bip0lar
09-26-2008, 03:58 AM
There I am, having lectures about active listening, and right listening, and how to listen to the other person talking to you and i got so tired of listening to the lecturer telling me how to listen that i just shut her out and started thinking. *smiles*
I came to realise, quite accidentally really, tiny things about me that hadn't registered before, but once they did it felt like the couple missing puzzle pieces were found. Firstly, being pet [as in the verb 'to pet', to have somebody pet your head and scratch lightly and so on and so forth] is much more enjoyable for me when done absent mindedly. Not having to ask for something and still get it is amazing BUT, here's where my slight realisation comes in: you're not necessarily happy you got the petting without asking for it, you're happy because the other person wasn't exactly thinking of you at that moment, they were doing something else; they scratched your head because THEY felt like it, it's a movement or feeling they enjoy--so you get your pleasure because you made them happy by being there.
does that make sense?
Secondly: body language. This i realised in a hug, not with a Dominant, just a good friend who was giving me a hug. For some reason, i didn't even pay attention, i pissed him off--but i still got my hug as usual *grins*. The thing is, when i'm laying on somebody's chest i normally have one arm over his chest. For whatever reason, though, my submissive side started thinking about him being pissed off at me--only slightly-- and my hands were not touching him at all, my head was on his chest and his hand was on my head, pressing it down on him, the weight made me feel safe, but if it had been a sexual or a D/s relationship it would have very much been a feeling of 'belonging to', instead of 'belonging with'.
Have you had any sudden thoughts about your submission? At random? Just sitting there and BOOM it hit you? I'm not talking about fantasies, a smell or a movement or something that sparked up that part of you to start thinking? Maybe it's my brain's fault, *chuckles*, i picture things way too easily...
I came to realise, quite accidentally really, tiny things about me that hadn't registered before, but once they did it felt like the couple missing puzzle pieces were found. Firstly, being pet [as in the verb 'to pet', to have somebody pet your head and scratch lightly and so on and so forth] is much more enjoyable for me when done absent mindedly. Not having to ask for something and still get it is amazing BUT, here's where my slight realisation comes in: you're not necessarily happy you got the petting without asking for it, you're happy because the other person wasn't exactly thinking of you at that moment, they were doing something else; they scratched your head because THEY felt like it, it's a movement or feeling they enjoy--so you get your pleasure because you made them happy by being there.
does that make sense?
Secondly: body language. This i realised in a hug, not with a Dominant, just a good friend who was giving me a hug. For some reason, i didn't even pay attention, i pissed him off--but i still got my hug as usual *grins*. The thing is, when i'm laying on somebody's chest i normally have one arm over his chest. For whatever reason, though, my submissive side started thinking about him being pissed off at me--only slightly-- and my hands were not touching him at all, my head was on his chest and his hand was on my head, pressing it down on him, the weight made me feel safe, but if it had been a sexual or a D/s relationship it would have very much been a feeling of 'belonging to', instead of 'belonging with'.
Have you had any sudden thoughts about your submission? At random? Just sitting there and BOOM it hit you? I'm not talking about fantasies, a smell or a movement or something that sparked up that part of you to start thinking? Maybe it's my brain's fault, *chuckles*, i picture things way too easily...