View Full Version : Conflicting emotion
amislaaf
10-16-2008, 11:11 PM
hi all i am a slave to my wife and her lover, i enjoy being a slave and have been for some years, however, latley she has had me suck his cock and lick his ass while they fuck. it is humiliating for me and exciting at the same time, thus the conflict. i want to do it to please her but find it so exciting and degrading that i am sucking cock and licking asss man ass at that is this conflict going to stay or will i finally accept what i am??
For me humiliation and excitement are two emotions that often go hand in hand. If i were only humiliated and not excited (or any other positive emotion i sometimes feel when i'm being humiliated) i don't think i'd be interested in humiliating scenes much longer.
As to whether you get to accept what you are and your feelings about it, i don't know of course. But i would think that this conflict will probably always be with you. Maybe you can try to concentrate on the positive emotions you are having, like the excitement you feel or the pride you take in satisfying your Mistress' wishes?
MISTRESS H
10-17-2008, 01:49 AM
It sounds as though you have already accepted what you are. You enjoy it, and continue to please. I think you just want someone else to say it, so you can finally accept it.
If you're imply that you're afraid you're gay, you're not: you're submissive. As an orientation, that trumps the homo/heterosexual one. If you weren't straight at heart you wouldn't experience this as so deliciously humiliating.
You seem to have a lifestyle that makes everyone happy, so enjoy it and don't worry about how you would look to uncomprehending outsiders. Unless, of course, worrying about it makes the degradation even more exciting :)
subserviant
10-17-2008, 05:17 AM
lots of subs dream about the situation that yr in being a cuckold .The same can be said for a female sub being forced to do the same thing as you are
MissConfused
10-17-2008, 08:25 AM
You said you have been doing this for some time.
Are you concerned that you are gay or are you concerned that you are enjoying this too much?
Is there any chance she will take this farther such as having another man join you? Is that what truly scares you?
Are you affraid that she'll have him fucking you and that you'll like that too?
You've already accepted this lifestyle by being their slave and a slave can of course be used by his mistress as well as master. So it's either to be their slave or not.
hopperboo
10-17-2008, 01:29 PM
If you're imply that you're afraid you're gay, you're not: you're submissive. As an orientation, that trumps the homo/heterosexual one.
I disagree....
(In the sexual sense, not with it trumping being a submissive to both men and women).
blythe spirit
10-17-2008, 04:03 PM
Okay, what's wrong with me, cos in reading your post, amislaaf, my clit did a little twitch? lol
I understand your conflict. There are dark places my mind goes in fantasy and I am not only aroused beyond belief, but have the best orgasms ever. Then, afterwards, I feel ashamed and that shame can last for days. And even though I vow never to go there again, ultimately, something (like your post) takes me down that long, dark path again. Obviously I have no self-control. hehehe
Will you get over it? Hmmmm? I never have and know I never will so, I just live with the shame, cos my frickin' fantasies bring me such awesome pleasure.
amislaaf
10-17-2008, 07:27 PM
your clit twitches and my cock stiffens when we think of these things, do you care to chat a little more about our intersts??
AdrianaAurora
10-18-2008, 12:03 PM
As my Husband told me once "If it feels good, it's OK. When it doesn't feel right - it isn't."
If you like it - in my experience that sense of apprehension/conflict is where the turn on lies - enjoy it.
I agree with blythespirit, that post was HOT.
I think that there will almost always be some conflict that goes along with being submissive, because the more something is taboo or scary for you, the more it will turn you on. It's sometimes hard to negotiate the line there, and if you feel like you're getting up on your limits, maybe you should talk to your wife and her lover about slowing things down. But if it's more like you feel like you *shouldn't* be enjoying this, rather than that you *aren't,* to me that means that you're doing some exploring that needs to be done.
Don't worry about whether you might be bisexual. You might be, or you just might be a straight cuckold. Nothing wrong with either one, although personally I find bi guys pretty irresistible. :D