BDSM "friendly" MDs

[Dslave]

Does anyone know if there is any such thing (I am sure, there probably is) as a "BDSM friendly doctor"? I have wondered about this for a very long time. I would like (someday) to be able to see someone in the medical profession that would not question this lifestyle and I was wondering if anyone knew of any or had experience with one?

[BDSM_Tourguide]

There are. In larger cities, they usually post ads in alternative lifestyle publications in the city. Check your local adult toy stores and such to find out if there are any in your area.

[redEva]

It is good question and the one I have been thinking about for quite a while now :).

I was quite pleasantly surprised by my family doctors reaction when during last check-up she quite gleefully commented on my pussy rings * giggles * . It actually opened door for some other questions I had about piercing and repiercing and irritations and other questions. When I had problem with my nipple piercings, and went to see MD (not this one) she was quite appalled and told me to take it out – hehe, that much for help.

This one just made fun of me, when after that conversation I cringed on the mention that im due for my tetanus shoot :p . But on the bright side she did give me sticker with a tiger on it saying “I was brave for my needle” LOL

I do think that given the fact that tattoos and piercings are becoming more of a mainstream today, and BDSM being latest fad, MDs should at least be more used to the site, so I would hope also that they would be more accepting and open-minded on the subject. That being said – still to come for full physical black and blue – would be pushing it. My only suggestion is … I guess, talking to the doctor – when you have the interview session and just straight forward ask him/her how she feels about the alternative lifestyle, somewhere in the same sentence with how liberal he/she is in prescribing antibiotics and if they have set up replacement service for emergency.

hehe - TG was faster than me, I did not know about that - thank you TG

[Barton]

If you have a regular doctor you might try them out. That is if you have a good doctor patient relationship.

Barton

[Dslave]

Thanks everyone for your input. I figured it might be a good question to ask for everyone because everyone needs a doctor at one point in time in their life and it might help if there was access to BDSM friendly doctors.



There are. In larger cities, they usually post ads in alternative lifestyle publications in the city. Check your local adult toy stores and such to find out if there are any in your area.

Unfortunately, I no longer live near a big city. I live in a very rural and rather conservative area. But, I also was posting for others that might have the same question so it is good that there is an answer when living in big cities.



If you have a regular doctor you might try them out. That is if you have a good doctor patient relationship.

Unfortunately, as I said, I live in a conservative place. Most people here would probably frown on what I do, including my doctor. I went in, one time, because I started lactating, and the doctor made me take a pregnancy test (even though I knew I wasn't pregnant). She simply would not (could not) believe that I could start lactating without being pregnant. But, she tested it and it was and she was sort of in shock. So, I don't know how well the "BDSM talk" would go with her. LOL She is a very good doctor but many doctors (and many people) can't deal with anything out of the realm of their all knowing comfort zone.

[MrJerseyGuy]

My sister is a doctor and also has played on the swinger's scene somewhat. We talk quite openly and from what I gather you would be hard pressed to find an experienced doctor who hasn't "seen it all" They seem to look at things from a very "clinical standpoint". You'd probably be surprised at how well your doctor would take any bdsm question...and hopefully not, but injuries as well.

[redEva]

MrJerseyGuy,

While I do agree with you that most doctors “have seen it all” if nowhere else than at least in the books, it does not mean that they are comfortable dealing with it.

I went in, one time, because I started lactating, and the doctor made me take a pregnancy test (even though I knew I wasn't pregnant). She simply would not (could not) believe that I could start lactating without being pregnant. But, she tested it and it was and she was sort of in shock. So, I don't know how well the "BDSM talk" would go with her. LOL She is a very good doctor but many doctors (and many people) can't deal with anything out of the realm of their all knowing comfort zone.
The fact that that they do know (doubtless) that it is possible to lactate without prior pregnancy, that there are hormonal disorders that will have lactation as side effect – obviously did not help much in dealing with it. Now … I was interested in inducing lactation as a part of play – fetish. How well do you thing that would go?

Just because they are professionals does not mean that they agree, approve or are embracing alternative life styles. There is still way to many medical professionals that believe all masochists and Sadists need psychological treatment (help).

So, in short, I understand where Dslave is coming from, it is great that your sister is open minded – but please do not assume all doctors are.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I swear by Apollo the physician, by Æsculapius, Hygeia, and Panacea, and I take to witness all the gods, all the goddesses, to keep according to my ability and my judgement, the following Oath.


"To consider dear to me as my parents him who taught me this art; to live in common with him and if necessary to share my goods with him; to look upon his children as my own brothers, to teach them this art if they so desire without fee or written promise; to impart to my sons and the sons of the master who taught me and the disciples who have enrolled themselves and have agreed to the rules of the profession, but to these alone the precepts and the instruction. I will prescribe regimen for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgement and never do harm to anyone. To please no one will I prescribe a deadly drug nor give advice which may cause his death. Nor will I give a woman a pessary to procure abortion. But I will preserve the purity of my life and my art. I will not cut for stone, even for patients in whom the disease is manifest; I will leave this operation to be performed by practitioners, specialists in this art. In every house where I come I will enter only for the good of my patients, keeping myself far from all intentional ill-doing and all seduction and especially from the pleasures of love with women or with men, be they free or slaves. All that may come to my knowledge in the exercise of my profession or in daily commerce with men, which ought not to be spread abroad, I will keep secret and will never reveal. If I keep this oath faithfully, may I enjoy my life and practice my art, respected by all men and in all times; but if I swerve from it or violate it, may the reverse be my lot."


This oath is still taken by all physicians today. The first bold text section means that they will treat any condition they can to the best of their ability and the best of their judgement. The second section says that the physician will keep secret anything that you bring with you into his office.

So, a physician might recommend someone get psychological help, but he cannot refue to treat a patient because of whatever lifestyle that patient leads.

[Dslave]

This oath is still taken by all physicians today. The first bold text section means that they will treat any condition they can to the best of their ability and the best of their judgement. The second section says that the physician will keep secret anything that you bring with you into his office.

So, a physician might recommend someone get psychological help, but he cannot refue to treat a patient because of whatever lifestyle that patient leads.

Unfortunately, in some states (in the U.S.), a doctor can (and must) under law report what they would consider evidence of abuse. Not all places are like that but some very much are. Just as in some places if the police get called for a domestic disturbance and they see bruises or anything they could consider abuse they not only have a right but an "obligation under law" to arrest the suspect for domestic abuse even if the "victim" refuses to press charges the state can press charges. Like I said, it isn't like that everywhere but it is like that in many places, despite oaths.

[Barton]

That is true here in Florida. If the police see a bruise it could send you to jail. However I agree with TG, that if the doctor knows what is going on, they might be able to help.

Barton

[redEva]

TG, thank you for supplying us with the translation of the original Hippocratic Oath, food for thought. Interesting thing is, I find, that most(but not all) medical students at their graduation, today, swear some version of this oath, most (apparently) to the new and improved version:


I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures which are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

Alas, as the times change, so did the oath. And, not that I’m saying that doctor will not treat you – far from it, but simply that you might not get the understanding and/or approval you would hope for if you come for ointment to treat bull-whip cuts. Simply, from the concern for your own well-being, doctor might lend you and your partner in trouble. Out of genuine concern or simple malice – we are human beings after all. And each of us knows the best!

NOVA Online (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/doctors/oath_modern.html)

[slavelucy]

But on the bright side she did give me sticker with a tiger on it saying “I was brave for my needle” LOL

ROFL!! Awww, *i* got no such sticker at *my* last jab..*pouts*

i think you make a good point tho red. i agree that as society becomes increasingly permissive, it seems silly that a doctor would be weird about piercings, tatoo's etc, wherever they my be (the piercings and tats, not the doctor!)...and equally i think this should extend to different lifestyle choices, particularly as it becomes increasingly apparent that pleasure/pain is not something completely odd, as a concept and hence i think people should be able to go and ask advice on a particular issue providing they were going to explain it was consensual etc (plus, how many people who were actually being abused would actually go to the doctor for advice on treating an injury...sadly, not many). i agree though that it still wouldn't be a wholly good idea, or all that appropriate, to turn up for a physical exam or something covered in bruises/whip marks/burns/rope marks/whatever (delete as appropriate).

This is an interesting point though, and something i pondered over recently when i had to go to docs for something...and before that when someone mentioned in a post (might have been katmandu, not sure) that they didn't go to heavy on something in a scene, because they were due for an exam at the docs the next day.

sl

[Barton]

Yes, that was Kats. She had a week of exams and we did not her to be bruised. One of the doctors we know, and it would not have been a problem, but the rest were all new. As I said above, in this state they arrest first and ask questions later.

Barton

[slavelucy]

Yes, that was Kats. She had a week of exams and we did not her to be bruised. One of the doctors we know, and it would not have been a problem, but the rest were all new. As I said above, in this state they arrest first and ask questions later.



Oh yeah, i know..i was only using what Kats said as the post that initially made me consider the issue.

sl

[Dslave]

This is an interesting point though, and something i pondered over recently when i had to go to docs for something...and before that when someone mentioned in a post (might have been katmandu, not sure) that they didn't go to heavy on something in a scene, because they were due for an exam at the docs the next day.

I do essentially the same thing. Though, I have been somewhat extreme in my life and it has left permanent scars and I have slipped my way through with a list of preset explanations (preplanned lies) as to not arouse too much suspicion. As for current or fresh markings, Master is just really careful right before I have to go in to see the doctor. But, I do occasionally panic that I may have to go to the emergency room (not bdsm related but say the day after a rough scene) or to see the doctor the next day unexpectedly and it would make it easier if I had a doctor that I knew "understood" about the nature of these things. Now, if I know I am going to have an appointment, I make sure I have all my "excuses" in order and my Master does his best not to add any extra suspicious marks. Myself, I would love to have some extreme body modification (not talking piercings or tats here) but I am too scared to do it not because of the extremeness but, at this point, for fear that it would bring up more questions. I just do what I can to keep from arousing suspicion but it sure would be easier if I had someone as a doctor that understood.

[BadDog]

As a lawyer, the first, and foremost, thing that comes to mind is the need for awareness with respect to local laws in this area. In many parts of the USA, the law denominates certain catergories of persons as "mandated reporters."
The idea is that for certain types of injuries certain categories of person are required by law to report to the authorities, with stiff penalties for failure to comply. For professions with state-issued licenses, this is particularly coercive; doctors, of course, are one such category of person.

This is problem enough, but the potential exists for even greater trouble. Privilege. Layman often talk about legal privileges (eg spousal privilege not to testify) as if they actually knew what they were talking about. Privileges such as that, or the doctor/patient privilege, are not absolute and protect confidential communications; they do not protect observations made with the physical senses, though for a doctor that may be a closer call. Reliance on this to protect oneself is misplaced and foolhardy.

Doctors are required by law, for example, to report gun shot wounds to the police. These are very obvious, with little wriggle room. BDSM-related injuries can be less clear-cut, more open to interpretation, even for a mandated reporters. For this reason it is critical to have a doctor available who is familiar with these injuries, knows treatment modalities for them, and whose discretion can be trusted absolutely.

The best preventative measure may be to take a page from the gay men's playbook from less enlightened times. They often had two doctors: one to treat the everday things to which we are all susceptible; the other to treat certain things where discretion is required. Gay men of a certain persuasion often had BDSM-type injuries. The trick, of course, is to find the right doctor.

The important thing is to find such a person in advance of need. The suggestions in other posts are excellent, to which I would add gay/lesbian groups, who are well organized in this area and who often have legal counsel available when needed.

Reliance on "the times they are a-changin" is also misplaced. These sorts of things ebb and flow over time. Public mores change, with new laws being passed that reflect and implement these changes. Having a doctor at the ready with whom one has established a relationship over time is the best protection.

Care must be exercised in choosing a doctor, particularly in rural areas, where the doctors tend to reflect the conservative attitudes of the other residents.
Bottom line: find a trusted doctor now, before need arises.

[Dslave]

BadDog, I am SO GLAD you posted. So many people just don't realize that doctor/patient privacy is more a privilidge than a right. And, that the law varies from place to place. You CAN find yourself in serious trouble if you aren't careful. I am grateful for all of the ideas thus far. But, I am especially grateful that you posted (as a lawyer) because you touched on some very good and very important points.

[Pickety Witch]

I am a doctors receptionist and in the course of my work I have access to patient notes.

It is part of my job to read notes, add stuff to them and I see what the doctors write...and we have had cases of abuse due to bdsm.

Our doctors have always treated this as a matter of course. The gossip in the office has never been disrespectful...just puzzlement most of the time! (and boy do I need to bite my tongue!)

I have never seen a derogatory statement in a patients notes re this type of injury.

Maybe we are lucky in our surgery in having tolerant docs...I am not so sure that my own doc would be so tolerant.

[AndrewBlack]

The majority of things you discuss with your doctor are surely irrelevant to your lifestyle, sore throats, pains here and there...etc.. Doctors, like everyone else, show great variation. Unfortunately the culture within medicine is generally one of conservativism, you would be much less likely to out yourself or discuss issues with your colleagues than other professions.

Although if you look at the 'stats' doctors are just as likely as anyone else to stray into the more perverted areas in their spare time so you may find one who is sympathetic without being able to be openly so. On the good side, any doctor worth their salt will have seen so much shit happen to the human body that a few piercings here and there should illicit little more than curiosity.

Bruising is a little more difficult, there are issues of consent, mental state and cohersion to consider, although as long as you are sane and not a minor this should be a matter of discretion and is usually straight forward.

Serious injury caused during a consenting activity would be a problem, there is legal precedent in the UK of such people being prosecuted, as a doctor you would have a duty to involve social services and/or the police.

If your doctor is really anal about your lifestyle, change doctor, go for the more airy-fairy liberal type than the older conservative.

For interest, the hypocratic oath has not been used universally for some time.

[woodsman'sgame]

The whole doctor-patient thing reminds me of a couple of incidents.
I had an operation scheduled and I would be out of commissin for a while so Woodsman and I decided to have one last good session. He got a little carried away and I ended up with a big bruise on my breast. (I had never had a bruise there before. Ironic isn't it.) The doctors and nurses never said a word about it, though I know they saw it since I was naked on the operating table.

A few months later I was due for a check up and we were in a session. I was being punished for something (I can't remember what, but it was probably something I forgot to do, since that's where 90% of my punishments come from.) It was getting intense and between my screams I reminded woodsman to be careful because of the doctor's visit. His response was, "He won't be surprised." Which started me giggling, and he started laughing too. Kinda ruined the mood at the moment.
He had to step out for a while while we both regained our composure so we could continue.

[jaeangel]

I read through this thread yesterday, was thinking about what might happen if something DID happen and i had to go to a doctor because of something i did... and lo and behold, last night I was masturbating anally with a soapy dildo and it vanished inside! I sat there for hours trying to push it out, and finally gave up and called my hubby at work. He came home, horrified, and we called the parameds and they took me to the hospital. Most of the girls were sympathetic, although one girl gasped 'holy s***' when she saw the toy on the X-ray. The doctor, actually, was quite sympathetic, which surprised me. He said it had been a while since he saw a case like mine come through, and even then it was usually guys (the last case involved a gerbil!). They sent me to OR, and they managed to get my toy out the same way it went in; thankfully, I didn't need to have my colon opened! I got his name before i left, because I am going to start going to him when I need a physician's advice/intervention! I guess I was lucky; I wonder what might have happened if i had gotten as a doctor someone who did nothing but stare and make faces and be intolerant of my choice of lifestyle! The nurse in the OR was bad enough; I told him I had a 'foreign object lodged in my colon' and he started laughing at me. He got himself under control long enough to say, 'was it deliberate, or did it just get stuck?' It was an extraordinarily insensitive thing to say to someone who was in a lot of pain from an 11 inch long 2 inch wide rubber dildo (no balls attached, or it wouldn't have gone up there to begin with!) poking her navel outwards. i mean, I'm into pain and humiliation, but that wasn't what I had in mind!

[redEva]

ROFL - i know it was not funny while it was happening, but gods! it is now.
and that much for the "professionalism and sensibility". glad you good though! and again i have to say - prevention better than ... - they do say everywhere never to put up there something that does not have stoper or string attached lol - i guess you learned hard way!
…
oh just for curiosity sake – did they give you your toy back?

[jaeangel]

It didn't seem funny at the time...but i woke up giggling this morning about it! An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Yeah, I guess i know that now!!! Duh! Should have been obvious even to a stupid girl like me, the toy I was playing with wasn't meant for the back door, or it WOULD have had a stopper attached!
And no, they didn't give 'Big Bruce' back. They got it out and went to tell hubby it was out (i was under anesthesia for the proceedure) and he told them to get rid of it, he didn't want to see it again. He never approved of me buying it in the first place, he said if i want a cock, he has one ready for use every day! I tried to tell him that he's at his most awake and horny at 11 in the morning, my horny button doesn't go off till two or 3 in the afternoon, and while I'm happy giving him a blowjob and riding him, since he doesn't like anal, oral (him-to-me)or anything 'kinky'. He's strictly vanilla. and besides, after his one shot, he's done, and I'm multi-orgasmic.
I am still sore, particularly around the back door, and extremely embarassed, but hey, at least I'm okay, right?

[MrJerseyGuy]

I read through this thread yesterday, was thinking about what might happen if something DID happen and i had to go to a doctor because of something i did... and lo and behold, last night I was masturbating anally with a soapy dildo and it vanished inside! I sat there for hours trying to push it out, and finally gave up and called my hubby at work. He came home, horrified, and we called the parameds and they took me to the hospital. Most of the girls were sympathetic, although one girl gasped 'holy s***' when she saw the toy on the X-ray. The doctor, actually, was quite sympathetic, which surprised me. He said it had been a while since he saw a case like mine come through, and even then it was usually guys (the last case involved a gerbil!). They sent me to OR, and they managed to get my toy out the same way it went in; thankfully, I didn't need to have my colon opened! I got his name before i left, because I am going to start going to him when I need a physician's advice/intervention! I guess I was lucky; I wonder what might have happened if i had gotten as a doctor someone who did nothing but stare and make faces and be intolerant of my choice of lifestyle! The nurse in the OR was bad enough; I told him I had a 'foreign object lodged in my colon' and he started laughing at me. He got himself under control long enough to say, 'was it deliberate, or did it just get stuck?' It was an extraordinarily insensitive thing to say to someone who was in a lot of pain from an 11 inch long 2 inch wide rubber dildo (no balls attached, or it wouldn't have gone up there to begin with!) poking her navel outwards. i mean, I'm into pain and humiliation, but that wasn't what I had in mind!

Not to poke fun (no pun intended) at your dilemma... but I was reading that and thinking "Good thing she didn't put it in sideways!"

[Dslave]

It was an extraordinarily insensitive thing to say to someone who was in a lot of pain from an 11 inch long 2 inch wide rubber dildo (no balls attached, or it wouldn't have gone up there to begin with!) poking her navel outwards. i mean, I'm into pain and humiliation, but that wasn't what I had in mind!

Accidents DO happen, that is definately proof why we need serious open minded medical professionals. Because, when they do, it can be embarrassing and it would help to find an understanding medical professional to help rather than someone that is A) laughing at you or B) giving you a moral lecture about what you were doing. Though, a sense of humor and some good advice on an entirely different level in an entirely different way may have helped. But, no, you DON'T need to be laughed at or lectured (especially at the time of the problem when you already feel bad enough about things). It still amazes me that isn't part of the training when dealing with patients (of all kinds). A little tolerance and courtesy for a person that just screwed up CAN go a long way and it would be nice to be able to know which persons you can rely on for such things and which persons you can't.

[Barton]

Absolutely, a doctor who is able to be a professional is worth keeping. You are right, someone who is not able to be professional when dealing with an "injured" person is not someone who should be dealing with anybody.

Barton

[jaeangel]

I'm glad I didn't put it in sideways too! The reactions were bad enough. I had to tell the 911 operator 3 times what was wrong before she finally got it, and she started laughing as she called the ambulance! And if it had gone in sideways, I'd probably still be in a lot of pain (my ass hole hurts a bit right now from the stretching/dilating, but otherwise I'm okay.) Thank Goddess!

[wannabeXopsed]

Well speaking from current experience, I must say having a doctor that understand would have been helpful for me. I was experimenting on myself with the canned air, now I knew the can got very cold when in use. Then I tried turning the can upside down. I loved the feel of it, so ventured to try more sensitive parts, working my way down to my mound, it felt very delicious, and I wanted more. But not paying as close attention to were I was aiming I kept hitting the same spot three times. The next day I woke up with a blister that hurt awful, but not only was it a large blister, but it was a second degree burn. It was about the size jam lid 3'' . Now had I had a doctor in advance who understood my new lifestyle I could have called to see what could be done. Although there isn't a lot you can do about burns. So for the last two weeks I have suffered immensely. It is finally down to the size of a nickel, but now that it has been brought to my attention, I will be considering how I can communicate better with my doctor or at the very least looking for one that would not be judgmental about injuries. As Baddog pointed out find one now before the need arises.

[Dslave]

Well speaking from current experience, I must say having a doctor that understand would have been helpful for me. I was experimenting on myself with the canned air, now I knew the can got very cold when in use. Then I tried turning the can upside down. I loved the feel of it, so ventured to try more sensitive parts, working my way down to my mound, it felt very delicious, and I wanted more. But not paying as close attention to were I was aiming I kept hitting the same spot three times. The next day I woke up with a blister that hurt awful, but not only was it a large blister, but it was a second degree burn. It was about the size jam lid 3'' . Now had I had a doctor in advance who understood my new lifestyle I could have called to see what could be done. Although there isn't a lot you can do about burns. So for the last two weeks I have suffered immensely. It is finally down to the size of a nickel, but now that it has been brought to my attention, I will be considering how I can communicate better with my doctor or at the very least looking for one that would not be judgmental about injuries. As Baddog pointed out find one now before the need arises.

It would also be nice to have a handbook of aftercare and of firstaid on hand for prevention and making sure that minor situations don't become major ones, in addition to knowing a good BDSM friendly doctor. Does anyone have one that they could suggest?

[Barton]

I would think that a standard first aid book would cover many of the things that can go wrong.

Barton

[Dslave]

I would think that a standard first aid book would cover many of the things that can go wrong.

This is true, to a degree. Unfortunately, I have to say, a standard first aid book would only cover emergency type situations and if you are also looking to avoid emergency situations an "aftercare" book would come in handy. Especially since first aid doesn't cover prevention nor does it usually cover specific things. For instance, one girl here recently posted about her nipples peeling after being used. She wasn't sure if that was normal and some girls wouldn't know that it is and wouldn't know what to do about it. But, say, if someone put together an "aftercare" book or guide (I am sure something out there MUST exist and if it doesn't it should) things like that could be explained and taken care of without much worry. I am talking about things like that, too. Prevention as well as aid is a good thing, I think.