feeling confused

[locobaybee]

I am not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice but here goes......
I am new to this life style and have been with my Master for about 4 weeks now. We have spent the past 6 days together 24/7.........the last couple of days I was being a brat and readily admit it.......I let Master know that I was sorry and promised I would be a good girl all day yesterday............anyway he left to go home and said he would be back for lunch. He never came back or called.....I was so upset all night I couldn't sleep......when he contacted me today, he came over and I asked him if I could ask him why he did that to me and he told me that he was making sure I was a good girl and that by leaving me he knew I wouldn't have a chance to be a brat. I asked him if that was punishment but he said no........it sure felt like it..........anyway today was wonderful again..........is this normal.......I know I will think long and hard before being a brat again......was this possibly his way of discipline?? Any advice is greatly appreciated........thanks

[Ozme52]

Sounds like something unexpected came up... and his explanation is an 'after-the-fact' creation... Just a guess...

But discipline or punishment is worthless if it's presented as a "non-punishment object lesson". That doesn't make sense to me. And if his intent was to truly NOT give you a chance to be a brat again... that shows a lack of trust in your word... OR a lack of desire to deal with you if you were indeed disobedient again. Not very dominant imo.

BUT... I would take all that with a grain of salt... just use it to see if this is a pattern you see developing.

I far prefer an obedient girl, and don't condone brats, but I will deal with situations or behavior that arise that I don't care for. I can't imagine just disappearing without some kind of call.

[DowntownAmber]

Not knowing enough about the situation or person, it's difficult to make a definitive call as to your Master's motivation but it certainly seems a little out of the ordinary. That you're posting in regards to it and questioning it in the first place speaks to the fact that even if it were discipline it wasn't particularily clear.

I wouldn't be too concerned yet, but as Oz mentioned, watch for a possible pattern.

[craven]

Hmmm yes can only agree with Oz and Amber. Punishment can only be effective and seen as such if the recipient knows what and how they are being punished, had you known it would not have been any less unpleasant i am sure, but you would have understood and hopefully taken your lesson from the said punishment.

Much more likely is Oz's explanation something came up, discourteous not to call you or let you know, agreed you ought to see how things go and look for any patterns, rather than be unduly concerned right away.

If a pattern does form or you become or you are still uncomfortable or uncertain you should ask permission to discuss and be open and honest with your master, but this is hopefully not going to be necessary.

I wish you and your master all the best, good luck.

[locobaybee]

Thank you so much Oz, Downtown and Craven. I did feel better last night after he came back when he said he would. I will definately keep my eyes open for a pattern and if I feel this uncomfortable again I will ask for his permission to discuss this with him!! He seems to be very open to discuss any of my concerns with him at anytime.

[denuseri]

Good luck boo, i agree with the others on this myself, roundabout punishments with no explanation leave a girl confussed and mis-trusting, and his explaining after the fact sounds like typical passive aggressive un-dom-like behavior, which in the end leads to disunity in any relationship. Punishment unless i am told otherwise such as : "wait till we get home girl" or the like, is allmost allways swift and directly addressess whatever infraction of his will i have failed to uphold or committed a misdeed against.

[Flaming_Redhead]

It sounds like he did something disrespectful, infuriating and unsettling. Maybe it was to teach you a lesson, but that lesson wasn't clear and, therefore, useless. All it did was make you worry about him and question his trustworthiness. I'd be watching him like a hawk to see if this is a pattern of behavior because, if it was, I couldn't deal with it.

[Ragoczy]

From my perspective and style, I have a couple comments (obviously, he may have a different style and expectations):

1) You promised not to be a brat, so there should be no reason to avoid giving you the opportunity. If my kitten promised me something I'd trust her to follow through, and punishment would be forthcoming if she didn't, but to find it necessary to avoid giving her the "chance" would be to imply I didn't trust her, which would be unacceptable. Unless there'd already been a habit established of promising to behave and not doing so.

2) I would never use not showing up for something planned with no communication as a punishment or object lesson. I know how I feel if someone I care about is late and unreachable -- the mind automatically goes to thoughts of disaster. My personal feeling is that deliberately inflicting that on someone is a bit cruel -- again, my personal opinion.

[locobaybee]

I want to thank all of you for your advice. I asked Master if we could discuss what happened and he let me tell him how I felt about not knowing where he was. I told him that I didn't want to have distrust between us..........he acknowledged what I told him and seemed to agree. He apologized and last night surprised me with a planned trip for next weekend!!
I will enjoy my trip but am keeping my eyes open for a pattern.......I am hoping that this is just a learning lesson for the both of us.......as I am his first sub.........

[locobaybee]

I do have to say that I had been a brat for several days and had promised to behave two days before that and didn't..........that could be why he didn't trust me

[Arria]

In my opinion, no matter what you did, staying away without letting you know would be a deal breaker for me.

I am with denuseri here. He broke your trust and caused you to fear by doing this.
I am with Oz in that this is not a dominant (grown-up!) thing to do.

If he is not pleased with your behaviour, the issue should be solved by his BEING THERE and HANDLING the situation, TOGETHER WITH YOU.

One of the things I totally adore about my Dom (who is also my hubby) is that he is never scared of my feelings/behaviours. He is simply there for me.

In my eyes,a BDSM relationship is based on trust. A great deal more trust than in a vanilla relationship, because you present yourself so very much more vulnerable.

I agree with the others regarding the advice to look out if there is a pattern establishing.

[moonlitsub]

I know myself that I find it hard not to talk to my Mistress everyday I am currently in an online relationship but at the moment She is very busy I will not distract Her from Her current life as it is. I do though miss Her for awhile I was talking to Her on the phone every day but that has stopped and I have to not think about it to realize how much I just want to be as close to Her as possible. Though I don't know what you Master could be thinking it might have been a simple thing of gentle pushing you towards not being bratty. I do not know your living situation but that also doesn't seem very fair way to do things as he didn't communicate to you what was happening.