Tired of it, just sick and tired of it all

[Pandora's Box]

I don't know if this topic has a purpose except to let me vent.

Some of you are quite familiar with the situation I'm in. Hell it was the reason I sought out this board. My first post almost 2 months ago was in relation to it.

I'm sorry to say that things haven't improved. Despite numerous promises on his part. I'm at the breaking (and boiling) point. I've just had it. Not returning phone calls, but then crawling back a few days or a week later with some excuse about why he wasn't around this time.

It's always something. Well, excuses are like assholes. Everyone has got one and some stink more than others.

I did think my search was over. But over the past two months it has become glaringly obvious that it isn't. But here's the rub, I am sick to death of looking. Yeah yeah, you find it when you're not looking. Blah blah. Know all that. Found him when I wasn't really looking either. Lucky me. Heh.

I'm sick to death of wading through piles of fucktard AOL graduate doms. I'm sick and tired of even dealing with it. It's like the same dance number keeps repeating and repeating.

I feel like that idiot woman, Susan Powder, and want to scream "STOP THE INSANITY!"

It just doesn't ever seem to end. It's like why the fuck even bother if this is all that is out there. In person, on the net. Doesn't much matter. People lie regardless. The only advantage that in person has is that you can kick their ass face to face after they've pissed you off.

Heh, it's amazing... the internet has opened so many doors for me in my life, unfortunately all the scum seems to be oozing in.

[MrJerseyGuy]

Wow PB! You sound really upset. I've been on the internet since before they invented it (still have my "AOL version 1.0 for DOS disk!) so if I could just offer an insight...

Hooking up with people online is something a whole lot of people are doing these days. It can be a great way to meet people and I truly believe that the anonymity can promote people to be more honest than they would otherwise. You can get to know someone much better in the same amount of time as you might in a face to face relationship...at the same time it requires the utmost saavy and caution to weed out the liars and jerks. I tried the whole "internet dating" thing a few years ago when it seemed like all my friends were doing it. None of them ever worked out so I went back to meeting girls the old fashioned way...in a bar! At the same time I have made some really great friends online. One girl, who I love dearly, maintained a constant dialogue online with me for 2 1/2 years before she turned up at the bar where I was working part time for training. I was assigned to train her. There was never a romantic interest between us...but we continue to be good friends. She has since moved to Florida.

The internet "chat" environment is kind of like a great big bar for people...a social gathering place you might say. But like any bar, it has more than it's share of jerks. Many of them find it easy to prey on those who are new to the scene. Some almost make a science out of it.

Getting back to your post... It might be different for men than for women, but I've never found it easy to meet someone special when I was "looking for it". The best relationships I've ever had came along by accident.

One last thought...

Once a relationship goes south I think the best thing to do is move on so you're out there to see when a good one comes up. In my experience, once somebody who is supposed to love you shows you that they are an ass...it doesn't get better, but it always gets worse. If someone cheats on me, I turn my back and never look back. There are no second chances with some things, especially that.

I look forward to seeing you in the chat again. Good luck to you. I'm sure better days await you!

[Barton]

I agree that once a relationship goes south it has run its race. Best to put your enegry into yourself. And yes everyone says that when you don't look you will find. When I was single I heard that so much that I was ready to scream, but it turned out to be true.
There are a million idiots out there but there are also some diamonds. Keep faith in yourself and you will find what you are looking for in your life.

Barton

[ValKyrie]

I remember feeling much the same way not so long ago.

Take care of you.

:)

[Garmonbozia]

PB, I can assure you that many of us, who are searching, feel the same way. There just seem to be so many people out there who really have no idea what they are doing when they write that they are "submissive" (obviously this is from a Dom's point of view). Since beginning my search on the net, and it only really began a few months ago, I have met a few girls and all have misrepresented themselves horrendously with their online profiles and chats.

This is not only very frustrating but it also begins to turn you off the idea of ever finding someone who is genuine. I do not buy the idea that you find the one for you when you aren't looking. Most people are looking all the time! There is no way I am going to sit back and cruise along in life and hope the sub I am looking for bumps into me.

I honestly don't know what to do about using the net to search for a submissive. I thought it would be an ideal place to go, after all you would start by already knowing they are interested in bdsm and you would know many of their likes and dislikes, saving you a hell of a lot of time testing the waters and being afraid of sending someone running for the hills at the first mention of some fetish or other. But from my point of view the girls who I have contacted are either:

rude and obviously not submissive - making demand after demand of you before they will deign to reply in a civil manner, if ever.

tourists - being tittilated by being tied up with scarves does not mean you are submissive

complete liars - luckily you can spot these fairly early on but still the winnowing process becomes ever harder simply by their presence

misguided/misreprented - I recently met a girl who stated quite clearly in her profile she was looking for a 24/7 relationship, which is what I am searching for. In subsequent online chats she kept up the masquerade, sounding extremely sweet, obedient and enthusiastic. Yet upon meeting I find she is interested in someone who likes bondage but she doesn't want to be "ordered around". She basically liked bondage but that was it. Even when she was tied up she was still attempting to issue orders. I told her to change her profile to say she liked bondage but was not submissive but it still remains unchanged ready to infuriate further Doms.

These have been my personal experiences and I will persevere for a little while longer but I do fear that the online avenue produces nothing but frustration and anger in those who are indeed looking for a serious relationship.

Jason

[vinsint]

You sound like I did some time ago.

People Lie. People use. People get bored easily.

Not all people. But you can only get lied to, used, and tossed aside so many times till you just had enough, and no longer have the strength to put your chips back out on the table.

I hope you're not at the end of your rope. If you are, then sorry you are, and hold on tight before you do fall too far.

:(

[leo9]

There's some truth in the theory that the best way to find what you need is to stop looking. Try just meeting people - online in communities like this, and if possible, in 3D at munches and clubs.

That way, if you find someone who looks like THE ONE, you'll already have something to talk about and a network of contacts to check each other out.

My best part time slave I met at a local munch. My beloved Domme-who-subs-to-me first contacted me because she was intrigued by a mail I wrote to a forum like this one. Even my late wife, who I did find through an advert, took me seriously because she'd already seen my name on letters to the contact group forum.

Get to know people; get known; then Eros (or whoever is in charge of D/s love) has a better chance of pushing someone your way.

[Pandora's Box]

Thank you everyone for being supportive and caring. I really appreciate this.

This has been one of the biggest mindfucks for me. I've spent more time crying in the past couple months than I did in my teen years it seems. It's just so hard when someone says all the right things but doesn't do the right things.

For a week he was good. He came back. Paid attention to me. We had a couple of very nice evenings together, chatted a bit over the phone here and there. It was good. But it didn't last. It's back to square one.

I sent the goodbye email. Goodness only knows when he'll get it. I would have at least loved to have been able to talk to him. But... if he's never here... how can I??? Ironic thing is that after 3 days, he finally returned my phone call yesterday. A few hours after I sent the email. No sign in his voice or message, just said he was calling me back. Haven't heard anything since.

So whatever I guess.

I don't know what I'll take away from this. I'm... not even sure of all of the things I'm feeling. I've got this feeling in the pit of my heart. And I'm not sure what it is. Perhaps it is just tired.

I don't know.

So... whatever.

I guess...

[GaryWilcox]

Hiya Pandora's Box...

It wasn't too long ago that I was in shoes similar to yours-- from a Top's perspective. I was into someone who really won me over, and looking forward to years of love and play with her. She just turned tail and ran.

Abandonment really screws with my head. I went through various grumpy stages. Then, she came back... and then left again, just as easily, and I just laughed and sang a lot of Rollins Band for a day or two. "Ah-Hah-HAH! Oh, HOH! SUCKER! SUCKER! SUCKER!"

I was messed up for a couple of months, grumpy and lonely, and resisting affection from several new women. And then in a moment of clarity, I opened up to one of them with complete trust, confidence in myself, and... optimism, hope? Something inside me that has been wounded for a long time functioned, and I guess I made an pretty unexpected connection with someone who fulfills me.

The missteps are awful, there's no denying that, but if nothing is risked, nothing is gained. Trust your instincts and be brave about insecurities. Don't settle for what's at hand, but don't dismiss what's at hand without considering it.

My story isn't your story, and you have your own life to live, but I believe that you'll find the situation you're meant for when the time is right.

[TaintedJohn]

I don't know if this topic has a purpose except to let me vent.

It just doesn't ever seem to end. It's like why the fuck even bother if this is all that is out there. In person, on the net. Doesn't much matter. People lie regardless. The only advantage that in person has is that you can kick their ass face to face after they've pissed you off.

Heh, it's amazing... the internet has opened so many doors for me in my life, unfortunately all the scum seems to be oozing in.

Hello

The net allows those with narrow similar interests to easily meet, but lets many deceivers into your life. Every contact has to be held in the light, not so much to find flaws(we all have them), but to find out if someone is genuine. Early when someone is first untruthful to you, showing you they have no honor, thank them and remove them from your life. Don't look back. Later in a relationship someone acting unhonorably means taking a hard look at what YOU are willing to settle for in life.

While it seems that all people lie on the internet, that is not true. There is a small group that ONLY want to show their true self and are striving to find someone that will make them both whole. Many here bask in the glow of solid relationships that also include letting them show their deepest desires to another. It does happen. Don't turn back because the path seems almost unbearably hard today. You have some place that YOU wish to go.

TJ

[AndrewBlack]

You have my sympathy, wading through the shite is no fun and to come close to satisfaction and have it pulled away must be very frustrating for you. I was in a not dissimilar situation this time last year, but had a fucking great time being single for a year ( not interested in another relationship then ), one of the best years I've had ever in fact. I think spending time out of relationships is underated and often very healthy and you never do know when you will meet REAL people who will treat you how you want to be treated. Keep your chin up.

[Barton]

Pandora you know what the real truth is. You will find better.

[SoDom]

I’ve come to the conclusion in My life that the “internet” doesn’t create the problems I’ve faced in finding intimate connections. It enhances that process tremendously. It speeds things up sometimes and slows some down. It also exposes people much more rapidly and the issues truly aren’t “unique” - compared to 3D connections. It’s part of the life we all live in this century. I can go to Europe in a day and send a communication or transfer funds there in an instant. And? I can “fall in love” much faster too. I’m not as “trapped” by space and time as I would be in a different age. That brings its own issues with it. Of course, life-expectancy is longer now too.... :p
But Gaaawd I DON’T CARE! When someone says one thing and then does or says another? When My heart is invested? Damn it all! Experience changes things and teaches well, but there are always more lessons to be learned it seems. I know experience doesn’t make things hurt any less.
As far as what can and can’t be salvaged? That is a personal issue every time based upon the dynamics of those involved. I know if and when I find that bond - I loathe to give it up too easily because we never know what lies ahead do we?
I’m always so damn careful, especially with another’s heart. I’ve stepped away from people I truly liked and cared for because I knew My feelings didn’t match theirs and likely wouldn’t. Try as I might -I find that person though? BOING goes the spring of My heart. One in a million? It could be if I do the math actually.
I can’t say I’ve faced what it is you’re dealing with PB. I’ve caught up on some of the posts, but I know I can relate to the dynamics and ranges of emotions. It sucks. I use exercise - lots of it -to channel as much of My energy as I can while dealing with such things. But it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, it simply takes time to go through and it sucks and it does seem “pointless” to put one’s self out in the faith only to be pushed off. It doesn’t matter “why” - what the reason is because it still hurts like hell. So? Keep posting, at least in doing that you’re being brave enough to allow others to share and it helps Me actualize the fact that I’m not terminally unique. I’m relieved that other people connect on the internet and develop meaningful relationships. And with all kinds of results - just like any other way you meet people.
The gallows of heartache are frightening when they appear, but they don’t have to be fatal to your heart. It sucks, more than sucks, it isn’t fair - because it takes time. Yeah - the one thing you can’t “buy” the one thing truly finite to our human selves.
Time to zip it now - take care and thanks for giving Me a place and impetus to vent.