated.

The only protocol that should be followed is the one your Master sets you :)

[gemmy]

Protocol? Your meeting a friend who both knows you and your Master.

I dont believe there is any need for concern, in my case I have met many people over the years. Just be friendly and enjoy the meeting, respect is always a must as Russell stated.

The only protocol that should be followed is the one your Master sets you :)

Exactly!

Simple as ;) hehe

[TomOfSweden]

This thread has everything that soap operas want but lack. Nail biting and very entertaining.

But to follow the topic. I'd say yes, there's a protocol. If you're a collared slave, you should ask your master what the protocol is. Everybody else on the forum can take their opinions and get lost ;)

edit: oops. I see Sadistic1 beat me to it. In that case I simply agree with him.

[DowntownAmber]

*bump*

Just when we all thought the thread was dead, I'm back to breathe some life into it... *hehehe*

Sadly, however, what I have to say lacks all the drama of the previous four pages worth of posts. Yes, that's right folks: FOUR PAGES. Sheesh guys... ;)

Anyway...

I made my trek through Sir Russell's neighborhood earlier today and we met up for a quick drink and chat. He is an absolutely wonderful gentleman - charming, interesting, and quite thoughtful. It took all of three seconds for me to come to the conclusion that, public place notwithstanding, I was with someone that I was safe and secure with. J did call to check in, of course, but as soon as He heard my tone of voice when I told Him I was having a fabulous time with Russell He laughed and told me to get back to my drink and company. In fact, I was more than a little disappointed Sir Russell and I only had a couple of hours to converse - I am already looking forward to making it back to town so He and J-Go and I can all get together. Proof, once again, that while online isn't a bad way to get the ball rolling, there's nothing quite like the real world.

Oh, and to all the subbies that wanted to know: yes, He does look just like the avatar.

[Ozme52]

Awesome and no less than I, for one, expected.

[thrall]

You got to love meeting interesting people!!!...Im happy you had a good time.

[gemmy]

hehehe awesome to hear it Amber, I'm happy you both enjoyed meeting :)

[gemmy]

~wiggles~

[Logic1]

You got to love meeting interesting people!!!...Im happy you had a good time.

that I just had to quote for truth.
*smile*

[sub84]

*bump*
I made my trek through Sir Russell's neighborhood earlier today and we met up for a quick drink and chat. He is an absolutely wonderful gentleman - charming, interesting, and quite thoughtful. It took all of three seconds for me to come to the conclusion that, public place notwithstanding, I was with someone that I was safe and secure with. J did call to check in, of course, but as soon as He heard my tone of voice when I told Him I was having a fabulous time with Russell He laughed and told me to get back to my drink and company. In fact, I was more than a little disappointed Sir Russell and I only had a couple of hours to converse - I am already looking forward to making it back to town so He and J-Go and I can all get together. Proof, once again, that while online isn't a bad way to get the ball rolling, there's nothing quite like the real world.

Oh, and to all the subbies that wanted to know: yes, He does look just like the avatar.

thats good to know ;) glad you had a good time.

[Tojo]

Awesome and no less than I, for one, expected.

Yep, me too, glad it went well Amber. :)

[DowntownAmber]

*bump again!*

I'm seriously considering changing the name of this thread from "Protocol?" to "J and Amber Meet The Forum!" ;) Of course, then it'll have to be moved out of the Dom's Dungeon and all sorts of other bothersome mod things, blah blah blah, so, anyway...wait...where was I going with this??

Oh yes... *ahem* Since Sir Russell survived His meeting with me in tact and didn't end up the victim of a brutal and hideous airport subbie slaying, another intrepid forum member has decided that she too would like to have a casual little airport get together. Of course, neither she nor I nor J have travel plans that intersect anytime in the forseeable future so our aforementioned subbie friend took initiative and booked herself a ticket to our very own friendly neighborhood landing strip. Thinking that this was rather an expensive way to meet for Bloody Marys in an bad airport lounge, we took the next logical step and all thought to ourselves, "let's all go back to Amber's place and just stay the weekend!" That's right folks, we ARE just that clever... I mean Hell, if one is going to pay to fly all the way out to J and Amberville, why not stay a few days? The airline DOES let you bring a suitcase big enough to hold a change of clean socks, right? See? All good. ;)

So, in roughly 18 hours J and I will be hosting our first r/l subbie friend and, frankly, I am thrilled. I find her quite delightful online, and fully imagine she's equally impressive in r/l. And this time around I know better than to launch a four page protocol thread - instead I'll just say we're all gonna get together just as "regular" friends do and enjoy each other's company.

Perhaps, however, I WILL launch a "guess the forum member that's bold enough to come and meet J and Amber" thread... *hehehe*

[butterflySlave4u]

oooooh!! Intrigue and drama!! Gotta love it!

[GearJammer]

Now, see, Amber... You asked about something that shouldn't really matter (the "official" (my word) protocol for addressing a Dom that's not your Dom), and all this maelstrom erupted. But now, out of that, you get to meet someone you didn't plan to meet, spend a bit of time with them, and expand your world in what will most likely be a favorable way.

Everything "happens" for a reason, I believe.

Somehow, I suspect that the original meeting wasn't about the original meeting, although none of us knew that at the time...

Have a wonderful weekend.

Gear

[J-Go]

In the interest of keeping this highly entertaining thread, well entertaining, I’m going update you all on my meeting with a subbie other than my Amber. Sorry folks after the above diatribe, I decided not to ask for anyone’s opinion on proper protocol when meeting a sub for the first time (so please PLEASE! Don’t offer). Amber and I decided to take a bold step and just go head and call the aforementioned by her name….fascinating concept I thought!
Although the visit has NOT turned into the bondage extravaganza I may or may not have held as a fantasy in my Domly brain, it as turned into a delightful visit none the less. The plan for the evening is to head to a few choice pubs, see some sites and discuss all you folks on the forum! Cheers!

J

[icey]

hope our ears dont turn too red!! have a great evening *s*

[DowntownAmber]

Tis true Gear, it really wasn't anything that mattered, simply my own curiousity. There seems to be certain protocol for online, such as spelling the names of Doms with caps and subs lower case, little things such as that, and I was simply wondering whether there were real life quirks to this lifestyle as well. It really was a meant to be gathering of others' experiences, but for whatever reason it did indeed incite some lengthy responses. Fabulous though, as it has been an interesting maelstrom, to say the least! *hehehe*

Though I do have a quesion: "Somehow, I suspect that the original meeting wasn't about the original meeting, although none of us knew that at the time..." Not sure what you meant by that, and I'd hate to misunderstand because I will certainly and happily clear up what exactly I meant at any given point in the thread. Thanks!

Oh and J? You mean you wanted to BE THERE for the bondage extravaganza?? Oh heck, you didn't say THAT! Damn it all we started without you... ;) *hehehe* Bad subbies!

[gemmy]

So for all wondering, I am said and aforementioned subbie that went to J and Amberville and had an amazingly great time! Something not to be missed by any on tour should one decide they need a break and to be hosted by some very cool people that I am very happy to call friends.

Beers were had, many many laughs shared and a sunburn (yes a sunburn!) on my left arm and neck were gained while sharing a pint on a very relaxing Saturday afternoon on a downtown patio *s*

Thank you both for a supremely relaxing get away - I'll definitely be back to visit again.

[Ozme52]

In the interest of keeping this highly entertaining thread, well entertaining, I’m going update you all on my meeting with a subbie other than my Amber. Sorry folks after the above diatribe, I decided not to ask for anyone’s opinion on proper protocol when meeting a sub for the first time (so please PLEASE! Don’t offer). Amber and I decided to take a bold step and just go head and call the aforementioned by her name….fascinating concept I thought!
Although the visit has NOT turned into the bondage extravaganza I may or may not have held as a fantasy in my Domly brain, it as turned into a delightful visit none the less. The plan for the evening is to head to a few choice pubs, see some sites and discuss all you folks on the forum! Cheers!

J


So I guess I would be out of line if I suggested "Dominate if appropriate." :rolleyes:

Yep... that's why I'm not even gonna mention it. ;)

[Ozme52]

Hmmm. Timing is everything.

[gemmy]

Hmmm. Timing is everything.

Well Oz, I'll just have to retour when your bike cruises through ;) hehe
:264:

[Ozme52]

;)

[DowntownAmber]

So I guess I would be out of line if I suggested "Dominate if appropriate." :rolleyes:

Yep... that's why I'm not even gonna mention it. ;)

Oz Dear, you are NEVER "out of line." You're simply Oz, and we adore you for it! ;)

[J-Go]

So I guess I would be out of line if I suggested "Dominate if appropriate." :rolleyes:

Yep... that's why I'm not even gonna mention it. ;)


Appreciated dear Oz! Happy travels!

[DowntownAmber]

*BUMP!*

Sooo... Guess who's comin' through town next week? ;)

[gemmy]

awwwwwwwww I'm so jealous I'm going to miss him *pouts*

When is he in town?

[thrall]

HHHHHMMMMM????....could it be.....maybe....OZ????

[DowntownAmber]

Awww, the girls are good guessers! Yup, the Wizard of Ahhhhhs (that just makes me giggle even to type it!) will be here on Wednesday! I'll keep an extensive and detailed blog...

[thrall]

lol......so far all i hear are good things.........so im sure you wont be disappointed!....woohoo!

[gemmy]

Awww, the girls are good guessers! Yup, the Wizard of Ahhhhhs (that just makes me giggle even to type it!) will be here on Wednesday! I'll keep an extensive and detailed blog...

Oh, you're such a lucky lucky gurl - give him a special 'grope' from me *winks* - have a wonderful time!! Can't wait to read that blog hehe

[DowntownAmber]

Oh, you're such a lucky lucky gurl - give him a special 'grope' from me *winks* - have a wonderful time!! Can't wait to read that blog hehe

Well, I dunno if there will be groping, I mean, we'll only just have met and that would be so out of line!

[sidhewolf]

Awww, the girls are good guessers! Yup, the Wizard of Ahhhhhs (that just makes me giggle even to type it!) will be here on Wednesday! I'll keep an extensive and detailed blog...

Awesome opportunity Amber :) I realy enjoyed meeting and spending Time with Him .... though He surely could have stayed longer :exellent1.

Enjoy and yes please do keep that log and share it hehehehehe.

Respectfully~SindheWolf

[sidhewolf]

hehehehehe Not Always....unless your Dom isn't ok with it <grins>. He certainly Looks gropeable <winks>.

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[gemmy]

Well, I dunno if there will be groping, I mean, we'll only just have met and that would be so out of line!

lmao Gorgeous - c'mon.......just one 'Greg' grope *giggles madly*

[DowntownAmber]

There's an Oz on my sofa right now. J and I are learning all his deep dark Domly secrets.



btw, is this the correct spelling for "karada?" *hehehe* :hubba:

[Ozme52]

...talk about tying one on!

;)

[gemmy]

...talk about tying one on!

;)

*giggles madly* they do know how to do that well don't they? hehe

*waits Very impatiently for details please*

[DowntownAmber]

*giggles madly* they do know how to do that well don't they? hehe

*waits Very impatiently for details please*

I would type out an entire three page post o' details, but it's hard to type that much when you can only reach over and peck at the keys with your nose... *weg*

[gemmy]

*stands with hands on hips*

But you promised!!! :P

[DowntownAmber]

Okay, I was gonna kick Oz out on Thursday, then Friday, and well that turned into sometime Monday so I would flesh this thread out (so to speak) but my Wandering Wizard won't go away and it's taking a lot more time than one would suspect to keep him entertained. Damn Doms, you feed 'em and they just keep lingering around...

Anyway, stay tuned, the update is coming soon!

***In our next installment to the oft controversial but always amusing Protocol thread, we answer the question: "is it ever okay to refer to a Dom's motercycle as a 'scooter??'" to be followed by "ninety-seven things NEVER to say out loud about a Dom's motorcycle leathers." ;) ***

[Alex Bragi]

***In our next installment to the oft controversial but always amusing Protocol thread, we answer the question: "is it ever okay to refer to a Dom's motercycle as a 'scooter??'" to be followed by "ninety-seven things NEVER to say out loud about a Dom's motorcycle leathers." ;) ***

:) Cute!

[DowntownAmber]

:) Cute!

How did you know that's Number One on the list?? You've played this game before! ;)

[claire]

Lol

[gemmy]

LMAO!!! I love it! Original as always hehe

Can't wait to hear the update installments ;)

[Ozme52]

Patience girl!! ;)

[gemmy]

Patience girl!! ;)

*rolls over laughing*

Patience? huh? is that even a word in a subbie dictionary? hehehe geesh!

[DowntownAmber]

Alrighty then... Before Gemmy hurts herself by trying to contain the squealing glee that is her anticipation for this post, I'd better write something! ;)

*ahem*

Oz's real name is Francis. His “motorcycle?” Sorry to disappoint folks, it’s a Vespa scooter and I think his “leathers” are actually Pleather. He’s kinda’ short, tells bad jokes, and couldn’t even get a collar on my dog… He stayed one night then ran off with J the very next day and the two of them were last seen heading west still fighting over who gets to use the flog on whom tonight.

*picks Gemmy up off the floor*

Sheesh, I’m kidding! I wouldn’t tell the entire internet the Wizard’s name, he rides a sweeeeeet and way bad ass bike, cows did indeed die to outfit him in an appropriately biker-esque fashion, he’s tall, he’s funny (well, save for the snail joke), and…um…okay…he never did get the collar on the dog but between he and J they managed to tie yours truly up in one rather impressive karada. (Over my clothes Gemmy, get your mind out of the gutter! ;) )

Moving on…

I am going to return to the original title of this post: Protocol. *pauses as the mods brace themselves for the five page s***storm that's likely to erupt at the mere mention of the word* The Wandering Wizard (also known as "Oz" for all you newbies) made it into town just a touch earlier than he suspected last week - thus, I was still at the office doing all manner of very mundane office activities when he rang. Oz agreed to park himself somewhere downtown (yeah, I really do live downtown, it ain’t just a name) and wait out what was left of my work day. I suppose I could have left him alone with his thoughts and a cup of coffee, but in the interest of safety and proper Amber protocol, the infamous J-Go set off to greet and scope out the equally infamous Wizard of Ahhhhhhhs. As I was driving from the office to catch up with this Domly pair, a number of things crossed my mind, including but not limited to: “I wonder what happens when you put two Doms in a coffee shop together? Is this a good thing? A bad thing? Will I pull into the parking lot to find a Domly throw down taking place, posturing and chest thumping, or (even worse) the two of them plotting to tie me up and NOT flog me for not being able to convince Gemmy to blow another few hundred bucks on plane tickets to come see us??” *hehehe*

As it turns out, what I found was a pair of confidently open and entirely relaxed gentlemen getting to know each other under what most people would consider pretty freaky circumstances. I’ve rarely been as amused and I’ve rarely been as content with a new friendship as I was in that first hour the three of us sat together and talked. By later the same evening, it was decided Oz may as well just stay through the weekend. Many conversations, a couple bike rides, and many knot tying lessons later ;), we sent the Wandering Wizard on his way.

Truth be told, I think I’m gonna miss him just a little, but I have a sneaking suspicion we might see Oz through our neck of the woods again sometime. “Subbie Roundup” next July perhaps?? ;)

P.S. Yes, this really is what Oz looks like --> :D

P.S.S. Okay, okay - I have pictures of us... You'll note Oz's arm makes an appearance, as does my ass, thus answering the oft asked questions, "is that really DTA's ass in her avatar?" and "I wonder if that's really Oz's arm in his avatar?" *giggles madly and goes to bed*

[gemmy]

Alrighty then... Before Gemmy hurts herself by trying to contain the squealing glee that is her anticipation for this post, I'd better write something! ;)

hehehe - about friggen time woman!!

*ahem*

Oz's real name is Francis. His “motorcycle?” Sorry to disappoint folks, it’s a Vespa scooter and I think his “leathers” are actually Pleather. He’s kinda’ short, tells bad jokes, and couldn’t even get a collar on my dog… He stayed one night then ran off with J the very next day and the two of them were last seen heading west still fighting over who gets to use the flog on whom tonight.

*picks Gemmy up off the floor* lmfao, omg too funny!

Sheesh, I’m kidding! I wouldn’t tell the entire internet the Wizard’s name, he rides a sweeeeeet and way bad ass bike, cows did indeed die to outfit him in an appropriately biker-esque fashion, he’s tall, he’s funny (well, save for the snail joke), and…um…okay…he never did get the collar on the dog but between he and J they managed to tie yours truly up in one rather impressive karada. (Over my clothes Gemmy, get your mind out of the gutter! ;) )

What? What? I didn't think a single 'gutter' thought *bats eyes innocently* :D

Moving on…

I am going to return to the original title of this post: Protocol. *pauses as the mods brace themselves for the five page s***storm that's likely to erupt at the mere mention of the word* The Wandering Wizard (also known as "Oz" for all you newbies) made it into town just a touch earlier than he suspected last week - thus, I was still at the office doing all manner of very mundane office activities when he rang. Oz agreed to park himself somewhere downtown (yeah, I really do live downtown, it ain’t just a name) and wait out what was left of my work day. I suppose I could have left him alone with his thoughts and a cup of coffee, but in the interest of safety and proper Amber protocol, the infamous J-Go set off to greet and scope out the equally infamous Wizard of Ahhhhhhhs. As I was driving from the office to catch up with this Domly pair, a number of things crossed my mind, including but not limited to: “I wonder what happens when you put two Doms in a coffee shop together? Is this a good thing? A bad thing? Will I pull into the parking lot to find a Domly throw down taking place, posturing and chest thumping, or (even worse) the two of them plotting to tie me up and NOT flog me for not being able to convince Gemmy to blow another few hundred bucks on plane tickets to come see us??” *hehehe*

I'm sure it wouldn't have taken much save for the fact I have pneumonia atm lmao

As it turns out, what I found was a pair of confidently open and entirely relaxed gentlemen getting to know each other under what most people would consider pretty freaky circumstances. I’ve rarely been as amused and I’ve rarely been as content with a new friendship as I was in that first hour the three of us sat together and talked. By later the same evening, it was decided Oz may as well just stay through the weekend. Many conversations, a couple bike rides, and many knot tying lessons later ;), we sent the Wandering Wizard on his way.

Truth be told, I think I’m gonna miss him just a little, but I have a sneaking suspicion we might see Oz through our neck of the woods again sometime. “Subbie Roundup” next July perhaps?? ;)

0o0o0o0o Roundin Up Downtown Subs, I'm in! ;) :D

P.S. Yes, this really is what Oz looks like --> :D

P.S.S. Okay, okay - I have pictures of us... You'll note Oz's arm makes an appearance, as does my ass, thus answering the oft asked questions, "is that really DTA's ass in her avatar?" and "I wonder if that's really Oz's arm in his avatar?" *giggles madly and goes to bed*

I can't wait to see the photos :D *nudges the mods*

Did I not just say that patience isn't in the subbie dictionary!! hehe

Awesome you all had a great time and I can't wait to come back Downtown myself :D

[Ozme52]

Oz's real name is Francis. His “motorcycle?” Sorry to disappoint folks, it’s a Vespa scooter and I think his “leathers” are actually Pleather. He’s kinda’ short, tells bad jokes, and couldn’t even get a collar on my dog… He stayed one night then ran off with J the very next day and the two of them were last seen heading west still fighting over who gets to use the flog on whom tonight.

Well, I was going to ponder just how to get justice for this journalistic travesty, that as they used to say before a duel, "I must have satisfaction..."

...and then J-Go was added to the libel. weg.

Well... someone will definitely be satisfied. ;)

Maybe two someones.

I had a great time. Great people.

lmao... great thread.

[gemmy]

Well, I was going to ponder just how to get justice for this journalistic travesty, that as they used to say before a duel, "I must have satisfaction..."
...and then J-Go was added to the libel. weg.

Well... someone will definitely be satisfied. ;)

Maybe two someones.

I had a great time. Great people.

lmao... great thread.

I'm sorely disappointed in your Domlyness at letting her completely slide on that one Oz *shakes head* tsk tsk

*runs and hides, giggling my butt off before Amber can find me* haha

[Ozme52]

I'm sorely disappointed in your Domlyness at letting her completely slide on that one Oz *shakes head* tsk tsk

*runs and hides, giggling my butt off before Amber can find me* haha

You'll note she recanted by the second paragraph, so all I need do is tease her a bit... ;)

You on the other hand.... "disappointed?" Just remember that wizards have amazingly long memories. :rolleyes:

[gemmy]

You'll note she recanted by the second paragraph, so all I need do is tease her a bit... ;)

You on the other hand.... "disappointed?" Just remember that wizards have amazingly long memories. :rolleyes:

Oh, you're no fun!! haha

Guess I'll just have to find other ways to distract that long memory of yours ;) hehehe

[DowntownAmber]

*sneaks out of the room while Oz and Gemmy "debate" their next moves*

While those two are busy, let me get my pushpins out and prepare to mark another site on the map of the traveling Amber. In just under two weeks I will be heading to the Windy City for a little business/pleasure trip. It'll be a short visit, but I think I'll have time to sneak in coffee with another intrepid forum member. Between she and I, I think we've racked up (no pun intended) eight or nine r/l meetings between us. Perhaps pettobecaged and I should consider forming a little ambassador group to help out members wanting to go "real life." ;) *hehehe*

Stay tuned as we debate the finer points of subbie on subbie protocol!

[thrall]

*sneaks out of the room while Oz and Gemmy "debate" their next moves*

While those two are busy, let me get my pushpins out and prepare to mark another site on the map of the traveling Amber. In just under two weeks I will be heading to the Windy City for a little business/pleasure trip. It'll be a short visit, but I think I'll have time to sneak in coffee with another intrepid forum member. Between she and I, I think we've racked up (no pun intended) eight or nine r/l meetings between us. Perhaps pettobecaged and I should consider forming a little ambassador group to help out members wanting to go "real life." ;) *hehehe*

Stay tuned as we debate the finer points of subbie on subbie protocol!

lol......love the ambassador group

[gemmy]

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?p=680828#post680828

hehehe I thought I'd start a new thread to keep us organized ;)

It will be fun to hear about yours and pet's rendezvous Amber hun xoxo

Are they Ever going to approve your photos *pouts*