the attire!

[bip0lar]

So, a little topic for discussion as I'm quite interested to see what others feel about the subject: Clothes.
I got into this 'discussion' with a Dom, which started out OK, talking and exchanging ideas, but then went to 'kneel for me slut' and all that jazz, so I kinda let it go, but what pissed me off was the fact that he deduced I'm not a submissive just because I don't wear high heels and sexy effing underwear.
Now, I know that isn't true, I no longer care what a stranger thinks of me, but it got me thinking..
I'm positive that none of you spend your full day naked or in sexy lingerie, high heels and fully made up. [well, ok, maybe some exceptions exist, I don't know]
However, does the fact that I like baggy pants and t-shirts make me less submissive? I can understand why they might make me less feminine to some people, but nonetheless, I feel perfectly feminine and submissive in whatever I wear--it's still me, in the end.
Maybe it has something to do with my body, maybe it has something to do with my age, maybe it's the combination and as I grow older and my style and experiences evolve I'll know better.
Any thoughts on the subject? I'm all ears!

[moonlitsub]

Hm yes I always found that interesting I guess some would see it that if you keep the submissive underdressed or undressed they exposed so a whole new thing to the game but everyone likes the ice cream with different toppings if you get my drift I see no need to break out my high heals and skimpy underwear (sarcasm) to get a beating. I think it is more realistic for my mistress to grab me by my belt loops and pull me to the floor. Though the whole male fetish attire I think is ridiculous it pretty much ends up with either being completely nude and a collar on or something as stupid. I never understood it one bit.

[steelish]

bip0lar - maybe the lack of high heels and lingerie made the Dom feel less dominant? Maybe that's what he thinks (in his own mind) what a submissive should be; a simpering female teetering around constantly underdressed. Could be his particular fetish.

I say be you and relish in who you are.

As for me...NO I certainly don't spend my day in high heels and sexy effing underwear! lol! I work in a production facility and have to wear thick leather work shoes and jeans and T-shirts. And when home it's usually shorts and a t-shirt with bare feet.

[deigja]

bip0lar:
The fact that you like a certain type of clothing that is not shared by this "dominant" shows nothing at all about your submissiveness. Its your taste, propably also part of your personality. You could Propably be ordered, by your dom only to wear something different but would that change your personal taste?
perhaps you would see that something you would never have tried before looks good on you, and perhaps your personal taste would slowly be influenced but you would propably still consider baggypants comfortable, highheels hurtful and so on...

[samm]

Being submissive is a personal characteristic; clothes don't make you more or less submissive, just like clothes don't make you more or less smart or sensitive.
They can however help you to play a certain role, be it submissive or dominant. So clothes are perfect for setting the scene and creating a certain atmosphere. I find a woman dressed in sexy clothes more arousing than when she would be naked.
And not to forget, clothes are just fun! :d

[bip0lar]

ah, of course, and i would also never have a problem dressing up for my Dominant if the time comes--even the 'humiliation' of wearing things i wouldn't normally, as well as his control even on what i wear would make me as happy as a dog with a bone, heh, nonetheless, I think so far we agree that being a slut [in the best way, i assure you haehaeh] doesn't necessarily mean wearing slutty clothes [or lack of clothes] 24/7.
as far as that 'dominant' is concerned, yeh, i didn't give an ef at the time, but, as i said in the original post, it did get me wondering!
thanks for the replies so far!

[amosse85]

As a (dominant) guy, I look at this from a different psychological perspective. If a woman is dressed up in distinctly sexual attire, it suggests she's looking for some attention in that area (even if she's really not). Subconsciously, it's natural for a male to assume this.

Now flip that logic around. If she's wearing normal, even slightly masculine clothing, the presumption of sexual interest isn't there. Maybe it's just me, but that tends to amplify the feeling of dominance resulting from any, we'll say, unsolicited behavior on my part.

Not that I'm in any way against lingerie and whatnot, but forcing a sub in "plain" clothes into some action feels much more spontaneous.

[denuseri]

well boo i would say its not what you wear that makes you submissive or inticing or aluring as a woman, it's how you wear it that really counts

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

If you saw me in public or even at my home you wouldn't know that I was a sub by looking at me (except for my collar, of course). I never, ever wear high heels. I can't, with heel spurs in both feet! I don't wear skimpy lingerie because it's too damned uncomfortable. I have always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl and that's what I still wear. Right now as I'm typing this I'm in jeans and a t-shirt and barefoot. I've been with Master for 9 years now and this has always been my standard attire. Does He think that I am any less submissive that the chick in lingerie and high heels? No, not at all. Yeah, there is that saying that "clothes make the man," but I certainly don't believe that it's true. I've met plenty of men with impeccable tastes in clothes; the tailored expensive Italian suits and yet they were still bastards because of who they were inside as human beings. And I've met the biker types covered in tattoos and black leather and they were the sweetest and nicest men I could ever hope to be around.

Clothes are packaging. And I think that in this lifestyle people assume that they have to dress a certain way in order to get their point across. I prefer to look at a person's manner and how he carries himself and how he behaves around other people. You don't always need to see the whip or the collar to tell who is Dom and who is sub. I am much more interested in what a person is like inside than what clothes they wear. Clothes don't mean a thing. They are insubstantial and are easily removed. And when they come off what do you have? A weak nobody who thought the black leather made him look like a Dom? A woman who truly doesn't enjoy her sexuality but she wore the lingerie and high heels because she thought those would make her appear to be submissive, so it would make her feel submissive as well? A Dom or a sub knows who and what they are inside. And they don't need particular clothes to tell them that.

[Hime]

Yeah.. I definitely go for the boyish look myself, short hair, t-shirts and jeans, etc. Doesn't mean I'm not submissive -- I just need to be dominated by someone who doesn't need a lot of fancy decorations to prove he/she's in charge. :D

On the other hand, if my Dom requested that I wear something particular for the occasion, I might enjoy obliging him. Dress-up can be a fun part of role-play for me, as long as it isn't all the time.

[good_girl]

I always try to look my best regardless of what I'm doing (sometimes it's a chore LOL) but I feel I can look amazing in jeans and a t-shirt and my Dom agrees.


On the other hand, if my Dom requested that I wear something particular for the occasion, I might enjoy obliging him. Dress-up can be a fun part of role-play for me, as long as it isn't all the time.

I also enjoy when he requests that I put something special on for him, I don't see it as role play though...simply letting out that other side of myself.

[In2kink]

As for me...NO I certainly don't spend my day in high heels and sexy effing underwear! lol!

Okay, just so you know. You really busted my bubble. lol :D

[Flaming_Redhead]

The fact that you like baggy pants and T-shirts does not make you less submissive. When you establish a relationship with a dominator, proper attire may or may not be something that is negotiated. It all depends on how much control he wants and how much you're willing to give him.

[Ragoczy]

The phrase "you're not a submissive because ..." should be a trigger to ignore the next words.

I love heels and lingerie, but I don't expect my kitten to wear them all the time; it's not practical. She dresses in what's practical to the circumstances, keeping in mind what pleases me -- to me, that's the submissive part: "keeping in mind what pleases me". If I do happen to have a specific requirement, I let her know and she complies.

And if I really want to get turned on, I'll send her off to change into the Tweety-bird jammies.

[sassy75]

I have been wondering this myself. I'm not the high heels and eff me clothes type but I do have some of those things if the mood strikes me. If a dom requires that I wear that kind of clothing all the time then he's gonna be really disappointed with me. I'm a jeans, tshirt, bare feet and no bra kinda girl. Of course the nipple piercings tend to leave me more aware of the fact that I'm braless. Especially answering the door to the pizza man and having them pointing straight at him ;)

[lozzy]

lol, i'm definatly a jeans and hoodie type of girl, but when my boyfriend tells me to dress up im more than happy to comply, and sometimes i like to dress up anyway. i definatley don't feel anyless submissive because im not wearing 'slutty' clothes (although the converse of that is that when i *am* forced to go out looking like a hooker i do feel much more turned on but thats just a humiliation thing)

ahhh people who say things like that are just stupid! grrrr!

[MacGuffin]

I would say that if you do not have a Dom then at that moment in time you're not really a submissive; a prospective submissive yes, submissive orientation yes (I appreciate this is probably a highly debateable argument). If you have a Dom then you should wear the clothes your Dom likes or as he instructs. If he has no preference or you don't have a Dom then you are free to wear what you please. Submissiveness is inside your body not outside!

Personally I like a sub to be dressed according to mood and situation. Maybe I want to set the mood and will give dress instructions, or leave it up to the sub to express herself through her clothing.

[Cari]

I absolutely adore my heels and lingerie, but am also aware that it's not always practical (what with being on a farm) so most of the time I spend my time (when I'm not in the office anyway) in baggy t-shirts and jeans, and usually overalls but I wouldn't class myself as any less submissive because of it, unless of course I was specifically asked/ordered to wear something else in which case that would prevail (unless it is dangerous/unsafe to so so i.e. heels with a combine harvester).

Cari :)

[Arria]

You did not meet a dom, but an idiot who thinks submissive women are chicks with no brains of their own who can be bossed around.
That sort of man just wants to jerk off on naked or barely dressed women and have no clue about the lifestyle.

I like what Ragoczy said very much, if someone starts a sentence with these words - forget about him!

All submissives I know, including myself, feel - of course! - a lot more comfortable in comfy clothes (I like long skirts and small tops best).
A person who wants you to walk around half naked at all times is very obviously a person who has no life offline!

I mean, I am sitting here and trying to imagine what my colleagues at work or my son would say if I walked around in lingerie all the time. *ahem*

As I said, my friends and I prefer comfortable clothes (which person in her right mind would not!?), but while our doms are around, we wear what they like best in any way that´s possible.
- Hubby prefers me naked, by the way. -

[Ozme52]

I hate when a sub is naked cuz I can't tell her to strip. :rolleyes:

And though I happen to like lingerie and the way high heels make a woman's legs and ass look... if I'm not there to see, then why? Unless of course there is a specific tasking going on.

And I think that whatever a woman wears, there is opportunity provided to make minor adjustments that make her very aware of her submission, the dominant, and altering her mindset.

One that comes to mind... if the girl never wears panties, making her do so... and dangling a clothespin from them, makes her extremely conscious of her tender bits. ;)

[Ozme52]

I mean, I am sitting here and trying to imagine what my colleagues at work or my son would say if I walked around in lingerie all the time. *ahem*

Oh... Me Too!!!! :blurp_ani


- Hubby prefers me naked, by the way. -

Do I hear a "WOOT!!" :blurp_ani

[julialive1]

Well...clothes are packaging and I for one am somewhat of a Domme and prefer women. I find it absolutely fantastic when a woman is in jeans and tee...it is not masculine nor "dominant"...I find it thrilling that only I know how beautiful she may be under those clothes and the fact that a sub will dress to please you in private or when requested is an honour...Keep your jeans and tees. Enjoy.

[BorderCollie]

My sub basically wears track suit pants, and hoodie however is butt nekkid inderneith.
She does however have to dress up in stockings & heels & nothing else often and sometimes for a full weekend or a long weekend.
I will be running a business in a country town soon and she will be doing the accounts, she has been told that she "WILL" wear high heels all the time at work once this happens. She has told me she will comply...

[BorderCollie]

I was disscussing this thread with my sub/wife and decided to add this as a sidebar.. To be honest i thought this thread may have gone further too???

Her slant on the whole 24/7 thing and in particular the attire was this...

She is in a management position, and see's the BDSM lifestyle as an escape.
With this in mind it is another form of submission to me to actually wear her "UNIFORM" as she is told. Add to this the fact that (in her words) it also makes her feel NAUGHTY.
She loves the stockings & heels aspect, along with laying in bed simply watching TV with a spreader bar betwix her legs and her wrists bound together. Her nails done, she enjoys the way she looks. Standing in a corner with her pants around her ankles, is just as good as sex.
With respect for the Trackies & Hoodies, it's the sneaky side of things that get her excited. By this, the neighbours are (God Botherers) and have no idea that while we are out doing yard stuff (we are on 2 acres) they have no idea that she is wearing a crotch rope or her beasts are bound in a descrete kinda way...

True! She's not wearing that stuff 24/7... As stated in another thread, she works with a girl that is constantly talking BDSM... Has no idea that my wife, can pick up on the BS & the truth in what she says. While all the other girls are in both shock and awe of what she says..

[fellintobed]

Let's hear it for jeans and comfy shirts! Seriously... I know it's different for people doing the 24/7 lifestyle thing, but for the rest of us, we're going to wear what we like and we're going to get off the way we like. That's just reality. Gender expression/conformity (internal AND outward) and sexuality are separate. Tomboys can be just as submissive as girly girls - and let's not forget the submissive men, who have even fewer non-sexwear clothing options.

[SubmissiveDoll]

When I'm out and about, I'm in jeans and a t-shirt. Around the house, usually pj pants and a t-shirt or tank top. I'll dress up for scene play, yes. But, I don't spend my whole day and night dressed in leather and heels. In fact, my Master doesn't usually care for heels at all... I do... so I wear them when I go out.

I'm submissive all day and night, regardless of what I'm wearing. So, be who you are, and wear what your comfortable in.

[MasochisticAngel]

I dont think what you wear even matters. I love walking around completly naked because I feel comfertable and nice without all that cloth on me. I think most people assume you arn't submissive if you wear clothes like that because they hae the ideayou need all 3 holes avalible at all times? i dont know. Whenever im in public I wear baggy pants and big t-shirts and my collar. it throws alot f people off.

[GoodPet]

I know what you mean girl and i'm effin young!!! lol. I cant walk in high heels to save my life and as far as sexy undies go, well most the time i dont even bother wearing them, lol. My idea of use of undies is "I'm randy..i'll put them on so he can rip them off in 10 secs or less" lol. I do like looking pretty like any girl does, but when I'm at home its prolly a pair of shirt and a hoodie lol.