Help - Questions for potential Doms

[claire]

I know this has probably been answered, so if there is already a great thread or threads please direct me - my search skills weren't up to finding it tonight.

I've had initial contact with a potential Dom on one of those "dating" sites. I am a pretty new sub, with no real life experience. My on-line experience has been one Dom for about a year and a half, but with long absences due to his health. The new Dom's profile indicates he is pretty inexperienced. So, what should I be asking this potential real life Dom? We are both looking for a potential long term 24/7 relationship.

[badlyguidedlittlemis]

I met my dominant online, I asked him to meet me at my local munch (this served as my public place as well as being full of people who would look out for me.) After this initial meeting he asked me out on another date and we saw each other regularly. It was no different to ordinary dating without the kink but we both knew we liked and wanted a dom/sub relationship.

We started by getting to know one another in a 'vanilla' sense, to know we could be friends first and making sure there were common interests etc.
Of course the conversation turned to the 'lifestyle' and we gradually shared what each of us liked, and what we didn't like.

I suggest if you are both inexperienced and looking for long term getting to know each other as you would anyone else you meet, if it is to be it will just click and work from there.

Take care.

[TheDeSade]

badlyguided has given you as good advice as I can think. I have always believed that anyone who thinks in the terms "BDSM relationship" has their thinking backwards. I believe that the thinking should always be "a relationship with a BDSM aspect or part". Any long term relationship has to be built on the same foundations. Just because you both enjoy or want some type of BDSM involvement doesn't mean that any of the aspects of any other long term relationship do not need to be there. You must have mutual respect for each other, you must actually like the person you are with, you must have other mutual interests, you must like actually spendign time together. I have always counseled anyone who have been looking at this lifestyle to make sure that all the "vanilla" aspects of the relationship are in place before considering any part of a BDSM lifestyle. Trying to base a long term relationship on BDSM alone is a recipe for disaster in my book.

[icey]

id say the same as the others, although i would add that to begin with completing a checklist is a good idea, after all you are looking to get into a D/s relationship and it gives you both an indication of future mutual likes dislikes and no goes, otherwise while you might get on like a house on fire what happens if you have absolutely nothing in common when it comes to D/s 24/7 and any bdsm play which after all is what you are both looking for long term.

thats what Icehawk and myself did, we got to know each other by learning about each other both the 'vanilla' and D/s side at the same time, we had some simple rules in place from the very beginning as a sort of guideline,and plans for future rules.i dont mean all were rules as in the usual do this dont do that sense but what i guess you could call mutual goals to aim for, relationships are like anything in life somethings do just click but somethings have to be worked at too.
we knew what we wanted but we also knew rome wasnt built in a day.