How to persuade my wife?

[johndoeson]

Hello. I have this problem that I'm a bit afraid to communicate directly to my wife my secret desires...which involves tying her up, blindfold her and be nice to her...:D Any advice how to come any further? :confused: As uo understand I'm a bit worried about her possible reactions - even though I believe she might like it:eek:

[Venus]

Johndoeson,

In my opinion you will have to figure it out on your own. People might give you suggestions, but over all you know your wife best. I think that for each woman it would be different. With some women it would be best to talk about it and maybe present it as something new to try in the bedroom just to spice up the love life, for others taking some control works. What worked for me for example was my husband taking control of things. However, I was interested in BDSM and all kinds of fetishes beforehand, at that time it was only on a level of reading stories, but still I was at leas familiar with what it was all about. So when my husband blindfolded me and then tied me up.....I was surprised but excited at the same time. What you also have to figure out is to what level do you want to take it. Some blindfolding and tying up doesn't mean BDSM, remember that. So as I said it is different for each woman. I guess if your wife never took any interest in anything like that before you might want to let her read a book like "The Story of O" or "The Beauty Trilogy" by Ann Rice. Just make sure it is nothing to heavy. And then once she reads it, ask her what she thinks about it. If she liked it then get her to describe exactly what she liked and if she didn't like it then again get her to tell you why she didn't like it. And then you will know more or less how to proceed from there. Good Luck.

[veru_skjava]

Venus gives excellent suggesions.

For myself, I remember a defining moment that I was afraid to mention. My boyfriend ( longggg time ago) had been somewhat playful and i ended up with both wrists firmly in his grasps as he strenched them above my head. I had had a lifelong desire never spoken of to be bound. Later it was my subtle reference to how he proberbly felt "powerful" able to subdue me as he had.

I did not know how to mention my desire for him to take that further, and stubled upon a movie in a video store, (Behind the Green Door) and rented it, of course he loved it. Since he knew i did not like blue films, he noticed my interest in the beginning, and from there we were able to start talking...

The rest as they say is history! *smirk*:o

Good luck

veru skjava

[Sir Brys]

There is a book called Erotic Srrender by Gloria Vann I believe and altho it is written for the wife trying to make her husband the Dominant it offers great suggestions as to how to open your SO up to the lifestyle. One such suggestion is as watching different movies, such as the spanking scene in McClintock or a bondage scene in a normal movie ask questions like do you think she is enjoying that or make suggestions such as wonder what it would be like to do this. She will then offer some feedback on which you might be able to pursue greater in depth conversations about it.

Brys

[veru_skjava]

ohhhhhhh i LOVE coffee

nice icon and signature Sir

skips off to get more coffee

veru skjava:) ;)

[BDSM_Tourguide]

... anyone that respects coffee. I spent several yeasr working for both Brothers and Community coffee in their gourmet bars. I came to appreciate it for all of its differences and diversities.

My imagination and my dedication even led me to the title of Coffee God within my company.

So, well met, my friends. Let the brown gold flow freely your entire lives.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled topic of conversation.

[BruceBoxer]

I too had a long road toward convincing my wife that she'd be safe under my care in any BDSM related activities--that seemed to be the key--gaining her trust. Now she's open to anything knowing that if she finds it undesirable, I'll stop immediately and if found delightful--I'll continue until she's a blithering, satiated pile of sweating orgasm :)

[AmandasSpankee]

<<<until she's a blithering, satiated pile of sweating orgasm >>>

Now there is a picture that is going to be in my head for a long time - it'll keep me company in my lonely bed tonight!

p.s. I too, have coffee flowing in my viens instead of blood. hot coffee, cold coffee, coffee ice cream, coffee-flavoured chocolate ... I think I need a caffeine hit. think I'll walk out to the cafe down the block.


p.s. Mistress doesn't drink coffee, so there! The woman has no taste - except in subs.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

... 'cause we know coffee is the brown gold that holds the world together. ;)

[veru_skjava]

yesssssssssss coffee ice cream, coffee everything, mmmmmm

<<<until she's a blithering, satiated pile of sweating orgasm >>>

And THIS is how I became a slave!!!!

veru skjava

[BruceBoxer]

It took me a while to realize that if I withheld my needs and worked on fulfilling hers, that mine would then be accodated fully; now no brag, just fact, I have several slaves around the world who travel to me.


Originally posted by veru_skjava
[<<<until she's a blithering, satiated pile of sweating orgasm >>>

And THIS is how I became a slave!!!!

veru skjava [/B]

[write4jetc]

I must admit, Sylvie's libido is stronger than mine, so I can concentrate on her arousal longer than it takes to get her going.
She's also more vocal than anyone else I've known; it's amazing to watch (and hear) her!

And back to the original post:
<<...which involves tying her up, blindfold her and be nice to her...>>

you could also do this as a couple of separate steps, not altogether. Maybe you could just trying holding her hands firmly over her head when she's on her back once or twice, and just using your other hand (and mouth, etc) to give her as much pleasure as possible. When she sees, er feels, how much more intense the feelings can be when she can't reciprocate, you can probably go a bit further. Perhaps if you do this a couple of times, you can tell her not to move her hands while you use both of yours to please her. You could have a small soft scarf nearby, so if she can't keep her hands off you (!!!) you can threaten, and then tie her hands together. If you have nothing to tie them to, tie her wrists together, and make her put them under her head or pillow.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

... for an Amanda/Sylvie video in my inbox. *Sigh* Oh well.

If you feel you must breech the subject of kink, kinky sex, bondage, BDSM, submission and the like with your partner, but aren't sure how they will take to the new subject, then try the following:


[list=1]
Put on some light music.
Have wine or a nice cup of coffee.
Sit down, dressed comfortably, on the sofa or someplace open.
Look at your partner.
Maintain a healthy level of eye contact.
Talk to your partner. Tell her what you desire. Explain to them what the appeal is to you.
You speak first. Get your ideas out in the open. Your partner can have a turn after you are done.
Now, let your partner speak. Let them ask questions, tell you what parts sounded good to them and what parts didn't and air their concerns.
Try to be as helpful as possible and don't pressure your partner into anything.
Suggest that maybe you try out a couple of your ideas just to see how well each of you likes them.
See where the conversation goes and move on from there.
[/list=1]



For more information, email me or post here. I'm a fountain of knowledge and I like to help where I can.

[Mobius]

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
... for an Amanda/Sylvie video in my inbox. *Sigh* Oh well.

If you feel you must breech the subject of kink, kinky sex, bondage, BDSM, submission and the like with your partner, but aren't sure how they will take to the new subject, then try the following:


[list=1]
Put on some light music.
Have wine or a nice cup of coffee.
Sit down, dressed comfortably, on the sofa or someplace open.
Look at your partner.
Maintain a healthy level of eye contact.
Talk to your partner. Tell her what you desire. Explain to them what the appeal is to you.
You speak first. Get your ideas out in the open. Your partner can have a turn after you are done.
Now, let your partner speak. Let them ask questions, tell you what parts sounded good to them and what parts didn't and air their concerns.
Try to be as helpful as possible and don't pressure your partner into anything.
Suggest that maybe you try out a couple of your ideas just to see how well each of you likes them.
See where the conversation goes and move on from there.
[/list=1]



For more information, email me or post here. I'm a fountain of knowledge and I like to help where I can.

sound, and logical
But now where back to the real world

Honey, could we try something new.
"Not to night dear I have a head ache".
Besides it is not Wenesday.

Awe, I will rub your back it will make you feel better.
kay.

Honey I was thinking and I am not satified with doing the same thing over and over every wenesday.
You arnt?, what do you have in mind.
want to try a differnt position, Lights on this time?
with the blank it off?

no, I want to tie you Up
and dominate you.

WHAT!!!!!!! YOUR SICK, LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FREAK.
I'm going to my mothers.

Then couple of days later you get a letter from a lawer
becarefull.

(this has been a production of the bbeale bondage players)






:( :(

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Because at this point...


"Not to night dear I have a head ache".
Besides it is not Wenesday.


... I would be hitting my computer/grocery store/local bar for someone that would be willing to do it more than once a week and in new positions.

BDSM_Tourguide doesn't play the "withhold the sex" game. BDSM_Tourguide goes looking elsewhere for it if that becomes an issue.

[Mobius]

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
Because at this point...




... I would be hitting my computer/grocery store/local bar for someone that would be willing to do it more than once a week and in new positions.

BDSM_Tourguide doesn't play the "withhold the sex" game. BDSM_Tourguide goes looking elsewhere for it if that becomes an issue.
But you forget the partner has the "hand"(the power)
and becouse of that if your not carful you will find your self using your hand.

[redEva]

Originally posted by johndoeson
Hello. I have this problem that I'm a bit afraid to communicate directly to my wife my secret desires...which involves tying her up, blindfold her and be nice to her...:D Any advice how to come any further? :confused: As uo understand I'm a bit worried about her possible reactions - even though I believe she might like it:eek:

johndoeson - Venus reply is perfect - true is you must know her the best, do offer her some light reading and maybe movie (Secretary :)) and try to talk to her. If you just nudge the subject and do not set the inquisition mode - you might end pleasantly surprised. Good luck Sire.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Originally posted by bbeale7
But you forget the partner has the "hand"(the power)
and becouse of that if your not carful you will find your self using your hand.


Not at all. Like I said, I won't tolerate having things withheld from me as a form of punishment. I am the punisher, not the punishee. People that form relationships with me should know that up front.

Especially in the sex area. If you're not going to give it to me, I can and will find someone that will. I don't need a particular person for sex. Especially not someone that's going to try to be manipulative and conniving like that. I will find someone that wants to have sex with me. Someone that will most likely enjoy it.

Try having a little backbone with women. I'm not sure if you're involved at all with BDSM, but it seems to me you just need to start using a firmer hand and to have a tougher resolve. You might be pleased to see what happens.

[areacode613]

The problem is not "how to go about getting her too" it's how to go about getting you into a state of mind that you can be confident enough to just do what you want to do. You don't have to do anything except tie her up. All she can do is say no f'n way. Then you talk about it. There is no trick in doing any of this it is a state of mind on the dominants part. You MUST believe that you are in control and that you have both your interests in mind. Having said that. You must "be " in control. You are responsible for making her safe, making her feel safe, and keeping her safe. That means you 'always" have every detail planed out. That is. How to cut her loose in a hurry, say mother drops in and so on. A sub must know , you are in control, but trust that control ; it is taking her to scary enjoyable places, and bringing her back unscathed. Always be pre-pared, and warned, things do go wrong once in a doms life, and it is a scary and valuable lesson.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

The first thing anyone should ever do when deciding to make a change to their relationship outside of previously set norms is discuss it with their partner. Just springing something like bondage or spanking on your partner without her first-gotten consent could result in her pulling away from the idea if you startle her or her caling the cops for domestic abuse if she's not the open-minded, understanding type.

So, no, you don't just tie her up and wait for her to say "no f'n way." First off, if you surprise her like that, she's very likely to say it and double quick. First, you talk to her about it and then if she says no f'n way, then you know she isn't interested in the idea. However, if you tell her WHY this sort of thing interests you and ask her to see your point of view, then she is much more likely to be understanding of the whole process than if you just tie her down and go after her.

Another thing, it's not about being in control until you two decide to take your relationship to that point. You are not just suddenly dominant and submissive, you are just two people in a relationship until you have discussed or predetermined that your relationship will be a fetish based one or not.

Second rule of BDSM: Trust and communication are paramount above all else.

[areacode613]

Very good points indeed. I was being over simple, my main point was just that he needs to "lead" leading in comunication is a fine way to lead. I just wanted to point out that he doesn't need some "trick' he needs to just get on with leading her to this. Be the Dom. Of course this has to be within the confines of his relationship, and yes each has it's own dinamics.

[veru_skjava]

I just wish to applaud you both for intelligent conversation.

Well done...

:) veru skjava