View Full Version : Submissive attraction
damyanti
09-29-2008, 11:04 PM
What attracts you to submissive women? What made it click for you with your partner? What do you look for in a submissive?
There are certain phrases like good girl, that tone, a quirked eyebrow... that pretty much push a hot button with all submissives, but what are such triggers from your end?
(There has been some heated discussion between submissives, but) how do you (doms) define a doormat, who/how do you label it?
Ozme52
09-29-2008, 11:34 PM
It is the act of submission that attracts me... the desire to please me... the look of adoration that is so clear to me when I see it.
Terms like 'good girl' and such do nothing for me per se... Her reaction to the phrase, the tone... is a reinforcement of the original attractants. Because I tell her 'good girl' when she so obviously did something out of the desire to please me. And I therefore again get the feedback that drives the dom in me.
Doormat? Well that's a girl who doesn't realize her worth... and as far as I'm concerned, if the girl is a doormat, her dom hasn't done a good enough job showing her her intrinsic value... hasn't helped give her or restore her self esteem.
Ozme52
09-29-2008, 11:36 PM
Alternate Definition: Doormat: A service sub whose "welcome mat" is always open. :rolleyes:
Logic1
09-30-2008, 03:39 AM
Oz, you HAVE to be my twin on the other side of the Atlantic cause I would say the exact same thing..
damyanti
09-30-2008, 06:33 AM
Alternate Definition: Doormat: A service sub whose "welcome mat" is always open. :rolleyes:
Have you ever thought about a career in comedy, ;); Ray Romano has parenthood, Bill Maher has politics,...and your shtick could be bdsm. :)
why has no-one replied cos they love someone they can drag around the dungeon, humiliate and spend hours torturing yet ;) isnt that part of the turn on too? cos a lot of subs are going to be very disappointed if nobodys attracted to that anymore! or isnt it politically correct to say so these days lol
damyanti
09-30-2008, 09:20 AM
Oz, you HAVE to be my twin on the other side of the Atlantic cause I would say the exact same thing..
See...I thought about it, and this ain't gonna fly. Haven't they taught you at school no peeking and no cheating,...you have to come up with your own answer. ;)
lol, :)
CookieMan
09-30-2008, 09:34 AM
what made it click for me....
Please allow me a brief moment to give you an introduction to the situation. Trust me, my post will make more sense this way. :) My doll and I have been friends for about 6 years now and only recently(within the past year) came to be together. The dynamic between us hasn't changed much really, since the switch to being more than just friends. Whenever she had problems or needed advice, she would call me(always puzzled me as I think I'm just about on mental par with a box of wet rocks) to help her figure it out or just come over. That said...onto the answer to your question.
What made it really hit home for me is the way her body would visibly relax, the tone of her voice would become almost dreamy, the way her eyes would dilate when I gave her my 'suggestions'. Apparently, they weren't so much suggestions as flat out telling her what to do. Funny how I never saw it that way, eh? She tells me constantly that I do it to everyone I know. That was my first draw to become her Dominant(other than that she's smokin hot). Now I draw my pleasure out of other things in addition to the way she reacts to the tone of my voice, my inflection, and 'suggestions'. Her extreme desire to please me is one of the things that drives me wild...and makes me feel bad at the same time. Talk about mixed messages! There are times I feel guilty for having her do things for me, things she enjoys as they please me. But...that's another story for another time(the reasons are fairly obvious to anyone who's been through life). On a visceral level, I derive pleasure from her pain - edge play, bondage, wax play, spankings and the like. There are a thousand small things she does for me that draw my attention to her every day from sitting at my feet to wearing something that I picked out or she knows I like to see her in. I could ramble on and on and on...but I'll stop now and save you all from having to read the aimless wanderings of my mind.
Zac.
Edit: I forgot the simply stunning visual attraction of having her bound and waiting for my deviant attentions. There's just something about a beautiful sub being tied up like a twisted BDSM Birthday present...
This may sound a bit odd but, what attracts me to submissive women is their strength. I’m interested in strong women who choose to submit to me, who will set aside that persona to please me. That is exactly what made it click with my partner. The arousal and satisfaction of play that comes from that is the result of the primary attraction.
I don’t think I would be attracted to a “doormat” as they tend to be weak and looking for someone to “make them happy”. I’m a good Dom but I can’t pull that one off.
Ragoczy
09-30-2008, 02:59 PM
I like spirit and a sense that her submission is given only to me -- not just that she's submitting because she's with me, but that something unique to me brings out her submission where not just anyone could.
Ozme52
09-30-2008, 10:58 PM
Oz, you HAVE to be my twin on the other side of the Atlantic cause I would say the exact same thing..
Brudder!!!!! :wave:
Ozme52
09-30-2008, 11:02 PM
why has no-one replied cos they love someone they can drag around the dungeon, humiliate and spend hours torturing yet ;) isnt that part of the turn on too? cos a lot of subs are going to be very disappointed if nobodys attracted to that anymore! or isnt it politically correct to say so these days lol
Because that's not what attracts me icey.
The dungeon stuff... that's what we do for fun... :icon176: and make no mistake, it's a strong motivator for choosing a submissive over a vanilla... :icon176::icon176: but it's not the primary attractant.
Ragoczy
10-01-2008, 12:56 PM
why has no-one replied cos they love someone they can drag around the dungeon, humiliate and spend hours torturing yet ;) isnt that part of the turn on too? cos a lot of subs are going to be very disappointed if nobodys attracted to that anymore! or isnt it politically correct to say so these days lol
Well, I assumed the context of the question had to do with a long-term thing, but for more casual play, I go for an ass that would look good in stripes.
~faerie~
10-01-2008, 06:32 PM
So generally, you all look for a strong women with a sweet disposition, that responds well to all of the subtle signals you give. Who spiritually moves you to want to earn her submission, to posess her in every way you can. And hotness is a small factor?
Did i get it all? :)
Thrasher
10-19-2008, 01:28 PM
This may sound a bit odd but, what attracts me to submissive women is their strength. I’m interested in strong women who choose to submit to me, who will set aside that persona to please me. That is exactly what made it click with my partner. The arousal and satisfaction of play that comes from that is the result of the primary attraction.
I don’t think I would be attracted to a “doormat” as they tend to be weak and looking for someone to “make them happy”. I’m a good Dom but I can’t pull that one off.
Yeah. I "feel" you. exactly.
The one other thing that goes along with this, though it's rather cliched, is that hidden submissive thing. The professional by day who needs to submit at night. That is attractive. A woman who can't be taken for granted by anyone but me.
voxelectronica
10-19-2008, 07:04 PM
I agree with everything that everyone has said.
As far as what made it click for me? It was a look.
I had told myself for years that i couldn't be with submissives, that they were friends and i can't Dom, it just isn't in me etc... So i played around online with a friend of mine who was genderqueer nothing serious. Then one day i get a picture of him. He's fully clothed his friend took it as just another picture but that crafty whore was on his knees, face up but eyes lowered. The subject was "Pics of your lil girl".
That's when it became serious business. The trickery of being in relative public and being able to speak to me with a look was just... I immediately got over ever hesitation i ever had.
Diablo
10-19-2008, 09:54 PM
I would have to say the main thing is their strength, lying just beneath the surface ready to be molded. As when you forge iron into tempered steel.
As to kitten and myself I could go on for hours...;)
artifex
10-22-2008, 11:09 AM
I don’t think I would be attracted to a “doormat” as they tend to be weak and looking for someone to “make them happy”.
The same could be true for "vanilla" attraction as well. To me, someone looking to have others make them happy seem pathetic and not at all attractive.
Thrasher
10-22-2008, 05:43 PM
So generally, you all look for a strong women with a sweet disposition, that responds well to all of the subtle signals you give. Who spiritually moves you to want to earn her submission, to posess her in every way you can. And hotness is a small factor?
Did i get it all? :)
I think J said something when he referenced "strength". I think it takes guts to risk opening up, and someone strong enough to admit what they want is more to the point than "sweet disposition". Well, that and...don't forget the "ass that would look good in stripes."
aussiesubgirl
11-26-2008, 06:49 PM
I would have to say the main thing is their strength, lying just beneath the surface ready to be molded. As when you forge iron into tempered steel.
As to kitten and myself I could go on for hours...;)
I for one would be glad to hear you go on for hours about kitten and yourself! I love to know how it happened for others and what makes the unique relationships that BDSM creates 'tick'
xx
SubmissiveDoll
11-27-2008, 10:24 AM
I for one would be glad to hear you go on for hours about kitten and yourself! I love to know how it happened for others and what makes the unique relationships that BDSM creates 'tick'
xx
I agree, as a sub I love hearing Doms talk about their subs. It is usually so passionate and full of adoration. Its wonderful to hear, and always makes me smile.
Lisais mine
11-29-2008, 08:15 AM
What attracts me to submissive women? their demeanor. all of the ones i have met have had a strong outside, but that is easily overcome with just a look from me, or maybe a word. then there is the first test (for me, anyway) that's a gentle tug on the hair, at the base of the neck- a big handful, actually. if their eyebrows tense up and they smile, i know i have a winner :)
as far as other triggers, I love to have someone who wants to do things for me. My girl takes pains to find out what i like- little things like the cream and sugar in my coffee, and fixing it without asking- really anticipating my needs. an upturned face, but not lowered eyes- I like to see her soul as much as i can- she calls me "Mia'cova" which means "my owner" from the robert jordan books- so it's like a code... there are so many things, but i feel i am getting off topic.
Triggers- there is the pain thing. I love a girl that gets hot from a swat on the ass or a tug of the hair (crazy, huh?) I also get off on a submissive posture, and i don't mean a pose. a girl who will do whatever you say if you use "the voice"- that's HAWT. I like a bit of a brat, too- i find a bit of a slutty attitude to be a challenge....
as for the doormat thing, let me tell you about 3 girls. the first was awesome. she was ready for everything, willing to do anything, good in bed....but she freaked me out one day, by doing my dishes. it really bothered me, and that is when I figured out a limit of mine. I want an equal, not a slave. a sexual sub, not a total slave.
the next girl, she's really wierd. totally sexually submissive. she was boring. like a doll, not moving or acting without direction. she's what i would call a door mat, because i'm not sure she was really interested in me or if she was just doing what i told her to!
now my girl, she's a great blend. if someone else walked up to her and said "do x" she would say fuck you! she knows when to misbehave to have fun, and when to be loyal. with the right word, she is on her knees, hands behind her, and ready for my command, yet she is also strong - and gives me direction when i need it- i am a terrible driver.....
denuseri
11-29-2008, 10:29 AM
A wise slave won't be a "doormat."
She is capable of being proud and spirited as well as obedient when the situation calls for it.
Captivating, challenging, pleasing and aluring to her Owner in every way.
A wise slave acts under her own initiative as much if not more so than her Owner's.
SubmissiveDoll
11-29-2008, 11:32 AM
This is so sweet! I don't think I'll ever get over hearing a Dom talk about his sub. I love hearing how happy they are. Dunno, I'm a weird person I suppose.
I'm working on the Jordan books right now, so that really stuck out for me.
What attracts me to submissive women? their demeanor. all of the ones i have met have had a strong outside, but that is easily overcome with just a look from me, or maybe a word. then there is the first test (for me, anyway) that's a gentle tug on the hair, at the base of the neck- a big handful, actually. if their eyebrows tense up and they smile, i know i have a winner :)
as far as other triggers, I love to have someone who wants to do things for me. My girl takes pains to find out what i like- little things like the cream and sugar in my coffee, and fixing it without asking- really anticipating my needs. an upturned face, but not lowered eyes- I like to see her soul as much as i can- she calls me "Mia'cova" which means "my owner" from the robert jordan books- so it's like a code... there are so many things, but i feel i am getting off topic.
Triggers- there is the pain thing. I love a girl that gets hot from a swat on the ass or a tug of the hair (crazy, huh?) I also get off on a submissive posture, and i don't mean a pose. a girl who will do whatever you say if you use "the voice"- that's HAWT. I like a bit of a brat, too- i find a bit of a slutty attitude to be a challenge....
as for the doormat thing, let me tell you about 3 girls. the first was awesome. she was ready for everything, willing to do anything, good in bed....but she freaked me out one day, by doing my dishes. it really bothered me, and that is when I figured out a limit of mine. I want an equal, not a slave. a sexual sub, not a total slave.
the next girl, she's really wierd. totally sexually submissive. she was boring. like a doll, not moving or acting without direction. she's what i would call a door mat, because i'm not sure she was really interested in me or if she was just doing what i told her to!
now my girl, she's a great blend. if someone else walked up to her and said "do x" she would say fuck you! she knows when to misbehave to have fun, and when to be loyal. with the right word, she is on her knees, hands behind her, and ready for my command, yet she is also strong - and gives me direction when i need it- i am a terrible driver.....
thewhiterabbit
11-29-2008, 07:33 PM
This may sound a bit odd but, what attracts me to submissive women is their strength. I’m interested in strong women who choose to submit to me, who will set aside that persona to please me. That is exactly what made it click with my partner. The arousal and satisfaction of play that comes from that is the result of the primary attraction.
I don’t think I would be attracted to a “doormat” as they tend to be weak and looking for someone to “make them happy”. I’m a good Dom but I can’t pull that one off.
Your answer pretty much hit the nail on the head for me. I would want a man who's strong enough in his day to day life that when I ask what movie he wants to see, he'd give me a straight answer- someone with opinions of their own, who can & will stand up for themselves when the need arises. However, when I want him down, I want him down. A bit of acting out is understandable, it happens, but I won't fight him tooth and nail for it. I have neither the time nor the inclination.
BelovedSir
12-05-2008, 12:02 AM
My wife is my sub. I married her- love her- for her strength, her resolve, her character of being..... It is a Gift to be married to her. It is an Honor that she would surrender that strength, that fierceness of Will, to me- to be owned by me. It speaks volumes about the trust we share and is a testament to her faith in my strength to care for her. It is my belief that it is the intimacy that is created by this extreme giving of trust that is the fertile soil that our desire for one another grows from. She gives me the gift of her vulnerability and I give her the gift of being able to be safely vulnerable. These gifts create an amazing synergy that lays the foundation for incredibly intimate, if rough, sexual encounters.
Lisais mine
12-05-2008, 06:40 AM
So generally, you all look for a strong women with a sweet disposition, that responds well to all of the subtle signals you give. Who spiritually moves you to want to earn her submission, to posess her in every way you can. And hotness is a small factor?
Did i get it all? :)
I think you missed a big part of it for me- a soul connection- the feeling that it was meant ot be in this life and any other. I love my girl. I really do. A forever
kind of love. the soul-consuming, earth shaking, damn it all and forget the consequences, eternal, epic love.
~faerie~
12-05-2008, 12:18 PM
I think you missed a big part of it for me- a soul connection- the feeling that it was meant ot be in this life and any other. I love my girl. I really do. A forever
kind of love. the soul-consuming, earth shaking, damn it all and forget the consequences, eternal, epic love.
you are quite right. i did forget that part. and shame on me because i am so in love with my Master that words fail me. we are soul mates :)
thedominthehat
12-07-2008, 11:22 PM
I think I find two types of women most attractive.
The openly submissive types that are really sweet and loyal and love attention. The downside is they go about a week between relationships (mostly bad ones) so the opportunities tend to be few and far between.
The confident playfully aggressive types that like submission and pain because its fun for them. One of these days I am going to find out where they all hang out.
I like people I can hold a conversation with and share laughs with so that applies to subs as well.