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View Full Version : Temple of Torture - Xtremity Part II WARNING: STORY CONTAINS VIOLENCE AND GORE!



Venom
07-04-2008, 02:57 PM
The first whipping scene from "Xtremity". This is a rather long passage since I have intended to create a "Mother Of All Whippings".





Kate was already tied up vertically in mid-air back on that day when an Inferior Mistress led Vanessa into the disciplinary room by a chain to her nose ring. All fight had gone from the subjugated blonde, as opposed to Kate. While her lover was roughly pushed onto her knees before her, the vivacious naked female fought against the restrains stretching her into a painful X. The stubborn slave’s body was glistening with perspiration of the tormenting suspension, but still there was fire in her.

“No! Leave her alone! What does sh...!”

Kate’s voice fell into a choked gargle as the searing pain pressed every ounce of air out of her lungs. Behind her, the Grand Mistress had sent a vicious blow into her right kidney.

“Shut the fuck up, tart!“

While the sadistic lady was flipping through the horrible items lying on a massive steel shelf, the Inferior Mistress secured Vanessa’s nose leash to a ring in the ground. She gave her only forty slackless centimetres of chain, so the blonde had to bend forward on her knees to ease the pain in her grommet-reinforced septum. Keeping her balance in this position was difficult since her arms were plaited into a very strict back-prayer. She had to strain her neck’s tendons and tear at the nose-flesh to see her lover’s bound form completely. Even without this afford she was mostly resting on her bare knees, and looking up with stretched septum and hollowed back brought even more pain. But still she couldn’t turn away from the gruesome scene finding its beginning in front of her.

Grand Mistress Gillian had been successful in Her search, dismissed the Inferior Mistress and approached the severly suspended slave. Kate was being restrained like this for a longer time, and so her shoulder joints, bearing all her weight, were in acid fire. Having lost the strength in her muscles, the reddish-blonde was now hanging on her tormented ligaments. The deep, fierce burning was enough torture to make the proud woman sob while she had been alone. While the chains’ tension was trying to rip her apart, the iron shackles diged into her raw wrists and ankles without mercy.

“I have no desire listening to your silly comments – or what else comes out of your whoring mouth...”

Spitting these words out with a hateful undertone, the Grand Mistress slipped a strong leather harness over Kate’s head. It’s only purpose was to ensure the immobility of the cruelly spiked steel ball fitted into its straps. Understandably, the slavegirl fought a desperate battle against her infernal gagging. But with brutal force Grand Mistress Gillian rammed the big metal sphere into Kate’s mouth until it was completely trapped not between but behind her teeth. The victim’s jaw literally snapped back and pushed the instrument of her oral torture even deeper into her pain-filled orifice.
A howl rose from her imprisoned throat and was renewed whenever Grand Mistress Gillian buckled another strap of the harness extra-tightly at the back of Kate’s head.

This first horrible scene was already enough to make Vanessa cry for mercy on her friend. Through her tears she saw the Grand Mistress taking another instrument from the shelf, then the clicking of high-heeled boots on concrete mingled with Vanessa’s sobs. Grand Mistress Gillian stopped next to her, and the kneeling slave felt well oiled leather of a tightly rolled up whip pressing on the back of her neck.

“I’m beating some manners into your cunt-friend, and you better count the strokes properly, or else!”

The Grand Mistress turned away and surrounded the suspended woman, the dark circle of the whip in Her right hand. She positioned Herself behind Her victim’s back with legs apart, ensuring a good stand. Her latex-clad body gleamed in the subdued lights.
She let the business ends fall to the ground, then Grand Mistress Gillian put a sexy swing to Her hips, allowing the whip to fully uncoil. It’s hollow snap echoed dryly through the horrible room, promising suffer and pain.

Vanessa could only see the Grand Mistress’ lower half through between Kate’s legs, but the cruel punishment tool was almost completely in her view. It was a multi-thonged four-feet whip, similar to a Cat o’ Nine Tails, but with three more straps than its historical predecessor. For the moment the twelve leather tongues dangled lazily from Grand Mistress Gillian’s hand, their last thirds meandering on the ground.

“Ready, you two?”

She took a step to the left for getting an effective angle and raised Her vicious weapon. With a graceful move She gathered impetus, then brought the leather thongs into their sensitive target for the first of many times.

The Cat hit her flesh with a broad, loathsome smack and left a dozen of angry welts behind, already opening the skin. The flash of pain caused Kate’s body to convulse. The tendons of her neck protruded and her jaws twitched around the torture gag. The savage spikes had wounded the woman’s mouth from the first second, but now the bite reflex drove them deep into her oral tissues. Fine rivulets of blood started oozing from her stretched lips, and Kate quelled the rising scream with a pressed moan.

Vanessa saw the red lines running across her lover’s chin and down her strained neck. Often the blonde had witnessed such sessions, and often she had suffered them herself. Confronted with inconceivable terror, her mind had searched for an answer, for a Why, but had failed each time. Finally these thoughts had been replaced by a single term, a mute manifestation of her helplessness: again. Again blood, again screams, again suffering. This exactly was what opened hell: again...

“One. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

She closed her eyes, but Vanessa’s sense of hearing betrayed her. The dire hissing of leather through air echoed in her head. Then the sharp snap when pain kissed the skin made her bound body wince. She heard Kate’s choked shriek, followed by the clicking of six-inch Slavekiller heels on concrete.

“Two. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?” Vanessa uttered hastily, her voice a trembling whisper.

The Grand Mistress had surrounded Her hanging victim and stopped in front of Vanessa.

“Open your fucking eyes, you worthless cunt-slime!” She yelled at her.

The girl’s eyelids flew open, allowing her a fearful view of Grand Mistress Gillian’s vicious boots and latex-gleaming legs.

“You will witness every single second of this lesson. Close your eyes only once again, and I will gouge them out and skull fuck you with my stilettos!”

“Yes, Grand Mistress! This slave won’t disappoint her Grand Mistress again!”

The sadistic lady rammed Her boot’s sole against the back of Vanessa’s head, grinding the slave’s nose into the concrete. Stabbing pain flashed through the blonde’s face, and it took her some seconds of crying before she regained balance, her nose bleeding.

Grand Mistress Gillian had again taken up Her post behind Kate, holding Her whip in an almost sensual way.

“I hope you know how to continue counting,” She admonished Vanessa.

The kneeling slave knew it too well, and when the next stroke brutally opened up her lover all over her back, Vanessa’s voice quivered while forming the words.

“One. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

Kate stifle her sobs and managed to send a brave look to Vanessa, but her punished face turned into a grimace of pain when the whip fell again. And even before the blonde slavegirl in front of her had finished proclaiming the score, a new dozen of stings smouldered deeply into her flesh. The pain reached far into her now, only after four lashes...four times twelve lashes! Her skin was seriously damaged, burning under the leather, and nonetheless it was just the beginning. She searched for Vanessa’s eyes, trying to give her strength and in the same course gathering strength from her.

Kate winced and trembled in her severe bondage as the Cat multiply broke her skin. Her jaws‘ involuntary movement tortured her oral cavity. She felt more viscous liquid, warm and sticky, dripping out of her spike-filled mouth – the same liquid that by now started to run down her flayed back...

Blinded by tears and her own pains the counting blonde cringed with every multiple crack of the whip. With each stroke Kate’s pressed out voice became more and more desperate. Through her hot eyes Vanessa could make out the woman‘s strained writhes, saw the blood running from her mouth and over her trembling breasts. And in silent horror she noticed the blood dripping on the floor beneath her lover, blood that was pouring out of Kate‘s sliced back. Like a mantra the kneeling slavegirl was repeating her phrase, but her mind was screaming in senseless frenzy.

No! No-oh, please stop! You are hurting her! Why do You hurt her so badly?!

“Seven. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

It was a pleasure to castigate the impenitent whore! The first two or three strokes hadn’t been carried out with full force, but then Grand Mistress Gillian couldn’t hold back any longer. Now slave-skin burst open along the full length of leather with every hit. There had been unbridled times She had whipped a slavegirl to death every day, just for sports. The rush that it brought to Her was overwhelming, and like an addict She had to feed Her blood thirst with fresh suffering ever so often.

The redhead Lady gave Her victim another backhanded lick, causing Kate to loose her last bit of self-control. An agonised howl vibrated in her gullet, distorted by the horrible gag.

Vanessa cried out loudly, tears flowed freely down her reddened face in endless streams after residing for a long time in her eyes. More and more blood stained the floor, was running down Kate’s legs and dripping from her toes or fell as awful rubies directly from her buttocks. And there was not a single sign of mercy on the Grand Mistress face, just sadistic pleasure as the flagellation went on and on.

“Bleed for Me, bitch!”

Her tongue glided across Her lips and caught some of the drops the whip had sprayed into Her face. The Grand Mistress relished the metallic flavour for some seconds, then raised Her weapon for another orgasmic lash.

“Twelve. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

Vanessa’s voice was drowned in tears and sobs. The juvenile slave seesawed instably on her sore knees while blood and snot was running down her nose chain.

Skin and flesh hung in bloody shreds from her mangled back and Kate was suffering pain only a true slave-whipping could give. First she had moaned and screamed in the beat of the falling Cat, but now her horrible cries came without any rhythm. The strange howls wrung out with each twelvefold lick were followed as well as interrupted by agonised wails. By now her back was swimming in blood, but the whip fell undiminishedly. Her torn mind wasn’t able to recognise the single hits any more – only impacts of molten pain hammering into her raw nerves.

Again Grand Mistress Gillian hurt her, and the pain was so bad that it physically blinded Kate. Red fogs took away her vision, and the incoherently screaming woman didn’t even notice her loss of bladder control.

“Eighteen. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

The landing whip drew wet splashes. The revolting sound of leather smashing into devastated flesh was almost too much for the blonde slave, and the sight of the gory lake beneath her tortured lover would soon make her vomit. Precariously kneeling, she trembled in her tormenting position. Like Kate’s body, her own was covered in sweat, her reddened eyes wide with terror.

“Nineteen. Please, may slave...this slave thanks Grand Mistress! May slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

By now, Vanessa’s words were almost totally unintelligible. Sobbing and crying, her muscles shaking from cramps and mental distress, she fought a cruel battle in her head. The urge to beg Grand Mistress Gillian for mercy was overwhelming, but any word except her counting would have horrible consequences.

The blonde girl was barely aware of a new pain coming from her already damaged nose: despite its grommet her septum had started bleeding, ruptured by the chain’s strain. She tasted the blood on her lips as she again and again retched out her grisly announcement.

“Twenty-three! This slave thanks Grand Mistress! Please..****ease may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

To give Kate at least some more seconds to recover between the strokes the Italian beauty spoke slowly, but the Grand Mistress even increased Her pace.

She is going to whip her to death!

The ultimate horror of this thought went far beyond Vanessa’s mind’s ability to suffer. Kate was going to die down here, getting her life lashed out in the most brutal manner thinkable – and Vanessa had to witness this hellish performance. She was even forced to support it by counting the deadly strokes!

“Twenty-eight. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

The kneeling girl carried sheer panic in her voice as her lover was soundly whipped. But due to the tortured woman’s inhuman screams reverberating from the soundproof walls it was difficult to get Vanessa’s words. Not that the Grand Mistress was really interested in the number of strokes. There would be no limit for Her greedy whip. Again She pumped a load of unbearable torment into what was left of Kate’s back. Incessantly the torturous straps were eating away the last shreds of skin, diving unhindered into the bleeding flesh. From the shoulders down to the hips the victim’s body was a sole bloody mass. This was far beyond a whipping, now it was all about carving the raw flesh from a young female’s bones.
A well-known tingle was now increasing in Grand Mistress Gillian’s abdomen. The metallic taste of slave-blood, the fine, red mist in the air, was intoxicating. The wet splashes, which turned kinetic energy into pure agony, aroused Her almost as much as the sight of the caused destructions. Kate’s sexy “in-screams” - shrieks uttered by drawing breath into the lungs - sent little flashs of electricity into Her crotch.

“Twenty-nine. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke, Grand Mistress?”

Grand Mistress Gillian denied herself release, holding back Her climax to heighten her final pleasure by bringing even more pain to Kate, even more misery to Vanessa. In ghoulish lust She used the whip again on suffering slave-flesh. Now, with Kate’s back being a single large wound, the devastation fasten up rapidly. Stripes of gory muscles were cut out, being hurled through the air or washed out by streams of blood.

“Thirty-two. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

The punished woman was shredding what was left of her tongue with endless screams. But the pain the gag caused her was nothing compared to the barbaric torture ripping her back apart. Kate was drowned in maddening agony, the horrific leather seemed to deeply reach into her rib cage. But still some abominable power prevented her from passing out while getting her back filleted. The memory that she had been drugged to suffer the blood-whipping as long as at all possible was lost in her pain-shattered mind.

“Thirty-six. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please....” Vanessa’s voice failed, but the Grand Mistress didn’t notice it anymore.

Eyes gleaming in sadistic ecstasy, She let the whip’s single thongs detonate with unbelievable brutality. Faster, harder and crueller than ever the hellish instrument was castigating flesh that wasn’t recognisable as a part of the human body anymore.

“Thirty-seven. This slave thanks...”

The kneeling girl hadn’t nearly enough time to end her phrase. The Grand Mistress was in a frenzy of sexual violence, the powerful orgasm boiling in her groins – ready to burst out.

“Thirty-eight.”

Her eyes rolled back, She was so close! The taste of superheated blood and the cascading howls, interrupted only by panic gasps for breath, were almost to much for the evil lady.

“Thirty-nine.”

Grand Mistress Gillian let go and nearly fainted as the outrageous climax exploded in Her core, raced through Her spine and flooded her mind. Kate’s terrible cry, born from pure pain, had sent Her over the edge. Blinded by ecstatic rage, the Grand Mistress brought down the Cat o’ Twelve Tails one more time...

“Forty. This slave thanks the Grand Mistress. Please, may slave Kate receive another stroke from the Grand Mistress?”

Heavily panting, the Grand Mistress let the dripping wet whip fall to the bloody ground. It took the beautiful redhead some time to cool down, the afterglow still burning in Her loins. She was amazed that Kate was still alive. Normally thirty lashes were enough to kill a young, healthy woman; less, if She really was out for it.

Lost in her ordeal, the once recalcitrant slave was uttering guttural noises, her whole body trembling in mindless agony. Kate’s buttocks and the back of her legs had turned red with blood, wrists and ankles seriously chafed by the steel cuffs. The Grand Mistress reached up and unlocked the rigid restrains at her victim’s hands. The barely conscious woman tipped over forwards and slammed into the concrete ground, right in front of Vanessa’s panic-stricken face. The torn female kept lying on the floor, bleeding and motionless, her ankles still bound in the steel shackles. Grand Mistress Gillian hadn’t bothered releasing Kate’s wide-spread legs. Instead She stepped to the kneeling slavegirl, leaving bloody footprints behind. With a skilful, but by no meaning gentle movement of Her gloved hand the Grand Mistress detached the soiled chain from Vanessa’s nose ring. She hooked Her index finger through the steel loop, tearing at her already stressed septum.

“Get up, slave-scum.”

Vanessa struggled to get to her fettered feet. Hot pain pierced her knees as she moved her long legs. The swollen joints had been forced to carry almost her full weight all the while Grand Mistress Gillian had had Her evil way with Kate.

Being dragged by her degrading nose ring like a piece of branded cattle, the young slavegirl had no choice but following her merciless owner. The Grand Mistress made her straddle Kate’s maltreated body. New tears and cries broke out of Vanessa when she saw her lover’s destroyed back – Grand Mistress Gillian had literally skinned her alive!

With one foot left and one foot right of Kate, the short hobble chain run taut across her bloody shoulder blades, pulling at Vanessa’s manacles. The Grand Mistress jerked the ring downwards, and the blonde captive fell to her knees again, her calves resting against Kate’s flanks. She fought the urge to sit down, bearing the stabbing ache caused by kneeling again. Grand Mistress Gillian placed Herself right in front of Vanessa, Her dreadful stiletto heels near Kate’s hips. A cruel smile played around Her sensuous lips.

“Fuck her wounds.”

The total disbelieve on Vanessa’s face was priceless. She almost panicked, having absolutely no idea what was expected of her.

“Aren’t you following orders on principle today?!” She backhanded her across the face, splitting the girl’s lower lip.
“That’s the second time you are disobedient this morning, the second transgression within half an hour, you irreverent piss-slut!”

The Grand Mistress twisted Her hand into Vanessa’s long hair and pulled the trembling slave’s head back, forcing the blonde to look straight up.

“Something is needed to get you back in line, My little missy! You will receive a nice discipline enema after this session.”

Vanessa’s face went even paler than it already had been; ‘discipline enema’ meant ‘punishment enema’, and ‘punishment enema’ meant nearly boiling oil...

Grand Mistress Gillian let go of Her slave’s hair, but slapped her once again for good measure.

“Now screw her wounds! Rub your stinking cunt over her back! And you...” She nudged Kate with the tip of Her right boot, “...better be a good fuck.”

Totally terrorised, Vanessa lowered herself until she felt the warm, gory wetness of her lover’s sliced flesh against her pubic bone. She swallowed hard, but then started to timidly move her hip forwards and backwards, trying not to hurt the whipped female too much. Her abdomen quivered at the disgusting sensation when her genitals, slippery with blood, were gliding over devastated tissue.

The Grand Mistress watched her pathetic efforts for half a minute, then laid Her hands on Vanessa’s wrenched shoulders, pressing her down.

“Why so bashful? I want to see some cunt-slime on her back!”

The cruel woman vehemently shook her until She was sure that Her blonde slave had understood what pace was expected of her. Vanessa now rapidly rubbed her labia across welts and broken flesh. The horrible wounds appeared to her like oiled rasps, and the physical stimulation she was gaining only made her feel even sicker. Beneath her Kate groaned into the concrete, half-conscious. Vanessa hoped that her friend’s mind was too far away to fully catch this perversity.

Without leaving Her position right in front of the slavegirl riding Kate, the Grand Mistress reached for a silver can on a shelf next to Her. She raised the gleaming vessel above Vanessa’s bowed head and slowly poured the content over the blonde. Cool water ran down Vanessa’s hair and face in even veils. She involuntarily closed her eyes, and when the liquid arrived her lips, she could taste its saltiness. Brine. Mixing with her sweat, it flowed down her rocking body, down her belly and flanks, down her back and bottom –and then it had found the open wounds of the woman beneath her.

The aggressive liquid burning her dragged Kate back to full awareness for some excruciating seconds. A final scream rose from her raw vocal cords, barely suppressed by the horrific gag. Then her saltwater-washed nerves overloaded her damaged mind and sent her into the mercy of deep darkness.

The lying slave didn’t react any more, so Grand Mistress Gillian ordered Vanessa to stop her depraved action. There was no fun torturing an unconscious victim. But fortunately the young Italian was still fully awake and available. The Grand Mistress again took hold on her nose ring and pulled the girl to her shackled feet.

“It’s time to let you expiate for your unruly behaviour, filthy tart.”

Her wet hair clenched Vanessa’s shoulders as she was dragged away, forced to leave her lover on the floor, bleeding and motionless. The Grand Mistress led her to an iron bondage horse standing in the far corner, and Vanessa didn’t have to see the dangling hoses and nozzles to know what was waiting for her. The high-colonic torment she was going to suffer had already been part of earlier punishments.

Grand Mistress Gillian pushed her against the hard structure.

“You know what to do – and don’t you dare hesitating; I can always make it worse...”

While Vanessa was bending over the metal with shaking knees, she fearfully glanced at the large tank above her. It was heated, and its content was ready to deep-fry her guts. The blonde slave felt her throat tightened with upcoming terror as she was fixed to the horse via vice-like steel cuffs around her waist and thighs. New tears filled her red eyes.

At least Kate wasn’t compelled to witness her anguish...



Venom v1.1

Clevernick
07-08-2008, 05:45 AM
Well, this is hardly safe, sane, or consensual, is it? Yech. Okay I admit it, this is way more than I would want to read. But some people love this stuff, so here's some important feedback.


Kate was already tied up vertically in mid-air back on that day when an Inferior Mistress led Vanessa into the disciplinary room by a chain to her nose ring. All fight had gone from the subjugated blonde, as opposed to Kate. While her lover was roughly pushed onto her knees before her, the vivacious naked female fought against the restrains stretching her into a painful X. The stubborn slave’s body was glistening with perspiration of the tormenting suspension, but still there was fire in her.

Okay you've lost me here already with all the jumping about and references. Who is suspended, who is on her knees, who is vivacious, who is stubborn, and by the way, suspended in midair how exactly? You've tried to pack too much into a paragraph, and in no particular order, so you get chaos.

Yes I'm sure with three or four readings, a reader could sort it all out, but it's not likely to happen. Especially in this genre, where people will be looking forward to the violence.

So, clean this up. Make it clear what's happening and to whom. This is your opening paragraph of the chapter, so refer to people by name mostly; using their descriptions or pronouns can be minimized until later on when we know who is who. Lay out your scene in order, and be consistent with your tenses.

Tense is a problem generally in this entire passage. Use simple past at all times unless using a deliberate flashback. If you are in a flashback, please keep that tense consistent until it's over!

An example of your opening paragraph, clarified, might be:

Kate was tied up vertically in mid-air, the vivacious naked female fighting against the restraints stretching her into a painful X. An Inferior Mistress led Vanessa into the disciplinary room by a chain to her nose ring. All fight had gone from the subjugated blonde, who was roughly pushed onto her knees before her lover. Kate's body was glistening with perspiration of the tormenting suspension, but still there was fire in her.

“No! Leave her alone! What does sh--”

Venom
07-12-2008, 12:26 PM
As said in the headline, this scene is from my work "Temple of Torture - Xtremity". "Xtremity" again is the third story of the "Temple of Torture"-narration. You will find the other two parts in the public library (no, not the one in your town, but on this site:) ).

I've posted this passage of the upcoming story to ease the waiting of my fans. Knowing the older parts, it is easy to tell who is the blonde slave, who is stubborn and so on.

And before you ask: yes, for an author it is a little bit narcissistic to postulate that everybody has read his stories...;)


BTW:

She's suspended by chains stretching her limbs.

Clevernick
07-12-2008, 08:01 PM
I am well aware that there were previous parts and that they described the people involved. My comments stand as stated. It's the beginning of a new chapter -- it's easier on the reader to set things up more clearly in the first paragraph. Clearer writing will never hurt your cause.

But this is the second time I've posted feedback for you only to have it deflected. If you want to post stories for your fans and you think you don't require feedback, I'll be happy to move your postings to the "Stories" forum. Or you can post directly to the Library itself.

This forum is for feedback requested and gratefully accepted.

Venom
07-14-2008, 10:43 AM
I'm not deflecting or being disrespectful by any meaning, but only trying to display my thoughts behind my lines or showing their development. I'm very aware of your critique's value.

Virulent
07-16-2008, 07:45 PM
Slight segue, but I liked it quite a bit; good chapter length, good dialogue, very little repetition. For what it's worth, I didn't have a hard time following it and haven't read the other stories. I've always liked the in media res style of writing though. Ab initio is boring.

I am one of those people who doesn't look for safe or sane (or usually consensual) in my fiction though.

Venom
07-17-2008, 01:52 PM
Thanks, Virulent. Though I didn't ripped this passage out of the main story, it originally belongs into a larger context. But since this part is a closed flashback, it's passable to stand alone. Nevertheless a short "Who is Who" at the beginning, detached from the actual story, could maybe help to better get into it.