lazarus
10-19-2008, 08:20 AM
Greetings to the Community.
I am a new member, of course. I am a 55 year old man in the Chicago western suburbs. I am fit, 6 feet in height, about 185 pounds, dark hair and eyes. I am a technical professional, employed with the same company 28 years.
I took up my courage and signed up for an account here to begin exploring the BDSM scene. Due to an impending divorce, I now feel free to explore and actualize the intense, but secret, turn-on I have always felt in response to images of restraint. Even in vanilla sex, my main pleasure has come from trying to intensely intuit what my partner needs in terms of a loving dominance, then controlling the situation to provide it, pushing the envelope and adding my own creativity to the encounter. No explicit BDSM, but ususally combined this with an intense bondage fantasy that I would merge with the whole process. Kind of complicated to explain. I've read something of the psychological underpinnings of BDSM and am beginning to realize that BDSM is not a perversion to be ashamed of, but rather a frank, beautiful and loving expression of trust between partners. At least, that's what I am looking for. I need to explore that part of who I am. I am beginning to realize that, far from being in opposition to who I am, my fascination for BDSM is a logical extension of my "normal" personality and inclinations.
I always thought my inclination toward a loving intuitiveness and desire to satisfy my partner sexually was inconsistent with being a dominant. After my reading more serious essays, in particular "The Healthy Submissive", I realize tha BDSM is probably the perfect venue to express what I always have tried to....but in an intense, new and exciting way.
So, here I am. No experience, no partner to play with, willing to learn, and ready to talk.
I am a new member, of course. I am a 55 year old man in the Chicago western suburbs. I am fit, 6 feet in height, about 185 pounds, dark hair and eyes. I am a technical professional, employed with the same company 28 years.
I took up my courage and signed up for an account here to begin exploring the BDSM scene. Due to an impending divorce, I now feel free to explore and actualize the intense, but secret, turn-on I have always felt in response to images of restraint. Even in vanilla sex, my main pleasure has come from trying to intensely intuit what my partner needs in terms of a loving dominance, then controlling the situation to provide it, pushing the envelope and adding my own creativity to the encounter. No explicit BDSM, but ususally combined this with an intense bondage fantasy that I would merge with the whole process. Kind of complicated to explain. I've read something of the psychological underpinnings of BDSM and am beginning to realize that BDSM is not a perversion to be ashamed of, but rather a frank, beautiful and loving expression of trust between partners. At least, that's what I am looking for. I need to explore that part of who I am. I am beginning to realize that, far from being in opposition to who I am, my fascination for BDSM is a logical extension of my "normal" personality and inclinations.
I always thought my inclination toward a loving intuitiveness and desire to satisfy my partner sexually was inconsistent with being a dominant. After my reading more serious essays, in particular "The Healthy Submissive", I realize tha BDSM is probably the perfect venue to express what I always have tried to....but in an intense, new and exciting way.
So, here I am. No experience, no partner to play with, willing to learn, and ready to talk.