Breaking

[Katmandu]

OK all, I know how controversial this will be, but I am dying to hear all the responses. Think well, please, before answering.
Background: I am new to this lifestyle, having only recently given in to latent/subconscious fantasies of being a sex-slave. In my normal life, I am always the Boss, always in control, always the Director. Now, I want a man who can take that control from me, and be the Boss.
So, the question is, what does everyone think about a slave "being broken" VS "being gentled"?
Personally, I've experienced the gentle approach, and I truly crave someone who can get past my resistance, and TAKE the control from me. (Kind of like Red Sonia in the movie of the same title, starring Arnold Swarzenneger). I want to be broken. Is that so wrong of me? I desire to have my Master take me not just to my limits, but beyound. I want to be made a quivering body of submissive slave-flesh.
So, everyone else's opinions? :D

[Jones, Nikka]

...In my normal life, I am always the Boss, always in control, always the Director... Now, I want a man who can take that control from me, and be the Boss. Personally, I've experienced the gentle approach, and I truly crave someone who can get past my resistance, and TAKE the control from me. I want to be broken. Is that so wrong of me? I desire to have my Master take me not just to my limits, but beyound. I want to be made a quivering body of submissive slave-flesh.
So, everyone else's opinions? :D
I hear you loud and clear. And no, nothing wrong there. If anything, your desire to be taken, broken, pushed past your limits, whatever way you want to say it, speaks of a great deal of inner strenght.

It is exciting, and why not? If you realize why you are doing it and are sure that this is not just a way of punishing yourself for being successful, but rather a reward for knowing yourself so well and being true to your own desires, then go right ahead. Play safe, but experience all you want to feel.

If, as an added bonus, you have a partner who shares this point of view (luckily I do,) you will experience pain and pleasure in untold measure.

Good luck!

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I actually could write novel-length fantasies about the very things you seem to want. :)

Breaking a girl could be a lot more fun than pulling her into things gently, as long as it's consensual, of course.

[acissej]

I actually could write novel-length fantasies about the very things you seem to want. :)

Please do!

I have those fantasies, too...though I don't know how much I'd actually like it in real life. For me, it may be one of those things best left to my imagination.

Wish I could write more, but it's time for work. :(

[drake7]

Katmandu your post certainly seems reasonable. However, at the same time it can be problematic.

You have to find a balance between someone who believes in safe, sane and consensual yet at the same time will fulfill the rest of your desires. I would suggest perhaps going back to some of your other lovers who were a little light handed and see if perhaps there is a devil under the skin whom you might be able to set free.

Good luck and be safe.

[kittenfemme]

I agree with drake7. I think that the key will be in asking for what you want. You might even include that as part of the play. As a scene, have your Master torture exactly what limits you'd like broken and a few different ways to do it.

But please do be as safe as you may. Perhaps set up rules of some sort, make sure you've a day or two off from work afterwards to pull yourself back together... and aftercare! Beg your Master to stay and comfort you afterwards or have someone in the know on hand to make sure you have food, tissues, and any medical care needed after it all goes down.

[Katmandu]

Rats, I type all this info, and then there is a 'Server error', and I have to start over! :(
First off, thank you Drake and Kitten for your 'safety' concerns. As it happens, my Master is also my Hubby of 7 years, and it wasn't until @ 4 months ago, that I approached him with my fantasies of being a Submissive. He agreed!! YAYYAYAYAY!!!!
Although he has "pushed me to my limit" once or twice, he , out of his love for me, has tried to "gentle" me , or "brainwash" me more than being demanding towards my complience.
Unfortunately, this does nothing for MY fantasies, as I have, quite literally, been the BOSS my entire life, and as much as I crave it, have a hard time surrendering to my deepest, submissive nature......
As such, then, I feel that if a man (specifically, MY man! :) ), can be MORE Dominant than I, I could truly let my inner slave free.....
My largest concern, is maybe I am too eager, and should learn 'patience', perhaps to let the easy approach take the time it needs to work, or let my fiery nature take control, by allowing, or asking, my Master to take the control!
SIGH
BTW, Kitten and Nikka, you sound as though you speak from experience?
And Tourguide, Sir, you kinda surprised me! I thought you would be against "going too far". Glad it's otherwise! ;)

[MrJerseyGuy]

I don't think it's unusual for people in your position to have an inner desire to be dominated.

This is just a suggestion and everyone is more than able to disagree. I'd write him a letter, a detailed letter, outlining your deep fantasies, almost like one of our stories. You have obviously thought about it (your fantasies I mean). Suggest a weekend or evening session wherein you are gagged and unable to to object. As long as you have been together you already know that you can trust him. Make it an experiment...if you don't like it, you don't have to do it again...and agree not to hold it against him after. Just from reading your original post...I have a feeling you'll be asking for more soon.

Discuss the whole scenario in advance and then make yourselves wait a week or two to fulfill it. The anticipation will be killing you!

Have fun..please keep us posted

[drake7]

Katmandu you are touching on a subject that I quite enjoy discussing, specifically the duality of our sexual and practical selves in modern life.

It sounds as if your practical self may be getting in the way of your sexual self as far as the fantasy fulfillment is concerned.

Let me suggest this course of action; discuss with your husband exactly what you want, and make sure he understands and is willing to go along. Next try a bit of roleplay, dress up in a manner you wouldn't normally- perhaps some haircolor or just a new hairstyle, and have your husband dress up someway that he might not normally. Instead of starting off at home try going to a bar or nightclub separately and have your husband "pick you up" at the bar and take you back to his place for a hot bit of anonymous sex- with no strings attached from your or his practical side. A hotel room would be an added bonus to this bit of roleplay and you can go as far as you like using different names or whatever else you might find that would help the experience be more immersive.

Let us know how things turn out. :)

[Jazzie-sub]

specifically the duality of our sexual and practical selves in modern life.

This is where I seem to get hung up on in real life. My nature, for as long as I can remember, has always been submissive. Yet; due to my upbringing, coupled with the time/era I grew up in... and circumstances thrust upon me... I was always at odds with myself. Still am I suppose. Its very strange because men, imo at least within my experience, seem very daunted by me... but its like, man... if you only KNEW! Duality unexpressed is very uncomfortable. :sighs:

[Katmandu]

:( I certainly agree with you , Jazzy-sub! I was a single Mom with 2 sons for 8 years B4 finding my big guy, as well as holding managerial positions in my professional life. All this after growing up with 5 brothers in a country town, and joining the Army at 18. So yeah, I'm the "proverbial" Tough Old Broad when it comes to personality.......on the surface! Underneath, I'm dying for a man to have the strength and willpower to take my hair in his fist, slap me on the ass and growl at me: "You're MINE!" HEAVY SIGH!
Well, now I have one, he loves me more than life itself, and 1 night tells me I no longer have choices when it comes to "playing", because he is my Master, and I WILL submit......then the next night after a scene, will turn into a pile of mush yelling at me because I didn't use my safe word and it was a bit intense for me and I started crying.....he caves too easily.

I mean, of course I'm crying, as it was a stressful few days for me, on little sleep, and then went through an intense 'scene' with him. Crying is simply a stress release....but I HATE it when he wants to back off out of 'concern for me'. :( To be fair though, we are both learning and growing in this BDSM thing....we're definitely newborns here....HeeHee

So, do any of you other slaves out there cry? How do I reassure my Master that he can (should!!) go much further, despite my responses?? Or should I start a new thread for that question....Hmmmmmm?

[redEva]

So, do any of you other slaves out there cry? How do I reassure my Master that he can (should!!) go much further, despite my responses?? Or should I start a new thread for that question....Hmmmmmm?
If it hurts you cry - of course. How do you explain it? Just through the practice and trust and learning about each other. As much as you trust him not to damage you and you are taking it without calling safe word - he has to be comfortable with himself enough to know what will not permanently damage you and be able to trust you to call for time out if you need it.

No easy answers, no pre-packaged solutions - play and learn and take it easy. One thing though - that I personally learned - if your day was way to shitty and stressful or you are mush of emotions due to the ordinary life circumstances - much better scene is snuggling on the couch with hot cocoa than going through the flogging (than again, maybe it's just me)

[Jones, Nikka]

...BTW, Kitten and Nikka, you sound as though you speak from experience?
Yes indeed, Katmandou I have been there. I know how frustrating it is to want to give more of yourself. More submission, more pain, tears, blood, more freedom.

F., my boyfriend has been very frank explaining his point of view. It was very hard for him too, because he wanted to make me happy, because he loves me, because he was afraid of unleashing an uncontrolable sadistic instinct. He was also afraid of what would happen to my mind and to our love if he did not break me as thoroughly as I wanted him to.

It took time. It took long talks. It took an unbelievable amount of trust on both our parts. Slowly, tentatively he pushed more and more. Some days he left me frustrated, angry, even. I could tell he was making the effort but I was too greedy. Yet I endured both the temporary disatisfaction and my own anger towards that masochistic side of myself that was making me push him out of his comfort zone.

Finally one night he took the leap. I almost could not recognize him. The way he spoke to me, the way he tortured my body; most importantly, the way he just took me, used me for his pleasure, the way he did not ask me if I was OK afterwards. It was what I wanted. The way the pain and the pleasure melded into a blinding sheet of white raw sensation...

I am sorry... I have gotten wet just remembering that night...

When it was all done he waited about half an hour to talk to me again. And I saw him, my lover, eyes full of tears, smiling ear to ear, knowing that for just a little while he had made me his the way I wanted to give my self to him.

He loves me too much to treat me like that 24/7. But when we play I know that he will use me and take me and that I am his total slave. We still have safewords and I feel loved and respected. Used and broken yes, but safe in his arms, his rope and his chains.


...So, do any of you other slaves out there cry? How do I reassure my Master that he can (should!!) go much further, despite my responses??

I love to cry. and moan. And scream. He used to doubt my limits, but slowly, with practice, he learned to trust my capacity to safeword if I really needed it. He can tell that if I still have one little shred of control he can still hurt me a little bit more. But I guess what really convinced him was the way I need to be fucked afterwards. The way I beg him to do me when I have been really taken to the limit is unmistakeable. He knows it and let me tell you he loves it. I see to 'reward him' if he was really good (bad) to me.

[Katmandu]

OMG! How do I respond to that? You have said it so perfectly! As suspected, though, I know we are simply too new at this (both of us) to have everything at such a mutually satisfying point just yet. I'm just SOOOO frustrated! Oh well, that is why I post in here, to learn from others' experiences....just sucks being a "slave in training!"
heavy sigh