The Glossary of BDSM: BDSM Basics, Safety, Toys, Kinks & Fetishes

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BDSM Basics

I. BASIC DEFINITION: BDSM COMMUNITY
II. TRADITIONAL FORMS OF BDSM
III. NEW AGE FORMS OF BDSM
IV. ROLES WITHIN THE BDSM COMMUNITY
V. BASIC ELEMENTS OF A D/s RELATIONSHIP
VI. COMMONLY USED REAL LIFE SOCIAL BDSM TERMINOLOGY


I. BASIC DEFINITION: BDSM COMMUNITY
BDSM—bondage, discipline/dominance, sado/submissive, masochism
Bondage —the art of restricting the movement of someone through physical, mental or emotional methods
Discipline —a tenant of BDSM, discipline ranges from the discipline of the Dominant to ensure the safety of the submissive, and self-control, to the discipline of a submissive in obeying the Dominant. Discipline remains one of the pillars of BDSM
Dominance/submission —the power play that physically & mentally occurs in a BDSM relationship
Sado-Masochism (S/M)—Sado Masochism is the giving and receiving of pain for erotic pleasure. A Sadist is one who gets pleasure out of giving the pain, and a masochist is one who derives erotic pleasure out of receiving the pain. The pain may be physical or mental, and may vary from very light (a bite, a pinch, a name-calling) to very heavy (caning, intense bondage, etc)
Lifestyle, the Community—the term often used by people to describe living life involved in the BDSM Community in real life
Vanilla —the term used by the Community to denote those who are not in the Community.
Scene name —due to privacy concerns, many participants in BDSM use a scene name, which may or may not be close to their given name. Often the scene name is used to identify themselves to others for all BDSM-related activities, both online and real life

II. TRADITIONAL FORMS OF BDSM
Old Guard & Old School—Old Guard was originally the BDSM community of gay leathermen, who lived by a code of formality, honor and brotherhood, embracing strict definitions of Top & bottom. Since the ‘70s, the traditions of Old Guard have expanded into what is now commonly referred to as Old School. Old School is a strict, formalistic tradition, embracing the ideals of discipline, respect, obedience, honor and promotes a stricter interpretation of privilege then many other BDSM groups. This notion of privilege within the Old School Community is a system based on experience, education, rank & levels. Today, Old School followers are a pansexual mix within the Community, including heterosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals and other. Old School follows a traditional collaring process, which progresses through various levels from training collar to permanent collar.
Gorean—one who follows the philosophies & tenants of Jon Norman’s Gor novels. The majority of real life, mainstream Goreans follow similar traditions as Old School, though tend to use different terminology, based on the Gor novels, and maintain a slightly different power and organizational structure. Online Goreans are an entirely different type of Gorean lifestyle then real life, and tend to be more involved in the role playing aspects of the Gor novels as a basis, rather then melding the Gorean lifestyle into their daily lives.

III. NEW AGE FORMS OF BDSM
New School —New School is Old School tradition modernized to be a less rigid system, inclusive of switches and more flexible guidelines involving training, discipline, rank/levels, and collaring..
Swingers —although Swinging has been around for a long time, their rituals, protocols and dogma tend to follow the New Age traditions. Swinging does not necessarily involve any BDSM play, physical or power-based, but is more of a vanilla sexual experience in which people exchange sexual partners.
Online —the online BDSM Community has sprung up in recent years due to the global rise of the internet. Online BDSM differs from real life BDSM in that the partners usually never have physical contact with eachother in real life, or such contact is limited. The online BDSM Community is as expansive and broad based as the real life BDSM Community, and may include everything from cyber sex to an online D/s relationship involving tasks and play.

IV. ROLES WITHIN THE BDSM COMMUNITY
D/s & M/s —nomenclature used to show a Dominant/submissive or Master(Mistress)/slave relationship. Not all BDSM relationships involve D/s or M/s, though most do.
Dominant & Top—one who takes control in a scene or BDSM relationship and is erotically charged from doing so. Often, the term Top is used to refer to those who choose to be Dominant only within a scene or a specific period of time, rather then over the long term in a relationship. A Top usually is in physical control of a scene, whereas a Dominant is in physical and mental (power, control) control of a scene relationship. A Dominant may choose to go by a title of service (Sir/Ma’am, Master/Mistress, My Lord/My Lady, etc.) or by their given name or a scene name or combination thereof.
Domme —a Domme is a female Dominant. Although the term “Dominant” is generally construed to include females and males, traditionally a female Dominant is called a Domme.
Submissive, Bottom, Slave—one who gives up control, both physical (bottom) and mental (submissive) during a scene or BDSM relationship. A slave is often understood to be a submissive on the extreme end of the scale, who has given up complete power & control to their Dominant, though various BDSM traditions view the term differently. A submissive (sub) is often referred to by a pet name (pet, baby girl, handsome, etc.) or may be objectified by the use of a sexual term (whore, cunt, toy, etc.), or referred to by their given or scene name.
Alpha sub—an alpha sub is usually the term used to describe the number one submissive, or the submissive in charge, in a polyamorous relationship that includes more then one sub.
Switch—a switch is a term in controversy within the Community. The most commonly accepted definition of a switch is one who derives erotic pleasure from being both a Dominant and a submissive, though usually not at the same time, and not necessarily with the same partner.


V. BASIC ELEMENTS OF A D/s RELATIONSHIP
Total Power Exchange (TPE)—the original term used to describe 24/7 M/s or D/s relationships. Currently often used to describe any BDSM real life relationship in which a Dominant & submissive live together and enjoy some form of daily power exchange.
Absolute Power Exchange (APE)—a more recently developed term used to describe a formalistic 24/7 M/s relationship, which most often involves complete power control by the Master/Mistress over the slave. The relationship does not always include a vanilla relationship (i.e. marriage), but is based in the APE between the Master/Mistress & slave.
Respect —respect is the number one most important element within the Community and is viewed as an essential part of every relationship. Regardless of role, respect is a constant necessity for all members of the Community in every situation. Respect of others includes not only respecting members’ roles, sexuality and relationships, but also kinks and fetishes.
Obedience—one of the tenants of more formalistic BDSM tradition, obedience by a submissive or slave to a Dominant serves as a foundation for the relationship. Obedience usually extends beyond simple commands, rituals & protocols to more detailed aspects of the relationship.
Protocol—protocols are a series of Community-wide procedures and actions used in various situations to show respect, discipline, and obedience. Protocols can also be developed within a D/s relationship to show the same.
Rituals— rituals are a group of actions usually dictated by the Dominant to the submissive that are performed at a periodic interval in a specific manner. Rituals may serve to remind the submissive of their place in the relationship, provide the submissive time to think, provide service to the Dominant by the submissive, or many other things.
Collar—a collar is the object used in a BDSM relationship that is analogous to a marriage ring. It denotes the relationship between a Dominant & a submissive and is traditionally, a collar is worn around the neck by the submissive, but recently has also begun to be worn around the ankle, wrist, or finger. A collar may be made out of a variety of materials including metal chain links, leather, etc, or may be a vanilla piece of jewelry used for the purpose.
Collaring Ceremony –a formal ceremony that takes place between a Dominant & submissive when the submissive accepts the collar offered by the Dominant.
Capitalization—Used in more formal BDSM written tradition to denote the difference between a Dominant and a submissive name. A Dominant’s name is capitalized, while a submissive’s name is not.
Punishment—1.) Used by a Dominant to correct an physical or verbal action done by the submissive; 2.) An erotic role play scene, often centering around corporal punishment (i.e. caning of a schoolgirl)
Contract —a contract can be used for something as short as a scene or for as long as a 24/7, years long agreement between two or more partners. A contract is a formal, written document designed to outline the parameters, rules/roles & limits of a scene or relationship and is most commonly used when both/all partners desire a more formalistic relationship, though contracts are sometimes used in an informal sense as well.
Sub/Dom Space & Drop —Space & drop are terms associated with intense play sessions. Space is sometimes described as “heady” or “airy”—when one doesn’t feel the pain or pleasure, or the feelings may be incredibly intense & sharp. Space varies for each person. The safety concern with Space is to ensure the person is properly supported—physically, emotionally & mentally—and to know that when in Space, a sub or Dom may be unable to communicate normally and thus may not be able to communicate their needs. It is imperative the partner closely watches for the signs of Space & knows what to do. Drop can occur if one is in Space & falls out of it too quickly without support, or may occur up to 24 hr later, when the reality of the play session hits the person. Drop can result in physical changes, emotional withdrawal and the incapacity to communicate properly. The best thing to do is comfort & ensure security for the person experiencing the drop, and wait for it to pass.
Tasking —a Dominant gives a task, or a certain action, to the submissive to complete. Tasks may range from certain erotic pleasures such as edging, or non-erotic tasks, such as housework. Tasking is a common feature of online D/s because it is feasible without the Dominant & submissive being in physical contact.

VI. COMMONLY USED REAL LIFE SOCIAL BDSM TERMINOLOGY
Scene—1.) A specific play session, often planned ahead of time & negotiated; 2.) “the scene” referring to the larger community of BDSM
Play—often used to describe a scene, or much less structured, formal BDSM activities
Roleplay—often describing when the submissive and/or Dominant takes on another role for purposes of a scene (ex: Prisoner/Interrogator, Puppy/Owner)
Munch—a social, public gathering, usually local, of members of the BDSM community. Sometimes are more narrow in focused by kink, fetish, role or orientation. Usually munches are informal occasions, more of a “cocktail party” atmosphere, but may include seminars or speakers, and may be followed by a play party
Play Party—a public gathering, which can be at a multitude of locations (private home, public dungeon, etc.) that includes some form of play & scening

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SAFETY TERMINOLOGY
SSC—Safe, Sane & Consensual. The basic safety mantra currently in use by the Community. It’s purpose is to ensure that all BDSM activities are done in a safe & sane way, with the consent of both players. It is to remove the abusive abilities of partners during play & scening, and is also to alert everyone to the hazards of play that they should take under consideration.
RACK—Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Used in conjunction with SSC, RACK basically means being aware of the safety risks that exist in the kink & play that you are choosing to consensually engage in with your partner.
Consent—ALL BDSM ACTIVITIES should ONLY be engaged in with the consent of ALL involved players. Consent means that all players/partners are aware of the risks of the play, the type of play, and the sequence of play, and have agreed on limits & bounds to the play, as well as safe words and a definitive end. One can consent to a rape scene, for instance, but NEVER consents to be raped in the vanilla sense of the word. Consent is easier obtained if all parties are open about their objectives & ideas surrounding the play.
Safe word—a safe word is used to end play when the play has become unsafe or either partner/playmate feels wrong or uncomfortable with the play. When the safe word is used, play must IMMEDIATELY stop and the partners/playmates can talk through the problem & fix it. Sometimes partners will have 2 safewords: one for “getting close to my limit” and one for “stop immediately.” Before ANY type of play, everyone should be aware as to the safe words. If the submissive is gagged or otherwise verbally impaired, an alternative to the safe word must be found—in a safe signal, for instance, ringing a bell, or dropping a ball. A safe word is a CRITICAL PART of play.
Soft Limits—soft limits are those limits that, while in place, are open to potential exploration and expansion. Soft limits usually surround those kinks that one hasn’t tried but is willing to try, or might involve a kink the person has had a previous, uncomfortable experience with, but is willing to push forward & explore again, albeit under different conditions. While soft limits can be pushed & explored, they should also always be respected.
Hard Limits—hard limits should NEVER be touched. These are the absolute, point-of-no-return boundaries that someone has. These are in place to prevent exploration of kinks that the person has no interest in, or may has had prior abuse or negative experiences that they do not want to relive. Also hard limits may be put in place for practical reasons or any other reasons of the person’s choosing. Pushing or crossing hard limits breaks trust & is a breach of safety & consent as well.

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Toys, et al. (in alphabetical order)

Anal Beads—similar to vibrators, except they are like “beads on a string.” They are inserted & then yanked out, either slowly or quickly, to generate an erotic feeling in the wearer.
Anal Plugs—anal plugs are similar to dildos & vibes, except they are structured for the anal cavity: they have a narrower top & a flared base to prevent complete insertion of the toy into the anal cavity. When it comes to anal play, ensure you start small & slow (increase time incrementally), use ample lube & keep the plugs clean.
BenWa Balls—ben wa balls, also known as “smart balls” are metal balls with an off-set weight that causes them to continually move and bump against eachother if inserted in a vagina. When the bump occurs, a vibration to the vagina occurs, causing the erotic sensation. Smart balls are similar to ben wa balls, but are coated in a silicone exterior & connected, to allow easier placement & removal. Either can be worn for extended periods of time, making them a favorite of many Dominants.
Blindfold—blindfolds are one of the simplest, most intense sensory deprivation methods. A simple blindfold can be made with a scarf, a more complex one, leather & fur lined, can be purchased. The more complex the blindfold, the more intense the sensory deprivation may be.
Bondage Equipment (basic materials)—sheets, tape, ropes, etc. are all commonly used materials to provide a bondage play experience. The most common mistake is not ensuring the bondage material is removable from the person’s body without causing damage. Make sure to use bondage tape (rather then duct tape), and know what types of materials (if any) the person’s skin may be allergic or sensitive to. It is imperative to ALWAYS have a pair of scissors nearby to be able to immediately cut off the bondage if necessary! Safety first!
[B]Bondage Equipment (large scale—cages, St.Andrew’s Cross, saw horse, spanking benches)— often used during scening or playing to enhance the session. These items most commonly are found in dungeons, though individuals have been known to own and/or make them.
Clamps—most commonly used on the nipples, labia, cock or balls, clamps come in a variety of sizes, shapes and intensities. Beginners should start with a basic pair, such as tweezer clamps, which are adjustable once on, and do not apply as much pressure as more advanced clamps, such as pinpoint clamps. It is important to remember to start slowly—clamp 2-5 minutes the first time, and increase slowly thereafter until the body gets adjusted to the sensation. If the area clamped ever gets cold or discolored, the clamps should be immediately removed. Clamps should never be left in place longer then an hour or two, or permanent damage may arise.
Clothespins—can be either wooden or plastic, and are used all over the body to create the effect of clamping but over a longer surface area of the body.
Cock Ring—worn around the base of the cock, a cock ring is meant to provide restrictive blood flow to the cock—much as nipple clamps provide restrictive blood flow to the nipples. Similar safety concerns should be taken into account: cock rings should not be worn for extended periods of time, and some blood flow must occur to prevent damage.
Cuffs—made from anything from ropes to fur-lined leather, and worn on the wrists, ankles, thighs, or arms, cuffs are used as bondage restraints. It is important to not tie/close the cuffs to tight, but instead ensure ample blood supply to the areas beyond the cuff; watch for cold extremities, or changes in skin color, both of which symbolize a lack of blood supply to the area.
Dildos—dildos are usually similar in shape & structure to vibrators, but lack a vibration and are generally more flexible.
Harness—a harness can be worn by male or female submissives or Dominants. Harnesses range from hand-made shibari-type rope harnesses to full body leather harnesses. Some harnesses are made or modified to interact with other bondage equipment or toys. It is important to provide proper circulation to all body areas, so a harness shouldn’t be so tight that it is unable to allow proper blood flow.
Hitatchi—a type of very intense, high powered, corded vibrator. A Hitatchi vibe is sometimes defined as “the utopia of vibrators.” However, some caution should be taken when using such a vibrator: it heats up quite quickly, is extremely powerful, and over-use may cause a loss of sensation to the area.
Lube—there are many types of lube: silicone, water-based, glycerin, anal, etc. The best type of lube is silicone because it lasts the longest without any adverse effects. However, never use silicone lube with silicone toys: it will cause the destruction of the toy via melting. The downside to silicone lube is that it tends to be more expensive: though the expense can be outweighed by the fact that so little is needed over a longer period of time then any other lube. Water based lubes include both glycerin and non-glycerin lubes. Glycerin is a sugar which thickens lube to allow it to last longer during play. However, excessive amounts of glycerin-containing lubes over a long period of time without proper hygienic cleaning post-play can lead to a change in pH for a woman. Non-glycerin water-based lubes are much thinner & need to be applied less frequently, but don’t tend to have any of the chemicals or substances in them that sometimes cause irritation to sensitive skin. Anal lubes should be used whenever anal play occurs, because they are thicker, last longer and make anal play more pleasurable. There are also warming lubes, which have varying effects on people; lastly there are flavored lubes, which focus more on providing a good flavor then a good lubrication.
Ropes—one of the oldest, most prevalent forms of bondage equipment. Ropes can be used for a variety of activities—from simple handcuffs or hogties, to full suspension. It is important to use the right rope for the right task: ask experienced players before engaging in rope bondage activities! If the rope you use is the wrong material or size, it can restrict blood circulation too much or cut into the person’s skin. The best type of rope for general usage is a nylon braid, anywhere from 3/8” to 5/8”—most commonly used is ½”. For suspension bondage, other rope is required!
Severe Restrictive Bondage (Vacuum bed, Mummification/Encasement)—requires great skill & experience before practice! Severe restrictive bondage results in the person being fully or mostly fully encased in something, unable to move of their own free will. Exercise safety precautions, and be sure to know how to do it before trying! This is one of those types of play most often best left to fantasy…
Spreader bar—normally used between the ankles to create spreading of the legs. It can either be velcroed to the ankles with Velcro ankle cuffs, or hooked to leather ankle cuffs with d-rings or similar hook devices.
Strap On—a strap on is most commonly used in female-female play, but is also used in female-male and other play combinations. A strap on is a harness, most often secured around the waist and thighs, that supports a dildo. The dildo, simulating a cock, is then used as such during play.
Suspension—can range from arms being suspended above the head by cuffs & a hook, to full rope suspension, encapsulating the person. Suspension requires a specific skill set & should not be tried by beginners unless under the supervision of a more experienced player. Suspension requires a lot of safety measures to be taken, including something soft laid under the suspension area, spotters, and a short time span where the person is actually fully suspended.
Vibrator—vibrators (vibes) vary from 0.5” to 5-6” in diameter, and 1” to 10+” in length. It is best to start small & to explore which type of vibrator you enjoy—some are multi-hole, some are exterior, some are only for the vagina or clitoris. Also look at where the actual vibrator is located and the shape of the vibe—some are up at the top (closer to the G-spot), others towards the bottom, at the entrance of the vagina. The best made vibes are made from silicon, though others are made from various types of plastic as well (remember: never use a silicon vibrator with a silicon lube (it will melt)). There are G-spot vibrators which are inserted to vibrate a woman’s G-spot; rabbits, which are inserted into the vagina and have an additional vibrator for the clitoris; clitoral butterfly vibrators, which are held onto the legs by straps & vibrate only exteriorly; straight vibes, which are inflexible & meant for simple vaginal insertion; flexible vibes, which can be bent to be in a more comfortable positions; inflatable vibes, which are inserted & then inflated; and many other types. Look at the difference between battery operated, plug in & rechargeable, as well as what type of batteries are used. If the vibe starts to overheat, stop use & allow it to cool off… Safety note: Never use an anal vibrator in the vaginal area or vice versa—keep ALL vibes clear & use only for one purpose.

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Kink and Fetish

Kink—the various types of play that are enjoyed under the umbrella of BDSM. Examples include flogging/spanking/caning/paddling, edge play, CBT/breast torture, and watersports.
Fetish—generally a term used to describe much narrower focused kink, such as latex, rubber, PVC, boot licking, lingerie, and foot licking/worship.

Age Play —ranges from infantilism to adolesentism. This type of play involves the submissive role playing and taking on the behaviorisms of a child to varying degrees. Usually the Dominant plays the role of the parent.
Anal —anal play includes rimming, licking and the use of toys for penetration. Anal play is safe if done hygienically (maintaining cleanliness of toys, etc.) but often requires a longer adjustment period then vaginal, oral or other types of play because the anal cavity and sphincter are not well adapted naturally to penetration.
Animal Play—this type of play involves the submissive taking on the role of an animal to some degree. Animals often role played are dogs/puppies, cats/kittens and ponies. There are various toys (such as tails, ears, etc.) that can enhance the effect of the role play. Also, type-specific implements and equipment(i.e. crop or riding whip, bridle, for pony play; dog dishes, bed for dog play; litter box, kitty bed for cat play) are available both at BDSM-specific stores and mainstream pet stores.

Dog Play—extends from puppy to house dog to show dog and beyond. Originally prevalent in male gay leather society, dog play has expanded into the mainstream BDSM community.
Cat Play—most commonly a female submissive takes a role of a kitty, though by no means is cat play exclusive to females. Other types of cats role played are large cats such as tigers and lions.
Pony Play—one of the oldest, most well established types of animal play. Pony play has an extensive community within the greater BDSM community, including international competitions and races, specific equipment and gear, and training.
Bestiality—the use of actual animals by humans for sexual activity
Blood Play—the use of knives, needles or other devices used to draw blood. Often described as vampire play, blood play can involve the drinking, licking, or otherwise intaking the blood of one by a partner to create an erotic atmosphere.
Biting—commonly used technique by a Dominant on the body of a submissive to mark territory or for the submissive to derive erotic pleasure. Places commonly bitten include inner thighs, ears, breasts/nipples, cock, and neck.
Body Modification (piercings, tattooing, branding) –ranges from the addition of a mark of some form to the body (simple tattooing, piercing, branding) to actual appendage or physical body modification.
Body Writing—usually done with a sharpee or dry erase marker, though sometimes with an ink based pen, body writing occurs most prevalently on the submissive’s body by the Dominant. Writing can be humiliating in nature to the submissive, and often will be used to increase the erotic humiliation of a scene or task.
Breast Play/Torture—includes slapping, biting, binding, whipping/flogging/paddling the breasts to create erotic pain. Most commonly done by a Dominant to a submissive female, though other situations may arise as well. The biggest safety risk is damaging the mammary glands, capillaries and tissue, so expert caution and technique are required. If blood is drawn, or swelling, bruising or coldness of the skin occurs, the breast play should be cease immediately and attention provided.
Breath Play—play controlling the amount of oxygen that one receives. Often done with choking or blocking the nasal or oral cavities (such as by the use of hoods or masks), breath play can be an incredibly erotic experience. The most important safety concern is to ensure the person to whom oxygen is being restricted is never in danger of being short of a basic level necessary for brain function over a long duration. Breath play should only be attempted by those trained in such play and symptoms of breath shortage.

Asphyxiation—a type of breath play in which all or most oxygen is restricted for a longer duration of time. It is an extremely risky type of breath play and should only be undertaken by experienced, knowledgeable players.
CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) —associated with male cock and balls, this can include anything from rope bondage to slapping/flogging/beating to milking to other forms of pain & torture. The safety component is important to remember with CBT, as long term loss of blood to the area (i.e. too tight of bondage for too long) or long term forced blood increase (i.e. maintaining hardness) can become painful & lead to medical complications. Analogous to breast/nipple torture.
Chastity—can be used for either males or females to prevent touching & use of sexual organs. For males, the most common form of long term chastity enforcement is a chastity device that encapsulates the cock & balls, preventing the cock from hardening. Usually this chastity device is made from either metal or plastic. For females, chastity belts are available to prevent any touching of the vaginal, clitoral or anal areas. If properly used, chastity devices can be worn for long periods of time.
Corseting –commonly used historically to tighten a woman’s waistline, corseting has found an erotic home in BDSM. Corsets range from fabric (such as silk) with very little boning, to much more structured corsets designed to prevent most movement. Corsets can be worn for a fashionable statement or functional purpose, depending on the type of material the corset is worn out of. Use caution when starting any kind of longer term corseting plan, and ensure any corset worn is properly fitted to the individual’s body.
Denial—denial is commonly used by Dominants to prevent erotic pleasure for their submissive. Online, orgasm denial is a commonly used technique, though varies in efficiency depending on the relationship and partners.
Electro Play—most commonly done with a TENS unit or a violet wand, electro play delivers a small electric shock to a certain area of the body, which results in an erotic sensation to the person feeling the shock. A TENS unit generates on electric pulse that radiates through various “sticky pads” applied to different locations on the body, whereas a violet wand is a single application of the electric shock.
Enemas—enemas are used for 2 different functions: hygiene and play. Enemas can serve to provide “cleaner” anal play (such as fisting), and they can also be used as an exercise in muscle control, by forcing an enema to be held for a period of time. Enemas may interfere with normal bodily functions, so take care in use and do not use too frequently. Enemas can be store-purchased in specified quantities, or they can be created with warm water & an enema bag.
Edge Play—living life on the edge, BDSM style. Edge play means different for different people, but generally is thought of as those activities that are akin to vanilla edge activities (skydiving, base diving, etc)—it may include things like total suspension, some types of knife & blood play, etc.
Edging— teasing and tantalizing a person to the edge of orgasm without taking them over.
Erotic Massage—massage that creates an erotic effect.
Exhibitionism—partially or fully exposing your body in public in a sexual nature for the erotic pleasure of the exposure.
Feminization/Sissification/ Cross-dressing—the art & pleasure of gender bending. This can include the forced feminization or sissification of a male, such as forcing a male submissive to wear lacy panties or a dress and talk in a feminine manner; or cross-dressing, where a male voluntarily dresses as a female for erotic pleasure. There is some gender-play with females, but the most common is with male submissives.
Fire Play –the use of heated or flaming objects to create an erotic effect. For instance, heated glass cups are often used for cupping, candles are often used for wax play.
Fisting—the insertion of the entire fist/hand into the vaginal or anal cavity. It should be started slowly & proceed with great caution: too abrupt of insertion, or lack of lube, can result in rupture of the anal sphincter muscle or vaginal tissue & lead to medical complications.
Foot Worship Fetish—includes licking, cleaning, sucking or otherwise expressing worship of the feet. Can be with heels, boots, other shoes, stockings, or other shoes or footwear on the feet.
Humiliation & degradation—humiliation and degradation are often used interchangeably. However, degradation is declining one to a lower level, whereas humiliation is the utilization of an action or word to elicit embarrassment that is erotic. Both may be used during play if properly presented, but it is imperative the limits of such activities are discussed prior to engaging in them. Humiliation may be verbal (ex. name calling such as “you dirty whore”), physical or mental.
Implements—almost any type of implement (wooden spoon to single tail whip) can be used during play to create an erotic pleasure in the person. Implements must be carefully selected, tried, and utilized properly. It is important never to hit above the neck, over the kidneys (on the back), spine, sides of the hips, and anywhere that the bone is close to the skin. Over time, one can be conditioned to except heavier & longer sessions, but it is best to start slow & short, to ensure adequate time for the reaction of the body to be observed & treated. Implements may leave bruising or welts, but should not generally break the skin.

Hand Spanking—the most common, easily preformed type of play because you already own the implement and it may not require much additional training. It is effective on creating a sting & redness at the site of impact.
Household Implements—the most common implements used because most people have them. A wooden spoon or spatula properly applied can have a delicious erotic effect. Watch for sharp edges on the implements, or anything that might break the skin when applied.
Crops, Flogging, Paddling, Belts/Straps, Whips—these implements all take some expertise to use. It is best to do thorough research on them, purchase one, and practice before using on your partner. Remember: quality doesn’t come cheap. Some bruising or welts may occur and remain for days following the play, but if the skin is broken, or bruising doesn’t subside, seek medical attention.
Caning—canes can be made from rattan, fiberglass or other materials. All canes should pass the Bend Test: you should be able to make a full circle bend with the cane and touch end to end. Use canes with GREAT care. Though they can create beautiful lines and a sensational sting, they can also cause great damage if they hit the wrong location or in the wrong manner.
Latex Fetish—includes latex, rubber, PVC & other similar materials. Fetish may be to touching, wearing, looking at, or playing with such materials.
Lingerie Fetish—the erotic enjoyment of watching another in lingerie of any variety. May be male or female. It is considered a fetish when the erotic enjoyment reaches a level exceeding that of routine pleasure.
Medical Play—role playing a medical exam, or utilizing medical instruments during play.
Scat—play involving human feces. As a safety note, it is important to ensure healthy, hygienic practices if you are involved with this type of play.
Snuff—a desire to fantasize of play resulting in the death of the submissive.
Toilet Training (catheters) —can extend from having bathroom privileges monitored or supervised by the Dominant, to utilizing diapers. Toilet training is a common humiliation play element. It is important to remember that health and hygiene come first and should be discussed and monitored at all times.
Vaginal Play (labia stretching, vaginal pumping) —these types of vaginal play are more extreme and may result in permanent alteration of the vagina.
Water Sports—piss play. Water sports can include being peed on, peeing on someone, drinking, sucking, licking or otherwise coming in contact with your piss or your partner’s. Piss play is safe, as pee is sterile, but it is always important to observe normal health measures when engaging in the exchange of any bodily fluids.