munches

[icey]

what have been your experiences of them?

ive had people recommend them to me over and over but never bothered until a few weeks ago.
we went to our local one but didnt like it,the people were friendly but they were overly so,the minute we walked through the door not only did the greeter greet us but after 20 minutes of repeatedly saying the same thing namely plugging a particular website and being given the same advice as a 'newbie' couple we managed to escape only to have half a dozen others give us the same advice.

nobody bothered to ask were we new to the lifestyle etc instead they just automatically assumed we needed a lecture on everything from r/ships to why people wear collars to electric play and how not everyone likes the same thing.

Icehawk kind of switched off after a bit because he knew id wanted to meet people,everyone aimed all the conversation at me anyway.
tbh i wanted to scream after the first 10 minutes but i was polite and kept nodding and trying to fit the odd yes and no in here and there when people stopped to take a breath.
in the end he realised that i wasnt squeezing his hand because i was shy but because i wanted to get out lol

everyone Dom was dressed in the standard black 'uniform' with canes and walking sticks it looked a bit odd 30+ school masters roaming around town together on a saturday afternoon lol
all the subs were very loud, drunk and well basically... i have to say it..cheap and common sort of Bet Lynch or Ruby Wax types.
i was disappointed because after all the trouble with 'vanilla' friends i thought perhaps meeting people like ourselves may have been a positive thing.

im sure not all of them are the same and was wondering about going to a different location,how have you found them to be?

[gemmy]

I've not been to a munch here in my city but attended a BDSM conference in a city north of here. There were many people from the local munches here that also attended (I'd met them in the local chatroom). It was fun to meet people from here who like the lifestyle but really I absolutely hated all the posturing and public 'outness'. They all worked their best to get me to 'play' at the events nightly 'play parties'.

It may just be me, but I have no desire, in any regard, whatsoever, to publically play with strangers - what is that deal about that anyway?? lol I understand that some people are exhibitionists and some are voyeurs but I'm neither, nor would I ever want some random stranger to whip my ass in public, just for the sake of whipping it?? There is no emotional bond, no trust has been created and there is no sex allowed so it was completely lost on me as to why anyone would do this lol

I do want to play sometime and experience all the great kink out there but I want it to be a close, intimate experience with someone I fully trust and private!! haha

After having been through the conference, I'd pretty much decided that 'munches' wouldn't be a whole lot different and I've no want to defend myself on the issue of not playing to justify that I am a sub ;) It doesn't mean I don't completely understand this lifestyle and all I want from it, all it means is I've sexually not experienced some kink lol

[ShaynaUnderBondage]

I understand that some people are exhibitionists and some are voyeurs but I'm neither, nor would I ever want some random stranger to whip my ass in public, just for the sake of whipping it?? There is no emotional bond, no trust has been created and there is no sex allowed so it was completely lost on me as to why anyone would do this lol

I do want to play sometime and experience all the great kink out there but I want it to be a close, intimate experience with someone I fully trust and private!! haha



i have never been to one but i fully agree with you on what you said in the above quote. the emotional bond and the trust is what ( i feel ) makes the relationship between M/s so amazing and special.
Like i said ive never been to a 'munch' meeting or a BDSM gathering of any kind, but i dont think i ever want go to a 'munch' meeting just from what you two say, it would be nice to get to know people in my area that are into the same thing as me but not if they are treating me that way...it would be weird..

[gemmy]

well I obviously cannot speak for all 'munches' and maybe others have some more positive feedback to attribute.

I would however, attend another conference as it was great to meet and talk with people but more so were the seminars, this particular conference I went to had a couple of real brilliant speakers that I quite enjoyed and learned a few things ;) (plus they gave me a cute little leather 'slapper' in my goodie bag hehe)

[icey]

trust you! we never get any goodie bags from any of the fairs and exhibitions we've been to

the munches are only informal get togethers subbietiedup not for playing although they do demos,but we didnt hang around long enough to see theirs though the guy who was going to do a rope demo looked like he'd be happier stuffing dead bats lol

im not too sure about trying elsewhere knowing my luck it will be the same bunch but in a different venue lol
although i might be persauded if there's a bit of public flaying on offer ;)

[tina2008]

I've yet to attend a munch and it was because of the reasons Icey stated in her original post. I'm rather shy (until you get to know me) and tend to sit back and observe. Although I'd like to meet more "lifestyle" friends as I can't always discuss certain aspects of D/s with my other friends, I tend to freeze up a bit when people are overly friendly. I know this probably occur at munches or any place where you're new, but it's a bit overwhelming. Also, I don't plan to play in public; although I will admit I'm a bit of a voyeur.

[gemmy]

I'm rather shy (until you get to know me) and tend to sit back and observe. Although I'd like to meet more "lifestyle" friends as I can't always discuss certain aspects of D/s with my other friends, I tend to freeze up a bit when people are overly friendly.

Absolutely, I'm very much the same tina - if it's all casual talk, light and fun, I'm a witty, fun participant - but I'm a very closed intimate person and although want to hug everyone am a completely akward *hugger* lol

[Isabella King]

every Dom was dressed in the standard black 'uniform' with canes and walking sticks it looked a bit odd 30+ school masters roaming around town together on a saturday afternoon lol

I have to wonder about guys who feel the need to dress up like 'Doms.' It puts me in mind of the sort of people who feel the need to drive a big fast car in order to reinforce their manliness.

My husband and I enjoy walking and once thought it would be a good idea to join an organised walk. I thought we'd be sure to have something in common with people who shared our passion but it was awful! They were all awful!...skinny legged, leather skinned dorks who walked at 30mph and couldn't possibly stop to admire the scenery - apart from at designated break times :eek:

I suppose there are prats in all walks of life :rolleyes:

[icey]

lol ive often wondered the same thing and we've been to fetish places where i was dressed up a little because it was a club with a dress code and it was a bit of fun too but these guys were really strutting their stuff and tbh they looked a bit silly and ott.

im not criticising in a nasty way, they were friendly but it was very in your face and we had the very distinct impression that if we had said we wernt newbies as they had assumed simply because we wasnt 'dressed the part' they wouldnt have been quite so pushy,its like they were competing as to who had the most 'knowledge' and introducing themselves as hi im r****e online at aol etc whats the point in that!

i didnt introduce myself as hi im icey online at msn lol we're not like that we just went as ourselves and for so******ing thats all not to prove how experienced/inexperienced we are and what we do and name drop over whos met who.

[jeanne]

icey - it sounds like your local community isn't very well organized. That's a shame. I would have felt the same as you in that situation - very uncomfortable.

Fortunately, my experience was different. I live near a large city with a very active BDSM community. I attended the 'big' munch that is publicly advertised because I wanted to find out about a submissives support group that met monthly - the existence of the group was available on the internet, but you had to attend the munch to meet the hostess and find out the location.

(There are several BDSM and D/s groups in my area - you could go to two munches a week if you wanted to.)

There were over 100 people there and I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. Nobody came on too strong, I actually met a few very nice people, and I found out the information about the submissives group. That was over a year ago and I attend that monthly subs meeting every month and find it interesting and fun. I've attended the much once or twice more - it's really not my thing since I'm not interested in becoming an active part of the community.

[icey]

im glad you had a good experience of it :) we dont want to be particularly active or 'known' in the scene either, as i said previously just socalise a little with people of similar interests and backgrounds it was mostly for my benefit
and we thought a munch would be a good place to start.

[seekingsusie]

I've been to a few munches here locally. The people here are just ...people. No strange dressing that shows. It's an upstairs room off a bar, and to outsiders, it could look like a group of office friends meeting.

If someone has a toy to show, or is wearing something naughty underneath, 2 or 3 people will go into one of the bathrooms with him/her and show them there.

I haven't noticed any rushes to descend on newby subs, nor have I noticed a clicquishness.

The discussions are all over the board, lifestyle and non-lifestyle.

Haven't noticed any drunks or anyone being really hit on, either.

I wish I could visit more often!

[angelic.zest]

i still havent been to a munch, i guess im trying to build up the courage to go explore.

For some reason it gets me very nervous thinking about meeting ppl, in my area with the same kinks as myself, i know i should be delighted i live in a big city where they have monthly meetings throught out the year, plus have more meetings and play parties in the summer, but im scared real scared that im going to like it so much that i will never want to leave *giggles* seriously im scared that im going to be opened to a whole new world or kinky ppl, some good and some bad.* I just dont want to be rushed by asses lol..or be made to feel any less of a submissive since im still at the beginning of my journey in the lifestyle welcome into the lifestyle.

Ive meet those kinds of ppl here and some in the 'nilla world. some ive talked with offline of here who like to put on that "act" i dont care either way but it gets annoying, i dont need to know how many asses you've whipped, (your not whipping mine*shrugs*) always wanting to put on a show, instead of letting their manners and demeanor speak for itself, and some ppl flock to it, while others like myself find it sad and pathethic *chuckles*

i guess thats one of the advantages of living so close to nyc, i get access to alot of things, ppl, places and weridos. giggles i can't wait to visit my first one until then im going to enjoy learning and laughing with all you here LOL..

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

i have been to one munch, and after the initial thirty to forty minutes of awkwardness, i had a wonderful time. In my part of the Bible Belt, lol, there aren't a great deal of organised events, or if there are, i have yet to happen upon them. i remain ever hopeful however! At the munch that i attended, i was reminded a great deal of a very nice and comfortable (kinda like ours) chat room, lol. i met some wonderful people and as in most any situations, i met some people that i said a polite "hello" to and left it at that. i will say that the munch host was very kind to me and checked on me often to make sure that i was not feeling uncomfortable or 'pressured' by anyone in any way.

There was an after party that i was invited to attend, but when i politely declined, no one became rude or unfriendly. i met some wonderful people that night and truly cannot wait to attend another function. If there is anyone out there that knows of any events in the South Carolina area, please let me know.

[icey]

i guess its a matter of dropping in lucky in your area,but those who spoke to us told us that they visit many of the ones in our area of the county which is a bit off putting lol

the problem is,if you try something and it doesnt work out it often puts you off trying again

there's one in york which is a nice small city which we were considering,and i have to admit it sounds pretty decent they also go onto a nightclub which is one ive been to a few times in the past and was always a good night out its a good hrs drive away so we'd need to book a local hotel for the evening and i suppose if its rubbish we could always go elsewhere.

so if anyones been to that one id appreciate some feedback, its an excuse to get away for a day or two i suppose :)

[sidhewolf]

Goodness Icey Horror Stories to me.

My Experiences with Munches, Demo's, and Play Parties, has been Very Different, and Positive.

Here in the USA, and Nearly Every Munch I've been to (and that's been quite a few in different States and Cities), the Munch is held in a Public Place (like a Restaurant), and (obvious) LifeStyle Wear is discouraged. The ones where LifeStyle Wear is allowed are at Clubs or Private Homes. Many of which require one *Dress* After Arrival within the walls. PPL I have met at Munches have looked the same as Anyone you'd meet on the street. And a Munch is oftentimes a meal, conversation/discussions, sometimes games, and getting to know eachother and interests. Many discussions on Techniques, Building Dungeon Furniture, and other topic's of interest to BDSM interested PPL.

Demo's I've attended have been in Private Homes, or at Clubs where things were set up for them. Demo's are Great Learning Events for things of interest to Someone. Generally as Safe as WITTWD will ever be, or possibly can be. And Taught by Experts.

Master and I saw a Great FirePlay Demo for example :) And others.

Play Parties are typically in Private Homes, Only inviting, or being invited by, PPL that Know and Trust eachother. And generally there is a dress theme, like Matrix, or something <G>. Like a Costume Ball.

All these things can be such Great Fun, and Learning experiences, and development of Community, Friends, Mentors, Meeting Partner(s).

I guess like anything else, one has to be carefull where they go? And take things slowly.

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[icey]

sounds like im in the wrong country ....fancy a few lodgers? lol

[sidhewolf]

i guess its a matter of dropping in lucky in your area,but those who spoke to us told us that they visit many of the ones in our area of the county which is a bit off putting lol

the problem is,if you try something and it doesnt work out it often puts you off trying again

there's one in york which is a nice small city which we were considering,and i have to admit it sounds pretty decent they also go onto a nightclub which is one ive been to a few times in the past and was always a good night out its a good hrs drive away so we'd need to book a local hotel for the evening and i suppose if its rubbish we could always go elsewhere.

so if anyones been to that one id appreciate some feedback, its an excuse to get away for a day or two i suppose :)

I dunno anything about anything in the UK. But here's a link to an example of what I am talking about here>

http://www.1763.net/

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[sidhewolf]

i have been to one munch, and after the initial thirty to forty minutes of awkwardness, i had a wonderful time. In my part of the Bible Belt, lol, there aren't a great deal of organised events, or if there are, i have yet to happen upon them. i remain ever hopeful however! At the munch that i attended, i was reminded a great deal of a very nice and comfortable (kinda like ours) chat room, lol. i met some wonderful people and as in most any situations, i met some people that i said a polite "hello" to and left it at that. i will say that the munch host was very kind to me and checked on me often to make sure that i was not feeling uncomfortable or 'pressured' by anyone in any way.

There was an after party that i was invited to attend, but when i politely declined, no one became rude or unfriendly. i met some wonderful people that night and truly cannot wait to attend another function. If there is anyone out there that knows of any events in the South Carolina area, please let me know.


<smiles> Follow this link and click on your State Tyd. Maybe you will find something that fits what you are seeking? <G>.

http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/organizations1.html

Respectfully~SidheWolf
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[sidhewolf]

sounds like im in the wrong country ....fancy a few lodgers? lol

hehehehe Now We could discuss that I think :) Master like company as do I.

BTW the Link I posted to Tyd has UK links as well <winks>.

Respectfully~SidheWolf

[SirTimothyk]

munches that I have been to have been in a room off a restaurant. they are vanilla affairs except for the conversation, so no whips or chains are allowed. most of the people there are couples who want to interact with others. very few singles attend, but the subs love to talk with each other.

[fetishdj]

On the issue of 'dom clothes', it is actually a rule at the munches in this area that you are not allowed to dress 'scene' in anyway. At least not blatantly. By this I mean: no leather, no PVC, no specific costumes. Just what you normally wear day to day. You can get away with a collar for the slaves but these need to be discrete 'day collars' rather than heavy play collars. The organisers basically do not want to draw attention and, as you say, 15 school masters is a little OTT :)

Sounds like you had a bad experience. Not been to a munch myself (the local ones here are all on days I can never make) but have wanted to for a while.

[Ozme52]

Same here. Munches are at restaurants, the conversation is mostly non-risque, and newcomers, though made to feel welcome, are mostly left alone, free to join in to whatever extent makes them comfortable.

The only ones who wear leather arrive on motorcycles, and as is typical within the population, the subs tend to outnumber the doms, so there aren't all that many "head-masters' running around.

The group organizer also screens newcomers and keeps the obvious predators at bay. You can't just lurk and find out where the munch is held.

It's a great way to meet like-minded people.