View Full Version : How to switch if you partner isnt?
Voyeur21
07-13-2008, 03:21 PM
A thought occurs to me- I'm seeing a submissive girl and while she delights in me dominating her sexually, she doesnt have it in her to be dominant over me in the bedroom.
Now I'm relatively new to the reality of BDSM, so I've never had an opportunity to be the submissive one, even though I've had a few fantasies about it over the years.Its something I'd like to at least experiment with. I've had a few fantasies about being the dom too, and those are coming true for me with her, but I'm worried that I'll never experience the other half of my desires- always the dom, never the sub.
So, have other switches had relationships with non-switchs and how did you reconcile the incompatibility? Do you work with your partners, domming from the bottom? Or is the only answer to repress/forget half of your nature? Going poly isnt an option for us.
Thx.
V.
Warbaby1943
07-13-2008, 03:26 PM
Well I could suggest a professional Dominatrix. As long as you want to be dominated they do have that service available and probably in the nearest large city in your area of the country if you live in the USA. Just search the net if you find that interesting but I must warn you, they are not cheap.
badlyguidedlittlemis
07-14-2008, 10:31 AM
You could venture out into your local 'scene', munches and th like.
Getting to know the locals is a good way of finding - as said above - professionals who are well recommended, but also finding non-professionals to play wit.
There are also fetish clubs, another excellent resource of play/knowledge and opportunity.
Ex.Ballad
10-19-2008, 12:19 AM
This is actually something i'm thinking about right now... pretty sure my friend (we haven't really nailed the specifics yet) wants to switch on occasion, but hasn't brought it up because he knows i don't. i'm trying to think of ways i could try it out, maybe if i had some kind of small set of acts that i could get down in succession, that way i wouldn't have to worry about not having the imagination. it would take all of ten or twenty minutes, small, short, dominating, low-intensity. it would be like window-shopping the role, you know? with the agreement that there's no pressure to buy if i don't like how it fits :)
Saturn45
04-06-2011, 04:23 PM
I'm stuck in the same boat bud. I'm a switch and my boyfriend is just discovering the life but he seems to be a sub. Not quite sure how this is gonna work out in the long run
A thought occurs to me- I'm seeing a submissive girl and while she delights in me dominating her sexually, she doesnt have it in her to be dominant over me in the bedroom.
Now I'm relatively new to the reality of BDSM, so I've never had an opportunity to be the submissive one, even though I've had a few fantasies about it over the years.Its something I'd like to at least experiment with. I've had a few fantasies about being the dom too, and those are coming true for me with her, but I'm worried that I'll never experience the other half of my desires- always the dom, never the sub.
So, have other switches had relationships with non-switchs and how did you reconcile the incompatibility? Do you work with your partners, domming from the bottom? Or is the only answer to repress/forget half of your nature? Going poly isnt an option for us.
Thx.
V.
Just wondering - have you talked to her about this, or why are you so sure she would never switch? Maybe she has never thought of herself that way?
I have heard from subs who occasionally top their Dom to please hir, even though it doesn't work for them, by thinking of it as just another kind of service.
In passing, it's worth noting that even if you are beautifully compatible in your usual D/s roles, it might not work the other way. My late wife and I were a match as Master and slavegirl, but when we tried switching a few times, what we wanted from the scene was completely different and it just didn't work. Fortunately we were poly so had no trouble finding other people to satisfy our switch sides!
thedoorwastheway
08-02-2011, 04:30 PM
This is actually something i'm thinking about right now... pretty sure my friend (we haven't really nailed the specifics yet) wants to switch on occasion, but hasn't brought it up because he knows i don't. i'm trying to think of ways i could try it out, maybe if i had some kind of small set of acts that i could get down in succession, that way i wouldn't have to worry about not having the imagination. it would take all of ten or twenty minutes, small, short, dominating, low-intensity. it would be like window-shopping the role, you know? with the agreement that there's no pressure to buy if i don't like how it fits :)
I am in the same boat-I wonder if we could get some ideas of little things to do to make both of us happy...
davina_
09-06-2011, 02:34 AM
Well, this question seems about three years old but still relevent. And I suspect it's on the minds of a great many. I'm new and well, I guess I have to have a first post somewhere, so it might as well be here.
Go to Amazon online and buy Elise Sutton's "Female Domination". Read the book and then ask her to read it. Then stand back and be careful what you wished for. In all honesty, nothing happens that you both don't want to happen but it's a great way to plant the seeds.
Dog's Lady
01-05-2012, 09:40 PM
Speaking as a primarily sub-type, but one who wants to please her partner but is getting very frustrated with it: think about what submission means to you/what you want from her as a top/Domme, and TELL HER. My idea of submission is very different from my partner's, so our first attempt did not go well. I did what I would have wanted/enjoyed, and pulled him right out of sub space. The problem is, this is the one area I cannot get him to communicate about. I would welcome a conversation, a letter, a fantasy story he wrote, or a story he found that gave me some clues. Hell, a list of likes and dislikes would help. I want so much to make him happy, but I cannot read his mind. Yes, I do see it as a service I can do for him, not that I hate it, but it is not my natural role. My only other experience with switching, my partner and I were almost identical as subs, so, with allowances for physical gender differences, I just treated him as I would want to be treated.
Good luck to both of you--you have encouraged her to join the Library, haven't you?