Is changing oneself possible?

[lucy]

First of all, my apologies to restrainedNtrained for taking the liberty to quote you here (original thread: http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17969).
But i think it's a very interesting topic:

Submissives come in all different forms, you shouldnt have to change yourself to be with someone that goes for vanilla and for D/s.
Does that work at all? Is it possible to change oneself, if it is a "have to"? And if it is, what could be possible consequences?

Me, i don't think so, but i never tried and i hope i never have to. Because what restrainedNtrained stated in that other thread (and what i think is one of the greatest sentences i've read in quite some time ;) ) is pretty exactly my feeling:

I refuse to change how i am, i like how i am, i like my personality.
Ok, i'm done with stealing for the moment :d

[GS42]

We're constantly changing. I believe the thing you're asking though, is whether we can consciencely force ourself to change into something we want to become. This poses two interesting questions: who does the changing and who does the forcing?

I think it is possible. Of course, you can change how you act by watching yourself and adjusting your behaviour, but the motivation has to come from somewhere within yourself and you're not really changing who you are and what you want, just how you act. This is by no means easy or anything, all I'm saying is that I do not consider it actual changing of who you are into someone else, just better expressing who you are and want to be.

You can change, though. If you do something long enough, it will not only change the way how you act, but also feel and think. A common exercise for people with selfesteem-issues is making a list every day of positive actions that day: in time this should help them see there's good things about themselves which they're missing and change the way they think and feel about themselves. This is a good example of really forcing yourself to change the way you feel, think and thus who you are.

I believe it is possible to actively change who you are. But it's by no means something easily done. The motivation has to be really, really strong, otherwise you'll keep failing until you do have the will to change.

An interesting question, though. :)

[bip0lar]

I see two options here: firstly changing for yourself and secondly changing for another person. In both cases, what is necessary is wanting to change. If you don't want to do it, nothing else really matters.
It all comes down to reflection though, that internal little thingy. By stepping back and looking at what you what to change, you'll have to make a note to always stop yourself before you do / say whatever it is you want to cut down on or change completely. At first that will be a change solely on how you act, but the more time will pass and the more you hold the reigns on yourself tight, the more subconscious it's going to become, thus, in the end leaving you 'changed' after a lot of effing effort.
Nevertheless, i've gotten tired of people telling me that i should "<insert a synonym for 'change'> for myself and nobody else". In my own brain that's bollocks. I'm sure there's some of us who will want to change for other people, and the fact that they want this X part of us to change actually makes us want the change too. Or, even if there's times when that change seems horrific and impossible to achieve, you still know that at least "that other person's helping me out, because i'm working towards his/her as well as my own goal."
hm, this might have gotten way more complicated than i intended it to be, still, yes, you can change, heck, it's tiring but i dunno, some things are kinda worth it :)

[icey]

haha! this is something IH and myself really disagree and have been know to have very loud discussions over many times lol
i personally do not believe we should change ourselves in the slightest, sure we all change to some degree over time but we shouldnt make ourselves change or expect others to change for us!
i am what and who i am and if somebody doesnt like me for that then tough they can go find someone else they either do like or who wants to change themselves!
i dont want to have to put on an act day in day out until it becomes (if im sucessful enough at it) a part of the ''changed'' me b****x to that.

would you want to have to force yourself to be or act in a way your naturally not? imagine the pressure how hard it would be, how confusing it would be both to yourself and others each time you slipped? and you would believe me!
maybe my logic is kind of twisted but i have a disorder which automatically makes me change each time to a degree to be the person im with or the persona that they expect me to be so the consequences for me personally to try to change me would be extremely damaging it would really throw me off balance,
so my reasoning is that because i kind of live my life that way anyway and i can assure you whilst thats me and how i am it's not always a walk in the park!..that ''normal'' people just couldnt do it in reality, being a ''chameleon'' and ''changing'' is what i am naturally..does any of this make sense to anyone? lol
i think people often mistake the idea of changing some habits or ways to fit in and adapt with people in their lives as changing themselves and the two are totally different things.

[Borgs_slave]

I can be trained to change my behaviors and my appearance to suit Master and I have. When one tries to change the core of that person that is when I think it is too much. Why would you want to try and change what attracted you to that person in the first place? As we evolve and gain experiences we do change over time.