what do you think?

[littleslut]

I've come up with the opening paragraph to a prospective new story and i was hoping for some views as to whether or not i should continue in writing it.

" The cold granite kitchen work surface bring my nipples to attention, my muscles aching trying to adjust to the wide spread of my legs due to the spreader bar and the highness of my stiletto heels. The hard black granite pushing the straps of my bright pink ball gag tight into my cheek as I rest my face sideways along the work top.
“God how long is he going to leave me like this” I thought
My back now straining not used to being left bent over for so long, I try to relive some of the pain using my wrists contained in leather clad handcuff’s to rub may lower back hoping to relive the pain.
“ I’m such a slut” I though as my hips started to gyrate against the kitchen cupboard causing my nipples to move slowly rub and turn against the top. "

Thanks for taking the time to read it and any helpful views ( positive or not )welcome + any ideas for how to possibly continue it
littleslut
xxxx

[Gallardo]

Continue!

I am a terrible writer/editor so I can't really help you. I am sure others can.

[EstabanBacca]

It's been ages since anyone has even attempted a piece in this risky and complex genre. However, since it makes your nipples hard, you may be the author that 'hard, black granite' fetishists everywhere have long been praying for!

Seriously, It sound's fine to me. I am sure there are lot's of readers who would pull up a chair in that kitchen.

[littleslut]

makes me think im not the only one who likes that genre!!
glad you liked it and i hope that i can come up with any more ideas (if i am to continue it)
so any ideas always helpful
thanks
little slut

[Dr Mabeuse]

Well really, love, that's not even the start of a story. It's just the description of a position, and already you've got grammar and syntax problems ("highness" in sentence 1 should be "height", and the participial phrase that opens the second sentence has no subject. {Change "pushing" to "pushes" and you'll be okay there.} There are plenty more gaffs too, though.)

Really though, how can we help you unless we know where you want to go? It's like driving around in a car and stopping and asking someone, "How can I get somewhere?"

Okay. Here's what you do. She's the bitchy young producer of a TV cooking show. He's the handsome, brilliant young French chef whose show she's producing. He's had enough of her bitching so he grabs her after hours on the set, ties her up and makes cole slaw in her pussy without a food processor. Or he stuffs her full of truffles and foie gras and eats them out himself. Call if "Bondage Chef".

---dr.M.

[littleslut]

im pleased that my possible start to a story has fired up you imagination and please feel free to use my starting paragraph in a future peice of you own( remember to give me a mention!! :p)
thanks for the tips on the grammer i was always a very bad english student and any help is useful
yours,
littleslut
xxxxx
p.s. if anyone else feels that they want to use my paragraph in their work i would be honored xxx

[Driveslikeagirl]

I would definitely read more of that story!

I'm not as critical about syntax and grammar errors as I am at my job, so don't let concern about that kind of thing stifle your creativity. In other words, when it comes to my porn, I'm not that picky! Oops, not porn -- I mean "erotica". ;)

Since we're on the subject of things that are distracting to the reader, about the only thing that will make me click the window closed (no matter how good the story) is the "never ending paragraph." Having one paragraph for every 1000 words is just too hard on the eyes.

There are some very good stories here that have errors in it, such as changing a name to protect the not-so-innocent that the story was originally about, but only doing it half of the time in the story. The sub is Mary through half of the story, and Gertrude through half. I just pause to figure it out, then read on if it's a good story!

Anyway, back on topic...

There are so many directions your interesting first paragraph could go. I would have never thought about the cooking school idea -- great idea! (I don't cook, which is probably why I never would have thought of it. HA!)

After reading your paragraph, I imagined that the woman could have been left by her relator in a house that was for sale. Along comes other prospective buyers or the house owners for... unlimited possibilities.

You'll have to post the link to your whole story when you complete it!

[Abe Froman]

I love the start. I'd even think of adding a little buried toy to tease her while she waits, making her feel all the more shameful as she is unable to resist grinding against it.

Nice work though, very nice. I hope it turns into more.

[derfsess]

Not a bad start for the opening position, I think you should try to continue writing it and worry about cleaning it up later, mebbe get some help ;)
When you write get the idea out first then work it over until it takes shape and becomes consistant. Don't give up go for it.

[petpleasureyes]

You should introduce footsteps into the background. Someone you can hear but can't see, maybe two or more people standing behind you, whispering to each other. Maybe you can barely hear them, but can pick out a few key words from what they're saying. Talk about your fear as you wonder what they're going to do to you. Maybe one of the words you hear really pricks at your fears. But i like it so far. Work on the story and then fix up the grammar.

[Tang]

I wondered if she had been completely abandoned. I read an MC story in which a slave is told to wait and then her Master never returns because he has had a heart attack or something whilst out. At least the slave there was free to move about, but was obviously uncertain what to do.

In this story if the woman has been left and her jailer is not returning, there are a number of options, maybe a cop who comes by when the neighbors say something, or a house breaker comes in and finds her like that. Maybe these are moving into too cliched porn settings. If you like bestiality, maybe even the pet dog finds her there.

Another interesting one is that whoever shackled her, I am assuming her husband, has in fact done it to give her over to a Master/Mistress who then arrives to collect her. Maybe the husband has been given someone else instead or has run off with his lover or thinks that going through this procedure avoids all the legal costs of a divorce.

It is up to you where you take it, but I do like little fragments like this as they are so stimulating for story ideas. Black granite is great as it is reflective, and I always find it sensuous that someone chained up can see themselves in that state and that usually happens through a mirror being placed somewhere, it adds to the humiliation and allows full descriptions of how they appear. I doubt we will see the rise of black granite fetish websites, but you never know :)

[chromedome11]

I wondered if she had been completely abandoned.
There was once a great Penthouse letter about this couple who meet in a bar and agree to go to her place for some b/d. After tying her up, he decides he needs to get something from his car. Unfortunately, when he returns, he can't remember which apartment he was in! So he left. The letter ends with the guy and girl meeting on another occasion where she tells him "that was the best scene I ever had."

Regardless of the ending, the beginning would make a good story starter.