what is up with telling the truth...?????

[thrall]

Why cant i keep my mouth shut???.....I fess up to..........everything.....:eek::eek::eek::eek:


Im not looking to be punished......but wouldn't it be so much easier NOT to tell everything???



OK...am i the only one with this......telling the truth thing??

[deigja]

;-) No you are not...
Just too often I tell a truth I had better not told.... I do not do it because I want to be punished and not even because of a bad concience but just because it does not seem right to me to.. bend the truth or just not tell anything
;-) Sometimes it does me good, much more often it gets me into trouble . But who cares? I can live with that.

[snowflake]

Thrall it is easier to tell the truth the whole truth .. no matter what.. cause as my grandma told me:
"one lie leads to another lie.... leads to another lie... which only leads to one big mess and you forget the first lie and then you get caught... and the punishment is even worse and no one trust you after that ..."

That being said.. i just simply tell the truth... am honest and will fess up and take my punishment with the best grace i can find...

my opinion anyways

hugs
snow

[juicysub]

Well i think honesty is the best policy... ive noticed i dig holes for myself all the time and get myself in trouble way to easily, but i think in the end Master appreciates it alot more that i have no need to not tell the truth.

[Rowen]

Thrall.. I am with you on this..can't keep that mouth shut.. as some already have noticed.
Yeah...we NEVER ly..never ever...that's something other people do. And telling the thruth.. that is the noble, brave and honest thing to do.. That is what we tell people ....but ever so often we finish them off without mercy if they do so..

Still wonder why some people ly? I don't. Like you, I wonder why I still can't do it... well in fact I know why..and that doesn't make me feel better at all...

[thrall]

HHmm......well maybe its not so much.....telling the truth..... because i do that


It's might be more along the lines ........of immediate confession.....

no...i didn't do this or that....

or worse....i did do this or that.....

[DarkPoet]

Truth is power, even if it doesn't look so in the first place. By being honest, you earn respect from others and yourself. Honesty is what lets you get up each day and be at piece the person in the bathroom mirror, and it's the thing that lets you fall asleep with a smile after a hard days work. Being able to do that sometimes brings envy from others, but, in the long run, has them ask for advice and rely on you.

But anyone who has tried it out can confirm that being a honest person doesn't allow much leeway. Either you're honest, or you're not.

And then, there's the added benefit for a sub, that one often knows in advance that a specific question will be asked and answering truthfully will lead to oh so painfully sweet punishment ;)

Furthermore, of course, a dishonest thrall would certainly not be the friendly, outspoken and charming person we all here have come to love.

[Rowen]

HHmm......well maybe its not so much.....telling the truth..... because i do that


It's might be more along the lines ........of immediate confession.....

no...i didn't do this or that....

or worse....i did do this or that.....

Hmmm, you're talking about confession? Once being raised a good Catholic I know about confession...

Think then it depends on what "this" or "that" is?
And, what do you expect from telling it? What do you fear from telling it?

[thrall]

Furthermore, of course, a dishonest thrall would certainly not be the friendly, outspoken and charming person we all here have come to love.


:eek::eek::eek::eek:.........oh i have my moments believe me....sad as that is to say...

[thrall]

Hmmm, you're talking about confession? Once being raised a good Catholic I know about confession...

Think then it depends on what "this" or "that" is?
And, what do you expect from telling it? What do you fear from telling it?


well......specifically in terms of a D/s relationship....

the.........need ......to instantly tell of all transgressions......

[yourlilslave86]

well in general terms....with lying you have to remember every single you thing you have said to that person to keep the lies going and that can be draining and stressful. it also makes it difficult if you are lying about something and then something actually happens and you really need a friend to talk to but you are unable to because of your lies. telling the truth is less stressful and you can talk about anything without having to figure out what u have said before then.

honesty is important in a D/s relationship. if you aren't honest with your Dom/me and they do something it can be painful or it can injury you. Being a submissive I tend to rat myself out even if I don't mean to ..it is easier than having to tell them later.

[thrall]

Being a submissive I tend to rat myself out even if I don't mean to ..it is easier than having to tell them later.


yes....its not about lying......

But always telling the truth........and yes!!.......ratting yourself out!!


What is up with that?!?!?.........do all submissives do this???

[neitsyst2]

Smiles...I am frequently "ovely honest" it is both a blessing and a curse. If I have learned anything from it, I have learned that life is best lived in a way in which you can continue to tell the truth about what you've done and the punishment if there is to be one will match the crime.

[Rowen]

ratting yourself out!!


What is up with that?!?!?.........do all submissives do this???

Count me in. I am very good at it!

[cadence]

Sometimes I think that we have too much honesty and trust issues shoved down our throats, and no I am not saying they are not important, but just once I'd like to sneak in a few extra guilt free orgasms just because I felt like it.

Most of my infractions are minor and usually have reasonable explanations, so they are overlooked. If I continue to make the same mistakes constantly then I have a problem.

I will always tell on myself because what ever I did probably defeated the reasons I was supposed to be doing or not doing it in the first place.
Maybe that's why we tell the truth?

[denuseri]

my owner allways seems to know when i am about to confess, lol

he says somthing about my posture betrays that i need permission to speak so i can beg for mercy for whatever it is ive done that day

,,,<<will tell a lie to lots of people, i am human, especially if its like something to avoid hurting someones feelings, like (no that skirt looks good on yu) etc
but for some reason, i can't lie to my owner

[thrall]

but for some reason, i can't lie to my owner

Hugs....see.....what is up with this?????......lol.......


Well we all seem to be in good company..........

[Rowen]

I will always tell on myself because what ever I did probably defeated the reasons I was supposed to be doing it in the first place.
Maybe that's why we tell the truth?

You may have a point: fact is that apperantly there IS a problem and the telling starts discussion. And even if that leads to punishment, both submissive and dominant will learn to handel that problem. Perhaps it is that caring side of us?

[thepast]

There's lying and then there's lying... big picture? You can't possibly be truthful 100% of the time to 100% of the people. You CHOOSE who you are honest with 100% of the time, and everything & everyone else just has to take a backseat... it is what it is.

Some people choose to be 100% truthful with their partner, others with their kids, some with a best friend... at some level most feel some subconscious need to "confess" about everything they've "lied" about to others--so you pick someone to do this with.

That being said... a D/s Dominant is often a submissive's "person"--the one person they never lie to because they just aren't able. Is this a case of control? Nah, not really, imo. It's more a sense of wanting to be fully open & availible to the Dominant at all times--AND, somewhat the result of picking the Dominant as "that person" they will always tell the truth to.

Enough psychobabble, onto reality.

Does that mean a submissive should confess every little thing to their Dominant? Hell no. A Dominant, imo, expects a submissive to be able to use their judgement (within the rules, guidelines & lifestyle the Dominant has placed the submissive in) and know what the important things are to confess and what is just useless stuff that doesn't need to be brought up, wasting the time of the Dominant. It's all about logic: you can't confess your entire day of wrongdoings: it would take hrs. So you pick the things that are the best use of your Dominant's time to confess and let the rest lay...

Best rule of thumb? If it bothers you, talk about it. If it doesn't, move on. As always, KISS.

[rooshoe]

Hmmm, you're talking about confession? Once being raised a good Catholic I know about confession...

Think then it depends on what "this" or "that" is?
And, what do you expect from telling it? What do you fear from telling it?

As someone who also grew up Catholic, i definitely understand the whole confession/guilt thing. I always laughed about "Catholic guilt", but without realizing it (until it seems to be too late), it appears to have taken hold and i can't quite shake it. That being said...

I rarely lie. I learned when i was very young that, with few exceptions, honesty is by far the best way to go about things. Now, for whatever reason, i find it very difficult to lie. I've found that being honest about screw-ups earns others' respect and trust because they know that you won't b.s. them about things, even if the blame lays with you.

As for the actual act of "confessing", i find it very freeing to unload everything - what i've done, what i haven't done, what i should've done, how i *really* feel about that bitch at work. ;) Even if i know i'll get in trouble if i admit to failing to do/not do something, i feel like i need the punishment to move on with my life; i need someone else to absolve me of my "crimes" before i can let go of things. I think that even without being raised Catholic, i would be like this with respect to failure and confession. I feel very responsible for the happenings around me and carry that weight with me; i take it very seriously and personally when things don't happen as i think they should and i'm responsible for them. I feel like i'm letting the world at down. Being able to lay my shortcomings out and have someone else judge them and allocate punishment as necessary takes off a lot of the weight and definitely makes me feel better about my far-from-perfect self.

[bip0lar]

oooh, i've asked myself this so many times! my biggest 'problem' though, altough it's not exactly a problem, it's more of an inner debate sort of thing, is when i say what i think, when i think it, why i think it. i've been told i overthink everything, and, well, he always laughs when i tell him everything but it creeps me out, because i don't analyse everything that happens inside my head to everybody.
on the other hand, i haven't connected my 'fessing up to everything' with religion, i never was raised as a religious person, i just think that by explaining everything [even when he knows it, because most of the time he knows what goes on inside my head], i won't have to pretend that something else is going on: it's much easier for me to say: half of me likes this because of this, this and this, and the other half feels like that because of that, that and that. thus, he can make his decisions taking into account both parts of my head.

i know, sounds weird, i'm not sure if it makes sense, but thank you thrall for this topic!

[gemmy]

HHmm......well maybe its not so much.....telling the truth..... because i do that


It's might be more along the lines ........of immediate confession.....

no...i didn't do this or that....

or worse....i did do this or that.....

yup yup - so me too - the second I see the person I think I may have a transgression with I run off at the mouth at about 100mph, just can't seem to get it out fast enough! lol

[alpha_Straye]

well in general terms....with lying you have to remember every single you thing you have said to that person to keep the lies going and that can be draining and stressful ... telling the truth is less stressful and you can talk about anything without having to figure out what u have said before then.

Exactly.

[Warbaby1943]

HHmm......well maybe its not so much.....telling the truth..... because i do that


It's might be more along the lines ........of immediate confession.....

no...i didn't do this or that....

or worse....i did do this or that.....So are we saying we always tell the whole and entire truth about everything? I know I do not lie but I sure as hell don't volunteer information about anything to do with these forums to any of my family.

[DowntownAmber]

For me, part of the draw of a D/s relationship is the vulnerability. The physical vulnerability, of course, but also the mental aspect of giving myself over to someone and giving them the power to wander about in my headspace at their own discretion. By not giving them full access to who I am, hiding "me" by lying or by omission, then really I've killed the point of the whole relationship for myself.

I want to be known.

Does that mean a Dom needs to know that I tripped on the cat going up the stairs with the laundry and cursed profously for a good minute long rant? Nah. That has nothing to do with me or our relationship, and I can prolly skip ratting myself out for having the vocab of a longshoreman. On the other hand, if I blow a task or screw up instructions, well, there's a reason I was given the task to begin with so I'm going to fess up so we can deal with it. Doesn't matter if it's large or small, it has something to do with the relationship so lets getit out there.

[Kevin100]

There's lying and then there's lying... big picture? You can't possibly be truthful 100% of the time to 100% of the people. You CHOOSE who you are honest with 100% of the time, and everything & everyone else just has to take a backseat... it is what it is.

Some people choose to be 100% truthful with their partner, others with their kids, some with a best friend... at some level most feel some subconscious need to "confess" about everything they've "lied" about to others--so you pick someone to do this with.

That being said... a D/s Dominant is often a submissive's "person"--the one person they never lie to because they just aren't able. Is this a case of control? Nah, not really, imo. It's more a sense of wanting to be fully open & availible to the Dominant at all times--AND, somewhat the result of picking the Dominant as "that person" they will always tell the truth to.

Enough psychobabble, onto reality.

Does that mean a submissive should confess every little thing to their Dominant? Hell no. A Dominant, imo, expects a submissive to be able to use their judgement (within the rules, guidelines & lifestyle the Dominant has placed the submissive in) and know what the important things are to confess and what is just useless stuff that doesn't need to be brought up, wasting the time of the Dominant. It's all about logic: you can't confess your entire day of wrongdoings: it would take hrs. So you pick the things that are the best use of your Dominant's time to confess and let the rest lay...

Best rule of thumb? If it bothers you, talk about it. If it doesn't, move on. As always, KISS.
there are lies and there are lies.
I do not think it is possible to go through a week, or even a day without a lie.
Self awareness is important for us all. I once did a little tally count on the number of lies and falsehoods I perpetrated in a day. Once I became sensitive to the process of catching myself telling lies and falsehoods I noticed just how many I told.
"I can honestly tell you that I do not lie." is impossible for any one to say once they get to know themselves.
Having said that, I could not help thinking as I read this thread..
Oh what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive.

Don't even know who wrote it, but it is so, so, so true

[hopperboo]

there are lies and there are lies.
I do not think it is possible to go through a week, or even a day without a lie.
Self awareness is important for us all. I once did a little tally count on the number of lies and falsehoods I perpetrated in a day. Once I became sensitive to the process of catching myself telling lies and falsehoods I noticed just how many I told.

"I can honestly tell you that I do not lie." is impossible for any one to say once they get to know themselves.

Awesome post.

Full of common sense, +1 from me!

[~faerie~]

i can't lie to my Master, i just cant do it. i try to tell the truth as often as possible otherwise ,but it depends on the situation. shades of gray i suppose.

[Tufty]

So are we saying we always tell the whole and entire truth about everything? I know I do not lie but I sure as hell don't volunteer information about anything to do with these forums to any of my family.

I certainly wouldn't volunteer information either, but if people ask me about something, I'll always tell them the truth.

I just have to hope that they don't ask the questions that I don't want to answer :D

[liladiebaby]

hey all!

Great thread thrall, its really come at a good time. i really struggle to keep anything hidden, and if i try to lie it is even worse; i blush and fidget and stutter, just ugly all round. but i have been struggling all day to get the courage up to confess a pretty serious transgression to Master and this thread has just strengthened my resolve to suck it up and do whats right. Doesn't mean i am any less terrified of his disappointment though. i really believe that lies and dishonesty only serve to put a distance between people and i don't want even a metaphoric centimeter between Master and i. Don't get me wrong, i really do think its alright to tell white lies to avoid hurting someones feelings or when really necessary, or at least to employ some tact when telling the truth. It isn't practical to be honest ALL the time, and if you are i imagine you are in trouble very often. But lies between a Dom and sub are never okay. And really, why would you want them to be? what is more important than communication, honesty and trust? without them it wouldn't be anything like a Ds relationship, would it? i think that your honesty with your Dom, whether it gets you in trouble sometimes is an invaluable quality which will just strengthen your Dom's trust and respect for you, so kudos and keep 'fessing up i say!

xoxo adie

[Warbaby1943]

I certainly wouldn't volunteer information either, but if people ask me about something, I'll always tell them the truth.

I just have to hope that they don't ask the questions that I don't want to answer :D
Not sure in my case I'd admit to my wife anything about these forums even if she asked. Now that is being honest.

[Rowen]

Not sure in my case I'd admit to my wife anything about these forums even if she asked. Now that is being honest.

Most understandable.. and perhaps there is a difference between "not telling everything" and lying?

[blythe spirit]

If you ask an honest man if he's lying, he will tell you the truth for he is not a liar. If you ask a liar if he's lying he too will say he is not. So how do you know?

[DiablosPet]

Great thread topic!

I honestly cannot lie to my Master, even though he is so far away and it would be so simple. The thought of being dishonest with my Master has never even crossed my mind, it just doesn't work.. I think that a true Sub would defiantly have a very hard time deceiving his/her Dom...

-DP

[Rowen]

If you ask an honest man if he's lying, he will tell you the truth for he is not a liar. If you ask a liar if he's lying he too will say he is not. So how do you know?

Well, you don't. Also... each has is own truth..
However... thrall refers to something apparently typical for submissives.. that you simply tell.. "ratting yourself out" as she so eloquotely puts it

[Naomisagoodgirl]

If you ask an honest man if he's lying, he will tell you the truth for he is not a liar. If you ask a liar if he's lying he too will say he is not. So how do you know?

This reminds me of a funny exchange I had with my master.

Master:Did you just open your eyes?
Me: Noooo.
Master: Are you lying?
Me: Yes.


Hee hee. Why lie on the first question but answer the second truthfully? Guess I just needed a couple seconds for my obedient self to kick in.

[Logic1]

So what´s wrong with telling the truth? I sure know for myself that I much rather hear the truth and deal with it as such than get a lie and then to find out that somebody told me a lie..
My girl cant lie. She just sucks at it which is kinda funny :p. I also know when she tries to hide things from me but that isnt as obvious though. I personally dont lie to my girl. I do however tell lies to customers I tend to at work cause it is simply better to tell them a lie at times but I try my darndest not to.
Sub´s or slaves who doesnt tell lies is to me a good thing.
You dont get punished for telling the truth. You get punished for NOT telling the truth in my book.

[Warbaby1943]

So what´s wrong with telling the truth? I sure know for myself that I much rather hear the truth and deal with it as such than get a lie and then to find out that somebody told me a lie..
My girl cant lie. She just sucks at it which is kinda funny :p. I also know when she tries to hide things from me but that isnt as obvious though. I personally dont lie to my girl. I do however tell lies to customers I tend to at work cause it is simply better to tell them a lie at times but I try my darndest not to.
Sub´s or slaves who doesnt tell lies is to me a good thing.
You dont get punished for telling the truth. You get punished for NOT telling the truth in my book.I just have to ask. If you truly would rather hear the truth what makes you think that the same isn't true for your customers? I don't know what you do but if I were told a lie by a salesperson and later found out about that lie I'd be pissed as hell and never use his/her products again.

[rooshoe]

Most understandable.. and perhaps there is a difference between "not telling everything" and lying?

IMO, omission of truth is on par with lying. "Editing" certain events/facts and leaving things out can cause someone to behave differently, as does outright changing of facts. Let's say the dog ate all the cookies in the cookie jar - that's one thing. But if the dog ate all the cookies *after* you'd taken several that you weren't supposed to have... well, the cookies are still gone, but you have much more culpability in the second version. Like i said, i think that omission of fact is still lying.


Well, you don't. Also... each has his own truth..
However... thrall refers to something apparently typical for submissives.. that you simply tell.. "ratting yourself out" as she so eloquently puts it

Put my name down on that list too - i have a miserable time lying. I'd rather just come out with my screw-up and get it over with instead of worrying about being "discovered" and trying to cover up all traces of what I've done/not done. It's not worth the energy, guilt, or breach of trust that it may cause.


I just have to ask. If you truly would rather hear the truth what makes you think that the same isn't true for your customers? I don't know what you do but if I were told a lie by a salesperson and later found out about that lie I'd be pissed as hell and never use his/her products again.

Although I am not familiar with what Logic1 does specifically, i too have worked in sales, and sometimes it's just easier to simplify things for the customer by lying rather than explain tons of things they really don't need to know that will most likely confuse and stress them out. (And that's not me being arrogant or an elitist, that's me being experienced and knowing when someone really doesn't need to know something.) I've also worked in retail and we had a member card program, But people, being people, would sometimes forget their membership cards and sometimes the number look-up wouldn't find their number. Of course, they would ask, "Why don't you have my member number in the system?" I frequently found it easier to tell them that our server was having "issues" rather than tell them that the idiots at corporate probably hadn't input the information from their application correctly, if they did it at all... I'd still give them the member discount and i'd gently remind them to bring their card next time ('cause the number look-up was never intended to be used instead of the card, anyway). For me, that's an instance where the truth really isn't necessary and can even be a p.i.t.a.

[Logic1]

I just have to ask. If you truly would rather hear the truth what makes you think that the same isn't true for your customers? I don't know what you do but if I were told a lie by a salesperson and later found out about that lie I'd be pissed as hell and never use his/her products again.

Lol I now notice that that didnt come out right:p
What I meant was that you dont find out that. It is not that kind of lies that you can.
Sadly cant really explain it any better than that though.

[Logic1]

didnt read rooshoes post but she was spot on. That´s the kind of lies I was talking about. Simplifications as to actually make things better for them than a straight truth would.

now again. Where the heck is the edit button ??

[Flaming_Redhead]

I don't seem to suffer from diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to confessing to Daddy. In fact, I received my first punishment about a month ago, and I didn't confess the whole truth. I don't think I needed to, and I'll explain why.

I was supposed to make a phone call to follow up on some financial papers. I thought it was silly to call about them on Monday when I was told it would take 3-4 business days to receive them. I had planned on giving them 3 business days and then calling. Much to my dismay, when Daddy asked me about it, I had totally forgotten to make the call. I also didn't receive the forms I needed before my trip.

When I arrived, Daddy and I exchanged pleasantries and took my bag into his bedroom. He pulled my pants down and bent me over the bed where all of his toys were already laid out. I was happy and excited, thinking we were going to play, until he asked me if I remembered him telling me to do something. Unfortunately, there isn't a trap door built into the bed, and I was pinned in place. I gave the somewhat honest excuse that I just forgot to do it. There was no way in hell I was going to tell him that I didn't do it on purpose because I thought it was silly to call at the beginning of the week, especially since I did end up forgetting to do it later. He suggested that maybe I needed something to help me remember and proceeded to spank me. I usually enjoy spankings. Not so this time. In fact, I begged him to stop, and he didn't. He ignored my cries and continued until I was in tears and all hot and clammy from the pain. As I sniffled into the comforter, he lectured me on how disappointed he was, how things like this destroy trust and respect, and how I'd feel if he "forgot" to do something for me that I thought was important.

As I began to straighten myself up for dinner, which Daddy was cooking for me, he asked me if I was okay and whether or not I understood why I'd been punished. I understood perfectly that I deserved it, not so much for childish irresponsibility but for thinking I knew better than he did what needed to be done as well as how to do it and then failing. I was a smartass, and I was deeply ashamed of it. I ended up sobbing on his shoulder and telling him I was sorry. He stroked my hair and wiped my tears away then told me everything was okay and that he still loves me.

I don't think Daddy needed to hear the whole truth regarding that incident because I suspect he already knew. "I forgot" is such a flimsy excuse anyway and, as he pointed out, very disrespectful. It shows that my mind was not on the task and, therefore, not on pleasing him, which is my #1 priority. It's a lesson I won't "forget" anytime soon.

[ownedsubgirl10]

the TRUTH is telling the truth is going to get us punished but the punishment is way more harsh if they find out that we lied... its just somethin about a sub that makes them confess to a dominant that they have done wrong in some way its like in our minds we're thinkin hmmm maybe they will reward us or make a lighter punishment its all mental and plus i think most doms are psychic hehe

[Borgs_slave]

I tell Master everything to a fault. I don't want to keep anything from him. Better I tell him than he find out later. :icon176:

[.x.Cole.x.]

Thrall... lol im so with you on this...i do this shit too and i feel like a dumbass afterwards... lol.

it sucks i know.... but the punishment part is the worst.. i am in your shoes quite a bit... lol...

[sassy75]

The worst part of being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth. This is something that I found somewhere and when I read it I cried for over an hour. My husband lied about every little thing. Petty things. It drove me nuts. Why did he lie? I have no clue. He says he doesn't know but it sure as hell told me I wasn't worth the truth. I try to be honest. Probably overly honest. I am missing that filter in my brain that says "hey don't say that it may hurt someone's feelers". I just fly off at the mouth and it well it's most likely why I chose sassy as my name ;)

[enyssa]

HHmm......well maybe its not so much.....telling the truth..... because i do that


It's might be more along the lines ........of immediate confession.....

no...i didn't do this or that....

or worse....i did do this or that.....

Immediate confession....that's what I do....why? I really don't know...I'm actually on punishment this weekend because of it. It's funny, I'm not even sure if Master would have noticed one of my wrongs (2 mistakes on Friday).

The second one was such a small tiny thing and I went and confessed it.
I am fairly new to this lifestyle and this is the first time I really felt the sting of my Master's disappointment in me...it made me cry...that's the worst punishment....
( :)thanks for listening also, I needed to get that off my chest....no one to talk to *sigh* )

[MacGuffin]

The worst part of being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth.

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you. - Friedrich Nietzsche

The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we’ll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy. - Richard Bach

Sometimes men lie because they do not see the need to cause uneccesary hurt and sometimes because they fear the outcome of the truth.

I don't think we have to brutally open and honest all the time eg "Hows was your day today dear?" - "Great, I shagged my secretary and she's a real goer!". Yet lying or deceiving with a "I never had sex with that woman!" is equally not an option. Personally I try to shift the subject or answer truthfully but leave a different impression - "Don't ask me. You don't want to know!"