View Full Version : Does it Bother You If..
Guest020109
10-10-2008, 05:03 PM
Alright many doms have more then one slave, does it bother you if your master has another slave on the side? I guess it's a matter of preference. I personally am a jealous person and can't stand the thought of my master being with another sub. Doesn't mean that is the right view, I am just putting this out there to see what other people think.
denuseri
10-10-2008, 05:20 PM
Of course i allready said all this in the polyamory thread but here goes:
Well when I first met my owner he allready had a kajira.
So my first year was with him and his wife, He as Master and she as "First girl".
Does that mean we never got jealous?
Well yes I am sure we did at times. The real question that conserned us was did we let any temporary jealousy get in the way of our love for one and another?
Fortunately the answewr to that question for us at least was no.
SubmissiveDoll
10-10-2008, 05:53 PM
Yes it would bother me. That is a hard no in my world. I'm am very jealous and selfish. I don't share. Nor does he. It works for us. I know many are happy to be open in this manner. I'm just not one of them. It's funny too, because I was never as jealous in a vanilla relationship.
PetJulie
10-10-2008, 06:31 PM
I would have to say, Yes, it would bother me if my Master had another sub. One of the reasons why we chose each other is that we were going to be exclusive when it comes to the lifestyle. Neither one of us is a 24/7 so we made some rules that would make us both satisfied. Then I started satisfying him. :D
Alright many doms have more then one slave, does it bother you if your master has another slave on the side? I guess it's a matter of preference. I personally am a jealous person and can't stand the thought of my master being with another sub. Doesn't mean that is the right view, I am just putting this out there to see what other people think.
judori
10-12-2008, 06:47 PM
I'm not comfortable with it either.
I was with my first Owner for almost 2 years when he decided to bring another girl home. I tried to be ok with it, but as things changed, I began to feel excluded, jealous, and very insecure; it ended up being the catalyst that ended that relationship.
My Master now has made it clear that will just be me. So I can be secure that I won't be confronted with a similar situation with him.
it wouldnt bother me if there was another sub involved at all, sometimes i think it might be nice.
the only problem i might have would be if IH decided to make her his ''little girl'' i think that possibly might make me feel a bit insecure partly because im spoiled :) and because neither of us have had that dynamic in our relationships previously, it's something special that only we have shared so im not sure id like the idea of someone else sharing his affection or attention in that way.
lozzy
10-13-2008, 02:53 AM
yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!! it would bother me so so so much!
Im jealous and possessive and needy, and ... yurgh no! i just cant think about it!!!
yes, it bothers me
AdrianaAurora
10-13-2008, 02:54 AM
Would it bother me? YES. And in this case bother is too light of a word. I can deal with Him sleeping with other women, I have witnessed Him (vanilla) top other women on occasion, (in His defense, it wasn't something He did consciously, He just is that way) - but I could absolutely not stand for Him to dominate, to want to be called Master, by another woman.
shayna{L_D}
10-13-2008, 05:04 AM
If it didnt borther you then youd be poly.
I am a jealous person, in the biggest way. I wouldnt be with someone if they already had a "frist girl" or a sub. I wouldnt allow myself to be put in that position no matter how great i thought the Dom was.
The old saying goes "two's company, threes a crowd", or "more cooks in the kitchen ruin the stew" . I think thats very true. If he wasnt paying attention to you then he would be with his submissive youd get jealous, insecurties would creep in, and then fights happen.
Aqua i think ive told you this before, but dont ever put yourself in a situation to get hurt, thats a situation to get hurt, to get very hurt. You were hurt in the chat the other night and brought this question to everyone in the room, you didnt like the answers we gave you becuase it meant that you had to leave the situation which you didnt want to do. So dont put yourself in a situation that will crush you EVERYDAY and then not want to leave.
you said in the chat that he was choosing between you and the other girl. Dont ever make a man or woman choose. I tried to make my ex chose and she told me that "if you are going to make me chose then you are not worth my time, Ill be with the person that doesnt force me to make decision based on fear, or jealousy." Im not saying you are making him pick, im just saying, you told me he was picking between the two of you. You two arnt grocery items he can debate over. He should have choosen right off the bat, there shouldnt be a waiting period, you all are young like me, not married, no kids, no shackles so to speak, so his choice should have been made a WHILE ago, bc i know you have been dealing with this since.. about a month ago.
I didnt mean to make this post/thread personal but ive been where you are, online and in real life, both suck just as bad, well one more then the other but whatever. Both left me feeling not good enough, and thats hard to bounce back from, something im still dealing with. Your Dom should make you feel like your the only one, and if he wants to bring someone else in the mix later, then you all talk about it. See what works for you two, but dont ever stay in a sitation where your getting hurt just bc u want him around, or bc he Doms you the right way.
subserviant
10-13-2008, 06:16 AM
I dont think it would work out the human being ,in being human gets jealouse and the relationship would be over .the way it would work ,if a dom had 2 subs but one of them also haf authurityto domme the other sub
hopperboo
10-13-2008, 07:27 AM
I think it would bother me.............
If it was a R/T relationship I know it would bother me.
craven
10-13-2008, 08:10 AM
A view from the other side of the fence:
I may be in a minority but i feel that the gift of submission is perhaps the greatest gift some one can offer to another.
Such is the levels of trust and respect needed that i anyway could never share myself with more than one sub, i have to feel a very close connection and bond, it is why i do not play in chat or on messenger , if my mind and heart are not engaged then i do not feel any desire to play.
So i guess i may have rambled a bit, and i know that some doms do have any number of subs, for me, craven, i can only ever have one, if i give i give all of me.
Flaming_Redhead
10-13-2008, 08:28 AM
Yes, it would bother me. I'm an attention whore. That's why I don't do poly. However, I'm not opposed to an occasional play partner since I know they're not "staying."
rosebud
10-13-2008, 10:19 AM
i was in a r/l poly relationship at one time...it wasn't for me...an occasional play partner is fine but, i need to be the only One.
sassy75
10-13-2008, 03:53 PM
Since Sir and I are still very new to this he doesn't mind that I have playmates. He likes to hear the details. I think he knows that I wasn't allowed to explore while married and now that I'm separated I feel I have to make up for lost time. He also knows that he can't be around all the time and my desires are strong. If we get deeper and make more of a commitment, I'm sure I could be with only him and who he wants me to be with. He does ask if the others dominate me. They don't. It's not in their nature and I don't ask them to since I have him for that.
As far as him having other subs, I don't think I like that idea. I want to be the only one he orders around, spanks and says good slut to. I don't mind if he's having sex with other women but when it comes to BDSM, I want him to only want that with me. I should probably discuss that with him.
star_sparkle
10-13-2008, 09:28 PM
no it does not bother me at all. if it was to happen i would be fine with the idea. i know he occassionaly Dom's other grls online, but if he were to bring one home, i would be ok with it.
DiablosLittleOne
10-16-2008, 04:09 PM
Short answer...yes it would bother me very much.
susan-D
10-17-2008, 06:12 AM
It would be devastating to me, I could not share My Master. Yet I do not know how I would deal with it, as I could not live without Him.
Curious24
11-12-2008, 05:18 PM
I'm still new to all this so I am just hoping to clarify. For those people who have said such a thing would bother them, is this an exameple of a soft or hard limit or perhaps both? *Runs to check my printed list of terms to see if I got that correct*
Curious
SubmissiveDoll
11-12-2008, 07:32 PM
As I said in my post earlier, I'll restate for you. It's a hard no for me. I absolutely would not share in any way shape or form. Not online, not in person, nothing. I don't care if she was a sub or vanilla. It honestly would bother me more if she was a sub, but either is not now, nor will it ever be ok with me.
I'm still new to all this so I am just hoping to clarify. For those people who have said such a thing would bother them, is this an exameple of a soft or hard limit or perhaps both? *Runs to check my printed list of terms to see if I got that correct*
Curious
sinderella
11-12-2008, 07:56 PM
omg haha.... :) i was just thinking of this very thing today...."polyamory"...
there is no way on God's Green Earth i would share my Master with another submissive. and to echo SubmissiveDoll, i hardly got jealous when this occurred in vanilla relationships...that is because vanilla men do not know how to get inside your head and conquer your soul.
i couldn't bear the thought of my love ripping cries of lust from another girl, and planting those fantastic feelings inside another, and i would not want to share myself with another Dom, because my heart would be divided, and that would be a travesty.
leah06
11-12-2008, 09:43 PM
This is going to sound very naive, and when I post these questions I often find that they come back to bite me a few weeks or months later, but I was talking to a guy about this just the other day. He was telling me that if a relationship is strong and both people agree, then playing on the side is OK. And some people are saying that here too - it's OK if it's vanilla and not D/s, or it's OK if it's "playing". And I'm not judging, but I have a question about it. This implies that you know that your relationship is deep and real and meaningful and that whatever happens outside it is, by comparison, trivial. But doesn't that mean, by definition, that whoever takes an outside partner is sort of using him or her? They have the deep real meaningful relationship at home, but they're engaging in a sort of weak imitation of it outside. If that's so, it can't be to get the deep real stuff, since they have that, so it's to get, what - gratification? Physical gratification; but worse, some other kind of emotional gratification that they're getting with someone who's not important to them.
This might sound hypocritical, since I was happy to play with someone just recently who I had no intention of forming a relationship with, but in that case I thought we were both unattached. For some reason it feels different to me if both people are on the same footing, so to speak. I don't know - then maybe it would be OK if BOTH people were in primary relationships and just fooling around? There's just something about it I don't like.
The short answer for me is, no, I'm a monogamy gal. And it would make me jealous, as people have said. But it would also make me question my partner's ethics, sort of, and question his feelings for me. If he can use someone else, what protects me from being used also?
On the other hand, I will say that I've sometimes felt that if my husband magically came back to life it would be such a pleasure to share with him some of the things I've learned about myself, and some of the fun activities I've engaged in, but there would have been no way within that relationship to explore and discover these things. Our sex life was fun, but it did get into kind of a rut, and bringing this information home would certainly have changed that. But it's how you get the information - if I'd gone outside the marriage, for sex or play or domination or anything - it would have destroyed both of us.
SubmissiveDoll
11-13-2008, 01:53 PM
The short answer for me is, no, I'm a monogamy gal. And it would make me jealous, as people have said. But it would also make me question my partner's ethics, sort of, and question his feelings for me. If he can use someone else, what protects me from being used also?
This is how I feel as well. I'm sure there are many people who can have a happy relationship with outside play. I'm just not one of them. If my Master wanted to play with someone else just for fun, he wouldn't be the master for me.
This implies that you know that your relationship is deep and real and meaningful and that whatever happens outside it is, by comparison, trivial. But doesn't that mean, by definition, that whoever takes an outside partner is sort of using him or her? They have the deep real meaningful relationship at home, but they're engaging in a sort of weak imitation of it outside. If that's so, it can't be to get the deep real stuff, since they have that, so it's to get, what - gratification? Physical gratification; but worse, some other kind of emotional gratification that they're getting with someone who's not important to them..
regardless of whether you're in another relationship or not you could argue that playing with someone without the intention ''deep real stuff'' is trivial. playing/sex doesnt have to be about emotional stuff..it can be simply for fun too :)
providing everyones honest and know where they stand then all involved are happy and i cant see why it could be thought of as using someone.
I was happy to play with someone just recently who I had no intention of forming a relationship with, .
so arnt the two the same?
cadela
11-13-2008, 02:59 PM
With my former Master he told me fairly early on that he had a long term sub which, after the initial shock, I didn't have a problem with as he allowed me to play with other Doms as long as I wasn't marked in any way. Over time though (and after he had released "No. 1" and I became his partner in the vanilla world) I felt less comfortable playing with others so when he asked me to be exclusive to him I was happy to agree. He was clear that this exclusivity would not apply to him BUT was also clear that he would not release me simply for a 'better model'. Also he was extremely discreet so unless I wanted to know if he was Doming someone else - and occasionally I did ask - it didn't intrude on our relationship in any negative way. My current Master has made it clear that monogamy is crucial unless He wishes me to play under His instruction and I am very happy with this. So, horses for courses!
alwaysfallingforward
11-13-2008, 10:09 PM
Yes, it would bother me. Like a few other people have said before me I wan't to be the one and only that they dom.
But other play partners wouldn't bother me.
leah06
11-14-2008, 09:28 AM
so arnt the two the same?
To me they're not the same. When I was playing, I thought we were both unattached; in fact, I found out afterward that he's in a long-distance thing. If I'd known that, I wouldn't have played with him. Partly, I don't like to be second to anyone, and partly, I just respect relationships, mine and other people's. But yes, I am willing to be casual sometimes - when I don't have something serious going on.
I want to say that I'm not speaking about all "polyamory" situations that have been discussed on this site. Polyamory is not for me, but I can sort of understand that people might love many partners in different but equal ways just as we all love our children in different ways. I couldn't do it, but I can respect it. I was specifically responding to the suggestions on this thread that it's OK for a partner to look outside the relationship just so long as the other interaction is less meaningful than what occurs in the primary relationship.
To me, specifically finding someone in order to have LESS than what you have at home is using the other person. But if you don't have something meaningful at home, then you can both agree that playing might be less than what you're looking for, but more than you actually have.
Anyway, that's how it feels to me now. I'm about as steadfast as Jello right now, though, so probably in a few weeks I'll be posting about my vanilla lover, two Doms, and a switch. And a partridge in a pear tree.
lol ya never know ;)
i hope you feel a bit less shaky soon rachel.
to my mind using someone would be if the person was led to believe there was something more than just the sex.
so i still cant see that it is using someone simply because you're only with them for sexual gratification if all are fully aware , and even if it is being used they are being used with their full consent which then couldnt really be considered being used....least i dont think so! *scratches head* now im confusing myself lol
leah06
11-14-2008, 02:47 PM
lol ya never know ;)
i hope you feel a bit less shaky soon rachel.
to my mind using someone would be if the person was led to believe there was something more than just the sex.
so i still cant see that it is using someone simply because you're only with them for sexual gratification if all are fully aware , and even if it is being used they are being used with their full consent which then couldnt really be considered being used....least i dont think so! *scratches head* now im confusing myself lol
Well, Icey, one of my favorite phrases is "use me" so probably I'm not the best person to comment on this.
skp2bear
11-14-2008, 03:10 PM
As a sub I too want to be the one and only be it online or in r/l.
To me, specifically finding someone in order to have LESS than what you have at home is using the other person.
How about something 'different from', rather than 'less than?'
Would that feel fair, or would it feel threatening?
Anyway, that's how it feels to me now. I'm about as steadfast as Jello right now, though, so probably in a few weeks I'll be posting about my vanilla lover, two Doms, and a switch. And a partridge in a pear tree.
Funny you should say that, I was just wondering... how about the flip situation? I used to know a lady who was very happy wearing, if I recall aright, three collars: all her Masters knew about each other and were comfortable about sharing her. How would anyone here feel about that? (Apart from "lucky girl!")
sinderella
11-14-2008, 04:26 PM
the collar is such a powerful symbol of ownership, and it takes a lot of work (and time) on the part of the sub and the Master to get it...it means they are one...how can a sub be one with three different Masters? i just don't see the collar as something you put on and take off like lingerie... :confused:
jeanne
11-14-2008, 09:29 PM
I used to know a lady who was very happy wearing, if I recall aright, three collars: all her Masters knew about each other and were comfortable about sharing her. How would anyone here feel about that? (Apart from "lucky girl!")
I must admit...'lucky girl' was the first thought that crossed my greedy little mind. :p
But, I do believe a collar is a big deal, and I only want one from one person. He knows who He is. That being said, we have other(s). I'm currently exploring my greedy side and finding my place in my local community...and hopefully that will be with a Dom or two that I have a relationship with that is more than just 'play'. I need to submit on a regular basis, not 'get beat' on a regular basis. I won't be accepting a collar from anyone else, and anyone I have a relationship with will know that I belong to Him.
love2serve
11-15-2008, 01:02 AM
I agree, I want to be someones 'only one', however sometimes we can't have what we want. I only worry that another sub would know about me too, rather than me just know about her. Like someone said above, you have to respect other people and as long as all parties are happy with the situation then I would be too. But I hate the idea of another sub being made unhappy because her Master had chosen to collar me and not told her. Having said that - in private I am a jealous person, who cant bear the thought of my Master wanting anyone else in the way he says he wants me, but I keep a lid on negative emotions like jealousy and at the moment its working for me.
Alright many doms have more then one slave, does it bother you if your master has another slave on the side?
When you say "on the side", do I take it to mean that you are thinking of a situation where your own relationship is the primary one?
I am asking because in some families there is another configuration, which is several subs on an equal basis, or live-outs same system.
the collar is such a powerful symbol of ownership, and it takes a lot of work (and time) on the part of the sub and the Master to get it...it means they are one...how can a sub be one with three different Masters? i just don't see the collar as something you put on and take off like lingerie... :confused:
I think it sounds simply wonderful!
Yes, a collar is a powerful symbol of ownership, but that does not mean that you cannot be owned by several Dom/mes.
Picture a family with one slave and two Masters, both training the slave, and a collar with two names on it..
It is a poly situation, yes, and that is why it does not mean that the symbol of ownership is "watered down". Just as you can love more than one deeply and sincerely, you can be owned by more than one also sincerely.
It is much more rare with men as Doms as far as I know, but it does exist.
Oh what a thought!
sinderella
11-15-2008, 10:16 AM
I agree, I want to be someones 'only one', however sometimes we can't have what we want. I only worry that another sub would know about me too, rather than me just know about her. Like someone said above, you have to respect other people and as long as all parties are happy with the situation then I would be too. But I hate the idea of another sub being made unhappy because her Master had chosen to collar me and not told her. Having said that - in private I am a jealous person, who cant bear the thought of my Master wanting anyone else in the way he says he wants me, but I keep a lid on negative emotions like jealousy and at the moment its working for me.
how do you "keep a lid" on "negative emotions like jealousy"?
and how could you not feel pangs of jealousy knowing your Master was kissing, fondling, and fucking another submissive, sharing Himself, talking to her, loving her.
jealousy is not a "negative" emotion - just a real one that you can't NOT feel...it's like trying to sweep an elephant under the rug and pretend it is not there.
respectfully, sinderella
sinderella
11-15-2008, 10:22 AM
I think it sounds simply wonderful!
Yes, a collar is a powerful symbol of ownership, but that does not mean that you cannot be owned by several Dom/mes.
Picture a family with one slave and two Masters, both training the slave, and a collar with two names on it..
It is a poly situation, yes, and that is why it does not mean that the symbol of ownership is "watered down". Just as you can love more than one deeply and sincerely, you can be owned by more than one also sincerely.
It is much more rare with men as Doms as far as I know, but it does exist.
Oh what a thought!
interesting. there are many ways to love a Master (or Masters), and it boils down to each person, each couple, their sensibiities, and all. i admire people who have the fortitude...i guess i am too sensitive and romantic. thank you for your thoughts - i mean this in all sincerity. i luv discovering so many different points of view. my eyes are opening, no doubt. :)
love2serve
11-15-2008, 11:22 AM
how do you "keep a lid" on "negative emotions like jealousy"?
and how could you not feel pangs of jealousy knowing your Master was kissing, fondling, and fucking another submissive, sharing Himself, talking to her, loving her.
jealousy is not a "negative" emotion - just a real one that you can't NOT feel...it's like trying to sweep an elephant under the rug and pretend it is not there.
respectfully, sinderella
I didnt say I didnt feel pangs of jealousy when I think of those things, I just said I personally manage to keep a lid on them. And I also personally think jealousy is a very negative emotion no matter how real it is, it can tear you apart if you let it and I for one wont ever let it ruin a good thing. I guess I wouldnt have felt like this twenty years ago, but at my age negativity is something I find useless and I strive to find the best in every situation and find my life a whole lot happier for doing so.
equally respectfully Love2serve
sinderella
11-15-2008, 03:08 PM
i am with you on that negativity thing...i actually strive to keep as much negativity out of my life as possible, and i am happier for it.
i guess the key for people who do participate in polyamorous relationships is open communication. i think anything that is hidden is what bothers people, so as long as all parties agree to it and keep an open book, instead of keeping secrets or worse, lying to each other, it's all good.
i guess the key for people who do participate in polyamorous relationships is open communication. i think anything that is hidden is what bothers people, so as long as all parties agree to it and keep an open book, instead of keeping secrets or worse, lying to each other, it's all good.
Amen to that! I think the crucial thing is to agree beforehand whether or not other people will be involved, and not spring it on anyone. And as you say, talk about it and do not keep things in the dark.
star_sparkle
11-17-2008, 11:01 PM
i've read alot of the responses, and i seem to be in the minority here. I mean, i am very comfortable in my position and no matter who He brought in or in what context He brought them in with, it still would not bother me. i am confident enough that i know no matter what happens things between us will not change. We are a unit together first and foremost.
twisty
11-20-2008, 05:23 PM
I would have always have said that I hate it, that I'm a very jelous one. But my Master has said that a real slave has no say in any thing, & I must give all limits to him. So I would now have to say it is up to my Master. That it is some thing I have given to him, & at this point he does not want any one else. He has said that he does not like to have any other slave other then me. So I go with what ever my Master decides for me.:)
guest010609
11-20-2008, 09:09 PM
My Master and I have been in poly relationships where he had other subs (not slaves though). It was terrible. I was jealous all the time, even when I knew there was no logic behind it. Now I am cucked, and that I love and am rarely jealous of the other girls. BUT... they are only casual encounters and NOT bdsm oriented... just nilla fucking around. That is a very important factor for me. I have learned that jealousy in a cucking situation can be very arousing and almost like a purging feeling after I cry about it. It's just so different than a poly relationship or sharing my dom... that just feels awful to me. I know some girls can do it... some like it (or claim to...I'm not a mind reader). But it's not for me.
guest010609
11-20-2008, 09:15 PM
i am with you on that negativity thing...i actually strive to keep as much negativity out of my life as possible, and i am happier for it.
i guess the key for people who do participate in polyamorous relationships is open communication. i think anything that is hidden is what bothers people, so as long as all parties agree to it and keep an open book, instead of keeping secrets or worse, lying to each other, it's all good.
I tried so hard to make poly work. I wanted it. I literally brought it up and asked for it. I was even in love with our other partners as well. I truly was open, honest and completely forthright ALL the time. But it still never made me feel ok. My Master and the other girls were honest as well, but I could never overcome the jealousy. <shrug> I don't know... everyone says communication is the key, but I talked till I was blue in the face and it never helped. As it turned out though, we found out that he didn't enjoy it either (admittedly partly because of my misery) so we stopped. Now he chooses to cuck me instead and we are both very happy with this.
aussiesubgirl
11-25-2008, 05:10 PM
Not in a million years could I do this....I may be a submissive, but I am HIS submissive and He is MY Master....I would damn well near tear anyone apart that tried to get interfere with that bond and would not respect him if he chose to share what we have with someone else....
But then he does call me the 'little green eyed monster' and not just cos I have green eyes ;o)
SubmissiveDoll
11-25-2008, 07:18 PM
Not in a million years could I do this....I may be a submissive, but I am HIS submissive and He is MY Master....I would damn well near tear anyone apart that tried to get interfere with that bond and would not respect him if he chose to share what we have with someone else....
But then he does call me the 'little green eyed monster' and not just cos I have green eyes ;o)
This is me... I'm so possessive with him. It's weird too, cause I wouldn't have cared with my vanilla relationships, with him... I'd hurt someone.
wind_dancer{W_W}
12-05-2008, 09:16 PM
OHHHHH YEAH IT WOULD I WOULD PROBABLY END UP HEART BROKEN AND CRUSHED.... but if it was what my Lord desired i would deal with it because i love Him!
overxposedpet
12-06-2008, 12:17 AM
I would be totally devastated, I am afraid I do not share well. I would feel like I wasn't enough for him. I would be equally devastated if he wanted someone else to Dom me.
Zarine13
12-06-2008, 02:28 PM
If I was in a real relationship and had a Master, then no, I would not be ok with it.
Commitment means a lot to me, being with only me is part of that commitment, be it RL or online.
how do you "keep a lid" on "negative emotions like jealousy"?
You don't: you deal with it. That goes for every kind of problem feelings.
and how could you not feel pangs of jealousy knowing your Master was kissing, fondling, and fucking another submissive, sharing Himself, talking to her, loving her.
In my experience, by focussing on what it means to hir rather than on your own feelings, and being glad that sie is having a good time, whoever with. When I was in a (mostly vanilla) foursome and people asked me if I didn't resent my wife's other husbands, I asked how I could resent anyone doing something good for the woman I loved?
jealousy is not a "negative" emotion - just a real one that you can't NOT feel...it's like trying to sweep an elephant under the rug and pretend it is not there.
This is true. So rather than telling yourself you shouldn't feel it or trying not to feel what you feel, you work with it and find out what about the situation is distressing - are you afraid he'll like her better, do you feel she's getting time you should have?