View Full Version : Help me use this tool wisely....
Pastor
05-11-2008, 11:25 AM
I am having my sub write in a journal every night. As it stands, she just writes what ever is in her head. Then at the end of the week the journal is handed over for me to read. Great insight into her head. So this aspect is very useful. But I also realize that this is a great tool for helping our relationship grow.
So how do you use your subs journal? Do you direct it? Do you assign subjects or topics? And when you read the journal, how do you respond to what you read? (I know this last one is very general. But I hope that you will provide an example and how you handled it.) I am very aware of how much I have to learn. Help me use this tool wisely!
-Pastor
Euryleia
05-11-2008, 05:48 PM
In previous relationships, I have had my girl keep a daily journal entry of her day. I didn't want to know what she had for lunch but I wanted to know her thoughts about her submission, what her fantasies were, how she felt about her obedience, etc. After any new level of intensity or increase in expectations, I had her reflect in a special entry all about her reactions.
Aside from her journal, I had her keep a separate task diary. I would assign daily and weekly tasks to her and she would be expected to write entries about how doing them felt. This was also a place for her to keep a record of punishments, rewards, etc.
At the beginning, she would have to read sections aloud to me. After a while, I would just review them and we would have time set aside each Sunday to discuss them. I think doing the weekly check in was very important and it also gave me a chance to give feedback and direct her further along the path.
Hope that helps, Pastor. Best wishes on your journey.
i can only go by my 'side' as a sub
So how do you use your subs journal? Do you direct it? Do you assign subjects or topics? And when you read the journal, how do you respond to what you read? (I know this last one is very general. But I hope that you will provide an example and how you handled it.)
-Pastor
Icehawk gave me a minimum amout of words i should use at the end of each day so that i had to be more desciptive other than 'i was punished today and i didnt deserve it..all i said was im too tired to do such and such' or ' it was great today we tried so and so and i loved it' instead i had to fill my minimum quota of words and i found i was expressing feelings and thoughts rather than just bare facts.
he also told me from the very beginning to be totally honest and not be worried about repercussions as whatever i wrote were my feelings and they're natural and promised he would never ever criticise me which he has always stuck to
he only randomly reads it so that i wasnt prepared and only write 'good' things that wouldnt offend him.
to us a journal is about how things progress and a way of getting things out i might be uncomfortable with face to face and when he reads it we then discuss anything we feel would be of help.
its also a way of letting things 'cool down' for eg if ive been really p***d off something or felt really s***y about something minor then when he reads it i am more rational and can apply logic rather than emotion when talking about it.
we dont use it for assignments or tasks, although obviously i have to write about them when ive done them.
they're great to look back on to see any changes if you've learnt anything and i also use it for non D/ related things as with any journal its handy to have if references for dates,events etc are needed
Pastor
05-12-2008, 02:13 PM
The minimum word count is a GREAT idea! I hadn't thought of that. I will bring it up next Sunday. Can I ask... What was the word count you started and ended with?
-Pastor
Ozme52
05-12-2008, 04:16 PM
I had one this worked great with, and another it didn't.
There are a lot of ways to gain insights. But yes, it's important, to gain those insights.
guest91308
05-24-2008, 06:53 AM
This is a great idea for staying connected in a more physical way.... As many ways as there are for communicating... whether text, phone, email, chat, webcam.... this something erotic and final about putting it in writing....
It becomes tangible.... And consumptive.
The minimum word count is a GREAT idea! I hadn't thought of that. I will bring it up next Sunday. Can I ask... What was the word count you started and ended with?
-Pastor
originally it was 100 but soon went to 250, which can feel like a hell of a lot more than it sounds lol
stripedangel
05-24-2008, 02:42 PM
i started keeping a journal so that i could communicate with Master better. it was not something new, mind you, i've written in journals off and on for years. Master reads it now, but he hasn't prior to our new arrangement. He might be interested in this thread, though, LOL. Thanks, Pastor...i suppose :)
Pastor
05-26-2008, 06:37 PM
The communication level is much higher! We are actually making positive progress toward our end goals! I am very happy with this journal. I hope it helps everyone like it has me!
Mr.FixIt
05-26-2008, 08:11 PM
stripey is right, I am interested in this thread. she has written in a journal for as long as we/ve been married (12 years). I've read her journal as a vanilla from time to time--maybe twice in 12 years. Since our lifestyle change, she has been writing in it a lot more, in fact she has suggested that I shold read it more. I haven't read it "more" yet but I do intend to. I just haven't been sure of what I shold do with what I might read, so I have been a little leery of the whole matter.
This is a new change of pace for me! I have nothing to add to this thread. No opinion, nothing. I believe that I'll just lurk around this one to see what I learn.
Thanks for the question, Pastor.
Alex Bragi
05-27-2008, 09:11 PM
... I have nothing to add to this thread. No opinion, nothing....
No way!! *gg* Just teasing..*gg*
stripedangel
05-28-2008, 08:45 AM
No way!! *gg* Just teasing..*gg*
LMFAO, betcha didn't think you'd see that one! i myself wanted to check Him for a fever!
Pastor
05-28-2008, 02:57 PM
She started writing in her journal about a month ago. We have met every Sunday since she started. She gives me the journal that morning and then, after a day's preparation on my part, we come together and talk about what she wrote.
THIS HAS IN NO WAY been easy. It has been VERY rewarding, but not easy. She has praised me, blasted me, and ranted on about nothing. The original rule between us was that I could not judge, punish, or complain about anything she wrote in the journal. So taking the blasting was hard... But it has given her a chance to start opening up more.
The conversations have been wonderfully deep and thick (no pun intended). The subjects have been tough. Plus, each meeting has been very unique.
I don't know what all to tell you. But the depth of understanding of another human that this form of communication provides, at least for us, is very surprising. I am very happy with this.
I am sure that in the coming months this will settle out a lot. But its fantastic for now!
-Pastor
claire
05-29-2008, 07:18 AM
I realize that this is traditionally a subs task. Do Masters ever keep journals that they share with their sub? I love attention, so sharing myself has never been a problem, other than the fact that I am a non-verbal thinker and getting things down on paper is an arduous, very time consuming task. What I found with my on-line Master is that I felt he new almost everything about me and I wanted that same depth of understanding about him. It would have been wonderful to have read a journal he wrote
denuseri
05-29-2008, 03:01 PM
my owner doesnt have me keep a journal at all, he has never been intserested in reading about such things other than my chat logs on various occasions : he ussually has me verbally answer and or elaborate on a wide variety of things sorta like giving an "oral report" lol, , i guess we talk about damm near everything and its allmost on a twice daily basis, unless we are phisically seperated by work school etc, then its a phone sex,, er report lol,
stripedangel
06-08-2008, 01:45 PM
She started writing in her journal about a month ago. We have met every Sunday since she started. She gives me the journal that morning and then, after a day's preparation on my part, we come together and talk about what she wrote.
THIS HAS IN NO WAY been easy. It has been VERY rewarding, but not easy. She has praised me, blasted me, and ranted on about nothing. The original rule between us was that I could not judge, punish, or complain about anything she wrote in the journal. So taking the blasting was hard... But it has given her a chance to start opening up more.
The conversations have been wonderfully deep and thick (no pun intended). The subjects have been tough. Plus, each meeting has been very unique.
I don't know what all to tell you. But the depth of understanding of another human that this form of communication provides, at least for us, is very surprising. I am very happy with this.
I am sure that in the coming months this will settle out a lot. But its fantastic for now!
-Pastor
It is difficult, i'm sure, for you to read her rants, Pastor, as it is very scary for her to have you read them. I rant too in my journal. Try and look at it like this, though: in order to be who we are as subs/slaves, we need an outlet for the things that would not be appropriate to verbalize to our Masters. i, at first, wrote what came to mind in a rant...but now i try and say it respectfully, so that the sting isn't quite as sharp, and Master can read and understand it better, without feeling angry at what i've said. This does open the lines of communication, and it helps to remind us both that we should converse about the issues in question with respect and love, rather than angry words.
xxxx
stripey
cadence
06-08-2008, 04:35 PM
It's good Pastor that her journal is helping you both communicate with each other, in a positive, constructive way.
When TG first brought up the idea of me posting a daily journal, I sincerely thought he was joking.
His reasoning for my journal is to be able to open up and let my guard down. I try to keep quiet and out of the way most times.
It's a public journal as well, and I am encouraged to post the bad with the good.
He wanted it public because I mainly keep to myself and rarely make an effort to get to know other submissives and discuss anything.
He is tyring to get me to open up more and feel comfortable discussing things around others.
He will let me have freedom to write what I would like to, but he has also said he will provide things for me to write about as well.
Pastor
06-09-2008, 12:48 PM
Cadence: I truly hope you find some freedom in your journals! It has really turned our relationship around! Love life!
Stripey: Thanks for the advice! I hadn't thought out the consequences of an open journal when I decided it was a good idea. When she had a bad day and did blast me for the first time. I was completely caught off guard. But having an entire day before we "talked". I had ample time to chill.
When we did talk, and I didn't go off the deep end, she REALLY relaxed about the whole process. Now I am just keeping a watchful eye for when she tests me. And she will.
Pastor