hmmmm

[gemmy]

So, just a curiosity....

Why is it then that only the women post photos of themselves and the men, especially 'Dom's' don't? All that confidence, self-assurance and all, would have one believe it shouldn't be that big a deal, and yet....

hmmmmm

[kuriousnature]

you make a very interesting point... i was wondering that too... there are many female sub pics... i would like to see some male Dom pics!

[cadence]

I saw a picture of Oz's foot once, but I think that was because he forgot to move it back.

It is true, most Dominants don't show thier pics, unless you count Tom of Sweeden, now that was a picture.

Maybe they want us to use our imagination more, isn't that what Dominants want most of the time anyway?

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by cadence:
Maybe they want us to use our imagination more, isn't that what Dominants want most of the time anyway?

...or maybe they're afraid of what you would think of them if you knew how they looked. lol

[gemmy]

...or maybe they're afraid of what you would think of them if you knew how they looked. lol

but then doesn't that shatter the whole "I am Dom, hear me Roar" confidence we're supposed to believe in regardless? ;)

and ummmm, really - it's the subs with the confidence issues and yet here we are posting numerous photos anyway - makes a gurl really really contemplate that whole 'confidence' thing

[steelish]

but then doesn't that shatter the whole "I am Dom, hear me Roar" confidence we're supposed to believe in regardless? ;)

and ummmm, really - it's the subs with the confidence issues and yet here we are posting numerous photos anyway - makes a gurl really really contemplate that whole 'confidence' thing

I've been thinking about that as well! Maybe they think that we women visualize big strong muscular men sweeping us off our feet and having their way with us. (makes them nervous that they can't live up to the fantasy?)

[Chuckdom19]

*ahem* some of we Doms (us Doms? whatever) DO have our pictures on our profiles, just not as avatars. It is much more fun to require our subs to post pics than it is to post our own, as all women are beautifully different, and most male faces are just boring. Might be my genetic bias there, not sure.

[gemmy]

*ahem* some of we Doms (us Doms? whatever) DO have our pictures on our profiles, just not as avatars. It is much more fun to require our subs to post pics than it is to post our own, as all women are beautifully different, and most male faces are just boring. Might be my genetic bias there, not sure.

I don't buy it at all, sorry lol (maybe a male face isn't boring to us just as you think all women are beautiful?)

If the 'all fearing confidence' that all subs are supposed to believe in is there, what's the issue?

And to Steelish, then doesn't that make them 'insecure'?

[cadence]

but then doesn't that shatter the whole "I am Dom, hear me Roar" confidence we're supposed to believe in regardless? ;)

and ummmm, really - it's the subs with the confidence issues and yet here we are posting numerous photos anyway - makes a gurl really really contemplate that whole 'confidence' thing


...or maybe they're afraid of what you would think of them if you knew how they looked. lol

hmmmm, now you have made me think more about this. I know when I first saw a picture of my owner, I thought damn it, you do not look like the sadistic bastard I thought you would be. He looked way too sweet, he even has dimples!(thank god he's too busy too show up and see this)
Maybe it is the "I am Dom, hear me Roar confidence" , they have an image to uphold.
I have more on this, but I need to think about it first.

[DowntownAmber]

The nature of being a submissive is to be the one who is enjoyed by our Dominant; whether that enjoyment be gleaned from what we do, or say, or how we look and present ourselves. I would suspect most subs post thier pics to please the Doms they have currently or the ones they hope to attract. We aim to please by our natures. On the other hand, the Doms are there to enjoy us. Who are they really trying to impress?

[Ozme52]

I saw a picture of Oz's foot once, but I think that was because he forgot to move it back.

Impressive wasn't it.... :rolleyes:

[Ozme52]

Okay... Be warned. Sit down and prepare yourself.... and try not to swoon.

This is why we are so careful with our images.

---------------------

I guess you'll have to wait afterall, based on subsequent commentary about posting it in the self-portrait thread...

and...

though there was only a square inch of skin showing... the motorcycle was quite identifiable... :rolleyes:

[yourlilslave86]

you know ..when i joined the site ..i put up a picture i took and left it up as my avi till just very recently....what i hear the most when i started talking to Doms is do you have more pictures? or do you have a cam....and when i ask them back the answer is no...

Reign has shown me several pictures and i have taken pictures that he has requested..maybe it is that one on one thing that makes it more easier to share pictures.

i am not sure who i was talking to last week but they had told me they didnt want their pictures travelling all over the internet and i can understand that completely.

[thrall]

HHHMMM


OK……..hard copy…….a very bad subject with me!

I think that the “have no pics” people….have learned something valuable……They know that pics can come back and bite you on the ass. They have better self esteem; there is no need to parade like a peacock. They value a future other then the now. They are for the most part…..not stupid or careless with pics of themselves.

Once your image is out.......its wildlife on the web......forever!

I think asking/requiring a sub to post explicit and non explicit pics on the web, is down right shameful and wrong. These Doms are not looking out for the safety or future of their subs. They are looking to stroke their vanity at the price of someone else. Yes it may be amusing now…..but how will that sub feel about those pics a few years down the line.

Many who post pics are very young and looking for attention, and sad to say this is a way to get it….but at what price?

There are many here who like to post pics of themselves. For themselves and by themselves… if that is what they want to do….. great. I just think its…..not the greatest idea going.

Ok….and then there is the idea that good deal of the men try and float……..lmao ……Im still waiting to see the pic of a man who has a cock like Godzilla’s tail!........lmao

[Rowen]

HHHMMM


OK……..hard copy…….a very bad subject with me!

I think that the “have no pics” people….have learned something valuable……They know that pics can come back and bite you on the ass. They have better self esteem; there is no need to parade like a peacock. They value a future other then the now. They are for the most part…..not stupid or careless with pics of themselves.

Once your image is out.......its wildlife on the web......forever!

I think asking/requiring a sub to post explicit and non explicit pics on the web, is down right shameful and wrong. These Doms are not looking out for the safety or future of their subs. They are looking to stroke their vanity at the price of someone else. Yes it may be amusing now…..but how will that sub feel about those pics a few years down the line.

Many who post pics are very young and looking for attention, and sad to say this is a way to get it….but at what price?

There are many here who like to post pics of themselves. For themselves and by themselves… if that is what they want to do….. great. I just think its…..not the greatest idea going.

Ok….and then there is the idea that good deal of the men try and float……..lmao ……Im still waiting to see the pic of a man who has a cock like Godzilla’s tail!........lmao

thrall, as always, has a point here. I mailed several times with Slut Linda and her mistress because of my worries (and still do..). However they had a point too, taking care to prevent to easy recognition by hiding the face (well that is the intention..but one can slip on that one too..yaiks!) making the risks almost theoretical...and yes..risk does add to the excitement, no denying that.

There are other sites, like the adultism one where Slut Linda is exposed as well. And I am astonished about the load of pics and vids on which people show themselves, completely.. I know, it IS exciting, and we think it is a tolerant society...but what if your coworker finds you there and decides to mail those pics to the rest of the company???? And those blackmail stories, they are exciting (well, to me anyway..yummy!) but for real???

So...if you wanna post pics..at least prevent a too easy recognition.. A pic like your crotch with his/her name on it, or some other body part with clamps etc. is exciting/humiliating enough by itself, showing you have done as ordered. It doesn't need your face or tattoo in it...

Also agree that a Dom should take care on that aspect as well, and even if the sub wants to expose completely, the Dom should strongly advise against it, certainly not encourage it. [/B]

[claire]

Many who post pics are very young and looking for attention, and sad to say this is a way to get it….but at what price?
[/B]

As one who posted my pictures and is definitely not young, I can say Thrall is right. I did it because I am dying for attention. If a co-worker sees it, so what! Then they have to admit they were looking.

As for the guys - even hunky Tom didn't show below the waist.

[Rowen]

As one who posted my pictures and is definitely not young, I can say Thrall is right. I did it because I am dying for attention. If a co-worker sees it, so what! Then they have to admit they were looking.

As for the guys - even hunky Tom didn't show below the waist.

Well...I did..though not here..LOL..but to mistress..yes..

[thepast]

Speaking from some... experience... in cyber-imagery and ninja skills (ty Widget)...

I will just re-iterate what a few have already said: THINK BEFORE YOU POST!!!!! This site, like ALL others, is on the INTERNET. Yes folks, that means a quick check to Google and viola, there you are (by the way, if you have an "unusual" scene name, you might want to periodically Google yourself anyway, just to see what's out there)--right out there for the world to see.

People that you don't want to know, people who have vendettas against you, or just totally creepy people, can see your picture. If you have kids, do you want them "accidently stumbling" across your naked pictures? What about your parents? Your co-workers? If you don't care, then by all means, post away! But folks, it isn't just the nude pictures that are "problematic."

For all of you posting up your face--people now can link your face with your scene nick & whamo, there they go, off to the races. And if you say "Well, then they have to admit they were on the site too," not necessarily! The way the net works, you definitely do NOT have to be logged into this site to see pics, nor other sites to see other pics.

Blacking out/smudging a face isn't going to cut it--there are enough identifiable characteristics of someone in most pictures to figure out who they are. Your entire head is still there--your facial structure, your hair color...

...and look at the background of the photo--is there anything there that could give it away? If someone knew you already, would there be enough in the pic for them to tell it's you?

Another issue is posting a pic w/other people in it: if you don't have their consent, why are you posting it? Assumingly, these are people you know (I am talking about self-portraits here) so why on EARTH would you post them onto this site w/o consent?

If you have children and/or are married... come on, don't be naive. Your hubby/wife either knows you're here & doesn't care, or once they find out they will be livid. And they WILL find out--they always do (I have about 20 test cases to tell you about on that one)... do you want them to be able to log in & match your pic to a nick? Would you want your 15-17yr old son to be able to see your face on here?

Avatars are great. They are fantastic. It's fun to see breasts, asses, etc. But beyond that... think realllllly hard about posting ANYTHING on any site, including this one. The self-portrait area contains an amazing amount of pics that could be ID'd. Or, people post non-identifiable pics there, but then put their face into their profile, or have pics in their photo album. Trust me, people will find the pics & will out you--people are like that.

Now, if you don't care, or you are completely out to your family, friends, and occupation, then hey, I say go for it. Maybe you are a porn star, or have your own naughty little website... then hey, post away.

Best advice? Better safe then sorry!! Keep your pics to you & yours, and put up an avi on the site that represents you. Or, if you want to put yourself up, put up a nice red arse, or a nice set of breasts, or, if you are male, a gorgeous cock.


Better safe then sorry, better overly cautious then regretful...

[thrall]

woohoo!....thank you Delia!

[claire]

Good reminder Delia for those of us who get a little too care free.

[cadence]

To be honest I was only referring to the bits and peices of Dominants. I'd prefer to see some bums. I like looking at a man's ass.
Oh and someone please get to Oz's attachment, I want to see!!!

But I wholly agree with what Delia has said. If you are comfortable enough to show your face that is your perogative. Sometimes people don't realize that even though they feel a sense of security within a place on the web, that security is not guaranteed.

I post a lot of pictures at the academy, and even then I have had some trolls tell me they have downloaded them onto thier computer, so after that they could be posted anywhere. Hence the fact I will never show my face or show anything that may give me away. Even though I try to be careful, I am probably not careful enough, but that is the risk I take and I am fully aware of what could happen.

Even if you play on cam the other person can take pictures of you without you even knowing it. So there is also that to be careful of.


I have been threatened once, by a Dominant, who said he would track down my email address and find me. And yes it can be done. I took the threat seriously enough when he tracked me down here. And that was all because I wouldn't meet him to play.
So yes there are some people who are not respectful of others and there are ways to find a person.
It's not only pictures, if you give out too much information about where you live and what type of job you do, you may inadvertently give out too much information in that regard. There are only a very few people I trust who know my real name and where I live. I trust them not to give out my information, and I respect thier's as well.

I definately do not use the same email or messenger with my close friends and family, that I use for BDSM sites. I keep those two separate.

[thrall]

Hard copy!........a very bad thing.


Now lets think.....There is a thread that is very popular here for the pics that it contains.......and where do you think they all come from??..Riped, downloaded, borrowed, shared, copied. Do you really think all of the people in the pics......know that they are here for everyone to enjoy???

In the blink of an eye........a keystroke, your image is no longer your own.

[thepast]

chuckles... if Oz moves his pic to the self-portraits area, it will be automatically approved. smiles... pics (I believe) are only allowed in these threads if they have to do w/thread content, which, though arguably Oz in his black leathers does, it isn't technically the right area for it... Probably why it hasn't been approved *smiles*

[cadence]

chuckles... if Oz moves his pic to the self-portraits area, it will be automatically approved. smiles... pics (I believe) are only allowed in these threads if they have to do w/thread content, which, though arguably Oz in his black leathers does, it isn't technically the right area for it... Probably why it hasn't been approved *smiles*


lol, I have been here long enough, I should realistically know the rules, but I got all excited. I'll contain it now, and hope the picture gets moved, because now that's unecessary teasing.


We should get this post back on track though.

I am still curious as to why Dominants don't show any pictures at all, is it because they don't feel that need to.
Are Dominants just not exhibitionists as submissives are more inclined to be?

[thrall]

HHHmmm....

Could it be that they are..........smart, cautious, and know the risks????

Could it be that the saying "Do as i say and don't do as i do" is a rule they live by??..

Could it be that they have respect for themselves??

Could it be that they are not who they claim to be??

[Rowen]

I think thrall & delia do have their points as said before. I won't repeat them because the point is made, and I also did a thread on it.
Did a google btw, and Rowen has over 1,5 million hits..making it a bit hard to find this particular Rowen. The MTP however brings it down to only a 1000, one them being here! So, glad the MTP will be gone soon. Also will bring this thread under attention of my playmates

Then again..a certain risk seems uninevitable.. I mean, if people really want, they can track my IPadress, in Europe a copy of every mail is saved for over a year (because we are all potential criminals) Meaning if "they" really want..
Still, that is a small risk and indeed adds a bit to the exitement Also, most of the things I've written here, people may read it. (have asked on to be removed tho)
Yes, some of it will be embarrassing at times...but let's face it, when a roleplay goes wrong or people walk in on that (it did happen once to me and my GF!) that is embarrassing too. And your playpartner taking pics while you are blindfolded...it can happen.

BTW..seems to me doms simply can be more picky..I have the impression that there are way more submissives than doms - but I can be mistaken on that.

But..for the last time.. don't make it too easy..there are people out there who enjoy hurting you. It can happen even when you are cautious, but don't present them your head on a silver plate!

[gemmy]

HHHmmm....

Could it be that they are..........smart, cautious, and know the risks????

Could it be that the saying "Do as i say and don't do as i do" is a rule they live by??..

Could it be that they have respect for themselves??

Could it be that they are not who they claim to be??


Yes, I do understand the risks completely and always have but am I to think then from your statement thrall that I have NO respect for myself because I've posted pictures? Or anyone else who has, for their own reasons, posted their photos? Nice!

[gemmy]

you know ..when i joined the site ..i put up a picture i took and left it up as my avi till just very recently....what i hear the most when i started talking to Doms is do you have more pictures? or do you have a cam....and when i ask them back the answer is no...

Reign has shown me several pictures and i have taken pictures that he has requested..maybe it is that one on one thing that makes it more easier to share pictures.

i am not sure who i was talking to last week but they had told me they didnt want their pictures travelling all over the internet and i can understand that completely.

Exactly!

[Rowen]

Yes, I do understand the risks completely and always have but am I to think then from your statement thrall that I have NO respect for myself because I've posted pictures? Or anyone else who has, for their own reasons, posted their photos? Nice!

I don't think thrall intended to offend you or anybody else. However, we must not forget that on many pics humiliation, exposure, degradation is an issue...perhaps the main issue.

[cadence]

HHHmmm....

Could it be that they are..........smart, cautious, and know the risks????

Could it be that the saying "Do as i say and don't do as i do" is a rule they live by??..

No I wouldn't think so. Some have thier submissives post pictures, so why would they put someone else they should care about at risk. I don't think they would be that beligerent.

The do as I say part I understand, but I highly doubt that they use the don't do as I do rule.
I am required to post pictures when asked, because I am told to do it. He doesn't post pictures. I am also required to at least know the risks I take when I do post a picture and ensure my safety, but that is up to me to know that, not for him to remind me of it. Just because I am required to do something, does not make it a free for all.




Could it be that they have respect for themselves??

I would think that we all have respect for ourselves, so I am a bit confused by what you mean. And as to what Rowen said, regardless if it is humiliating, if you like it, how can you have zero respect for yourself?
I just read Thrall's previous answer, and now I understand what she means now.
But we also make choices as well, and as long as we are safe in doing so, I don't see the harm done. I am still respected and respect myself with whatever choices I make. I understand the implications that may happen with my pictures, I fully know what can happen to them. I have made my choice though, and I stick by it.




Could it be that they are not who they claim to be??

Well there is always going to be that group of people. Even submissives can do that. I don't expect a Dominant to start posting pictures to prove he is who he is.
I also won't share a picture or expect one, if I don't know them well enough.

[Ozme52]

Oh and someone please get to Oz's attachment, I want to see!!!



chuckles... if Oz moves his pic to the self-portraits area, it will be automatically approved. smiles... pics (I believe) are only allowed in these threads if they have to do w/thread content, which, though arguably Oz in his black leathers does, it isn't technically the right area for it... Probably why it hasn't been approved *smiles*


lol, I have been here long enough, I should realistically know the rules, but I got all excited. I'll contain it now, and hope the picture gets moved, because now that's unecessary teasing.
Sorry cadence... I decided to remove it. Though willing to post it here in this context... as a confident dom, I have no need to display myself in the self-portrait thread. LOL

I can, he said teasingly, arrange a private showing for you... :blurp_ani



We should get this post back on track though.

I am still curious as to why Dominants don't show any pictures at all, is it because they don't feel that need to.

Probably true. I wouldn't have had any inclination to post that picture except in response to your comment.


Are Dominants just not exhibitionists as submissives are more inclined to be?

Perhaps Dom men, as men, tend to be more visual, and sub women, as subs, tend to try to please us that way.

[thepast]

Right... as to the point of this thread (sorry for the hijack, gem)...

Doms often don't post pictures of themselves, I believe for two main reasons: 1.) They tend to be more alert & concerned about privacy issues then subs. Is this because they are smarter? No. More intelligent? No. More saavy? No... it's just because... well... it is; 2.) Doms are not always what is in a woman's fantasy, and, like subs, many don't want to ruin the fantasy that their sub has in their mind, or the scene personality that they have created. Does this mean, by rule, Doms are ugly? *grins* NO. Buuuut... I think they tend to, more then subs, keep that kind of thing close-chest.

As for why subs do it... I think sometimes it's an attention getter. Also, subs tend to be into some variation of exhibitionism & voyeurism & humiliation more then Doms are, in the sense that showing the picture emotes these kinks for subs, whereas a Dominant needs the submissive to show the picture in order to emote the same kinks... Does that make sense?? Like everything else, Doms tend to "get their kick" in a different way then a submissive does.

Alll that being said... Does ANYONE know a group of guys that enjoys standing for or being in pics as much as girlfriends do? Uhhh usually not. Guys just aren't as much into the whole camera thing as women are. So there could be the gender divide as well.

Personally, I know why T & I don't put our pics on here: while we love the vast majority of all y'all, I don't particularly want some creepy stalker showing up at the grocery store professing their love to me or coming up behind T in a Grim Reaper/Darth Vader moment with a knife in their hand, cursing him & killing him off for something He did as a Site Admin...chuckles... Have people met us? Of course...so they know what we look like. But again, it's all about perspective & reality... and a little bit of personal choice.

Now... mastersgem... if you need a pic of someone here on this site... *grins*... there are ...ways... to get one.... *coughs groveling coughs*

[Rowen]

I would think that we all have respect for ourselves, so I am a bit confused by what you mean. And as to what Rowen said, regardless if it is humiliating, if you like it, how can you have zero respect for yourself?



Cadence, allow me to correct myself: I didn't mean that you, or other submissives (which I am as well, btw) don't respect yourselves when you post a pic. I fact, I have an immense admiration for the courage it takes to take those pictures and post them. Believe me that I envy and respect the courage of Slut Linda on that part.
It shows courage, it also shows devotion. BUT...that's how I look it at..many others will say different. Please don't forget that many people, even in the medical profession think about BDSM as a "sexuality disorder"

And if I offended you, please accept my apologies right here..

[Rowen]

As for why subs do it... I think sometimes it's an attention getter. Also, subs tend to be into some variation of exhibitionism & voyeurism & humiliation more then Doms are, in the sense that showing the picture emotes these kinks for subs, whereas a Dominant needs the submissive to show the picture in order to emote the same kinks... Does that make sense?? Like everything else, Doms tend to "get their kick" in a different way then a submissive does.



Hmmm, don't know. Maybe it is that submissive trait wanting to please, to show the devotion, perhaps also the fear of rejection, the need of reassurance that they did it right?
Becoming quit a thread btw!!

[cadence]

Cadence, allow me to correct myself: I didn't mean that you, or other submissives (which I am as well, btw) don't respect yourselves when you post a pic. I fact, I have an immense admiration for the courage it takes to take those pictures and post them. Believe me that I envy and respect the courage of Slut Linda on that part.
It shows courage, it also shows devotion. BUT...that's how I look it at..many others will say different. Please don't forget that many people, even in the medical profession think about BDSM as a "sexuality disorder"

And if I offended you, please accept my apologies right here..

No need to apologize, I am not offended at all. I may have misconstrued your statement a tad.
But I can understand how others think BDSM is a sexuality disorder. Just because they are medical professionals, does not mean that their statements or thinking is absolutely valid. Some medical professionals do practice BDSM as well. I don't hold what they say too literally.


Sorry cadence... I decided to remove it. Though willing to post it here in this context... as a confident dom, I have no need to display myself in the self-portrait thread. LOL

I can, he said teasingly, arrange a private showing for you... :blurp_ani

Please don't tease cadence, it's just wrong
but if you are willing to show, I am always ready and available ;)

[Rowen]

But I can understand how others think BDSM is a sexuality disorder. Just because they are medical professionals, does not mean that their statements or thinking is absolutely valid. Some medical professionals do practice BDSM as well. I don't hold what they say too literally.

LMAO!!! Indeed they do!! You have any idea how adequate that remark is...?!! really, LOL...However, the point, the sad point, is that even if that is so, even if the "damsel in distress" scene is cliché in movies, even if handcuffs are THE gift on a bachelorette party...and every male head turns for a leather clad girl on a bike..many "decent people" will call us freaks, even people who should know better..
But..don't wanna do a second hijack of poor gemmies thread..sorry

[thrall]

Yes, I do understand the risks completely and always have but am I to think then from your statement thrall that I have NO respect for myself because I've posted pictures? Or anyone else who has, for their own reasons, posted their photos? Nice!

No MG that is not what i mean ...when i say "could it be that they have respect for...themselves"......

It is not saying that the ones in the pics have no respect for themselves

It simply means that they are more then happy to ask, request , and or applaud a sub for posting pics... that shall we say..are compromising.....but in the same breath.....would NEVER dream of putting themselves in the same position.....

So......again.....no pics of the Dom/me/men/Doms

So who are they leaving the burden.......and consequences too, for any fallout from the posting of said pics??

I also said........


There are many here who like to post pics of themselves. For themselves and by themselves… if that is what they want to do….. great.

[Arria]

Geez, people, please stop punishing delia etc. for pointing out the risks! They truly are valid! It might just be me, being married to an IT person, but _anything_ you put out on the internet can be found and seen by others!

If you are willing to take that risk, fine. But please don´t think that anybody else who does not thinks less of you.
Even if they did - why would that concern you? The disapproval of people you never met and, most likely, never will?
We are all different, everyone has his/her own kink, can we not just let it stand like that?

I myself have pictures of me not only here, but also on some tattoo-related pages. I take care not to post body pics that show my face. On the other hand, anyone on those pages or here can see my face and (parts of my) body. I do not mind that, as I am outed pretty much everywhere. If anybody found me, he kept his mouth shut so far :-)
I would not like a full-body picture that also shows my face circulating worldwide on the web, though... then again, it would not kill me.

I don´t have a problem with people I actually interact with knowing approximately what I look like. I have travelled extensively during my tattoo convention times. My leg and my belly have been photographed more times than I could remember. So I am out there anyway - parts of me, that is. I do not mind that.
I would _not_ like them to see my pussy or nipples, though. So I don´t post these. Hubby would not want that, either, so it´s out of the question anyway.

As for humiliating/degrading pics: Hubby would not even ask me to take those of me. I have seen WAY too much shit happen with nude pics of female friends of mine - whose angry ex-boyfriends posted these (quite innocent pics, compared with some of the stuff that is up here!) all over the web.

It is up to each person to decide if they want to take that risk - but again, I do ask you not to damn others because they see the necessity to utter a fair warning about potential consequences!

[claire]

I think the problem with the lack of Dom pictures here, is symptomatic of our society. When I prowl around to find erotic pictures or art, the majority is oriented toward men, be they gay or straight. There is a very limited amount out there geared toward woman. We have made very little progress since Burt Reynolds bared all (sheesh does that date me or what). I think men just aren't used to the idea of displaying themselves for a woman's pleasure. Whereas it gives many women pleasure to display themselves for a man's pleasure. Does that make sense?

I also find it very interesting that the only male who has contributed to this thread is Oz. Forgive me if I missed someone else. Come on guys let's hear what you have to say about this.

[thrall]

HHHmmm....
Could it be that they are..........smart, cautious, and know the risks????





Doms often don't post pictures of themselves, I believe for two main reasons: 1.) They tend to be more alert & concerned about privacy issues then subs. Is this because they are smarter? No.

You see Delia....i would say form what you infer.....yes they are smarter. And for the reasons you stated. More alert. More concerned about privacy. .....And are these not issues that a good Dom should be concerned about FOR his sub??? Are these not smart reasons for not posting pics??




Personally, I know why T & I don't put our pics on here: while we love the vast majority of all y'all, I don't particularly want some creepy stalker showing up at the grocery store professing their love to me or coming up behind T in a Grim Reaper/Darth Vader moment with a knife in their hand, cursing him & killing him off for something He did as a Site Admin...chuckles... Have people met us? Of course...so they know what we look like. But again, it's all about perspective & reality... and a little bit of personal choice.

Again..smart reasons for NOT posting pics. Shouldn't everyone be concerned about these issues??




Could it be that they are not who they claim to be??



Doms are not always what is in a woman's fantasy, and, like subs, many don't want to ruin the fantasy that their sub has in their mind, or the scene personality that they have created. Does this mean, by rule, Doms are ugly? *grins* NO. Buuuut... I think they tend to, more then subs, keep that kind of thing close-chest.

You say it a bit differently Delia... but is in essence the same thing....




all reasons why men/Doms.........do not post pics...

[Rowen]

I also find it very interesting that the only male who has contributed to this thread is Oz. Forgive me if I missed someone else. Come on guys let's hear what you have to say about this.

You did miss someone else...me being still male the last time I checked. And I did sent a pic...it's hidden...but also visible..

[claire]

:eek: My apologies Rowan. I don't know why I assumed "Rowan" was female :o. You have contributed quite a lot to this discussion too. Shame on me. :pray: I deserve to be severely punished for such an oversight. :span:

Now I will have to go in search of your picture. :camera2: ;)

[Rowen]

Hmmm do like the apology, really do. Never seen so many avatars in one post either. Thinking about the topic...would two hours in the public pillory:bondage: and 20 lashes;whip do?

[claire]

Well if you are offering to let the bit of Dom in you out, all I can say is, yes please, Sir. :pd

[Rowen]

Well if you are offering to let the bit of Dom in you out, all I can say is, yes please, Sir. :pd


Consider it done :whip:be it long distance. Enjoy the sore butt and the snickering :hubbahubb:popc1:of the onlookers.

[gemmy]

Okay... Be warned. Sit down and prepare yourself.... and try not to swoon.

This is why we are so careful with our images.

---------------------

I guess you'll have to wait afterall, based on subsequent commentary about posting it in the self-portrait thread...

and...

though there was only a square inch of skin showing... the motorcycle was quite identifiable... :rolleyes:

*giggles* thanks anyway Oz xo

[gemmy]

No MG that is not what i mean ...when i say "could it be that they have respect for...themselves"......

It is not saying that the ones in the pics have no respect for themselves

It simply means that they are more then happy to ask, request , and or applaud a sub for posting pics... that shall we say..are compromising.....but in the same breath.....would NEVER dream of putting themselves in the same position.....


That's self respect? Sorry but I just don't understand how you can call that self respect and especially in the context in which you posted it earlier. Nevermind, it matters not - just odd :confused:

And claire, I find it equally interesting that more of the Male Dom's haven't responded *rubs chin* more to ponder on the mysteries of Masters ;)

[Kuskovian]

LOL. Truely amusing .

Why bother when we can sit back and be entertained by all the pretty slaves.

Is it not the lioness that does all the "work" in the wild, while the Lion watches over his dominion?

[DowntownAmber]

Though I commented earlier on this topic and still stand by what I say, it occured to me that I missed one tiny tidbit: women are curvy, soft, and rather easy on the eyes. Men? Kinda goofy lookin' nekkid. Just sayin'. ;)

[Dea Menrfa]

LOL...

I am a female, and a domme. You will not find my photo here... nor any photos under this user ID... I have family that don't need to see me EVER in this light. Not that I am embarassed by it, but that they could be.

I do ask for pictures via email from my pets though... as a face reveals a lot about a person. I would hope that pictures via email are safe enough.

I HAVE recently discovered, that male subs tend to like the fantasy they create themselves. Discovering that their domme is a real person with real life thoughts, opinions, and frailties are not something the subs I have met, want to know about.

So I continue to learn. Day by day.

I am grateful for you all.

And you my little gem... your pictures knock my socks off. But you know that. ;) I certainly do appreciate those of you who have the courage to post your own pictures.

Take Care & Be Well.

[gemmy]

Though I commented earlier on this topic and still stand by what I say, it occured to me that I missed one tiny tidbit: women are curvy, soft, and rather easy on the eyes. Men? Kinda goofy lookin' nekkid. Just sayin'. ;)

lmao Amber, only you would say it haha!!

Who said anything about nekkid photos?? huh?? huh?? Friggen perv!! lol :cool:

*hugs hunnie* xo

[DowntownAmber]

lmao Amber, only you would say it haha!!

Who said anything about nekkid photos?? huh?? huh?? Friggen perv!! lol :cool:

*hugs hunnie* xo

Yeah I was just talking about this very topic with Greg and J... Nekkid photos are for pervs! *collapses in a heap giggling* Seriously, who DOES that??

[orchidsoul]

Nekkid photos are for pervs! *collapses in a heap giggling* Seriously, who DOES that??

thankfully lots! *giggles with you*
whatever the reasons- whether you're an exhibitionist, or someone dared you, or you're looking for a little encouragement, or you're teaching something, or you're just plain proud... I do sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my... *ahem*

Refering to the question at large, we do lack in the man flesh...
there is always the trick of not including your face gentlemen, so don't be shy!
it's really only fair- I mean, if y'all get to see the goods before doing delicious things... we should get to see the goods that might be doing said deliciosity's!

I have never posted a picture that included any naked part of me with a face, and never would because I'd fear it spreading around...however, on a non-public group I am a part of, I have put up pictures of my face (no nekkidness included with the face)
If someone I know sees me online... then we have a new exciting conversation topic. But the reality is I'm still a wimp and wouldn't want to be spotted by someone I know prancing butt naked through a bdsm forum. Mostly because they may never tell me they saw...

[gemmy]

Yeah I was just talking about this very topic with Greg and J... Nekkid photos are for pervs! *collapses in a heap giggling* Seriously, who DOES that??

*bats eyelashes innocently* lalalala wouldn't know hehe

And umm speaking of the Domly Greg Dude.....and Domly photo's ;) *giggles*

[denuseri]

lol, this may be a wierd observation, but were yu all aware that the site has a photo contest thread, and picks winners etc (thuse promoting user pictures) each month

as for what kind of photos win, idk how they are chosen or anything but if you look at submitted pictures you may see why i find some of the disscussion here a little bit ironic

not to mention the fact that a rare handfull of doms compared to a plethora of subs has posted on this thread in the doms area ,,weg subbie take over lol

[thrall]

lol, this may be a wierd observation, but were yu all aware that the site has a photo contest thread, and picks winners etc (thuse promoting user pictures) each month

as for what kind of photos win, idk how they are chosen or anything but if you look at submitted pictures you may see why i find some of the disscussion here a little bit ironic

not to mention the fact that a rare handfull of doms compared to a plethora of subs has posted on this thread in the doms area ,,weg subbie take over lol


And ......irony of irony.....LMAO. I enter submissions......and have won.

The photo submissions do not necessarily have to be you or even body parts. They just have to conform to the theme that is given.....

That being said.....there is nothing that could track back to me.....

And all i have to say for that is.........lol.......parts is parts!

[MissElizabeth87]

I don't know if this is talking about men specifically when you say Doms or just Dominants... but... I don't have any pics on here as a Domme... and really that is because I don't have a digital camera/scanner! haha. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist, so I wouldn't mind posting pics (with identifying marks um... hidden, of course). I just don't have the equipment. haha :)

[denuseri]

yes any pics of me are supposed to have any identifing marks absent as well, everything from my special clit ring and its bell, to my brand/tatto site as well as most face pics, are to have been altered obscured or simply not identifiably visible as part of the whole

[gemmy]

lol, this may be a wierd observation, but were yu all aware that the site has a photo contest thread, and picks winners etc (thuse promoting user pictures) each month

as for what kind of photos win, idk how they are chosen or anything but if you look at submitted pictures you may see why i find some of the disscussion here a little bit ironic

not to mention the fact that a rare handfull of doms compared to a plethora of subs has posted on this thread in the doms area ,,weg subbie take over lol

And denu, therein lies my original question ;)


And ......irony of irony.....LMAO. I enter submissions......and have won.

The photo submissions do not necessarily have to be you or even body parts. They just have to conform to the theme that is given.....

That being said.....there is nothing that could track back to me.....

And all i have to say for that is.........lol.......parts is parts!

Except you are not a Dominant, are you? :confused:

[Ozme52]

I don't know if this is talking about men specifically when you say Doms or just Dominants... but... I don't have any pics on here as a Domme... and really that is because I don't have a digital camera/scanner! haha. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist, so I wouldn't mind posting pics (with identifying marks um... hidden, of course). I just don't have the equipment. haha :)

I do... ;)

[TomOfSweden]

It's because we care. Doms are so pretty that if all you subs would see our gorgeous bodies, you'd instantly explode from sexual ecstasy.

[gemmy]

It's because we care. Doms are so pretty that if all you subs would see our gorgeous bodies, you'd instantly explode from sexual ecstasy.

LMAO

See, that's all I was looking for was an answer ;) hehe

[AdrianaAurora]

Men? Kinda goofy lookin' nekkid. Just sayin'. ;)

But I kinda like looking at them. :rolleyes: lol

[AdrianaAurora]

It's because we care. Doms are so pretty that if all you subs would see our gorgeous bodies, you'd instantly explode from sexual ecstasy.

LMAO
Clearly it's modesty we love in Doms.:p

[TomOfSweden]

The serious answer is that I do think that subs are most often more courageous that doms. It's just as simple as that. "Coming out" as a sub is much less culturally acceptable than coming out as a dom. There's a difference between dom and sadist. In places like this where they inexperienced meet the experienced, I think picture posting statistics will always lean toward subs.

I also think that cowardly vanilla guys often clothe themselves in the persona of a dom to get laid. It's like they're hoping that the domly hat will daze and confuse naive and unsuspecting subs. I'm convinced that sites like this is prime hunting ground for them. They will never post pics because it prevents changing nicks in time of need.

...and then there's the domlyness. Doms, (according to my experience) aren't needy about getting other peoples appreciation for stuff like looks. Its like we prefer to turn to ourselves about aesthetic matters. This defeats some of the motivation for posting pictures of ourselves. We're needy about other kinds of appreciation. Like grovelling. This isn't always a good thing. The people I've met with the most flabbergastingly bad taste have all been extremely dominant people. Often with weird theories about what looks good that have never been challenged... At least not in a way they noticed, because they don't really care what other people think.

...and how could I manage to get such a great taste in spite of my domly handicap? It's just one of those mysteries. I'm blessed with amazingly good taste anyway. Who did I ask..? Well, myself of course. Who else? I don't need to ask if my ass looks good in my pants... I know it does.

[denuseri]

Yeah the dom cone of silence has been lifted, lol , thanks Sirs

[denuseri]

Yeah the dom cone of silence has been lifted, lol , thanks Sirs

[claire]

It's because we care. Doms are so pretty that if all you subs would see our gorgeous bodies, you'd instantly explode from sexual ecstasy.

and that would be a bad thing???????? :p

[gemmy]

I had to ponder long about this before responding and I have to say that this post (a recently deleted one lol) REEKS of self-centeredness (and not in a good Domly type way, I might add). I can understand that some D/s relationships are one-sided to the Dom and yet another side to the sub but I would not continue a dialogue with a man who refused to show me his picture (privately) immediately.

I've had many 'so-called' self titled Dom's demand my photo and in turn say I'll get theirs if and when They Deem it so (rolls over laughing) - yea, ok - some new, out of the gate innocent sub may fall for that Bs (and get hurt terribly), but I call them straight out on it.

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really. That's not to say they all have to be Gods or Goddess, but they have to be at least physically pleasing to the other person (whatever that definition is for that person) or it's just not going to work.

It continually makes me roll my eyes when I read such things from aging, pot-bellyed, ill-mannered, untaken care of men (or right doms haha!), demanding that they will only talk with beautiful, in shape, height/weight proportionate females - kills me laughing everytime!

So your statement....

".....but by then my appearance will be of no importance..."

Really? Won't it? I'd rethink that if I were you ;)

[blythe spirit]

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really.

So your statement....

".....but by then my appearance will be of no importance..."

Really? Won't it? I'd rethink that if I were you ;)

I just want to say that I'm neither lying or kidding myself. I truly do wish to know someone from the inside out. Physicalities get in the way. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

No matter how beautiful a person is, the attraction is short lived if they are ugly inside. And no matter how unattractive one might be, a good, caring heart, lets their beauty shine through.

Nevertheless, admiring a nice hunk doesn't bother me in the least. hehehe.

[Pastor]

Its not T and A But mine is real...

[MissElizabeth87]

I do... ;)

hahaha. :rolleyes:

[gemmy]

I just want to say that I'm neither lying or kidding myself. I truly do wish to know someone from the inside out. Physicalities get in the way. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

No matter how beautiful a person is, the attraction is short lived if they are ugly inside. And no matter how unattractive one might be, a good, caring heart, lets their beauty shine through.

Nevertheless, admiring a nice hunk doesn't bother me in the least. hehehe.

lol blythe, of course it doesn't ;) doesn't bother me none either but I have found the more beautiful the person is outside, the more ugly they are inside ;) (a very general statement, yes, but is what I, in my own experience, have found) but I still say everyone has a 'physical attraction' type ;)

Mine is big, burly, hygenic, bald is good mmmmm along with many other intangible qualities, as I said though, they need not be a God or Godess (in fact if they are, they wouldn't like me anyway as I am not one hehe) but....; I still need them to be in my category of 'attractive' ;)

Ok, so I'm the only vain person on the entire board - no news there; I'm the only one who is the same as everyone else too hehe

[thrall]

Except you are not a Dominant, are you? :confused:

Nope....lol...all sub.

But i have another idea of why the men don't post pics.....

Places like this are usually female heavy.....And lets face it...a very good deal of them are desperate for attention.....any attention. And im not just talking about the females who post pics....

So again...advantage to the males.....

There is no need..no reason for the men to post pics.

[Kuskovian]

Well I will say something here, and I don't care if it is just another reinforcment of double standards.

Men generally don't like looking at pictures of men. I am more likely to have pictures of my girl posted than myself.

Also, if I saw a bunch of pictures of a guy in his profile and or album (showing off his body etc), I might be so inclined to think he is one self centered sob at first glance.

Conversely if he has no pictures I would tend to think he eaither isn't on the market for a sub, is hideing a beer gut or worse, is just plain lazy, or not serious about finding a potential mate and just here for the cyber sex.

Though in all honesty, if I was on the market and trying to attract a girl, I would post some pictures. Not because it's "fair" or anything; but, mainly because it is some topping for the cake.

Look at nature, it is allmost allways the male of the species that does all the showing off to attract a mate, even amongst us primates.

[blythe spirit]

By your response to gem, bradley, it is apparent that she was close to hitting the nail on the head about you. That was not only extremely unkind, but immature and less than Domly.

And gemmy, I know you're both beautiful inside and out. I too am/was attracted to a certain "type." Must be 6' or over and 250 pounds - even larger, if healthy. If I had stuck to that rule of attraction, I would have eliminated the most special Dom I've ever encountered. That's what I mean about physicalities getting in the way.

When you connect on the inside first, they are your type. Of course if they sound like Pee Wee Herman and only bathe annually and... omg, I'm so shallow. hehehe

[claire]

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really. That's not to say they all have to be Gods or Goddess, but they have to be at least physically pleasing to the other person (whatever that definition is for that person) or it's just not going to work.

I agree. I don't care about bald heads or even beer bellies, but a picture reveals something of a person's character. It is the body language that is telling. When I asked for my Master's picture, he jokingly asked why I wanted to see his ugly mug. He was rather harsh on himself, but most would agree that he is not a particularly handsome man. Yet, there is kindness in the smile upon his face, and humor twinkling in his eyes. There are no ingrained lines of anger or disapproval on his face. Nor does his chin jut out with false bravado. He is not wearing any masks. He looks like what he is - genuinely him. When I received his photo my reaction was that he looked authentic, and I told him so, because I value authenticity very highly.

Now I enjoy a well hung man, tight buns, broad shoulders, and narrow hips, as much as the next voyeur. Yes they are titillating. But that is only eye candy, which is good for the moment, but soon vanishes only to leave me hungry for something with more substance. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the titillation while it lasts.

[gemmy]

I agree. I don't care about bald heads or even beer bellies, but a picture reveals something of a person's character. It is the body language that is telling. When I asked for my Master's picture, he jokingly asked why I wanted to see his ugly mug. He was rather harsh on himself, but most would agree that he is not a particularly handsome man. Yet, there is kindness in the smile upon his face, and humor twinkling in his eyes. There are no ingrained lines of anger or disapproval on his face. Nor does his chin jut out with false bravado. He is not wearing any masks. He looks like what he is - genuinely him. When I received his photo my reaction was that he looked authentic, and I told him so, because I value authenticity very highly.

Now I enjoy a well hung man, tight buns, broad shoulders, and narrow hips, as much as the next voyeur. Yes they are titillating. But that is only eye candy, which is good for the moment, but soon vanishes only to leave me hungry for something with more substance. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the titillation while it lasts.

Oh claire, you darling you!

Absolutely very well said :D physical attraction isn't about the plastic or the polish, it's about the simple knowing ;) good on you for articulating what I've been failing miserably at.

*hugs* xo

[TomOfSweden]

Oh claire, you darling you!

Absolutely very well said :D physical attraction isn't about the plastic or the polish, it's about the simple knowing ;) good on you for articulating what I've been failing miserably at.

*hugs* xo

I'm not so sure about that. What we're attracted is not only defined by cultural pressures... ie selecting for qualities that are hard to attain for the sake of exclusivity. Like being attracted to rock hard abs or skinny girls in in trendy clothing.

There's a second type of primeval pure instinct attraction which probably is stronger but much harder to understand in ourselves. It's the pure animal part in us. That's what I think you mean that you're preferring. I also think that we don't like to have this type of attraction because we cannot control it effectively. We fear what it'll compel us to do. These two different types of systems are in conflict.

This is cutting edge science at the moment so its hard to say anything definite. But there are things they've been able to show. Like testosterone/oestrogen levels are important. Men with disproportionately high levels of testosterone will be attracted to women with disproportionally high levels of oestrogen. Basically, big hairy men with deep voices and bulging muscles will be the soul mates of women with big hips, smooth skin and big tits. While the small breasted slim women will fall for smaller guys with smoother skin. Obviously its more complex than my simplified model. Hormones define a large part of our behaviour and personality which probably is even more important than the looks. Big tits is correlated to "girly" behaviour.

I think what is happening is that a man with the genetic make-up you're attracted to...well... you'll think he's interesting and clever because you think he's hot. But because he's doesn't display stuff I mentioned first, you think that its somehow less superficial.

I'm not saying we can't have deep fulfilling love that is intellectually stimulating and all that. But I don't think the stuff we're attracted to is in any way deep. He's just pushing the right buttons. I'm sure you know the feeling of chatting to a guy and find yourself very attracted to him, and then you meet him... and you find yourself completely unattracted to him. It wasn't his fault. You were reading physical properties from his texts and chats that weren't there.

I don't think I'm devaluing love in any way BTW. I think it's wonderful and beautiful still. Self-consciousness is a great feature that sets us apart from other animals. But it just makes us conscious of what is there. We're not any less animals or any less ruled by animal sexual instinct.

Everybody might as well post pictures of themselves, since none of us has any clue what others might be attracted to. We can guess... but we'll probably be wrong. Girls have never fallen for that which I've always been most proud of. I work out and is in great shape. Even so number one most popular part is my eyes and eye-brows.... I mean WTF! I can't do anything about them!?!? What's the fun in that?

[claire]

Even so number one most popular part is my eyes and eye-brows.... I mean WTF! I can't do anything about them!?!? What's the fun in that?

Ah, but to quote someone, I don't know who - Eyes are the window to the soul!

[fetishdj]

To quote a joke e-mail I remember getting manyyears ago...

Mens magazines contain photos of naked women. Women's magazines also contain photos of semi naked women because the male body is ugly and hairy and should never be seen in the light of day... :)

Seriously, I think it is all about the fetish for photography. Those subs who post either have a fetish for exhibitionism or Dom/mes who have a fetish for control to the extent that they command the sub to do something they may not be comfortable with. A lot of the self photography threads seem to have titles which reflect this. So, subs post because they are either told to do so (and they are good subs) or because they have a desire (either conscious or subconscious) to be seen naked on the internet. I have personally posted photos online for both these reasons, though always anonymously. To an exhibitionist, the fact that someone can trace the photo back to you or it can come back to haunt you later is actually the point of the exercise.

So, with this argument in mind, what is there to tempt Doms or Dommes to post photos? Who is going to command them? Why would they post photos of themselves when they have an exhibitionist sub to do it for them?

[TomOfSweden]

Ah, but to quote someone, I don't know who - Eyes are the window to the soul!

I know who came up with that... a million billion random horny women.

[TomOfSweden]

I posted mine ages ago
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9438

[gemmy]

To quote a joke e-mail I remember getting manyyears ago...

Mens magazines contain photos of naked women. Women's magazines also contain photos of semi naked women because the male body is ugly and hairy and should never be seen in the light of day... :)

Seriously, I think it is all about the fetish for photography. Those subs who post either have a fetish for exhibitionism or Dom/mes who have a fetish for control to the extent that they command the sub to do something they may not be comfortable with. A lot of the self photography threads seem to have titles which reflect this. So, subs post because they are either told to do so (and they are good subs) or because they have a desire (either conscious or subconscious) to be seen naked on the internet. I have personally posted photos online for both these reasons, though always anonymously. To an exhibitionist, the fact that someone can trace the photo back to you or it can come back to haunt you later is actually the point of the exercise.

So, with this argument in mind, what is there to tempt Doms or Dommes to post photos? Who is going to command them? Why would they post photos of themselves when they have an exhibitionist sub to do it for them?

Nope, not me - I have zero fetish for exhibitionism. I've posted mine for a couple reasons, one was to get over my own thoughts of what I think I look like. Getting feedback from others helps an otherwise negatively skewed view of myself.

I've only ever taken a handful of professional photos (not including school) and hated them all and therefore they all quickly got buried and put out of anyone else's view.

Recently (since letting my sub out), have I started to have more confidence in myself (personally/physically) and am trying to change certain 'conditioned' things within myself, to get over the fear of rejection and move past my own negative thoughts of myself.

Getting my photos taken helped tremendously, posting them helps as well - even if I still don't believe everyone lol, some of it does sink in ;)

[Rowen]

I don't know if this is talking about men specifically when you say Doms or just Dominants... but... I don't have any pics on here as a Domme... and really that is because I don't have a digital camera/scanner! haha. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist, so I wouldn't mind posting pics (with identifying marks um... hidden, of course). I just don't have the equipment. haha :)

LMAO!! My submissive part is more than happy to please you by helping you with both the equipment as well as taking the pictures:camera2:
Coming to think of it....the dom as well..LOL

[craven]

I did initially have a picture on my profile page, not my avi I hasten to add! however I have since learned that it is best to remove any such images.

There have been a number of points made both for and against, some possibly more valid than others, however each point made is, I am certain, a feeling held strongly by their respective posters.

Unable as I am to speak for all fellow doms and mistesses, i feel their rational may well be the same as mine, in that it can be time consuming as well as annoying responding to numerous unsolicited posts from those image obsessed individuals, again I am unable to speak for any mistresses, however I feel that the female subs in particular place much emphasis on this and have shall we say consumed more of my time than I feel they merit.

My views may be personal and are based solely upon my own experiences, I also feel that from my own perspective there is much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery, the use of avis assists in this greatly.

I do not feel the need to impress anyone, those that I require to have my picture have it, all others, well tough!

of course my experiences may be as a result of my devastatingly good looks and charm..................but then you would not know that would you !

[blythe spirit]

I also feel that from my own perspective there is much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery, the use of avis assists in this greatly.

There you go. I agree with you 100%; however, most men (in my own experience) are very visual creatures, who lack that kind of imagination. I could describe myself in detail and get a "Oh wow, gotta a pic?" lol

I would not want my pic pulled off of a site like this and travel to who knows where. Even when someone asks for my pic in private, I don't send one until I'm thoroughly sure of who this person is.

Yes, when they ask for a pic, I ask for references. hehe.

[TomOfSweden]

What could you possibly lose by posting a non nude passport style photo here? Anything?

We're not talking nude pictures here. I'm not showing my penis in any of my pics, am I? This is really not a big deal. Everybody has a digital camera. So you can't blame it on the effort. If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar. Are you afraid somebody in the real world you know might share your interest, (otherwise they wouldn't be here)? Well, good!

But for fucks sake, don't pretend like it isn't! Like it's some kind of honourable statement or something someone of your astute character wouldn't stoop to. It's just offensive to me that anyone would even remotely consider the possibility that I could fall for such a stupid excuse. I mean..."much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery"... wow!!! Rampant self-deceit if I ever saw it. No, that's not what it is about at all. It's just a photo!

It's not a question of being obsessed by seeing an image. It's a nice thing. I don't really care that much if I get to see a picture of anybody here. It's your mind I'm interested in. But a photo is always nice.

So you think you look bad in photos? Welcome to the human race. We all think we look worse in photos than in "reality". Get over it.

Do you think you're too over-weight to be liked? Even if it were true that somebody you like aren't attracted to some cushioning, its good to get that out of the way as early as possible, isn't it? What would you prefer being rejected by a guy you've got something serious going with or somebody you simply fancy.

It really isn't a big deal.

[thrall]

What could you possibly lose by posting a non nude passport style photo here? Anything?

We're not talking nude pictures here. I'm not showing my penis in any of my pics, am I? This is really not a big deal. Everybody has a digital camera. So you can't blame it on the effort. If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar. Are you afraid somebody in the real world you know might share your interest, (otherwise they wouldn't be here)? Well, good!

But for fucks sake, don't pretend like it isn't! Like it's some kind of honourable statement or something someone of your astute character wouldn't stoop to. It's just offensive to me that anyone would even remotely consider the possibility that I could fall for such a stupid excuse. I mean..."much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery"... wow!!! Rampant self-deceit if I ever saw it. No, that's not what it is about at all. It's just a photo!

It's not a question of being obsessed by seeing an image. It's a nice thing. I don't really care that much if I get to see a picture of anybody here. It's your mind I'm interested in. But a photo is always nice.

So you think you look bad in photos? Welcome to the human race. We all think we look worse in photos than in "reality". Get over it.

Do you think you're too over-weight to be liked? Even if it were true that somebody you like aren't attracted to some cushioning, its good to get that out of the way as early as possible, isn't it? What would you prefer being rejected by a guy you've got something serious going with or somebody you simply fancy.

It really isn't a big deal.

right..got all that, Tom....love you.......great big hugs!

but the question is....... why dont the men post pics....any pics...of themselves???

[fetishdj]

Miss Elizabeth: If you have a decent webcam they sometimes have 'still photo buttons' on them which you can use to take a quick shot of you. Quality is not the best sometimes but it does for posting avatars.

Do you not have a mobile phone with a camera? Most of them have one these days and they are not bad quality wise now. Some of them even have multiexposure and time delay settings (which are useful when photographing yourself or for action shots such as whipping a sub :) )

If you were anywhere close I'd offer to come and photograph you using my camera.

[TomOfSweden]

right..got all that, Tom....love you.......great big hugs!

but the question is....... why dont the men post pics....any pics...of themselves???

I think it is because I think most of them are cowards.

edit: Maybe this needs more of an explanation. Men have more testosterone so they get more aggressive. Aggression is often seen as bravery, but I think it is the opposite. It's an altered state of consciousness to avoid mental stress. Even fighting and getting your ass kicked can avoid mental stress because of the pain, (ie endorphins).

Anyway... men are very often allowed to get away with owning up to their emotional conflicts as kids simply by becoming aggressive. And this carries over as they grow up. That's why I think men are a lot more often cowards than women.

anyway... that's what I did when I was a kid. I like to think that I grew out of it.... which is not allowing my life to be ruled by fear. Fear of what others will think. Obviously I feel fear all the time. I just try to control it best I can.

[Logic1]

<--- There is Me. It has been there for a long time now.
I got better pics of me that I have shown some of you here but I dont really feel the need to show myself either.
On another point. Tom. I am willing to bet that you would be one interesting guy to have around for a long dinner and some wine.
I truely appreciate your long posts and thoughts!

[TomOfSweden]

<--- There is Me. It has been there for a long time now.
I got better pics of me that I have shown some of you here but I dont really feel the need to show myself either.
On another point. Tom. I am willing to bet that you would be one interesting guy to have around for a long dinner and some wine.
I truely appreciate your long posts and thoughts!

Come up to Stockholm and you'll find out for yourself. I'll show you the limited kinky scene we have going here.

[gemmy]

What could you possibly lose by posting a non nude passport style photo here? Anything?

We're not talking nude pictures here. I'm not showing my penis in any of my pics, am I? This is really not a big deal. Everybody has a digital camera. So you can't blame it on the effort. If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar. Are you afraid somebody in the real world you know might share your interest, (otherwise they wouldn't be here)? Well, good!

But for fucks sake, don't pretend like it isn't! Like it's some kind of honourable statement or something someone of your astute character wouldn't stoop to. It's just offensive to me that anyone would even remotely consider the possibility that I could fall for such a stupid excuse. I mean..."much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery"... wow!!! Rampant self-deceit if I ever saw it. No, that's not what it is about at all. It's just a photo!

It's not a question of being obsessed by seeing an image. It's a nice thing. I don't really care that much if I get to see a picture of anybody here. It's your mind I'm interested in. But a photo is always nice.

So you think you look bad in photos? Welcome to the human race. We all think we look worse in photos than in "reality". Get over it.

Do you think you're too over-weight to be liked? Even if it were true that somebody you like aren't attracted to some cushioning, its good to get that out of the way as early as possible, isn't it? What would you prefer being rejected by a guy you've got something serious going with or somebody you simply fancy.

It really isn't a big deal.

*applauds*

Thank you Tom!

I know many have talked about having their images stolen - for what?? and who cares? You're the only one who owns the face that belongs to the photos.

For me personally, the only person's opinion that I care about is my daughter's and since I'm completely open and honest with her, I have nothing to hide from anyone.

[blythe spirit]

It really isn't a big deal.

Perhaps not to you, but to some it is a big deal. This is freedom of choice, no? I had a mental image of you, Tom, from your posts, then I saw your pics.

[QUOTE=mastersgem;678592For me personally, the only person's opinion that I care about is my daughter's and since I'm completely open and honest with her, I have nothing to hide from anyone.[/QUOTE]

I think it's wonderful that you have an open and honest relationship with your daughter. And I'm sure she's proud of your most recent photo shoot. The pics are amazing and so are you; however, not all of us are as free and open with relatives, friends, co-workers. It's not that they might be browsing this site, but someone they know might be and... "hey is this your mom, aunt, friend, teacher, mayor, etc?" Again, not posting a pic is freedom of choice.

Still, I'm off topic, as usual. hehe Yeah, I agree with Tom and gemmy - you Doms start posting some pics. We submissives want to know what we're getting into. lol

p.s. guess I'll never get that multi-quote thing right. lol

[TomOfSweden]

Perhaps not to you, but to some it is a big deal. This is freedom of choice, no? I had a mental image of you, Tom, from your posts, then I saw your pics.

I think it's wonderful that you have an open and honest relationship with your daughter. And I'm sure she's proud of your most recent photo shoot. The pics are amazing and so are you; however, not all of us are as free and open with relatives, friends, co-workers. It's not that they might be browsing this site, but someone they know might be and... "hey is this your mom, aunt, friend, teacher, mayor, etc?" Again, not posting a pic is freedom of choice.


Which was exactly my point. I wrote this: "If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar."

You just said it yourself. You fear any repercussions you might experience from it getting out where you live that you're into hanky panky sex. Fine. I wasn't reacting to that. If I was a hot submissive chick in Afghanistan I wouldn't post my picture on-line no matter how much my Master commanded it. I mean... it's dangerous.

What I reacted to was those pretending like it wasn't. As if not seeing someone's picture was better somehow. I strongly doubt that anybody living in a western country could suffer any repercussions from posting pics here... but what do I know? I've never been to the Bible belt. For all I know the Christian Talebans might be as bad as their Afghani counterparts!?! If the wrong person accuses you of having posted your picture here.... just deny it. They could have found that picture anywhere. There's no extra brownie points for being truthful to morons. Again... this is assuming its an innocent picture.

...and your kids will always think you're silly and your sons friends will always think you're super hot, (if you're a lady). Who cares? At worst it'll be educational for them. But maybe I'm being overly modern now again? What seven year old today isn't already bored with seeing pictures of Japanese school girls spraying diarrhoea in each other's mouths? These are modern times. If you think any pics of you, (not specifically you) would be news worthy enough to be spread over the net, I think you're overestimating yourself.

Anyway.... you have to own up to the fact that the reason you don't post your pics is largely down to irrational fear. Nothing wrong with that. I've got an irrational fear of loads of things. But don't pretend like it isn't. We're all adults here. If you're not comfortable about something... don't do it. It's as simple as that. You don't have to make up some stupid cover story to hide behind. We all know the truth anyway.

[gemmy]

Perhaps not to you, but to some it is a big deal. This is freedom of choice, no? I had a mental image of you, Tom, from your posts, then I saw your pics.



I think it's wonderful that you have an open and honest relationship with your daughter. And I'm sure she's proud of your most recent photo shoot. The pics are amazing and so are you; however, not all of us are as free and open with relatives, friends, co-workers. It's not that they might be browsing this site, but someone they know might be and... "hey is this your mom, aunt, friend, teacher, mayor, etc?" Again, not posting a pic is freedom of choice.

Still, I'm off topic, as usual. hehe Yeah, I agree with Tom and gemmy - you Doms start posting some pics. We submissives want to know what we're getting into. lol

p.s. guess I'll never get that multi-quote thing right. lol

lol hunnie ;)

Agreed - it is a choice freely made or not. To each his/her own for sure.

I really originally started the thread because of guys like bradley who say "you will give me a photo or post a photo because I am Dom and you do whatever I say but I may or may not give you mine in return" bullshit. I was hoping some more of the real, honest Dom's would give some input as well.

We all post or don't post for our own reasons and we are all entitled to those reasons, but hiding behind them thinking you (not you personally hun) are more superior than anyone else is another matter entirely and I applauded Tom for being bold enough to put it out there ;)

[Ozme52]

I posted mine ages ago
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9438

Bastard!!!!




!!!!!!!




LOL :cool:

[Ozme52]

right..got all that, Tom....love you.......great big hugs!

but the question is....... why dont the men post pics....any pics...of themselves???

Why? LOL, because someone wouldn't approve my attachment.

Part of the effort to keep the server from crashing I suspect. ;)

[TomOfSweden]

Why? LOL, because someone wouldn't approve my attachment.

Part of the effort to keep the server from crashing I suspect. ;)

Yeah... quite a number of my pics have been kicked out. I used to be a kinky party organizer, (up to just a few months ago). I owned the rights of the watermarked pics. They were still nuked every time no matter what I said. Really annoying. Anyhoo... this was long ago now. And this place is under new management.

[gemmy]

Why? LOL, because someone wouldn't approve my attachment.

Part of the effort to keep the server from crashing I suspect. ;)

lol Oz - ok checked your profile, tis not there either ;) - there are many places you can put it you know *giggles* (hmmm note to self: talk to Amber...) ;)

*whistles innocently*

[Logic1]

Come up to Stockholm and you'll find out for yourself. I'll show you the limited kinky scene we have going here.

I might take you up on that when me and my girl are passing through Stockholm later on this summer.
thanks for the invite :wave:

[Ozme52]

lol Oz - ok checked your profile, tis not there either ;) - there are many places you can put it you know *giggles* (hmmm note to self: talk to Amber...) ;)

*whistles innocently*

Perhaps I shall when I return home.

[gemmy]

Perhaps I shall when I return home.

I look forward to seeing it and soliciting it ALL over the Internet ;) *giggles madly*

[thepast]

You can stick pictures in your profile--as your profile pic, avatar, or make a photo album.

You can stick pictures in any of the pictures threads in the Pictures area--though if they are of you, they go into Self Portraits.

There isn't a lack of places to put them, there's a lack of places to put them inside other forums *smiles* when they don't pertain to the thread topic enough for them to be approved (see my post about 3-5 days ago in this thread about that).

As for watermarked pics... if you can show legal proof to the site ownership that they are yours, you will probably be allowed to post them. Mods & Admins are on standing orders to delete all marked pictures (see Copyright blog located in Comments & Suggestions, inside the lonnnng thread about IP) for Copyright reasons. The site takes seriously any possible copyright infringments.

You can also post your pics in your messanger services, or on your own webpage, or on facebooks/myspace, etc.

There isn't a shortage of places to post your pics, there's just an excessive concentration gradient of excuses & whining...

[blythe spirit]

Which was exactly my point. I wrote this: "If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar."

Yes, indeedy, that's what you wrote but that's hardly the same, in my opinon, as fearing the loss of job and family.

What I reacted to was those pretending like it wasn't. As if not seeing someone's picture was better somehow.

And yet somehow it is at times. (bites tongue) Maybe not to you, but there are some of us out there that truly want to know someone from the inside out.

Sorry for interrupting this scheduled program. Back on topic. Some day, I promise to get this quote thing right. hehe

[Ozme52]

There isn't a shortage of places to post your pics, there's just an excessive concentration gradient of excuses & whining...

LOL, Not whining so much as teasing. weg ;)

[cadence]

LOL, Not whining so much as teasing. weg ;)

Freakin tease!!

[gemmy]

Sorry for interrupting this scheduled program. Back on topic. Some day, I promise to get this quote thing right. hehe

lmao!

[gemmy]

LOL, Not whining so much as teasing. weg ;)

Yup - totally knew that's what you were doing :icon176:

[TomOfSweden]

Yes, indeedy, that's what you wrote but that's hardly the same, in my opinon, as fearing the loss of job and family.


But nobody ever has, and you won't? Has this happened to anybody? Ever? How isn't this just pure paranoia? But I don't think it's paranoia. I think you're just being shy but not admitting it to yourself. There's nothing wrong with being shy. I think it is very cute in moderate doses. We've all been in a situation where we've been shy and had to over-come it. We can all empathise. Just admit it! You won't lose anything.

What are we truly attracted to in a person? Their strengths or their faults? We like to think we're attracted to a persons strengths, but its really not.. is it? We like our partners to be weak in some way. If they aren't we'd be useless. Then we wouldn't fill a function in your partners life. That's hardly being a partner is it? And it doesn't give any security, since we'd be replaceable like a pair of pants.

So you've got nothing fear, have you? Embrace your shyness. It's useless to deny it. It's not like anybody is going to think anything else are they? Either people will think that you're bullshitting or a little bit cute. What do you think will play to your advantage in the long run?

[Ozme52]

Freakin tease!!

:D

[AdrianaAurora]

But nobody ever has, and you won't? Has this happened to anybody? Ever? How isn't this just pure paranoia? But I don't think it's paranoia. I think you're just being shy but not admitting it to yourself. There's nothing wrong with being shy. I think it is very cute in moderate doses. We've all been in a situation where we've been shy and had to over-come it. We can all empathise. Just admit it! You won't lose anything.

People don't like to admit to being shy because, much like submission, its often categorized, or at least they are worried it will be perceived, as being weak. Also people often equate being introverted as being shy or embarrassed because we live in an exhibitionist society that idolizes loud/brash/pushy extroverts as the most desirable model (though paradoxically such behavior often hides the biggest insecurities). Some people however just like to keep certain things private, special.

For a while I entertained putting my vanilla pic here just so you could enjoy my pocket size venus looks,:p. Lol.
All jokes aside, being happily committed I don't have the need nor the desire to attract anyone, but I always wanted to know what people truly think about me and why they react to the way I look the way they do. We did a similar experiment at the psychology class, it was a demonstration about how quickly we "box" people up. Professor showed us two face portraits and asked us to write a short opinion essay about what our conclusion is of those people, with no additional information, just by looking at their faces. I always wondered what if it had been my picture; and if I ask face-to-face I never believe the answer I get to be complete/honest/unbiased.

I discarded it for two reasons: one, I really, really, really, truly HATE having my picture taken (maybe one ever 2-3 years and thats when I absolutely cant say no); and two, to do that my Dom/husband would have to agree and lets just say he is of the type that likes certain things to be for His eyes only. (And I like it that he likes it that way.)

As to the original thread question why don't Doms post pics of themselves? My theory is that they are shy, lazy and some of them are just embarrassed of their pot bellies, :blurp_ani.

And Tom, you do have really nice eyebrows, :).

[TomOfSweden]

People don't like to admit to being shy because, much like submission, its often categorized, or at least they are worried it will be perceived, as being weak. Also people often equate being introverted as being shy or embarrassed because we live in an exhibitionist society that idolizes loud/brash/pushy extroverts as the most desirable model (though paradoxically such behavior often hides the biggest insecurities). Some people however just like to keep certain things private, special.


But we're all weak. All of us. First off it doesn't take many minutes of studying biology, astronomy or physics to figure out that there's not a hell of a lot keeping us alive, and there's plenty out there that "wants" to kill us.

Secondly, the perception of weakness is built into our species. That's what it means to be a social species. We're instinctually guided toward believing that we're better off solving problems together than alone.

It takes an insane amount of self delusion to believe that you're a one man/woman army capable of tolerating any rejection. But nobody outside of an insane assylum believes that of themselves. Not really. But that's not the issue really.

The issue is whether or not we think that other people really are and really feel strong. That's a question of insecurity. We can know things without feeling it in our heart.

If you have a problem with it just take your lipstick and write this on your bathroom mirror so you'll see it every morning before work: "Everybody are always longing to be accepted and encouraged by those they respect, just like you are." It's only the type of encouragement we respond to that sets us apart.

All the "loud/brash/pushy extroverts" are all faking security. Just like you, just like me... just like everybody else. The only thing that separates us is how good we are at faking. There's no such thing as a person being in a state of harmony... Yes there is... a dead person.

[craven]

I had heard somewhere that we start to form opinions of people that we meet within 15 seconds of first seeing them.

This means that we must use looks to assist us in this process.

I don't like it when people think they know me or make judgments about and on me without knowing the real me, all of me, as such I would rather get to know someone fully, and have them reciprocate this.

it is a really irritates me when people start to think they know me, as a result of their limited contact and their impressions of me based upon how I look. Ask and I will tell all!

Which is another of the reasons why I removed my picture from my profile page, if someone wants to learn more about or understand me & find out who I really am, they can ask, as has been said We none of us have anything to prove, and I am certainly confident enough in the strength and depth of my character to make new friends and acquaintances; without having to rely upon my looks.

it is one of the reasons I picked the Avatar that I have.

[AdrianaAurora]

I don't like it when people think they know me or make judgments about and on me without knowing the real me, all of me, as such I would rather get to know someone fully, and have them reciprocate this.

it is a really irritates me when people start to think they know me, as a result of their limited contact and their impressions of me based upon how I look. Ask and I will tell all!

It is impossible to set out and fully get to know every person we meet, our brains would overload so we prioritize and discard to the best of our abilities. It isn't right, just or politically correct - its a survival mechanism. I do agree with you that its irritating and frustrating.



But we're all weak. All of us. First off it doesn't take many minutes of studying biology, astronomy or physics to figure out that there's not a hell of a lot keeping us alive, and there's plenty out there that "wants" to kill us.

Secondly, the perception of weakness is built into our species. That's what it means to be a social species. We're instinctually guided toward believing that we're better off solving problems together than alone.

It takes an insane amount of self delusion to believe that you're a one man/woman army capable of tolerating any rejection. But nobody outside of an insane assylum believes that of themselves. Not really. But that's not the issue really.The issue is whether or not we think that other people really are and really feel strong. That's a question of insecurity.

I wasn’t really talking about biology.

Salman Rushdie once said that each of us is three persons in one - how we perceive ourselves, how other people perceive us and how we really are.

We live in a society where perception is everything and people buy into it. You said it yourself that its more socially acceptable to come out as a Dom than as a submissive. Why?
If you told people who know me that I am into BDSM, 70% of them would bet their lives that I am a Domme. If we are talking just about my work place, that percentage rises to 98-99%.
Because, if, hypothetically speaking, one morning during daily briefing session I blurted out “oh, btw, I am submissive” some would think its funny, some wouldn’t believe it, while I wouldn’t get fired my boss might start to think I am not ambitious, driven or capable enough to be in charge, some would have misplaced concern that I am being abused and most importantly my subordinates, 95% of them male, sexist and some of whom still have a hard time stomaching the fact they have to take orders from a petit girl half their age would think that they now get to boss me around, that I am a pushover. In my family and professional life, when things fall apart I am the one who stays in control, the one everyone leans on, I am not inclined to burst their bubble. This is just a part of whom I am, it’s not the whole of me, and I don’t want everything I am to be judged through the prism of it.
I also like the connection and intimacy bubble it creates, it’s our thing.
Don’t get me wrong, we don’t keep it a secret, but those (outside of bdsm circle) to whom we have told, people who know me well, still took time to relax and grasp their mind around the fact that this is what I want and He is not abusing me. He on the other hand usually gets a clap on the back and a “lucky bastard” grins.
Frankly I am way too lazy and can’t be bothered to explain it to everyone I know, ad nauseam, until they get it. Some just don’t.


That's a question of insecurity. We can know things without feeling it in our heart.
You nailed it with this quote. I freely admit that. I even have a similar definition of it, though yours is better. I may intellectually know I look good, but I lack self awareness of it. What I find frustrating is when people think thats my defining trait or that it also means I lack self-esteem to stand up to them when they cross the line. I honestly don't care what other people think about who I am or how I look, regardless of whether that opinion is positive or negative, I am pretty immune to the whole mass mentality thing. The only person about whose opinion I occasionally obsess about is the person/Dom to whom I am attracted to.

[gemmy]

"....If you told people who know me that I am into BDSM, 70% of them would bet their lives that I am a Domme. If we are talking just about my work place, that percentage rises to 98-99%.
Because, if, hypothetically speaking, one morning during daily briefing session I blurted out “oh, btw, I am submissive” some would think its funny, some wouldn’t believe it, while I wouldn’t get fired my boss might start to think I am not ambitious, driven or capable enough to be in charge, some would have misplaced concern that I am being abused and most importantly my subordinates, 95% of them male, sexist and some of whom still have a hard time stomaching the fact they have to take orders from a petit girl half their age would think that they now get to boss me around, that I am a pushover. In my family and professional life, when things fall apart I am the one who stays in control, the one everyone leans on, I am not inclined to burst their bubble. This is just a part of whom I am, it’s not the whole of me...."

God, that is so me as well lol - even some Doms (and I use the term loosely) say I Must be switch since I'm the boss at work and always have held positions of authority lol *rme*

[craven]

95% of them male, sexist and some of whom still have a hard time stomaching the fact they have to take orders from a petit girl half their age would think that they now get to boss me around, that I am a pushover. In my family and professional life, when things fall apart I am the one who stays in control, the one everyone leans on, I am not inclined to burst their bubbler me*

it is indeed a shame that this type of attitude still exists, and I am not going to defend or deny it for I know and appreciate that it does, and it is totally indefensible.

I am glad to consider myself one of the 5%, although I feel the figures may be a little less than accurate, I am sure it varies from industry to industry and then company to company.

My work life it totally separated from my home and private lives, I am able to compartmentlise my life.

I could never imagine being in a situation whereby a female colleague or boss ( my company has a good mix of male and female senior personnel) was to state in pubic that she was a submissive, however if she did, or as is more likely confide this to me it would in no way alter our professional working relationship.

Nor would it I hasten to add if the statement was that she was a domme!

I would certainly never look at anyone and make a snap decision or judgment, based on any appearances, whether these be sex, age, colour, height or what ever.

I think we are getting back to what we first discussed in that it is not sensible, if not dangerous even, to make decisions based upon an individuals looks.

Get to know people, maybe, just maybe this is why doms do not feel the need or wish to post pictures of themselves on their profile pages !

We are looking to connect and develop relationships on a deeper and more established level.

if any sub out there wishes to see a picture of a dom I am sure that he would be only to happy to acquiesce to correctly worded and respectful requests.

Once a suitable rapport and understanding has been established of course.

[blythe spirit]

Well, here I am again and seeing as this thread goes in and out of topic, guess I'll have my Tom reBUTTal. *giggles*


TOM wrote: But nobody ever has, and you won't? Has this happened to anybody? Ever? How isn't this just pure paranoia? But I don't think it's paranoia. I think you're just being shy but not admitting it to yourself. There's nothing wrong with being shy. I think it is very cute in moderate doses. We've all been in a situation where we've been shy and had to over-come it. We can all empathise. Just admit it! You won't lose anything.

So you've got nothing fear, have you? Embrace your shyness. It's useless to deny it. It's not like anybody is going to think anything else are they? Either people will think that you're bullshitting or a little bit cute. What do you think will play to your advantage in the long run?

Truly, Tom, I have no idea how it is in Sweden, but in America there's always some scandal on the news about people getting "caught" on the internet. With me, it most likely is paranoia, because the girl ain't shy - with words or actions. lol

And even though I find what you say extremely patronizing, I still have to shake my head and laugh out loud, because the way your mind works is sooooooo "cute." But even more humorous to me is that you know you're right. hehe

A thought just occurred to me, I wonder if men feel that they don't have to post pics, because there are, in comparison, fewer men than women? The reasoning behind this is that women often times "settle" for less than their ideal due to the shortage. Maybe that's why women post their pics more. I don't know - hehe- it made sense in my brain whilst I was thinking it. rofl.

Well, I'm taking my cute little butt and my opinon off the soap box now.

[claire]

Nice try peeps, but none of the character slurs seem to have goaded anyone in to posting pictures. :rolleyes:

[craven]

Claire you want a picture ask nicely and I will let you have one, LOL

[gemmy]

it is indeed a shame that this type of attitude still exists, and I am not going to defend or deny it for I know and appreciate that it does, and it is totally indefensible.

I am glad to consider myself one of the 5%, although I feel the figures may be a little less than accurate, I am sure it varies from industry to industry and then company to company.

My work life it totally separated from my home and private lives, I am able to compartmentlise my life.

I could never imagine being in a situation whereby a female colleague or boss ( my company has a good mix of male and female senior personnel) was to state in pubic that she was a submissive, however if she did, or as is more likely confide this to me it would in no way alter our professional working relationship.

Nor would it I hasten to add if the statement was that she was a domme!

I would certainly never look at anyone and make a snap decision or judgment, based on any appearances, whether these be sex, age, colour, height or what ever.

I think we are getting back to what we first discussed in that it is not sensible, if not dangerous even, to make decisions based upon an individuals looks.

Get to know people, maybe, just maybe this is why doms do not feel the need or wish to post pictures of themselves on their profile pages !

We are looking to connect and develop relationships on a deeper and more established level.

if any sub out there wishes to see a picture of a dom I am sure that he would be only to happy to acquiesce to correctly worded and respectful requests.

Once a suitable rapport and understanding has been established of course.

Firstly hun, I wasn't the original quoter on that piece, AdrianaAurora was ;)

Secondly, on that bit about respectful requests - why is it assumed that just because someone has titled themselves "Dom" "Lord" or "Master" must it be assumed that All subs should grant them respect? or have to 'correctly word' anything?? I am not saying we should never be polite because I always am but that has no reference to whom I'm speaking with, sub, Dom, Domme, switch. I just feel it courtesy to be polite with people unless they otherwise give me a reason not to be but to automatically Have to 'correctly word or respectfully request', I don't think so! ;)

Same can be said for all those 'doms' (again, I use the term Very loosely lol) who come at me with "you will address me correctly by calling me Sir, Master (appropriate self given dominant title here). That one makes me want to fall out of my chair laughing every single time! If you have to 'force' people to call you by a Title; you aren't worthy of said Title imo :blurp_ani .

[blythe spirit]

Amen to that, gemmy. Politeness yes. Respect, earn it.

*skips off looking for character slurs*

[TomOfSweden]

Truly, Tom, I have no idea how it is in Sweden, but in America there's always some scandal on the news about people getting "caught" on the internet. With me, it most likely is paranoia, because the girl ain't shy - with words or actions. lol


At no point have I been talking about naked pictures. I'm just talking about regular holiday-type shots. Pictures like that couldn't offend the most easily aroused amateur-porn-surfing Bible thumper.

No, I'm not patronising. When groups of people agree on a comfortable lie and pat each others backs ensuring each other it is true, I feel it needs to be crushed before it spreads. Because I actually like seeing other peoples pictures here. If somebody who wasn't shy wants to post their pic here and hear and believe your opinion that you think it's better not to see their photo, we won't see the pic. And that I think is bad. This is a very obvious comfortable lie. The less of these the better IMHO.

Its not a question of goading anybody to post pics. If you don't want to post your picture on-line I'll respect that. I don't look down on anybody who doesn't. Just don't make up stories to make yourself feel better about not wanting to post it. That's all I ask.

[claire]

Claire you want a picture ask nicely and I will let you have one, LOL

Thanks craven, but I actually kind of like the fantasy created by the AVs. :rolleyes:

[craven]

Firstly hun, I wasn't the original quoter on that piece, AdrianaAurora was ;)

Secondly, on that bit about respectful requests - why is it assumed that just because someone has titled themselves "Dom" "Lord" or "Master" must it be assumed that All subs should grant them respect? or have to 'correctly word' anything?? I am not saying we should never be polite because I always am but that has no reference to whom I'm speaking with, sub, Dom, Domme, switch. I just feel it courtesy to be polite with people unless they otherwise give me a reason not to be but to automatically Have to 'correctly word or respectfully request', I don't think so! ;)

Same can be said for all those 'doms' (again, I use the term Very loosely lol) who come at me with "you will address me correctly by calling me Sir, Master (appropriate self given dominant title here). That one makes me want to fall out of my chair laughing every single time! If you have to 'force' people to call you by a Title; you aren't worthy of said Title imo :blurp_ani .

Thank you Mastersgem for your thoughts, I have enjoyed reading the debate, which has progressed greatly from its original starting point I feel.

I agree totally with you in regard to doms who seek to be addressed in a specific manner, I would never request anyone to do this and indeed would be uncomfortable with being addressed in any way other than Cravan, as this is my online name, I am no ones master, sir or lord or any such title other than my submissives, it would not be right or fitting for anyone else to address me so.

I also would like to stress that I do not require or instruct my submissive to address me as such, it is for them to ask to do so, I am a firm believer that such things cannot be taken, they can only be given, this is the bond and relationship between submissive ( I do not personally like the word sub) and dom.

I was being somewhat tongue in cheek with my statement in relation to polite requests, however flippancy removed, irrespective of the nature of the culture of BDSM common courtesy should be the norm and not the exception, as such, yes if some one requests something from me I would expect a degree of politeness to accompany any said request. I know that I would ask in a similar manner, irrespective of the status of the person that I was speaking with

[craven]

With you on that Claire

[gemmy]

I was being somewhat tongue in cheek with my statement in relation to polite requests, however flippancy removed, irrespective of the nature of the culture of BDSM common courtesy should be the norm and not the exception, as such, yes if some one requests something from me I would expect a degree of politeness to accompany any said request. I know that I would ask in a similar manner, irrespective of the status of the person that I was speaking with

Agree, so then ..... where the hell is your photo? (how's that for Domly/sub protocol?) *giggles madly and hides*

[Ozme52]

lol Oz - ok checked your profile, tis not there either ;) - there are many places you can put it you know *giggles* (hmmm note to self: talk to Amber...) ;)

*whistles innocently*


Look for it quickly or it may disappear on you...

[Edm_Trainer]

My work life it totally separated from my home and private lives, I am able to compartmentlise my life.

I would certainly never look at anyone and make a snap decision or judgment, based on any appearances, whether these be sex, age, colour, height or what ever.

Get to know people, maybe, just maybe this is why doms do not feel the need or wish to post pictures of themselves on their profile pages !

We are looking to connect and develop relationships on a deeper and more established level.

If any sub out there wishes to see a picture of a dom I am sure that he would be only to happy to acquiesce to correctly worded and respectful requests.

Once a suitable rapport and understanding has been established of course.

Edited for brevity, and yet the words continue to outline the truth.
I speak for myself only, but simply put... there is no "fear of repercussion", there is no "shyness or fear" of anyone's pro or con reaction, there isn't even any deeper psychological debate to be had other than my singular choice.

I have pics, I simply choose not to share - until I choose to share.

And having met a couple of people from here, it can be validated that I really have no fear about meeting someone face to face.

Thus, maybe the question becomes "what is there to be gained from showing one's pic, that others could not glean from taking the time to know you better as a person?"

Just a random thought, topical or no...