W. Somerset Maugham - On love for men

[Laila]

I just found this in the book I'm reading, The Moon and Sixpence by W. Somerset Maugham, who's probably among my top 3 favourite authors. And it struck with me...
I just thought I'd put it out here and see what you guys think of it:


For in men, as a rule, love is but an episode which takes its place among the other affairs of the day, and the emphasis laid on it in novels gives it an importance which is untrue to life. There are few men to whom it is the most important thing in the world, and they are not very interesting ones; even women, with whom the subject is of paramount interest, have a contempt for them. They are flattered and excited by them, but have an uneasy feeling that they are poor creatures. But even during the brief intervals in which they are in love, men do other things which distract their mind; the trades by which they earn their living engage their attention; they are absorbed in sport; they can interest themselves in art. For the most part, they keep their various activities in various compartments, and they can pursue one to the temporary exclusion of the other. They have a faculty of concentration on that which occupies them at the moment, and it irks them if one encroaches on the other. As lovers, the difference between men and women is that women can love all day long, but men only at times.

[Muskan]

I guess it's just another generalization with little or no sense.

As a matter of fact, if its the trait of men, then I am more like men. (but I am a girl).

[Laila]

Of course its a generalization - but then pretty every single true thing about people is a generalization that is prone to exceptions.
I think it doesn't go into the idea of women so much and it was a different generation back then. But I do think that there is some truth in it. At least to my experience of men and women and love.

[AdrianaAurora]

"I slept with her, married her, took care of her, but love – that’s something else. You, I love."

My Husband was married before, and I was actually upset with him when he told me this - not sure whether it was on behalf of His ex-wife or myself - during one of the conversations where I quizzed Him about His prior relationships and how I compare .

Of course guys do love, they just express it differently. Despite this fact, most women do not feel happy unless they hear those golden words. And yet, as much as men want love, many fight it to the last minute. Love can make men feel vulnerable, childlike, and unable to do what’s expected of them.

Rejection is enormously painful for most men, and saying "I Love You", can be an invitation to be hurt. Most men must feel very secure in the relationship and in the woman’s feelings for him, before he’ll dare say those words. Actually, saying these words is a huge step for some men. It means a lot more than simply expressing a feeling. For some it feels like a life commitment, for others it is fraught with danger.

It means, I’m offering a commitment. I’m going to be here to do things for you. For many men, love is expressed through action, so these words are a promise of what is to follow. Simply by saying these words they feel they are agreeing to be there to support you. If they don’t do it, they’ll feel like a heel. This can be very scary for some men. They feel the words themselves are a promise, and if the promise is broken, they will suffer as well.

He expresses His love by bringing gifts and by spending more time with you, and less with friends and on the job, this is their way of saying they love you. By standing up for you, attending functions with you, going with you to your family, planning trips, dates or outings, and putting you first in his thoughts.

Although being controlled is not being loved, to many men and women, the two overlap. Many women feel cared for when the man she is with is possessive of her. Sure, it can be annoying that he’s so controlling, but if he wasn’t, truthfully, I don’t think I’d feel loved or cared about.


However, there is another type of man, who enjoys falling in love and letting the world know it. These men will say "I Love You" easily. There are many different motives behind their words though. Some say it to get a woman to make love with him, others to enter into a romantic fantasy, some to feel as though they are a great lover. By saying these words, some seem to be offering the woman the world, (that they have no intention of giving). Others say it just for the sheer pleasure of seeing how good it makes the woman feel, and how effective he feels as well.