About Younger Women

[drake7]

Young women, say 18-24 for instance, are often the topic of stories on this site and more than a few non-printed fantasies. In real life, however, I don't know if the rose smells quite as good as in one's imagination.

A young friend has expressed an interest in a more than "friendly" relationship with me and I am a bit reluctant to consider it. She is 19 and I am 38. She is quite attractive and we share common interests, including BDSM, but our age difference is something I am not very comfortable with.

If anyone has been involved in a relationship similar to this could give me comments on their experiences, or if any women could comment on what might be going on in her thinking, I would appreciate it.

Drake.

[Morrighan]

Psychologically speaking, and I hope I don't offend you, she could be looking for a father figure, or masculine approval. What's her relationship with her father? If it is a good one, then it could be just one of the situations where age is not a factor--at least in her mind. But if her father is absent, estranged, or their relationship is otherwise bad, I would consider steering clear of a non-platonic relationship. When I was nineteen, I had a few friends (my age) that were going out with much older men--late thirties, early forties--and it was almost always because of a lack of a strong male role model. Girls need their father, and when they don't have him, they often resort to promiscuity and make bad choices in their significant others.

I'm not saying you'd be a bad choice, Drake7 (that you have thought to question this makes her lucky) but it could be a very messy situation for you. If all she wants is a sexual relationship and I were in your shoes, I'd check into her family and then consider it. However, anything more long term, you two may have very different goals. She may want kids--do you? Do you already have them? There's a lot to think about.

Speaking as someone who fits into that 18-24 age gap, those of us that seek out a relationship with this kind of age difference are few and far between, and most do it for the reasons I explained above. Most of us want family and kids, and an older man usually has already been through that, and doesn't want to do it again. You may want to just be there for her as a positive male role model--not necessarily a father figure, but someone who can protect, advise, and support her as a father would. Someone like that would have made a world of difference to the girls I knew a long time ago.

Morrighan

[drake7]

Morrighan said:

Psychologically speaking, and I hope I don't offend you, she could be looking for a father figure, or masculine approval. What's her relationship with her father?

Interestingly enough, it is her mother that is absent. She died about three years ago. Hopefully I am not a mother figure to her. :eek:

The relationship she has with her father seems to be a good one, a few "bumps" so to speak, but pretty much as to be expected for a nineteen year old.

Whether or not she may have been attracted to me based on my age is a good point however, I will ask her how old she thought I was when we first met last year. She's very well grounded though- I was surprised she was only 19 since she seems more mature than that.

Asking her where she envisions a relationship going is a good suggestion as well.

Thanks.

[Barton]

Speaking from experience, a relationship with a younger women(mine was eighteen, I was also thirty-eight.) can be a wonderful thing. It will certainly keep you hopping as young women are still deciding who they are and are still very much exploring the world around them. after being with women my age I found in to be a refreshing relationship. As was mentioned previously to you, younger women seem to seek out an older man for their maturity, and
stability(in other words you are a safe person to explore the world with.).
A long lasting relationship, probably not, but worthwhile, definitely.

Good luck,
Barton.

[Xaphan45]

Where do you draw the line? Here in the Bluegrass a girl of 16 has reached the age of consent The is even a movement to have it lowered to 14. It presents several interesting situations for stories

[Barton]

Where do you draw the line? Here in the Bluegrass a girl of 16 has reached the age of consent The is even a movement to have it lowered to 14. It presents several interesting situations for stories

The law is the law. But even so, at sixteen they're still not mentally an adult. Fourteen, thats utterly ridiculous. There is a big difference between a young women and a kid. Eighteen years of existence seems enough time for most people to at least get some sort of a handle on things(including ourselves.). Younger than that seems too much balanced on the side of child rather than adult. Maybe some stories should never be written!
Barton.

[Morrighan]

Never mind stories, changing the age of consent to 14 is utterly ridiculous. As a result of the Supreme Court's legalization of sodomy, ("right to privacy") there is now a court case in the works about a "child's right to privacy". The mother in question found her fourteen year-old daughter in bed with a fifteen year-old boy. The kids told her there was nothing she could do about it and challenged her to call the police. (She did.) If--when--this gets to the supreme court, it will be decided whether or not parents can legally stop their fourteen year-olds from having sex. Beyond ridiculous. I was still screwing up at eighteen, never mind fourteen. And at least at eighteen, I was legally responsible for my mistakes.

Sorry to stage a coup on this thread, but this is one issue that absolutely pushes every single one of my buttons. If anyone wants to debate this, we can take it to another thread.

Morrighan

[abitbent]

Well any relationship can be a risk drake. I just wanted to add one point. I believe that there are two types of poeple in this lifestyle. Those who chose it, and those who have been chosen by it. In other words, D/s is a sexual orientation, and not a choice or fun flavour for some. I like to term those who have this orientation as hardwired. If you find yourself in this category, from my experience, hardwired folk tend to get along better with hardwired folk, and I wonder at such a young age, if this girl knows if she is hardwired or not. If you are a hardwired D/s person, and you come to find out, later in years as the two of you have been together, that she just likes to flavour the relationship with some fun bedroom d/s or her d/s likes were just a curiousity, it could be a very tough time for you both.

It would seem to me, that folks that are a little older, may be gravitating to this lifestyle out of need, and not necessarily out of want, and your chances for a match may be better.

Or... everything i've said is a bunch of crap and she could be the woman of your dreams. LOL Does this help?!?!

Good luck with it.

bent

[Jones, Nikka]

Sorry to stage a coup on this thread, but this is one issue that absolutely pushes every single one of my buttons. If anyone wants to debate this, we can take it to another thread.

Morrighan
There is another thread on this subject somewhere else, Morrighan. I believe is called Age of consent.


Whether or not she may have been attracted to me based on my age is a good point however, I will ask her how old she thought I was when we first met last year. She's very well grounded though- I was surprised she was only 19 since she seems more mature than that.

Asking her where she envisions a relationship going is a good suggestion as well.
I agree drake, age may have not been a factor and the maturity level of each person is probably more important. I was only 18 when I met my boyfriend (he was 8 years older). It seemed a big gap but I never even considered his age when I found myself attracted to him. It was a mental thing. We shared a lot more than an interest in bdsm. Besides, I thought guys my age were so immature!

[BDSM_Tourguide]

There is another thread on this subject somewhere else, Morrighan. I believe is called Age of consent.


There's the Age of Consent thread and then there are two or three others that touch on the subject.

Personally, I'm all for staying within 10 years of my age group. Most of the teens I talk to on the internet do nothing but annoy the crap out of me. There are a few exceptions to this rule, but not many.

The average 18 year old (16 here), even though legal, would not be my first choice of companions. Besides, mature women are better, IMO, because they already know what they're doing, they've been around long enough to do it well and they fucking well know what they want, too. They'll tell you about it, most of the time, if you ask.

[acissej]

I was 19 when I started dating a man who was 42. Neither of us were intentionally seeking for someone of a different age (we were both trying to find someone interested in a long-term BDSM relationship), but we clicked and we both felt we owed it to ourselves to give it a shot. I have to admit, his age terrified me, but I'm all for trying anything once and this was no exception. Neither of us ever imagined the relationship could have succeeded, but, now, more than five years later, we're still together and will be getting married in August.

At times, his age still does terrify me. Twenty-three years is a pretty big difference. And I have to face that, unless I die at an unexpectedly young age, it is highly likely that he'll die twenty-plus years before I do. I'm not saying that to be morbid, just to be realistic.

That's pretty much what went through my head when we started dating. A lot about death. A lot of questions about whether he and I wanted the same things for our future - marriage, kids, a house in the suburbs, etc. I wondered about how my family and friends would react. And I did question if I saw him as a father figure and if I was looking for someone to repair the damage my father did to me. I don't think that was the case, but it really skeeved me out at first when I realized he was only a few years younger than my father.

Drake, no matter how much thought you give this, you'll probably never know for sure where this could go, unless you give her a chance. Despite all the thinking I did, I felt this much older man was worth the risk. No, he's not the man I originally envisioned being with for the rest of my life, but, now, I can't see my life without him. You never know what can happen.

Sorry for babbling,
acissej

[MrJerseyGuy]

This is an old thread but I just ran across it. At 45, I have always been attracted to younger women. My current g/f of a year and a half is 15 years my junior. Granted, 30 is a little different than 19 but...

As far as "taking a chance", we are always doing that. Every relationship can only end on of two ways...either you stay together or you don't. As recently as when I was 38 I dated a 20 year old who had more maturity than half the women I know who are twice her age. I'm sure that's an exception, but you never know who is and who isn't until you try.

Just get ready for the jokes from your friends..."Where you taking her tonight? Chuck-E-Cheese?"

[drake7]

acissej said,

And I did question if I saw him as a father figure and if I was looking for someone to repair the damage my father did to me. I don't think that was the case, but it really skeeved me out at first when I realized he was only a few years younger than my father.

Before, and after reading this thread the father figure thing really had me thinking a lot- after all it's something that would make a lot of sense and Morrighan was observant to first note it. At the same time though, it just doesn't add up. Her mother died a few years ago and her father has been taking care of her since then, and instead of a few years difference in our ages he is in his fifties; her parents didn't meet until they were in their thirties.

Your post was quite positive and helpful acissej. It was from a female like you that I was hoping to hear; someone who was actually in a relationship of this sort. I don't know what my friend and I may end up being to one another long term, but I certainly hope the best for you and your future husband.

Drake.

[usedHil25]

well, my BF has a serious want for younger girls. He currently is doing a 17 yr old on a fairly semi-regular basis. he also travles a fair bit & has found a few high school age girls here & there.

He has outright said, for sexual experience (not their experience level, but the experience of fucking a tight girl) he loves it. BUT he wouldnt in a million years consider dating one of them because he generally finds them annoying.

Ironically the 17 yr old hes playing around with these days WANTS a relationship with him & has been pushing for more form him weekly. He has tried scaring her off by telling her what he & I do & that she could never win him over because she wouldnt dare try any of that, yet she has so far not balked at any of his suggestions & just this last week he has finally accepted that he has to figure a way to cut her off completely, althogh he also says he doesnt want to because he love how good her cunt feels wrapped around his cock.

I personally am OK with him doing this. as without it, he would likely run me into the ground. As it was, before she came around I was getting worn out by his sexdrive. I may love it, but he seems to just love it that much more.

I think, if she wants to be just fuck-buddies. Congrats for you. However, if she is hoping for some emotional attachment, run & hide. We arent a very stable emotionally settled bunch in our teens (hell even at 25 I cant say I;m all there).

[drake7]

It seems she does indeed only want a physical relationship.

I am in quite good shape physically, but it is still nice to find that a member of the opposite sex so much younger finds you attractive.

I appreciate all the good advice and insights from everyone who responded.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

What do we have here? Another :bump: for old time's sake.

[maratsade]

Times they are a changing. Both my grandfathers were more than twenty years older than their wives. I didn't know either of them in a mature sense. But reminisence by their children - my parents, aunts, uncles, etc. - suggests that the relationship was good in both cases.

For myself, though, I would wonder whether I would be able to keep up with someone so much younger. Or whether I would want to.

[csr]

For years I passed judgement on people who dated way out of their age bracket. It is really easy to point fingers at examples where it didn't work--and of course there are difficulties involved when you have a different set of life experiences and are in a different point in your life.

However, I have found myself for the past few years in a relationship with a much younger woman... 14 years, to be exact. I resisted starting it because I didn't think I would be satisfied, or she wouldn't be, or it just wouldn't last.

Well, my friend talked me into it--citing that if she is worth the trouble, then it is worth putting the work in. He was right, and we've never been happier. Yes, she doesn't know words to Pink Floyd songs, doesn't get jokes about Ronald Reagan, etc... but this type of thing is surface.

My new rule to live by:
Age is just a number... it's the individual that counts.

Not to mention the fact that I have learned to NEVER assume that I know better than anyone else in their choice of partners. (abuse excepted, of course)

[magicgrl]

" I don't know if the rose smells quite as good as in one's imagination. "

Buy i hope this is not true! While i agree 19 is a little young, i was 23 when i met my Master, who was 46. That was five years, a collaring, 2,000 mile move and a wedding later! :D i can honestly tell you that He thinks i am His fantasy. The main trouble we had was people not taking us seriously-- i was viewed as a gold digger/trophy wife. After five years we have proved that we will last.

i will say that at 23 i was fairly mature-- i had been married once before and had two children. i doubt very much if i could say the same about myself at 19. One key thing that i think needs to happen in relationships where one partner is significantly younger than the other is to allow that person to grow and become *who* they are. Master enjoyed watching me be 23, 24 ,25...(i will be 29 on Sun!) He had fun watching me grow as a submissive and a woman. There were difficult times--when things i just *didn't* know got in the way-- like how to throw a dinner party...lol...but we got through them.

i say give it a shot. The fantasy can be a lot of fun! It will take patience on your part--but at least from our perspective, it has been a labor of love.

*~magic~*

[ProjectEuropa]

I'm probably going to offend every young woman that visits this site (I include young men of the same age to be less controversial.) Young women of 18 - 20 years of age might be mature in the eyes of the law but they are not fully mature. I have worked in several art colleges and seen young students of such an age regularly taken advantage of by the staff. I think it is unprofessional but young people at such an age are adults and they make their own choices. I have a friend who still teaches at an art college who regularly has an 18-20 year old on his arm (he's 51) and it amazes me just how gullible these young women are. He just uses them as some sort of self confirmation. Yet I can see him regularly embarrassed by them as we sit round drinking and chatting. They are young and intelligent but they are still on the whole naive. I often wonder if he is able to get a woman nearer his own age. I often ask him what he talks about with these young women and all he can say is 'things'.

I recently dated a 32 year old and came away thinking we originated on different planets. We had a lot of interests in common (art being the main one) and she liked my CD collection which to my horror she labeled 'retro'. I do have some contemporary music in there, honest! The age gap meant we grew up in different worlds with different perceptions. I'm sure there are relationships that work with such large age differences but I would imagine they are the exception rather than the rule.

And yes! When I was 18-20, I too thought I was mature. Now I realise all adults are just children but older.

[slavelucy]

We had a lot of interests in common (art being the main one) and she liked my CD collection which to my horror she labeled 'retro' .

ROFL!! God, that really made me laugh, thanks.

As for age, i find that every one, without exception, has an immature spot, whatever their age or gender....be it intellectual, emotional or anything else...i generally try and take people as they come (er, so to speak). If someone's a shallow wanker, they're a shallow wanker whether they're 18 or 118.

Your post was interesting though, in recent times i have met people who have made me realise the value of having life experience, something which i previously scoffed at. Having said that, everything has it's downside, and so does age, and to this end i think that some older people can occasionally come across as slightly apathetic or careworn....they see it as 'young people think they can change the world..bless 'em, they'll soon see' but it could equally be perceived as negative apathy.

Oh, while i'm here - i love your signature line, ProjectEuropa, Wildisms always make me grin...although, the last word of that quote should be 'do', if memory serves.

sl (ever the pedant, hopefully i'll grow out of it :) :D )

[Wontworry]

Yes, she doesn't know words to Pink Floyd songs

Oh yes csr, THAT was a huge hurdle for us too, but she is learning them slowly.

Although it does work both ways in that I actually quite like the Stone Roses now, although Oasis .. thats an entirely different matter. :yuck:

[magicgrl]

"QUOTE=ProjectEuropa]I'm probably going to offend every young woman that visits this site (I include young men of the same age to be less controversial.) Young women of 18 - 20 years of age might be mature in the eyes of the law but they are not fully mature. I have worked in several art colleges and seen young students of such an age regularly taken advantage of by the staff. I think it is unprofessional but young people at such an age are adults and they make their own choices. I have a friend who still teaches at an art college who regularly has an 18-20 year old on his arm (he's 51) and it amazes me just how gullible these young women are."

Perhaps the young women that this man courts are gullible-- i however, was not. Of course, i was not a semester fling-- i actually became His wife.

<snip>

"Yet I can see him regularly embarrassed by them as we sit round drinking and chatting. They are young and intelligent but they are still on the whole naive. I often wonder if he is able to get a woman nearer his own age. I often ask him what he talks about with these young women and all he can say is 'things'."

i guess if you don't have things in common that can be rough-- but i can say that my Master was never embarrassed by me in conversation with anyone. i like what He likes-- football, basketball, politics etc. We have the same values about life.

<snip> " she liked my CD collection which to my horror she labeled 'retro'. <snip>

Well, my CD collection looked almost identical to Master's when we met. In fact, i was much better at the song trivia when it came to The Stones, The Who, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix-- you name it, i know it! (And i knew all the words) :cool:
<snip>

i guess maybe relationships like my mine working out are an exception-i won't argue with that. But the can and often DO work out.

*~magic~*

[chromedome11]

Oh, while i'm here - i love your signature line, ProjectEuropa, Wildisms always make me grin...although, the last word of that quote should be 'do', if memory serves.

Thanks, slavelucy. Now I finally get ProjectEuopa's signature.

[ProjectEuropa]

Oh, while i'm here - i love your signature line, ProjectEuropa, Wildisms always make me grin...although, the last word of that quote should be 'do', if memory serves.


I checked the quote and you are right. You can feel smug! ;-)

[ProjectEuropa]

Perhaps the young women that this man courts are gullible-- i however, was not. Of course, i was not a semester fling-- i actually became His wife.

I knew I would offend someone and expected a tirade of abuse but I wasn't trying to be personal. I accept any criticism squarely on the chin.

[Walace]

I don't see any trouble in having a older/younger boyfriend/girlfriend. My late relations have all been with much older womans, and I'm quite sure of it: age had nothing to do with relationships. :)

I have had a preety good time with a 29 years woman when I was only 21, and all that ilusion I had about older people being more mature begun losing it's sense. A few other girlfriends later (most of them were likewise older) the diference has became even irrelevant.

Actualy, my girlfriend (we've been together for 2 years now) is at her fifties, and I'm only 24! And believe, it's still no diferent from a regular relationship. The only pro I can possibly see is that I get very aroused when I think about that diference.

If there's ever to be any diference, it should mostly be that she's very insecure, thinking if I wouldn't be better with someone of the same age, or if I would be hapier with my friends... Well, I think the choice is mine. And if I've chosen things to go this way, most probably it's because I like it best. :cool:

Remember, you don't have control over people's will. The best you can do for her is to make your own choice based on your feelings, and nothing more. :o

[ProjectEuropa]

...all that ilusion I had about older people being more mature begun losing it's sense.

I'll totally agree with you here. The one thing I have learnt with age is that older people are exactly that, older. We have all the same nonsense and stupidity in us and it doesn't go away. I think the wisdom age brings is the understanding and recognition of just how immature we all are!

[yellowrose]

My first relationship was with a man much older then myself. We did marry and it was a mistake. Because he was so much older it made me feel that I was more mature (more grown up). Seems all kids want to rush growing up.

Over time the differences did eventually cause problems. Mainly that I did grow up and change while he was also changing (yes we do go through changes even in middle age *smiles*) I don't regret my time with him nor do I embrace it. It just was. Being with someone older means there are chances that one of the pair will move into a different phase of life that can cause problems is all. That can also happen even closer in age.

I have also dated a men younger then myself. I personally don't recommend it and don't ever plan to do so again. They just aren't in the same stage of life as myself. Great fun but not someone I can take serious.

[Walace]

They just aren't in the same stage of life as myself. Great fun but not someone I can take serious.

:( :confused: :( :confused: :( :confused: :(

Interesting that I have always been saying the same about my past relations... And just as I've said: my past relations have mainly been with people older than myself... My girlfriend have 50 years, and although she is older, I'm the one who teaches her almost all the time. She knows little about other's feelings, and a litle time ago she knew nothing about pleasure variations like BDSM, fetish and so on. :o

Most of my ex-girlfriends, especialy the late older ones, have been "playing with my feelings" instead of engaging in the relationship seriously. :confused:
I think there are no paterns nor lines to be followed. It's just like "look for what you want in someone", and age is one of the less inportant things to take note of. ;)