"progress"

[Thrasher]

First thread...

I've been mulling over the story arc of these kinds of relationships.
The way I see it is this:
We find each other. I find someone to take pain for me. Someone finds me, they take pain from me. It's symmetrical, and it works, in fits and starts, with plenty of surprises along the way, of course.

We see our projected unconscious material in the "other". They see their material in me. So far so good. Suppressed unconscious energy finds its way to the surface, and makes its way into the light, and we both find out things about ourselves, each other, relationship...

The question is: what then?

Is it an end in itself, or does it lead to a new phase? Can it lead to a new understanding that does not de-energize the power exchange?

I'd really appreciate a few ideas grounded in your experiences, because this is where my sureness runs out, and I'm a natural know-it-all.
p.s. Thank god for the spell-check feature.

[jeanne]

There's the excitement of the new, that's for sure. And newness creates energy. So as time goes by and the D/s relationship evolves and even settles a little bit, the energy of the 'new' lessens. But, a different energy replaces it. The energy of increasing trust. The energy of growing knowledge, both of self and each other. The energy of knowing that you truly do have each other's best interests and needs and wants at heart.

At this moment, I sit here with my Dom, who I chat with every day and see approximately every three months for a week at a time. You may wonder - "Why are you online rather than getting the you-know-what beat out of you? What's wrong with Him?" The truth is, it's not all overt D/s between us. There is no schedule. But - and this is a big but - if He decided I was done playing online for today, I'd be done. Period. The fact of my submission and His dominance is just there, like the air. I like it that way...and it feels comfortable and right to me. To Him too, I think.

[Ozme52]

So what you're saying jeanne, is if he suddenly said, stand-up, strip, and get your ass in the bedroom, you'd ..........................................

[Ozme52]

..........shut down your computer, stand-up, strip, and get your ass in the bedroom?

[cadence]

..........shut down your computer, stand-up, strip, and get your ass in the bedroom?

Stop it you two, (or Oz mostly), go rent a room, or a condo or something like that on the beach



Sorry I interrupted your question Thrasher, I can't answer it though. I am still too new to D/s and the dynamics of relationships. I do think about that as well though. I am interested in hearing more responses.

[Ownedfyre (mm1)]

Oz and jeanne. Thank you both for your input! Oz..lol
But jeanne I completely respect your point of view and appreciate it, (as I am Thrasher's sub), and hope that we can work toward the level you are at now with Oz. It is nice to know that there are those who find the comfort of everyday life within the 'restraints' (if you will) of being D/s as well. There is that point when you wonder, "Will this be all, or will we we be able to continue and offer each other more?" and I believe wholeheartedly that I have so much more to learn from Him and to offer Him in return. The great thing about it is, you don't have to rush it. I am trying hard to work on my patience! But I believe that as He learns, I benefit and learn as well. You are a lucky lady! I wish you both all the best this week. Enjoy!!!

[Tojo]

Speaking for myself, there's always more. I've known lisa for almost 2 1/2 years & am still learning about her.

Don't forget people change all the time too, as do wants & desires- so a relationship has to accommodate all that.

Perhaps if I had a different girl, I'd get bored- perhaps there wouldn't be enough challenge for me. All I know is there's always something.....

Part of that is that she's one hell of a challenge- she keeps me on my toes & I spend huge amounts of time just trying to get her to do things she doesn't want to do.

That's just the way I like it :D

I don't know how long you guys have been together, but do you know everything there is to know about her, Thrasher? That alone can take a lifetime.

[Polaris]

I don't think that this is a journey that ever stops. For me, in the beginning it was very much spontaneous explosions of new and exciting things -- naturally energy, and naturally an urge to explore further. At some point things settled down a little. Then, after a while, they settled down even more. I settled in, so to speak, and stopped to think about a great many things that had been unthinkable a year or two ago. The fact that things settle doesn't mean, however, that the energy just goes poof. It just changes. Growth may be more subtle, less spectacular and less spontaneous, but I believe steadily taking place nonetheless. You never stop to learn -- and there is SO much to explore. I mean, seriously ;)

[Ozme52]

"Our" D/s relationships are no different from any other romantic, vanilla or otherwise, relationships.

They are hottest when new and you grow them from there. The newness wears off but the passion morphs if you let it... if you help it.

If you can't keep a bdsm relationship hot and alive, you are going to fail miserably with a vanilla one too. So, imo, no worries, because I suspect one has, if not the both of you, weg, a great imagination.

[Kevin100]

This may be one of those cases when the process is more important than the result. It is in the growing, not the destination.
Kevin

[Ozme52]

Yes, the journey is what's important.

Good point Kevin.

[fetishdj]

Once you get there you may was well go back and start again... or maybe keep going on the offchance there is something else to find.

[Thrasher]

Thanks everybody for your thoughtful posts.
What I am reading is that, to use a shitty analogy, the mind is like the matrix, and the shadow-play never stops. Enjoy the show but do not expect to get beyond it. Is that right?
(by "the show" I mean the continuous suppression/projection and decay of these projections.)
My question was based in two things:
Past experiences and my attempts to understand them better, and some reading I have been doing.
I have this "academic" drive to try and figure out the nuts and bolts of how things work...it's a control thing *winks*

[Thrasher]

Once you get there you may was well go back and start again... or maybe keep going on the offchance there is something else to find.

Hey DJ!
Care to elaborate?