Need some advice or new point of view

[nicole_oregon]

I am married, and I have a Master that my husband knows about and approves off, my husband and I have one child, a son who will be 3 in August...I will be 32 on Saturday and up untill this point I have been very happy with our arangement. The problem is, my Master now wantes me to have his child...I am very confused about this and I have told him that because of health reason (I had 3 blood clots in my right lung during the birth of my son) that it was advised by my doctor not to have any more children. I made peace with that and moved on...my questions it how do I tell my Master in plain terms that I do not want any more children and that I hope this does not come between our relationship...I dont think he fully accepts my desire not to have any more children.

Please help if you can..any and all advice or comments will be greatly appreated.

Thank You

[Ozme52]

If he knows it is an issue of your health, it is likely he will readily accept it.

If he doesn't, then there are factors you are unaware of and need to know. Ask him and figure out what you can do to help him... but I wouldn't risk my life were I you. It would be unfair to all, especially your current child.

[denuseri]

What Oz said X 2,,, its gonna have to be comunication,,goodluck my prayers are with yu

[fetishdj]

I think asking you to have his child is a step too far, especially after your previous problems. As stated above, communication is the key here - you need to tell him everything. If you have such things, maybe add this to your list of 'hard limits'?

[Arria]

First, I must say I know neither of you three. So I have to judge by what I know.

You sound to me as if your husband is not aware of your master´s request. It rather sounds you feel alone with this decision. That makes me wonder, to begin with. Did you speak with your husband? Or does your master ask you to have his child "secretly", meaning your husband should believe it was his own child?


Second, no matter how comfortable your husband is with your master, I doubt very much he would be comfortable with the idea of knowingly raising and financing someone else´s child if that was not his wish to begin with.
It will do harm to your family life. What will the child feel like?
Or are you planning to make the master the official father, child support and all?
Are you planning to tell the child why his father is a different one from the one his brother has, although you all live with the other Daddy?

It might be possible I come across as judgemental. I am not. I myself have one child, and decided to leave the father (who was an abusive asshole, I left him while I was still pregnant because he threatened to beat the child out of my belly if I left him... much good it did him!!), and met and married someone else a few years later.

BUT having someone else´s child while STILL BEING in an otherwise working relationship is taking it one step too far in my opinion.

I have the impression your master did not think about the consequences at all. I think asking a sub to have his child when he is not there to be the father, and help and support you in a good way, totally stinks, it is egomaniac, highly immature, and irresponsible.

Your health issues are not the point here! The problem is elsewhere.

But for the health issue - it sounds to me like having another child might risk your life. And if he pretends to "love" you and still asks you to risk your life - that leaves a bad taste.

I don´t like the idea that you are afraid to tell your master such a decision/fact, either. It should not be like that...

Just my opinion, of course.

Kind regards
Arria

[nicole_oregon]

Thank you for your sound and very honest advice, made me really see things alot more clear...thank you

[Warbaby1943]

I can't think of anything to add except think of yourself and your health first. Don't forget your 3 year old needs his mother.

[butterflySlave4u]

i believe you said it in your signature....that's the biggest gift you're allowed to give to this man who is NOT your husband...

and by the way....you ARE married, remember?

it's fine that your hubby approves, but Master needs to get a grip on reality. HE is the 3rd wheel here...

regardless of your health problems, has anyone thought about the children? who would be raising Master's "Love Child"? is He moving in with you and the hubby?? or is He just going to kick in a few dollars for groceries every once in a while??

i'm sorry...Master's request is unreasonable, and a flat out "NO" is a perfectly legitimate response to the question....

[TomOfSweden]

I am married, and I have a Master that my husband knows about and approves off, my husband and I have one child, a son who will be 3 in August...I will be 32 on Saturday and up untill this point I have been very happy with our arangement. The problem is, my Master now wantes me to have his child...I am very confused about this and I have told him that because of health reason (I had 3 blood clots in my right lung during the birth of my son) that it was advised by my doctor not to have any more children. I made peace with that and moved on...my questions it how do I tell my Master in plain terms that I do not want any more children and that I hope this does not come between our relationship...I dont think he fully accepts my desire not to have any more children.

Please help if you can..any and all advice or comments will be greatly appreated.

Thank You

You can't really sugar coat this. Tell him you love him and would hate to lose him, but this is a deal breaker. It's just one more thing on the (long) list of things you'll never do for him. If he can live with you not chopping off your arm for him...(which I assume you wouldn't do) he can live with this. Your blood clots doesn't really enter into it. You don't need an excuse to say "no" to a thing like this no matter how submissive you are. I understand it sucks not being able to give your master what he wants and telling him "just suck it up" isn't really in the submissive vocabulary.

You could always beg him never to mention children again? He needs to get that is a deal breaker. I suggest not making minor concessions because then he'll think its negotiable and only a matter of being more forceful.

I'm sure every D/s relationship is different, but it can be very hard for me to accept something that my slave thinks is a big deal, which I don't. He's not automatically a bad man just because he doesn't get what the "big deal" is.

[gemmy]

I think Arria says it very well - simply if you cannot talk openly with your Master, that's an issue all on it's own.

Also, your current child and health are really your first concerns. When I lost my son and then almost died having my daughter, the Dr. ordered me to have my tubes tied so I wouldn't risk my health and current child to foolishly try again. After about a year my yearning for another child was great and I'm glad of the Dr's decision. My daughter is blessing enough and I may have tempted that by trying for another baby and losing it all.

[good_girl]

I believe if you are posting this question it is an indication you already know the right answer for you, believe in yourself, take care of yourself, and take care of that little boy you already have.
I wish you the best of luck.

[Arria]

I think a man who does not understand that a CHILD is a "big deal" should have his private parts removed...
Period.

It would be something else if her hubby died, or left her, and the master would be the new man in her life, and wanted a child of his own with her also.

But in this constellation, the request is lunatic.

[thrall]

As everyone said above....all very good things to think about....

But as this is something new that you are talking about......children...and not something that came into play when you first talked about limits....

Easy........Hard limit p.lain and simple.....period. There is no reason to explain hard limits......its a hard limit.

Either he respects your limits or not......one way or the other....the answer will be very telling.....

[DowntownAmber]

...my questions it how do I tell my Master in plain terms that I do not want any more children and that I hope this does not come between our relationship...

This would be my advice: "Master, I do not want any more children and I hope this does not come between our relationship."

This is a child, not a new toy or a type of play you haven't tried before that he can ask you to try and see if you like it. You stated you have already made the choice not to have any more children based on the reasons listed in your post. You've answered your own question.

[thepast]

You know... what sounds good in fantasy is rarely good in reality...

Food for thought.

[mkemse]

The only advice I can offer, is in ANY relationship, even in a D/s relastionship, there has to be respect and limits. Seeing as you your being Married, even with your husbands knowledge, I would hope that your Master would have enough respect for you to know your limits and if you tell him no more childern he will accept that. if he is unable to or unwilling to as harsh as this may sound,, it may be time for you to look for a Master, who you can serve, but still respects your limits, as mentioned above, fantasy and reality are 2 different things
Also, say you did have his child, and you both decide to go different ways, what happens to the childs mother?? any child needs to parents, my feelings would be keep your relationship with your Master as it is now, and draw the line when it comes to a child with him, to many risks involved in having a child with him, more then anything the wel fare of th child as they grow up and you and your Master are no longer together for what ever the reason(s)
As they say 10 minutes worth of pleasre results in a lifetime of commitment and you already have 1 child with his biological father
Keep this D/s relationship as it is, don't add a child into it, it wil only complicate thing down the line

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by nicole_oregon:
I am very confused about this and I have told him that because of health reason (I had 3 blood clots in my right lung during the birth of my son) that it was advised by my doctor not to have any more children. I made peace with that and moved on...my questions it how do I tell my Master in plain terms that I do not want any more children

I don't think it is a question of not wanting anymore children. According to your Doctor you cannot have anymore.
If your master cannot understand that, he doesn't deserve you.

[alpha_Straye]

... and I have told him that because of health reason ... that it was advised by my doctor not to have any more children.

uh.. you already dealt with this. im afraid i dont understand what more is needed to communicate the situation.

[fetishdj]

I think a man who does not understand that a CHILD is a "big deal" should have his private parts removed...
Period.


Very very true... modern women have the choice to have or not to have children and it should always be the woman's choice no matter what situaiton she is in. I do not think any Dom on here would consider making this demand on a sub, not even those who are in long term relationships with those subs.

As has been pointed out, there are so many reasons why this should not happen. Pick one and use it if you need an excuse (you shouldn't need one but it is still useful to have). If you really have to, get your Doctor to write you a letter saying why he thinks you should not have any more children. Most will be happy to do so.

[caligirl{Rob}]

I think it has been stated very well above...It seems that if you are honest about the reasons for this not being possibly He should understand, if He doesn't is this really someone you could respect??? If He put two glasses in front of you one with poison and one with none would there even be a doubt that you wouldn't make a choice...you have a child that needs you and your love, so why would you even want to be with someone who would consider putting that at risk...I truly wish for you the strength to hold to this limit and value yourself beyond being a submissive you are a mother! Hugs

[Flaming_Redhead]

This is really a non-issue. You already have a family. When a doctor advised you not to have any more children, you obviously took the advice very seriously. If this "master" doesn't care that you can't be bred without risk of death, thereby making your husband a widower and your child an orphan, he has absolutely no respect or concern for either you or your family. When a fantasy begins to turn reality into a nightmare, it's time to wake up and smell the Folgers.