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Balrog
06-01-2004, 01:04 PM
Ok last week I asked my live in girlfriend, whom I love very, very much, to submit to me by offering her a beautiful silver belled anklet.
I had rehearsed my speech over & over for about 2 weeks.
I lit a shit lode of candles, sat her down & asked her……..
She said no.

Well first she asked the see the anklet……..

Then she said no.

I was disappointed but I had given my chances about 60% & she realy did not actually say no.

She told me she does not know if she is or will ever be ready to submit to me or any one. We then sat down & talked about it for a good 3 hours, this lifted my spirits a little & I decided not to give up.

She has been very interested in the life stile for long before I meat her (Known 4 years, Have been together for 16months) & we even tried to live it when we first started out. Of course I knowing next to nothing at the time I completely fucked it up & we just kind of stopped.

I have sense been reading as much info as I can find to get as much insight as I can & I have come a long way.
Long enough to know I have a hell of allot more to learn.
I am also just now starting to understand what a wide spectrum of life stiles are labeled BDSM Dom/sub. I think I am some where in the middle between Dom & Master, leaning toward Dom.
My job now is to slowly bring her around to where she will ask me to put the anklet on her.

I am almost excited now at the prospect of bring her to me instead of just having her submit.
And sense I want this to be a full time thing & not just in the bead room I am tiring to keep her talking about it & to keep my ears open to every thing she says so I can better mold my fiendish plain.

A little back ground.
She is a very intelligent & very strong willed person, Not to mention the most beautiful women I have ever seen.(6 foot Red head) We have a very good relationship now & we really don’t fight. She has also told me pain hurts & it does not turn her on. This well be something to work around sense nothing gets me going like spanking her perfect round ass. The only exception being her extremely sensitive 40 caliber nipples. I know If I can get a hold of one…….it’s on! :D This is not as easy as it sounds sense if she is not turned on already, (she says) they are uncomfortable.
She is also very good at righting things out. This is why I am wonting to ask her to write some thing out for me, like her wildest fantasy or something like that. (any suggestions would be appreciated) I fell this could only give me some more insight in to her thinking.
She is about 10 years younger than I but this has never bothered either of us. I’m 33.

Sorry I know a lot of this was just me rambling on & I am not a very good at typing out my feelings. I guess I just need to tell some body as I have no friends I would feel comfortable confiding in. Like I said I know enough to know I don’t know, so any advice would be very much appreciated!

I have also waited this long to post about this as she reads this form daily & will most likely read this soon.
So any advice that you would not recommend her being privy to, please pm it to me. :cool:

Katmandu
06-01-2004, 01:26 PM
Well, seems to me, that if she reads this Forum daily, as well as you reading it, that she is somewhat interested in the lifestyle. Perhaps you could ask her to start posting in here, instead of just reading, and that would satisfy her hidden intent, as well as your wanting to get "inside" her (the writing assignment you mentioned) thoughts and feelings. As anxious as you seem to be, you must wait for her to feel the same, should you wish to pursue this further with her.
(Although, nothing wrong with a nudge, here and there ;) )

Barton
06-01-2004, 02:12 PM
The way she reacts after she sees your post will say volumes. At the least you will need to discuss it. Communication is all important in a relationship of this sort. Remember, however, that you wish to be the dom in this relationship. It sound almost like you are begging her. Not good.
Perhaps she is waiting to see how you react. If, as you said, you tried this when you first met and it failed, you will have to win her trust back. That is not something that will be quickly achieved.
What Kats said above is also very true. This way of life must be a two way street. A nudge is fine, but a push is no good. Posting may help you get a discussion started. That is a great starting point.
One last thought, does she think that she wants to be the dominant one?

Barton.

Balrog
06-01-2004, 02:25 PM
Thanks guys.
She does post on here from time to time & we do talk a good bit (more would be better though)
Your right I am a nice guy, always have been. Turning that off is not always an easy thing to do. That is what I have to work on & what I have to train myself to. I have been actually making a conscious effort sense she told me she thinks my weakness is I cave in too easy.
That being said I will not ask her again to accept the anklet. She will have to ask for it.
Oh & every thing she does involving D/s she is a sub.

Barton
06-01-2004, 04:02 PM
Yes, at this point it would be better for her to ask you. Not forcefull enough is a fine line to get too. Be carefull not to cross that line, it would be a mistake.
Pick your spot. Remember a dom can be loving but still in control. It almost sounds like she is asking you to show her you can be the boss.

Barton

ValKyrie
06-02-2004, 11:51 AM
Well, I believe that in any good BDSM relationship, there has to be a solid relationship that is built on trust and communication. To that end, it sounds like the two of you are well on your way to something quite wonderful.

Keeping in mind the love and happiness you can share, will be the root to your future as a couple.

If BDSM comes into play, is should enrich the life you already share, imho. So, feel free to take your time and let your relationship evolve as it will.

Barton
06-04-2004, 05:20 AM
Good idea, Balrog. It sounds like you have a good dialog started.

Barton