On My Knees

[.x.Cole.x.]

When she smiles that sweet smile
Laughs that cute laugh
Says ‘stop that’s not funny’ while giggling
I fall in love with her all over again
When she tells me she loves me
Wants to be with me

My heart skips beats
Till that one night
We’re out having fun
Kissing and cuddling in the back seat
When the car slams into that tree

In seconds
2 dead
1 hospitalized
And I walk away
Broken into pieces
Heart torn
No beat
No pulse

She’s gone
Bleeding
Me screaming
Wishing it was me
Car totaled
My heart racing
Dropping to my knees
My head in my hands
I break
I tear
My one and only

Never got to say goodbye
Or “I love you sweetie!”
Just one last time

Walking back to the lump of metal
Going to her side
Holding her while her body is still warm
Looking at her face
I see this one tear
Stream down her cheek
I hold her tight
Wishing to never let go

As I see the red and blue
Flashing on and off
Screaming
Sirens blaring
People asking if we’re all ok

I just continue holding my girl
They pull me away
I grab her hand
They force me to let her go
At that very second
My heart shatters
A million pieces
All over the ground

Seeing her lifeless body
I break
Run back to her
Kiss her soft lips
Just one last time

They pull me back again
In the arms of that officer
I cry
I die
My heart now broken

Everything blurry
All the noises in the background meshing
To where everything becomes a quiet mumble

Memories of her come back to mind
That laugh
That smile
Those lips
All her love
The sound of her heartbeat

Back to the loud sirens
Men asking what happened
Like they can’t see
A car—a tree—two people dead
Walking down the road
Wanting to just go home and wake up
I fall to my knees
Crying like I’ve never cried before

The red and blue coming behind me
Telling me to get in
They bring me home

Into my room
Laying in my bed
Cant sleep
Hating myself
Blaming myself
I get up
Look in the mirror in disgust
And walk out
Headed to the bathroom
Closing the door behind me
Look into that mirror and cry
I look over my shoulder
A razor
2 wrists
Warm water
Over the sink
My blood drips
More and more
The deeper I cut

I cover them
Cold rag on each
As it begin to turn pink
I lay on the floor
Feeling it cold against my body
I fall asleep crying

Wake up!
And she’s not there!
When I come to realize
That was no dream!
I’ll never see that beautiful face
Except in my dreams and heart

Jump in the car
Headed to the hospital
Into her room I go
For the very last time
I look at her
And smile remembering our good times

I see the doctor
Knowing what’s coming next
I scream “NO!”
And hold her all the more tighter
Not wanting to let go

Her mom walking in
Saying “Sweetie, we have to!”
Makes me release her

He pulls the plug
You can ear the beating of her heart on the monitor
Beep beep
Beep beep
Beep beep beep
Then the one I never wanted to hear
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…..
She's gone
I walk over to her
Sit in the bed with her
Hold her and sing to her
After hours of that
I fall asleep
Holding my baby
My one true love
My life
I wake up and she's gone
I get up and everything seems to be moving so fast
As I walk away
I fall to my knees
Begging God please!
Asking God why….
As I get no reply!