Question from an extroverted sub

[HisKitty]

So... I'm extremely extroverted, especially around people. I'm outgoing, I love to talk, I enjoy attention, I love performing, etc. (Funny how this lead to my new love for exhibitionism xD) I can be introverted... I do well when left alone and I need to be left alone often enough to consider myself and introvert at times. However, when Master and I go out in public, my extroverted side comes out and it's sooooo hard for me to hold back. I feel like I take over and I don't want that :confused:

Any tips on how to put a leash on my extroverted personality in public? I don't want to--nor do I think that Master wants me to--lose my fiery personality, but I just wish sometimes that I didn't feel the need to take the lead. It's not that I neeeed to, necessarily, just that I have a tendency to. I pipe up when something's not specific enough for a clerk in my opinion, or when ordering food or talking to the cashier, mundane things like that.

Advice?

[barbwirelove]

1 either your master isn't strong enough to control you

or 2 you need to tell him how you feel and tell him he needs to be a bit more controlling in public

[fantazmaster]

Kellypet,sounds like an ideal situation for your Master to set a standard to train you to.Like his establishing a set of rules for your conduct in public.I can envision a rule that yo my not talk in public until he speaks first and/or one whereby you may not speak a all unless he gives you a pre-arranged hand signal of some sort.

[denuseri]

well the sugestion of not being allowed to speak until your Master says so is a real good one, it has kept my little mouth shut on many an occassion. LOL.

it also helps if you constantly keep in mind that you are a refliction of your owner, you have a resposibility to "represent" so to speak, who knows the people you are talking too may one day be told about your relationship with your master, then what would they think about it? what kind of "uppity" sub do we have here, shouldnt she be subordinate to her owner etc etc?

[fetishdj]

Maybe a command word or signal you could train to that Master can use to tell you when you are 'speaking out of turn'. It could be a word (your name in a certain tone of voice) or a sound 'a sharp 'ah ah' noise is often used to tell dogs when they are doing something naughty) or a non verbal thing (a tap on the shoulder, a sign he makes with his hands or fingers, a stern glance, a shake of the head). If the sign is made you stop whatever you are doing or saying and await his command, being unable to take any action or speech until he gives permission. Disregarding the sign means punishment at an appropriate time (immediately if in a scene friendly place, at home if not).

This should allow you to express yourself while also giving him control over your extroverted actions.

[jacknight]

turn your tongue 5 times in your mouth before speaking!

[thir]

So... I'm extremely extroverted, especially around people. I'm outgoing, I love to talk, I enjoy attention, I love performing, etc. (Funny how this lead to my new love for exhibitionism xD)
when Master and I go out in public, my extroverted side comes out and it's sooooo hard for me to hold back. I feel like I take over and I don't want that :confused:
I just wish sometimes that I didn't feel the need to take the lead. It's not that I neeeed to, necessarily, just that I have a tendency to.
Advice?

It sounds to me a little like you are in two minds about this?
Is it perhaps that you like being outgoing but think that it is unseemly for a sub?

There are no rules, other than those between you and your Master. Many subs are very outspoken, and so what?

If in doubt, why not ask?

[bambina]

Personally, I feel your Dom isn't strong enough for you. At no point should a sub be 'too much' for a Dom/Master. And honestly, the things that you are naming shouldn't bother a real Master. So you want to order your own food. So what? It's nothing to get bent out of shape. Can your sub/slave do 'something' on her own once in a while? Just because someone is a Dom or Master doesn't mean that the sub can't (or shouldn't) fend for herself at a restaurant. So she doesn't want onions. Let her tell the waiter. But let be get back on topic (because you don't have a problem with this behavior).

Let your Master help you with this one. The point of discipline is to get rid of bad habits like the one you mentioned. Every time he feels you've stepped out of line, you can expect a punishment when you get home (and not the good kind). Enough punishment and pretty soon you'll learn to hold your tongue.

[DowntownAmber]

I seriously doubt this has to do with the strength of your Master. It simply seems he is not overly concerned about your extroverted behavior. In your post you say, "I feel like I take over and I don't want that." You never mentioned if your Master seems displeased so I am left to assume he is not bothered by your actions. Many Masters have policy and protocol regarding such things, but if it hasn't been discussed it just might not be one of his hot buttons. So if you're not offending him, per se, punishment seems out of order. Instead, explain to him that you would like his help in an area you feel you need to grow in as a submissive. Share with him what you've shared in the post and the two of you should be able to work out a way to curb behavior that seems to take you out of your submissive frame of mind. There were a few great suggestions above as to how to do so, so I won't be redundant by throwing out similar advice in that department.

Best of luck, let us know how it goes!

[Ozme52]

Yes, We're not all, all about micro-managing.

Some of us like the service an extrovert brings to the mix. Just so long as you're an obedient girl, extrovert works just fine.

[bip0lar]

i think i'm going to agree with Oz on this. I mean, you do say that 'your Master doesn't want you to lose your fiery touch' and I'm guessing that he wouldn't be 'embarassed' to let you know if he was displeased. However, only if you feel like for some X reason he wouldn't tell you, then you ought to bring it up for both your sakes.
And yup, communication being the key, i've had similar feelings, which, for me at least, are a sign that i need a tighter reign, be reminded of my place, if you will.
But yeh, whatever works for the both of you is probably the best way to move from here!

Best of luck xx

[subserviant]

id carry a clothespin and put it on yr tongue .ill bet i wud only have to do it once

[jeanne]

I pipe up when something's not specific enough for a clerk in my opinion, or when ordering food or talking to the cashier, mundane things like that.


OMG!! Just a story...

In a restaurant, the server asks a question, I answer. Every time. He finally looks at me after the about the third time and says, "You really are a control freak, aren't you?"

Thank God he said it with a laugh. Perhaps a day would have come that he decided to do something about it. I have no idea what that would have been.