Hopeful for Advice...

[SweetAnna]

Hello Everyone,
This is a first for me. I've been attracted to the BDSM world for about 5 years now. Anytime I watch porn or fantasize it has something to do with this lyfestyle. The sexiest movie I've seen has to be the Secretary...
However, I'm sorry to say that the closest I have ever come to being Dominated is via online chat (and only a couple times). I am now living with an amazing man (I'm 27, he's 30 btw). He is dominant, but very mildly (maybe vanilla would be an appropriate term). In other words, he's conventional. But, ~sigh~ and this is what makes me hopeful, sometimes I think I see little glimpes and streaks of that "hard and rough" side of him that I'm so hopeful to see bloom. For example, he once mentioned that he wants to get me a collar, next time we were in a sex shop we got one AND a little riding whip. He played around, in a kind of half joking way, with the whip a couple times but now it just sits there. He thinks I look very sexy in that collar, but the one time I put it on (although I wanted him to put in on me) nothing happened. He just aknowledged how hot I looked and that's pretty much it. Once, he said that if he had it his way he'd just tie me up and torment me for hours...
But why no ACTION!?! uff....can anyone shine some light on this?
How can I help him "come out"? Is it even possible?

[J-Go]

OK this may be a bit obvious...tell him. I don't mean to sound condescending here, it’s a common problem when new to the lifestyle for nearly everyone. Allot of time and energy will be spared if you simply set him down and tell him your fantasies and that he is the fantasy man. I have posted this before but it’s worth repeating…men suck at hints, even ones that seem obvious. Kink.com has some great bondage stuff download a couple that appeal to you, watch them with him (men are very visual) and comment in the scene “wow that’s hot…I like that…I would love you to do that to me.” If it’s something your not into let him know that as well. The point is communicate, being on this site for almost two years I’m almost 100% sure that is going to be the overwhelming advice you are going to get.

He’s new, your new you have to explore this together. For the most part we men (particularly in new relationships) look to the woman to set the boundaries and step into them very carefully. Do both of you a favor, blow the doors open…let him know what you want.

Good Luck!

[angelic.zest]

hello sweetanna, and welcome!

[lucy]

Hello and welcome to the forums, SweetAnna :wave:


men suck at hints
Wise words ;)

[Ozme52]

:wel

[Tufty]

Hello and :wel

[Alexia_30 {UT}]

Welcome and best of luck!

[icey]

welcome sweetanna id go with what J-Go says although being a bit more negative i'd also say going by experience that when people say they like or even show a bit of rough and pretty collars etc that a lot of the time it's more fantasy than anything.

but saying that go with that fantasy and try encouraging him a bit :)
show him a fe pics on the net ...just go easy and show the light stuff, a little bit at a time get a few toys (nothin major!) dress up a little act a little extra submissive than you normally would in the bedroom.
ok a lot might say thats a kind of topping from the bottom thing but he's not a top (yet ;)) and everyone needs some encouragement to begin with.

sorry im probably the one who sounds patronising! but in all honesty whether you're experienced or not you can probably sense for yourself if he's likely to be ''into'' bdsm in any shape or form or not.

[rosebud]

Hi hun :wave: Welcome to the Community! Wishing you the best. Enjoy!

[Euryleia]

Welcome to the forums.

If you don't ask for what you want/need, you'll have no chance in getting it. Communicate with him, show him some erotic stories you think are hot and would like to act out. Talk to him and you may just more of the hard and rough you crave.

[Aussiegirl1]

Hi and welcome to the site. Good luck with bringing more kinky fun into your life!

[cadence]

Hello and Welcome to the Forums

[denuseri]

wellcome to the site

we are so very happy to have you here, the forums are full of great information, as well as having a very nice personels section and chatroom

feel free to pm any of the staff or myself with conserns or questions, we are more than willing to lend a hand

hope to see more of you soon
have lots of fun exploring the site
hugs and kissess
denu

[MrDom]

Hello and welcome